One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

Heavy Heart Writing

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Hey guys. I was all excited to post today since I finally finished the trip recap and posted a new food idea but today I just have such a heavy heart. The news of  Alton Sterling and then Philando Castile, the current political outlook of this year’s election and our candidates, mass shootings, gun control conversations, I just can’t deal at the moment. This is why I stopped watching the news years ago. Now, however, social media, my outlet and connection to the world is flooded with hate, anger, and outrage.

As it should be.

I feel helpless.

Hopeless.

Just defeated.

I need to disconnect for my own sanity yet I find myself compelled to keep reading. Then the phone rings and I find out my mom fell and may have a concussion.

More helplessness.

I’m not sure whey I’m sharing all this besides the fact that I’ve learned writing helps me get out of my head and I’m having a hard time doing that at the moment.

On the bright side… I no longer eat my feelings like I used to.

lemonadvice9

Ok, not much of a bright side, but I’m trying. Every time I try to think positive I just get more depressed. It’s not good. I thing I need to disconnect and just be for a few days.



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Discussion

There are 8 comments so far.

    Tracy Hansen

    July 7, 2016

    You are not alone in your feelings. I sometimes wonder about what I am leaving for my son. Keep your head up. The good people must push on.

    Lindsay Hamilton

    July 7, 2016

    I have struggled with what to tell my girls and how to teach them about these horrible parts of humanity that they have no clue about yet. It terrifies me to think about my nephew who is bi-racial and what my sister will tell him. How should he act or dress or what can he do to make people not scared of him when he walks down the street or is pulled over for a traffic violation. How will we keep him safe? I have struggled this week watching my “friends” in social media say things that are so contradictory of who I thought they were as people and from my beliefs that I don’t feel like I can stay silent anymore. I have struggled to understand how it can be 2016 and there is racism so deeply rooted and hidden in people that we don’t know about or see until these situations happen. I have forced myself to watch the videos multiple times and to really hear the cries and watch the horror of what happened. I don’t want to forget. I think that the best thing that mothers like us can do is to raise tolerant, kind, happy, caring, color blind, children who speak up for those who can’t or won’t or who are not listened to.

    Amanda

    July 7, 2016

    Hey Roni- I think many people are feeling this way right now. I know it’s easy (because of our white privilege) to look away & try to tune these things out, but I think we’re called to witness this ugliness around us and say that we find these things unacceptable (at least the killing of people of color by police). The very least we can do to is speak out & honor the legacies of those who have been brutally killed.

    I hope your mom is OK- she’s such a sweet lady! Take care of yourself…sometimes finding a way to take action or make a difference is a good step away from feeling helpless about this world.

      roni

      July 8, 2016

      That’s the problem. I engage in the conversations and it’s exhausting and draining.

      On another note… Mom is doing better!

    Rebecca

    July 8, 2016

    You captured what so many of us are feeling. I, too, have disconnected my self from the media. I just can’t handle it.

    Best wishes to your mom and I hope she is OK. It’s stressful and scary to get that kind of news.

      roni

      July 8, 2016

      Thank you! She’s doing well. I just talked to her. :)

    JennieM

    July 8, 2016

    Thanks for writing this. I tried talking to my husband about this last night and couldn’t get the right words out…. I live in the area where Philando was shot and killed…. It has been non-stop helicopters, protests, police presence, media, politicians etc, all with their opinions…. I have 12 and 15 year olds with lots of questions and it is just too hard and sad. (PS Glad to hear your mom is doing better!)

    Georgia

    July 9, 2016

    When we were in school we were taught about things that were in the past… and now it’s like regression. Yes- to all you said and didn’t.