One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

Holy Muscles! When Did That Happen?

14 Comments 3215 views

OK, so I know I’m not super skinny like I once was (135 pounds on an almost 5-foot-9 frame is pretty skinny). I also know I’m nowhere near my heaviest (highest number I ever saw on a scale not pregnant was 225). But there’s no doubt I’m the most muscular (and strongest) I’ve ever been!

Where did these muscles come from?!

Seriously? That’s me? I almost don’t believe it. That’s crazy!

My weight isn’t what inspired this post (I don’t weigh myself anymore — I let the doctor do that, which is a whole other story). It was this picture my trainer posted on Facebook and seeing myself on screen while recording this week’s #wycwyc podcast that got me on this train of thought.

CrossFit class

That’s me on the left struggling (in a good way) through pull-ups this morning.

The first thing I noticed was my back — I was like “Whoa! I have back muscles!”

(HUGE victory for me not to immediately see or think something negative when I saw a photo of myself. This may be a first!)

Anyway, I totally meant what I said the other day about this quote:

Do the good work without an attachment to the outcome.

I’ve really been in a happy place lately because I do just that. I eat what I eat because it’s good for me, not because I’m following some crazy diet. I workout the way I workout because I love it, not because I’m trying to sculpt some perfect body. I just love challenging myself and feeling strong, which I guess could be considered an “outcome” but to me that’s more like a byproduct.

Maybe I’m playing semantics with myself but the way my brain translated that quote was:

Do ALL THE healthy THINGS without an attachment to a number on the scale or the body it may create.

Meaning: eating a healthy diet and working out are not means to an ends — THEY ARE THE ENDS. I’m doing what I love to do. I’m living the way I want to live. I’m no longer limited by my weight or body image or fitness level.

For years I lived life the opposite way. Everything I did was in the name of weight loss or body sculpting or to fit a certain size.

I can’t stress enough how that NEVER ever worked for me. It actually had the opposite effect. I kept gaining more and more weight. Sure, I’d have short-term losses but then the weight would come back plus some. Between the ages of 12 (when I started dieting) and 29 my weight pretty much looked like this.

upward weight trend

Does sculpting a perfect body work for some? Sure! I mean look at all the fitness models and body building competitors out there. I really admire them. It’s amazing what they can do.

But those goals aren’t for everybody, and if you find yourself constantly yo-yo dieting, struggling with perfection tendencies, researching the latest fad diets, saying things like I “fell off the wagon” and using it as an excuse to eat crap, well, then maybe it’s time to shift your focus a little.

I don’t have all the answers — I wish I did — all I can do is share my experience. And in my experience, as someone who has struggled with body image and weight and self-destructive tendencies, it was that slight shift in focus that started me on this path. Even though I used a scale when I started (and through a lot of maintenance until very recently) what it said wasn’t my ultimate goal. I wasn’t attached to THAT outcome like I used to be.

My ultimate goals were to find balance, stop yo-yo dieting, be a good example to my kid(s), and confidence — which could all be considered “the good work.”

Is this making any sense? It kind of does in my head and then I start to think I’m just crazy. It’s really hard capturing the shift in mindset that really helped everything click for me but I’m trying!

Food Journal

  • 5:45 a.m. Slice of toast with peanut butter.
  • 7:15 a.m. Post-workout shake (1 scoop).
  • 8:45 a.m. 2 eggs + egg white scrambled with leftover potato, broccoli and ham, drizzled with sriracha. Took psyllium.
  • 11 a.m. Banana. I totally lost track of time and my stomach was growling. Had to grab something quick before recording a podcast with Carla.
  • 12:45 p.m. A quinoa and portobello mushroom experiment I had floating in my head…
    Portobello and quinoa

    Took psyllium.

  • 4 p.m. A little bite of beef jerky with Ryan after school
  • 6 p.m. Country-style rib with a baked sweet potato and broccoli — took psyllium.
  • 9 p.m. Popcorn with coconut oil made like this

Activity Journal

  • 6 a.m – It was find a new bench press 1 rep max which I failed at. I was able to do 1 rep at 123, then I needed the slightest bit of help at 133. My current 1 rep max is 130. (note: I vividly remember it being 93 — that blows my mind!)
    Today’s workout was actually kind of fun and I pushed myself to do it as prescribed because I was feeling really good. The workout was 15 minutes and this is what I ended up doing:
    1 Clean & Jerk at 105 lbs
    5 Pull-ups (I kipped them one at a time unassisted throughout the whole workout)
    10 Pushups
    15 Air Squats
    2 Clean & Jerk at 105 lbs
    5 Pull-ups
    10 Pushups
    15 Air Squats
    3 Clean & Jerk at 105 lbs
    5 Pull-ups
    10 Pushups
    15 Air Squats
    4 Clean & Jerk at 105 lbs
    5 Pull-ups
    10 Pushups
    15 Air Squats
    5 Clean & Jerk at 105 lbs
    5 Pull-ups
    6 Pushups
  • 5 p.m. 2 mile run/walk — most walk and then play with the 4-year-old :)

Misc 

  • Water ok
  • I’m posting this early because it’s Survivor night and I want to watch with the boys. :)
  • I may have a small snack — if I do I will post an update to my food journal.
  • Pulling out my supplements now so I don’t forgot to take them before bed.


