One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

A Midnight Snack and Some Deep Thoughts

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After the marathon gift wrapping session last night I should* have just gone to bed, but my growling stomach and a strong desire to relax and do nothing after a long day took over.  I decided to plop on the couch with a bag of chips and salsa.

The Husband and I watched late night TV and vegged for 30 minutes.

I can’t lie, it was awesome.

I find myself much less motivated lately. I’m not sure if it’s the holidays, hormones or a slight case of midlife crisis. Some days I just want to crawl in a hole, stick my fingers in my ears and say “La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La” at the top of my lungs. I lose patience with the kids, I have zero desire to accomplish anything, and I feel crushed by the responsibilities of being a parent.

My 3-month trial period is coming up at the gym and I am again unsure what I’m doing with my life. Since I sold the conference, blogging as a career is pretty much out for me and frankly I want it to be. I’m tired of the hustle. Finding sponsors is exhausting, running ads is annoying (and frankly pretty fruitless) and I’m over the constant pressure of  getting more readers — actually I’ve been over that for some time.  I, honestly, hate the “business of blogging,” always have. I just want to do what I do and share what I can without all the pressure of it having an income tied to it.

Now that I confessed that, I’m left with what?

Nothing.

Okay, that’s pretty dramatic. I have lots! I just feel lost. This motivated, energetic, goal-orientated mama is without a plan or direction and it’s really throwing me for a loop.

I’ll figure it out. I always do.

Food Journal

12 a.m. Multigrain Chips and salsa

8:30 a.m. leftover pork loin and mashed potatoes. I had zero desire for breakfast foods.

9:30 a.m. Freeze-dried peaches with the 4-Year-Old — he hates most fruit texture but enjoys the crunch of freeze-dried ones.

12 p.m. The eating out for lunch is a little bit out of control right now. The Husband and I went to our favorite sushi place and I had the sashimi combo, which comes with salmon, tuna, a California roll, green salad and hot and sour soup. I also had the husband’s spring roll.

6 p.m. I came home from work and made this awesome salmon I had marinating all day.

marinated salmon

I’ll post more details when I can. I just don’t have it in me tonight.

7 p.m. Popcorn with the kids while we watched The Grinch.

9:30 p.m. I wanted “something” and this granola bar hit the spot.

*Should is a word I try not to use anymore but it still slips out now and then. We explain why in the #wycwyc book



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Discussion

There are 16 comments so far.

    nancyabc

    December 23, 2015

    Ten years can be a long time doing something as demanding as this–heck I don’t have a cell phone because I don’t want to deal with it.
    Hope you find answers to your questions that bring you peace.

    Sabz

    December 23, 2015

    Have you considered not doing anything at all for some time? If it’s financially possible. Just step away from everything “career wise” blog journal etc but in a free form way, and what’s next may pop out of it?

    Vicki

    December 23, 2015

    Thank you for being so honest about “life”. Sometimes when you read so many blogs you feel like everyone’s life is so “perfect” and you’re wishing your life was more like theirs. It’s refreshing to know that my feelings are just like everybody elses. Sometimes I just want to curl up in a corner but I know that I just have to give it time and I come back around, I always do. It’s just called the cycle of life I guess. I hope you don’t give up on random blogging because I thoroughly enjoy what you have to say whether it’s about eating healthy, exercising, work, kids, family or just things in general. You just have a way of writing things that I can relate to. Thank you. Hope you and your family have a very Merry Christmas, with little stress and just enjoyment.

    sadie

    December 23, 2015

    I always have thought the BLAHg thing was a weird way to “make a living” as you just become a product whore. Hope you find something fulfilling and fruitful! I’ve been at my job/career for 40 years and just can’t seem to quit it! (That and my working out, for even longer than that!)

    Lynda

    December 23, 2015

    I really appreciate your honesty about your life struggles. I think it’s helpful for so many of us who are also struggling with choices in life. I love your blog and all the inspiration you bring. Maybe you are going through a “burn out” phase and need a break from the stresses. Are you able financially to step away from things for awhile ? I hope you are easy on yourself about how you are feeling. Take care!

