One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

Round and Round I Go

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hamster-wheel

Last week I wrote about my post-work dinner pity party and Jaime commented:

Don’t you feel like you’re on a hamster wheel sometimes? …

I saw it days ago but I’ve been busy spinning my wheel to respond!

My answer is a resounding… YES!

OMG yes, and I think it’s getting worse the older I get.

Or maybe it’s the older the kids get??

I really don’t know.

I think my hour at the gym used to help me stay sane, but now that I work there that feels like it’s been taken away from me too, which kind of sucks.

There are days (a lot of days) where everything I do seems to be for someone else.  I feel constantly in the service of others. I don’t normally mind, but day after day it does start to weigh on me and that’s when I lose energy to take care of myself.

It’s also when I start to lose patience with the kids, withdraw from The Husband and ignore my friends. I simply get to a place where I can’t deal anymore.

I can only describe it as oversaturation.

I know I’m not alone in this and that somehow makes me feel better. I just keep trucking along doing what I can when I can and riding the waves of motivation when they come.



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Discussion

There are 15 comments so far.

    Caroline

    February 9, 2016

    I can relate to every word you wrote. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life and wouldn’t trade it for anything, but some days/weeks/months are harder than others. Let’s start a hamster wheel club! :)

      roni

      February 10, 2016

      I think it’s super common, especially for women.

    Jamie

    February 9, 2016

    I sneak away now to do yoga. I discovered this Yoga Camp series on YouTube and it is GREAT. I’ve done a lot of different yoga videos out there and the quality of this series is so far and above anything else I’ve tried. It feels so decadent to take a few minutes for MYSELF to bend and stretch and breath. It’s kind of addictive, actually. Since it’s activity, but not AT the gym, maybe it would work for you too? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUJW1Kd4zik

    Good Luck!

      roni

      February 10, 2016

      I do miss yoga! But for me, I need to get out of the house to truly relax. It’s like I can’t “turn off” here.

    Riya

    February 10, 2016

    Hey Roni. Welcome to the working Mom tribe. Its the common bane. Don’t know whether trade offs are worth it but yes the wheel analogy is so true. Relax and keep some me time!

      roni

      February 10, 2016

      I’ve never not worked as a mom and these feelings were always there, under the surface but as I age and the kids age, requiring a different kind of attention, I feel them magnifying.

    Eileen

    February 10, 2016

    Best wishes Roni — for me (who worked 100% outside the home) I felt like I was never in my house w/o someone. When it occurred, it was a really relaxing helpful feeling. For you, it seems like that feeling would come from being outside your home (alone)…nonetheless I know exactly what you mean.

    I do think that working for a business outside the home brings just a different wrinkle to how we process our responsibilities and stress. I realize being self-employed has their own stresses/responsibilities, but being back working for an outside source with less flexibility has probably added a new wrinkle.

      roni

      February 10, 2016

      You’re totally right but even when I taught full time when Ryan was younger I never felt this “saturated.” I think kids just require a different kid of attention as they age and that type of attention is exhausting to me. Babies and toddlers are less complicated and require more work in a different way. With one getting ready for kindergarten and one getting ready for middle school I feel not ready for the next 10 or so years.

      It felt good to vent about it. That’s for sure.

    Leigh Anne

    February 10, 2016

    I’ve been struggling pretty hard with that feeling lately as well. Our kids are close to the same age (mine are almost 10 and almost 6) and it just seems like they need me as much now as they did when they were newborns. Except now I work outside the house as well :( I’m trying to find the time when I can but sometimes I can’t handle making one more decision, even something as simple as where to keep the extra juice boxes

      roni

      February 10, 2016

      YES! You nailed it. I’m so tired of making decisions for everyone and everything!

    Mindy

    February 10, 2016

    Oh my gosh, I feel this so much. It feels like there is no time or space in my life to foster anything outside of work and parenthood. We do the same thing every day, day in and day out. I’m afraid it will just continue like this and then life will be done. What a horrible thought! Ack! LOL

    Denise

    February 10, 2016

    Oh my gosh you wrote this for me today! I have been really feeling this way lately. There have been days in the last little while that one extra thing that is required of me (driving to art class, going to yet another orthodontist appointment, making yet another school lunch) reduces me to tears and thoughts of “I can’t possibly handle this one more thing”. Thanks so much for sharing. As you said, knowing other moms struggle with this somehow helps!

    LisaM

    February 10, 2016

    I went through this myself, and finally decided something had to give. I was lucky to be able to cut my 5 day a week full-time job to 4 days a week, until my kids became teens. It sure put a dent in my career advancement, but worth it for my sanity! On that precious weekday that was all mine, I got a lot of housework and errands done. But I also made sure I took some time just for ME. I was happy to embrace the fact that I was someone who maybe couldn’t have it “all”, but I could enjoy the percentage of “all” that I did have…

    Paula

    February 11, 2016

    I do not have kids but I can so relate. Sometimes I just feel like “Is this all there is? Is this a good as it gets?” But it only happens when life frankly just drains the life out of me. But like everything else in this world, it passes.

    seewead

    February 11, 2016

    All hell breaks loose when your avocation becomes your vocation