One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

Stop Battling Yourself

14 Comments 3000 views

I meant to post yesterday but I was, yet again locked out of my site. I’m so over the security and server admin stuff.

Ugh.

Anyway, I’m moving on and adding to the post I wrote yesterday, so bear with me as this is going to be a lot of rambling.

I’ll start with Thursday when I took the day off.

Completely off.

As in autoresponder-on-laptop-off-out-of-the-office off.

Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I’ve done that mid-week. I’ve been getting better on weekends but I still have a hard time walking completely away. Even when I’m on vacation I rarely disconnect 100%. I always have my eye on my inbox, replying to emails, and I normally post on at least one of the blogs.

I decided it was time to treat myself the same way I would a friend and I would definitely tell a friend she needed a break.

Basically I pulled a Ferris. Except when I went to the baseball game it rained.

At O's Game

That’s me and my friend Heather. We had a date in the city to celebrate one of my other friend’s graduation. The game may have been a bust but we salvaged it by hanging out in the city and just chatting.

It was exactly what I needed. I came home totally refreshed, hung out with the kids and fell asleep watching something on the DVR. Honestly, I can’t even remember.

Friday morning it was back to the grind and I had a super-busy, productive day!  Of course it started with the gym and then my walk to Evan’s school. On the way home from the walk I spied this in a store window…

Screen Shot 2015-05-22 at 10.51.09 AM

It made me smile (#wycwyc)

The rest of Friday was spent (I refuse to say “playing catch-up”) getting $hit done! I had three pretty big FitBloggin‘ calls, more site security stuff to research, a new recipe to share, and lots of email to reply to.

I felt really accomplished and excited. Especially after my call with Jumpsport, which is sponsoring the conference this year. We are planning a HUGE evening event with trampolines, a photo booth and a Spike TV-style lip sync battle!

How fun is that?!

I’m not sure I shared this here on the blog but this is my last FitBloggin’ conference as head honcho. With the blogs, book promotion and #wycwyc community building I was finding myself pulled in too many directions. I decided it was time to move on and I found a company that was willing to take over all the logistical planning after this year.

This is my last chance to make FitBloggin’ something really special (again — of course it’s always special!) because I won’t be responsible for it next year.

Walking away from FitBloggin’ was one of the hardest business decisions of my career. I don’t think I’ve ever had to struggle with more opposing feelings in my life. I was sad yet relieved. Nervous I would let everyone down yet confident I was doing the right thing.

I can only imagine this is a less emotional version (albeit still really emotional for me!) of seeing your child off to college. I created FitBloggin’ from nothing. I watched it and its community grow over the years. It matured right in front of my eyes from an idea to bring health and fitness bloggers together in Baltimore to an amazing three-day event that traveled around the country. The sponsor support the past few years has been nothing short of amazing. I mean, look at this year’s sponsor list! All these amazing brands are helping me make it happen one last time.

Since I started blogging ohh….. 10 YEARS AGO (blows my mind) I’ve battled a LOT of self doubt — heck, I’ve always battled it — but you know what?

I’m doing alright.

@CPAGrrrl posted this to twitter and it really resonated with me.

CFnRWW7WYAAf39I.png-large

I’ve come to the conclusion that the only person I’ve ever battled was myself in almost all areas of my life. For some reason I always thought I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or thin enough to be something special.

But I’ve come to a conclusion…

No one is special.

Sure, some folks have talents or are better at certain things than others but that guarnetees nothing in life unless you are willing to work and have the confidence to put yourself out there, no matter what you are trying to accomplish.

I have doubted everything I’ve ever done but a few years ago I stopped letting that doubt hold me back. Why can’t I share recipes online? Or start a conference? Or run a race? Or write a children’s book? Or be an athlete? Or travel more? Or publish a book?

Why can’t you do the things you want to do?  Are you battling yourself? 

The Husband and I have been talking a lot about this lately as we have two completely different outlooks on life. I am really driven to DO things. I want to be creative and live a life full of adventure and unknowns. I enjoy a challenge and I thrive off of accomplishing things.

He does not.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. We are just different. I could never be happy staying static. It’s not in my nature.

Take this morning at my mom’s for example. The kids were up at 5:30 a.m. I could hear them giggling and talking downstairs. The cousins were excited to see each other and even though part of me wanted to wring their little necks and go back to sleep I took a deep breath and went downstairs.

After about a half an hour of me shushing them because everyone else was sleeping, I finally told them to get shoes on. Why not take them for a walk?

We bundled up, hit Burger King for some cinnamon buns and then headed to the River Walk.

piston river walk

The kids had a blast exploring and throwing rocks in the river.

throwing rocks in the  Susquehanna

And I had fun watching the 3 cousins interact.

20150523_070457

It was a little chilly but a beautiful morning!