    Sherri D

    December 23, 2015

    This really hit home with me. You wrote: “I’ll figure it out. I always do.” Might I venture to guess that there is a little voice in the back of your head saying, “But what if I don’t work it out this time?” And you worry.
    It is the ups and downs of life. I have these same feelings a lot. I am 61. Dang, it still happens at this age too!
    As these feelings wash over me, for the past year I have used your saying “wycwyc” to get me through these times. I still might worry but I trust, just enough, that I will get through this and go on to the next thing in life.
    I sometimes think I might gain all the weight back that I lost. Then I recognize this train of thought is just the old tapes playing in my head. I then concentrate on wycwyc and do something positive. Sometimes one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time!
    You will get through this. You have in the past. You will in the future. You will still worry and fress about it at times. You will feel like giving in sometimes. In the end though, you will go on to another project or path that incorporates all that you’ve accomplished, and the world will make sense again.
    Hugs to you, young lady! :D

    Molly

    December 23, 2015

    As a reader I also don’t really like the business aspect of blogging. You can always kind of tell when someone is writing just as a paid gig. I’ve always found your writing to be super genuine and transparent though, which I love. You are so relatable and inspiring in how you continue to keep a level head about your health yet still make it a priority. As a working mom now, this has become super important (yet really hard) to do! Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I’ll look forward to reading your thoughts and experiences in whatever format they take. Have a merry Christmas and hope you are able to relax and gain some clarity!

    Molly

    December 23, 2015

    As a reader I also don’t really like the business aspect of blogging. You can always kind of tell when someone is writing just as a paid gig:/ I’ve always found your writing to be super genuine and transparent though, which I love. You are so relatable and inspiring in how you continue to keep a level head about your health yet still make it a priority. As a working mom now, this has become super important (yet really hard) to do for me. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I’ll look forward to reading your thoughts and experiences in whatever format they take. Have a merry Christmas and hope you are able to relax and gain some clarity!

    Shannon

    December 24, 2015

    You give so much to all of your readers by taking the time and energy to share your experiences. Thank you! Now give yourself the time you need to find a new path. Remember, if down the line the path isn’t for you any longer, you can make a change! Merry Christmas with appreciation.

    JAY

    December 24, 2015

    I think it’s the holidays why you are feeling unmotivated.Hope you’ll be back to yourself soon :)

    Karen P

    December 25, 2015

    Merry Christmas, You have a lot, here’s to finding what floats your boat at this stage in life and for change management. Onward.

    Mary Nell

    December 26, 2015

    I find myself feeling the same way at times. Stuck in a rut. Feeling like it is survival mode. Unsure of the next step. I also love when I am doing something because I love to do it. Hate when I’m doing it because I “have to.” You have built a brand and a business…and you are right, you will figure out the next step. Just take some time for yourself and the answer will come. I call it “creative space.” You need it to thrive and get inspired again.

    Georgia

    December 27, 2015

    Well I’m still here! sorry for the funk.

    Sherri W

    December 28, 2015

    I really think it is the pressure of this time of year. When I first read this post I was like “oh no, maybe she needs to see someone or get on something.” Then I read a few more posts and it hit me. I went through all of this. You have it a little worse because your hubby’s bday falls in the middle of the holidays oh yea his work party too.
    For years I would stress about the next holiday season the day after Christmas. So I made a drastic change, maybe it was easier for me because I did it when my kids were older than yours. I started a tradition of just the four of us! For 4 years we headed to the slopes and skied. We skied Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and headed home before the vacation craziness arrived. We would watch Christmas movies in the evening and I would still make a Christmas dinner after skiing. It was great. Last year we had to cancel to to global warming and no snow. This year, we went to Aruba in anticipation of another season of no snow. My kids know this trip is their Christmas present. I never went crazy with all the hottest toys. Maybe that’s what made it easier for us. But let me tell you. I so look forward to our holidays now. And no, I don’t decorate which also ads to the stress. So perhaps a change needs to be considered. Happy New Year!

      Sherri W

      December 28, 2015

      Oh btw, we too are on a budget. I have two kids in out of state college. Greatest gift my mom taught me was saving. We had Christmas Clubs when we were growing up. I still keep it going. I have a small amount deducted from my paycheck and deposited into the account and in October I receive a check from the bank and that is what I use for Christmas. Hearing people who blow all their $ for Christmas just makes no sense to me. I thank my mom every day for teaching me this method of savings!

    Mohamed

    January 2, 2016

    Never give up!! Do not lose motivation. If it’s not there? CREATE IT ONE!! always put a Goal and work on it…that’s the cutting edge from loosing it :)