OK, so I know I’m not super skinny like I once was (135 pounds on an almost 5-foot-9 frame is pretty skinny). I also know I’m nowhere near my heaviest (highest number I ever saw on a scale not pregnant was 225). But there’s no doubt I’m the most muscular (and strongest) I’ve ever been!
Seriously? That’s me? I almost don’t believe it. That’s crazy!
My weight isn’t what inspired this post (I don’t weigh myself anymore — I let the doctor do that, which is a whole other story). It was this picture my trainer posted on Facebook and seeing myself on screen while recording this week’s #wycwyc podcast that got me on this train of thought.
That’s me on the left struggling (in a good way) through pull-ups this morning.
The first thing I noticed was my back — I was like “Whoa! I have back muscles!”
(HUGE victory for me not to immediately see or think something negative when I saw a photo of myself. This may be a first!)
Anyway, I totally meant what I said the other day about this quote:
Do the good work without an attachment to the outcome.
I’ve really been in a happy place lately because I do just that. I eat what I eat because it’s good for me, not because I’m following some crazy diet. I workout the way I workout because I love it, not because I’m trying to sculpt some perfect body. I just love challenging myself and feeling strong, which I guess could be considered an “outcome” but to me that’s more like a byproduct.
Maybe I’m playing semantics with myself but the way my brain translated that quote was:
Do ALL THE healthy THINGS without an attachment to a number on the scale or the body it may create.
Meaning: eating a healthy diet and working out are not means to an ends — THEY ARE THE ENDS. I’m doing what I love to do. I’m living the way I want to live. I’m no longer limited by my weight or body image or fitness level.
For years I lived life the opposite way. Everything I did was in the name of weight loss or body sculpting or to fit a certain size.
I can’t stress enough how that NEVER ever worked for me. It actually had the opposite effect. I kept gaining more and more weight. Sure, I’d have short-term losses but then the weight would come back plus some. Between the ages of 12 (when I started dieting) and 29 my weight pretty much looked like this.
Does sculpting a perfect body work for some? Sure! I mean look at all the fitness models and body building competitors out there. I really admire them. It’s amazing what they can do.
But those goals aren’t for everybody, and if you find yourself constantly yo-yo dieting, struggling with perfection tendencies, researching the latest fad diets, saying things like I “fell off the wagon” and using it as an excuse to eat crap, well, then maybe it’s time to shift your focus a little.
I don’t have all the answers — I wish I did — all I can do is share my experience. And in my experience, as someone who has struggled with body image and weight and self-destructive tendencies, it was that slight shift in focus that started me on this path. Even though I used a scale when I started (and through a lot of maintenance until very recently) what it said wasn’t my ultimate goal. I wasn’t attached to THAT outcome like I used to be.
My ultimate goals were to find balance, stop yo-yo dieting, be a good example to my kid(s), and confidence — which could all be considered “the good work.”
Is this making any sense? It kind of does in my head and then I start to think I’m just crazy. It’s really hard capturing the shift in mindset that really helped everything click for me but I’m trying!
- 5:45 a.m. Slice of toast with peanut butter.
- 7:15 a.m. Post-workout shake (1 scoop).
- 8:45 a.m. 2 eggs + egg white scrambled with leftover potato, broccoli and ham, drizzled with sriracha. Took psyllium.
- 11 a.m. Banana. I totally lost track of time and my stomach was growling. Had to grab something quick before recording a podcast with Carla.
- 12:45 p.m. A quinoa and portobello mushroom experiment I had floating in my head…
- 4 p.m. A little bite of beef jerky with Ryan after school
- 6 p.m. Country-style rib with a baked sweet potato and broccoli — took psyllium.
- 9 p.m. Popcorn with coconut oil made like this
- 6 a.m – It was find a new bench press 1 rep max which I failed at. I was able to do 1 rep at 123, then I needed the slightest bit of help at 133. My current 1 rep max is 130. (note: I vividly remember it being 93 — that blows my mind!)
Today’s workout was actually kind of fun and I pushed myself to do it as prescribed because I was feeling really good. The workout was 15 minutes and this is what I ended up doing:
1 Clean & Jerk at 105 lbs
5 Pull-ups (I kipped them one at a time unassisted throughout the whole workout)
15 Air Squats
2 Clean & Jerk at 105 lbs
15 Air Squats
3 Clean & Jerk at 105 lbs
15 Air Squats
4 Clean & Jerk at 105 lbs
15 Air Squats
5 Clean & Jerk at 105 lbs
- 5 p.m. 2 mile run/walk — most walk and then play with the 4-year-old :)
- Water ok
- I’m posting this early because it’s Survivor night and I want to watch with the boys. :)
- I may have a small snack — if I do I will post an update to my food journal.
- Pulling out my supplements now so I don’t forgot to take them before bed.