Leave a comment

I’d love to hear your story or thoughts on mine.

However, to prevent the massive amounts of spam I was receiving I have turned off comments on any post older than 5 days old. If you'd like to leave me a note regarding this post or anything really try me on twitter (@RoniNoone,) my Facebook page, or even IG (@RoniNoone) I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. I never thought I'd have to do this but it's gotten way out of hand and comment management has become simply too time consuming to manage.

Discussion

There are 14 comments so far.

    Kitty

    May 6, 2015

    Those pics look great!

    As for what makes sense – I think it depends on the person and where that person is in their own personal journey. For someone who is long term into maintenance and doing well with it, I can understand entirely the not measuring thing. And, I think that there are other proxies for the scale that could tell you if you are getting seriously off track.

    But, for many people at an earlier stage that doesn’t work. And, there are people who do eat a healthy diet and work out and are frustrated that they don’t see any progress on the weight loss front. If someone is eating healthy and working out and doesn’t want to lose weight, then fine. But, for the person who is overweight and wants to lose weight, just eating healthy and working out may not be enough. Eating less food may be needed. And, for many, we find that weighing or paying attention to body composition numbers or measurements, is valuable feedback to help us get to our goals.

    And, for some people (like me!), if I don’t weigh regularly I tend to kid myself and gain weight rather than lose it. So, I weigh regularly. Will I always need to do that? Maybe, maybe not. Weighing myself every day isn’t an end in itself, but it is a tool that I use.

    I am less than 5 pounds from the top of the “normal” BMI weight range (have lost 56 pounds). In no way do I think that when I get there that I’ll be done. That is simply one marker along the way. Where I end up within the healthy weight range will, for me, have more to do with body composition than weight on the scale. But, weighing on the scale helps me to stay on track. Whenever I stop weighing, I start gaining. Again, that may not be the case a year from now or five years from now.

    I don’t think that you — or everyone — has to weigh or look at numbers. But, for some of us, some of the time, it is a valuable tool.

      roni

      May 7, 2015

      Oh I’m not saying don’t look at numbers. I wouldn’t have gotten to this point if I didn’t look at numbers. I’m saying don’t make the number the sole focus, make the changes you want to make in your behaviors the focus and let the number be more of a byproduct. It may help Some stop the cycle.

    Karen

    May 7, 2015

    My husband always says women see the negative in their bodies before the positive and he just can not comprehend that.I agree, it’s so hard to not go to the negative first and then seek any positives. I am guilty also. However, you seem to have changed that and it gives me hope that someday I will be able to also.

    Looking good….thanks for giving me hope. Here’s to positive thinking in the future:)

    Vicky

    May 7, 2015

    Check out those guns
    Amazing accomplishment

    Ging F

    May 7, 2015

    Congrats on your pull up back muscles! I never seem to see people doing pull ups any more. Perhaps that’s just my local gym though.
    :)

    Megan

    May 7, 2015

    Wow, I love this very healthy mindset. It’s more than “make good choices”, and more like “choose yourself” right? That’s big. The goal should be adopting healthy habits lifelong, so they stick, and the byproduct should/could/would be a healthy body, and a confident self. Thanks for this!

    Cindy

    May 7, 2015

    Love this! Agree that the more I chased thin, the fatter I got. And the more miserable. You are living proof that fit and healthy on a daily basis are far saner for people like us!

    Claude (Ironman) M.

    May 8, 2015

    I saw that a long time ago! You’re so Buff:) Hooray for you!

    Colleen

    May 8, 2015

    You look incredible. Healthy! Muscles are beautiful!

    Riya

    May 9, 2015

    No attachment to results. Enjoy the journey is so so so true but hugely under utilized term

    Barbara Arbster

    May 9, 2015

    Hi Roni Love your blog. I got tired just reading about your 6 am exercise.. ha ha.
    I recently lost as of today 28 lbs and really need to get some exercising in there. Due to a pretty long period of inactivity my muscles just aren’t what they used to be. Now at age 60 it is a bit challenging. That portobello mushroom and quinoa looks delicious. Will give it a try.

    Meg

    May 10, 2015

    One thing I haven’t figured out is how to make WYCWYC work with depression. When I feel smothered by sadness & a lack of any hope to feel better – I can’t make myself make any healthy decisions that are good for me. Not even tiny ones.
    I suspect you’ve felt this way before & I suspect you have some good ideas – and that WYCWYC can apply… I just haven’t quite figured it out, so would love your input.

      roni

      May 11, 2015

      If you are truly depressed then I would seek the help of a medical professional. I go through spats but I’m still able to make small choices that I feel good about, even if it’s just getting up and going for a walk.

    Bronnamdi

    May 11, 2015

    I love the way you tell your story.

    You make losing weight an easy and sweet experience.

    Congrats on the muscles.

    They look very charming on you.