Screen Shot 2015-05-23 at 9.51.33 AM

I tried to turn a typical, kind of frustrating morning into an adventure. We walked around my hometown for about an hour and half not doing anything that special but it was better than trying to keep them quiet while cursing The Husband that he has the ability to sleep through it all.

I’ve been doing more and more stuff like this over the years. Looking for small opportunities to seize. Trying new stuff. Letting myself get dirty. Basically… putting on my big-girl panties and pushing past my self-doubt, laziness and fears.  It may seem silly from the outside but even things like taking a day off or going to bed knowing my server crashed and there was nothing I could do about it are little battles I’ve  been winning against myself.

I’m not sure if I’m capturing this feeling or mindset correctly. It feels hard to express yet important to share.

If that makes any sense.

On that note I think it’s time to go. This post is way longer than I anticipated.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend! I’m off to hang out with Mom and the kids. :)

~*~*~

Up to date journals. I’m going to try to keep them through the weekend, too.

Thursday Food Journal — No times – It was a weird day.

  • Pancakes and bacon at my friend’s house
  • Light beer at the game
  • Split a cheesesteak and some wings with a friend
  • Cheese, crackers and dried cranberries with the kids when I got home
  • Reese’s peanut butter cup <– I was craving sweet something fierce!

Friday Food Journal 

  • 7:30 a.m. Grapefruit juice — trying for a brand that may sponsor FitBloggin!
  • 8:30 a.m. Egg Salad in Bell Pepper Cups — new recipe! Click here!
  • 11:30 a.m. 2 leftover pieces of grilled chicken. I had a few calls lined up and I knew lunch would late.
  • 2 p.m. My late lunch — smoked turkey, sausage link, cole slaw and corn bread
  • 6-10 pm Dinner and car ride snacks on the way to mom’s was a salad with chicken, salsa and guac, a few tater tots and onion rings Ryan shared with me and some kettle corn.
  • 11 p.m. 2 Twizzlers — I don’t know why. They were there.

Thursday Activity Journal

  • 6 a.m. Workout — It was long workout day and my body wasn’t having it. We’ve changed the strength program at the gym and I’ve been sore all week so I decided to just work on my double unders. I have a goal to do 10-20-30-40-50-40-30-20-10 unbroken. I was able to do 10 then the 20 then the 30! It took me 2 tries to get the 40 and about 6 tries to get the 50. After that I was done. That was a lot of jump roping! The rest of glass I just stretched.

Friday Activity Journal 

  • 6 a.m. Workout – Warm up was 400m run, back extensions, burpees and stretching.
    Dead lift (Clean grip)
    10 @ 33 lbs
    10 @ 83 lbs
    5 @ 103 lbs
    10 @ 123 lbs
    5 @ 143 lbs
    10 @ 163 lbs
    10 @ 173 lbs
    10 @ 148 lbs
    10 @ 148 lbs
    Workout was a clean ladder increasing 1 ever minute at 95 lbs. I made it to 9. So in essence I did 45 cleans at 95 lbs. (note: 2 years ago 95 lbs was my 1 rep MAX and I thought I would never, EVER be able to do it.)
  • 9 a.m. 2 mile walk to Evan’s school and back.

 



Leave a comment

I’d love to hear your story or thoughts on mine.

However, to prevent the massive amounts of spam I was receiving I have turned off comments on any post older than 5 days old. If you'd like to leave me a note regarding this post or anything really try me on twitter (@RoniNoone,) my Facebook page, or even IG (@RoniNoone) I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. I never thought I'd have to do this but it's gotten way out of hand and comment management has become simply too time consuming to manage.

Discussion

There are 14 comments so far.

    Mary

    May 23, 2015

    What a great post.

    This really resonated:
    “I’ve come to the conclusion that the only person I’ve ever battled was myself in almost all areas of my life. For some reason I always thought I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or thin enough to be something special.”

    So did this:
    “The Husband and I have been talking a lot about this lately as we have two completely different outlooks on life. I am really driven to DO things. I want to be creative and live a life full of adventure and unknowns. I enjoy a challenge and I thrive off of accomplishing things. He does not. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. We are just different. I could never be happy staying static. It’s not in my nature.”

    I was wondering if you’d be willing to talk about that a little more. Not to pry into your marriage, which is obviously a strong, happy one. And you’ve written before about how he is very different from you but so very supportive. So I’m not questioning anything.

    But reading it today it just made me think. So many of us in this world seem to fall into opposite ends of this kind of spectrum, and I’ve found (because I’m personally more on your husband’s side of the spectrum) that relationships of all types (not just marriages but relationships with parents, friends, siblings, etc.) can be difficult when someone doesn’t “get” another person about these things.

