OK, I don’t know WHAT’s up with me lately but I’m a hot mess. Not in a running-around-like-a-chicken-without-a-head busy way — I actually feel more in control of my workload these days and have worked hard at manage it and my stress — but in an emotional, sappy way.
I shared on Facebook how I almost broke down yesterday while driving Ryan to school on his 10th birthday. Forever Young came on and I tried telling him about the song but I had tears welling up in my eyes.
Can’t lie. They’re welling up again.
Being a parent is such a mix of emotions. I want both boys to grow up to be independent, productive members of society. I want them to be happy and motivated and inspired. Yet when I look at them, I tell them to stop growing. I joke continuously with them about getting too big. And we laugh about it, but on the inside I’m grappling with so many emotions. I want them to stay young and safe and innocent but I have an intense desire to see them grow and mature and take flight.
I get really emotional about both sides of the coin and I’m not sure why.
This morning on the way to the gym I heard ANOTHER song that brought tears to my eyes. It always does yet I have to listen to it when it comes on. Old Man by Neil Young may be one of my favorite songs of all time.
It reminds me of my dad so much. I smile and think of him and again all my emotions are really complicated. I miss him. Regret the choices I made the last few years of his life. And wish he could have known his grandsons because I think he would be so so proud.
I just needed to get those thoughts out of my head. Sometimes you just need a good cry. Am I right?
On the food front I’ve been really proud of myself. I’m eating more “real” food than ever before. I’ve been avoiding The Husband’s chips and really losing the craving for them, the kids have been snacking on more fruit with me, I’ve been trying to bake more so we have homemade options in the house and even when I do eat out (which is still more than I’d like) I’m making really smart choices.
Lately I’ve been feeling…. normal? That’s the only word I could come up with. My whole life I’m always either feeling-fat or feeling-skinny. I know. I know. They aren’t “feelings” but that’s the only way I can capture it in words. I think I’m actually starting to move past it and really accept that my body “just is” and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I’m the most active I’ve been in my entire life. It’s almost like I’m too busy to devote any thoughts to it right now and I think managing my stress is really helping.
Or maybe this is just another phase and I’ll cycle back around. Who knows. :)
- 5:45 a.m. Banana Oatmeal Cup with added hemp seeds — I woke up hungry today!
- 8 a.m. Grapefruit and 2 hard-boiled eggs.
- 9:45 a.m. leftover turkey sausage and some baked beans — again stomach growling.
- 12:30 p.m. 2 leftover chicken thighs, leftover ear of corn, leftover 1/2 baked sweet potato — I’m in leftover heaven right now!
- 5:00 p.m. yogurt with blueberries, sunflower seeds and honey
- 7:30 p.m. leftover fried rice with another leftover sausage. We raided the fridge for a classic leftover dinner night. Then we cut and enjoy a cantaloup together. :)
- 6 a.m. warm up
3 @ 33 lbs
3 @ 53 lbs
3 @ 58 lbs
3 @ 63 lbs
2 @ 68 lbs
3 @ 68 lbs
3 @ 65 lbs
3 @ 65 lbs
I did 6 rounds of today’s workout kind of prescript. My strict pull-ups are still weak but I’m able to do them with a little jumping.
3 strict pull ups
9 Deadlifts @ 125 lbs
- 6 p.m. About a 2 mile walk/run