One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

“Because My Thighs Jiggle”

9 Comments 2860 views

I’ve been feeling defeated lately.

Promotion of the book is relentless and exhausting. FitBloggin‘ planning is more challenging than ever with brands wanting everything for free, speakers backing out and tickets not selling as easily as they have in the past. Truth be told, I feel disconnected from it and that feeling is oozing into everything. On top of that my sites are still continuously getting attacked and now that I’ve installed some security measures I’m getting notifications constantly alerting me to yet another brute force login attempt to my back-end. It’s a totally unwanted distraction during an already very busy time for me.

HiRes

This afternoon I was getting changed so I could take the kids to the gym. It’s been hot so I dug out some shorts. I put them on and then immediately took them off with a big sigh. The Husband happened to be walking in the room at the time asked what was wrong.

“Nothing.” I said.

“That didn’t sound like nothing. What’s wrong?”

“Ugh, I can’t wear shorts.”

“Why?”

“Because my thighs jiggle.”

“Are you serious? You are a weight lifter. You are in amazing shape and you look great!”

I could go on and on with this dialogue. I compared myself to the other girls at the gym. I told him I’ve been feeling fat and uncomfortable.

I sounded like my old whiny, insecure self.

After a bit of soul searching I’ve come to the conclusion that all this self-doubt and body-image crap is directly related to my stress level with everything else I have going on. It’s not a coincidence. For some reason when I’m stressed I start to fall into a pit of self-doubt in all areas of my life including my body image.

Food Journal

Activity Journal

  • 6 a.m. 500m row and stretches
    Full Snack from the high hang position
    5 @ 33 lbs
    5 @ 53 lbs
    5 @ 58 lbs
    5 @ 63lbs
    2 @ 68lbs
    5 @ 53 lbs
    5 @ 53 lbs
    I modified the workouts today and did 5 rounds of:
    10 Ground to Overhead with 65 lbs
    10 Knee Raises
  • 9:15 a.m. 2 mile walk to and from Evan’s School
  • 5:30 p.m. 1/2 mile run and some ab work while the kids were in class


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However, to prevent the massive amounts of spam I was receiving I have turned off comments on any post older than 5 days old. If you'd like to leave me a note regarding this post or anything really try me on twitter (@RoniNoone,) my Facebook page, or even IG (@RoniNoone) I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. I never thought I'd have to do this but it's gotten way out of hand and comment management has become simply too time consuming to manage.

Discussion

There are 9 comments so far.

    Andrea

    May 19, 2015

    If, and I truly mean IF your thighs jiggle? It’s perfectly okay. You’re human. Thighs are more than skin and bones. It’s truly okay.

    And you? You are pretty danged incredible from what I can tell. So thank you for sharing these thoughts. Because they only make you more real to me.

    Sherra

    May 19, 2015

    Roni,

    Thank you for the post….I hear you! Firstly, you do look great, but more importantly, you feel great, and that is all that matters. Also, your husband thinks you look great, and while that isn’t as important as how you feel about yourself..it is nice to hear! Secondly, you have continually strived to do more, to fulfill “the bucket list,” and while accomplishing these goals is amazing, you can’t keep adding to the plate before something falls off! For us type A’s this is hard and something I struggle with. When is it okay to push something aside, or pass it along, and just be okay with it? When is saying “I am done,” not defeat? I am at a crossroads myself. Working full time, running another company, volunteering locally, 2 lovely children about to enter school, a wonderful husband and wait for it…..time to work on myself. What goes?

    CARLA

    May 20, 2015

    and I dont know if you are anything like I am — but if and when I dont get enough sleep EVERYTHING BECOMES MAGNIFIED as well.
    xoxox

    Lisa

    May 20, 2015

    There is nothing you can do that does a greater service to your readers than post this kind of honesty. Years after losing weight and getting incredibly fit, you are still human, still have doubts, still have days when the mean girl rears her ugly head…these are the truths and realities of living, and we all must learn to accept this and not let it derail us. As often as you post these revelations of insecurity and doubt, you post just as often, if not more, about how your life has changed for the better. Both of these are real, both of these are truths, both of these are what we all live through as we move our way through life. I do feel bad to know you feel bad, and of course can remind you that you are awesome (inside and out), but I don’t want to do a disservice to the importance of these posts and how much they can help anyone struggling. Nobody is free from doubt or struggle. You show us how real it is, and not to dismiss it, but also how you can pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get back to living. Thank you for showing all of it to us.

    Candice

    May 20, 2015

    So right there with you. Señor graduation. Husband job transfer. Single parenting again since he had to go before us. Moving out of the state I was born in. Planning graduation trip to Europe (while fun, still stressful). And the hardest one for me – deciding what to do with my job – telecommute or start fresh! Like you I start to doubt and make stressed food choices – mainly because the food is just there.

    You are amazing. And you obviously have a great man by your side that sees it too.

    As you would say….moving on! You’ve got this.

    Mehgann

    May 20, 2015

    I love that you tell us how you really feel, and I love even more that your hubby TELLS IT LIKE IT IS. :)

    Chris

    May 20, 2015

    Agree with ALL the previous comments 100%. I am LOVING your husband for the follow-up question. “Nope, that’s not nothing. Really, What’s up?” Thanks for sharing. I also gotta say, I don’t know if you know this happens… but I’ve had an itch to make those chocolate muffins ever since you posted them, haven’t had the time. Reading your food log totally reinforces my good intentions to eat healthier meals and TRY NEW THINGS! I see “Chocolate muffin” here and it’s all I can think about is, when do I have time to make that? My experiments don’t always turn out that well, but THAT’S OK. You’re helping people learn to TRY, and that’s just as important (more, even??) as learning to DO. Have a better day today; you’ve GOT this.

    Kimberly

    May 20, 2015

    Roni, I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with so many stressful things at one time. I will be sending positive thoughts and prayers in your direction. :-)

    Alison C.

    May 20, 2015

    Thanks for putting this out there – we all have days like this, and I agree that it is 100% related to stress in other areas. With me, what happens is, all this stress and stuff is going on and I feel like I have no control over any of it. Then the dark side of my brain decides I MUST CONTROL something, so it decides I should control my body, my eating, my exercise. My brain bullies me into believing I need to be controlling every aspect of my body, since I can’t seem to control anything else. And that’s totally the wrong way to handle this. My friend shared a mantra with me that has helped me: I’m willing to be uncomfortable. I have used it when I’m feeling a lot of work-related stress and anxiety to remind me that the uncomfortable feelings will pass, they will not kill me, they are natural, and if I’m willing to feel them, I’ll get through them and come out better. But in the meanwhile, be kind to yourself. If the shorts are going to make you uncomfortable, allow yourself to wear yoga pants instead. It’s okay, really.