    So I’m asking you, because I think it’s actually easier for someone like him to say something like, “Great, go, have fun; I’ll just stay here and hang out on the couch,” than it is for someone like you to not feel bad or even resentful that the other person isn’t always interesting in going out, trying new things, etc. I think it’s harder for your personality type to be with his than the other way around, so I’m curious how you find balance with someone so different from you but still remain so close and loving and happy — and not try to change each other.

    Again, thanks for a great, thoughtful post.

      Joe

      May 23, 2015

      This blog is great.

      RG1

      May 26, 2015

      Hi Mary, like you im on the introverted side of things. When I had a corporate job I was willing to stay out for an evening but then I really enjoyed my weekends at home. I think extroverted people like me because they’re not battling for my attention. I have an extroverted sibling married to another extrovert and they are never in the same room because they are off doing their own thing. They are held together by their kids, but otherwise their careers and hobbies and food choices pull them in different directions. Convincing an introvert to go out is easier than convincing another extrovert to cancel her plans and disappoint other people, since the introvert will just be disappointing the warm bed, hot shower or unread book. I’m now working from home, and I find it a lot easier to motivate myself to go out except for dealing with commute time.

      roni

      May 26, 2015

      See I think it’s the opposite. I think it’s harder for him. I can see myself in his eyes and I’m sure it’s annoying. I’m always on the move, always looking for something new, always wanting to do something. There’s no doubt I’m exhausting! lol

      I think any relationship can work if you respect each other and we do that. I think the fact we are opposite actually works. If he were more like me we’d be moving in two directions. Instead he grounds me and I push him. It works. :)

    I related to the dilemma of: be lazy (albeit frustrated) or get up, get out and have fun. I forwarded your column to the social networks. What beautiful pictures! Good luck with the new choices involving Fitbloggin.

    Larissa

    May 24, 2015

    I love this post and read it twice! You are so right that once you stop fighting with your self and let the pressure go you can approach any situation in a morr positive way – and look at things in a different and much better way! And hopefully have more fun with life :)

    Mary Nell

    May 25, 2015

    Love this post. We do battle ourselves. And it does take actively seizing our thoughts and making them positive to change our outlook. Years ago when talking about negative things happening to good people, my mentor said she had never understood that. She said, “Why not me? What exempts me?” I’ve flipped that to the other side, too. Why shouldn’t it be me that excels? That wins the award? That is able to do x, y, or z. And this post kinda captures that with the “nobody is special” comment. No one is special and yet we all are. I love the paradox of life. And I really wish I were a blogger so I could experience your awesome conference. Lol.

    loss food

    May 25, 2015

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts about how to reduce stomach fat.

    Regards

    FoodLove Girl

    May 25, 2015

    This is such a good post about our real struggle – the struggle we deal with within ourselves. Once we get out of our own way we r invincible, and that is the real challenge. Getting out of our own way.

    Mary Mc

    May 26, 2015

    I miss the beauty of PA~CA is pretty in a different type of way~Always an East Coaster at heart~

    Thanks Roni for posting such beautiful pictures~

    Chris

    May 28, 2015

    THIS: This is the greatest thing. (Imagine an arrow pointing to the quote below…) I was following this same train of thought on my drive to work this morning. I have chemical/ metabolic thing that’s keeping me from losing the weight I SO WANT to lose, but I’m refusing to let that excess weight keep me from doing the active, healthy things I ENJOY and WANT TO DO because they’re FUN! I refuse to let anyone (including the evil bitch that lives in my brain) tell me “You’re TOO FAT to [do that thing you want to do],” It’s a constant battle and requires diligence and self-training, but it feels SO GOOD when I “win” one. For ME.

    And thanks too much for the shout-out – I was not expecting that! :-DDD

    “I have doubted everything I’ve ever done but a few years ago I stopped letting that doubt hold me back. Why can’t I share recipes online? Or start a conference? Or run a race? Or write a children’s book? Or be an athlete? Or travel more? Or publish a book?

    Why can’t you do the things you want to do? Are you battling yourself? “

    Debbie T

    June 1, 2015

    Oh NO
    you are not doing FitBlogg any more !
    I was hoping to go the last few years
    But something always gets in the way
    This year I might be on Strike :'(
    so can spend the money top go
    I was hoping next year would be my year to go and meet you
    you have helpped me stay looking at my goal as I try to find out what works for me.
    as I am older than most on your site
    love all the post .
    Thank you

      roni

      June 2, 2015

      I will still be there next year! Just not doing all the work. Actually, I’m looking forward to next year the most. I want to know what it’s like to just “Show up” lol

    I don’t know whether it’s just me or if perhaps veryone else
    experiencing issues with your site. It seems like some of the text on your content are running off the screen. Can someone else plesse provide feedback and let me know if
    his is happening to them too? This might be a problem with my internet browser because I’ve had this happen previously.
    Cheers