One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

The After Myth and Why I get so Snarky

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So yesterday’s comments were awesome! It reminded me of the good old days of blogging pre-social media when there were only two popular channels to chat online, blog comments or message boards.

I feel like a dinosaur.

Anyway, I got schooled by a few folks who all made very good points about iffym and how it’s actually pretty similar to Weight Watchers, which I can totally see. I still stand by my opinions, but I agree, the post could have used a little less snark.

I’m just so frustrated and saddened by everyone’s continual search for THE answer. I know it’s not sexy to say eat less and move more. I know it’s not popular to burst people’s bubbles about aesthetic goals. But I’ve been at this for 10 years and all my posts are basically written to the “Old-Yo-Yo-Dieting-Roni” and guess what… “Old-Yo-Yo-Dieting-Roni” would immediately look at iifym and think it was going to solve all her problems. She’d punch some numbers, set a start date of Monday and have one last “goodbye meal” before starting her perfect iifym diet in the morning. Then something would happen, she’d find chocolate in the pantry or maybe her friends asked if she wanted to go out to dinner and BAM… iifym failure.

Time to start binging again.

Old-Yo-Yo-Dieting-Roni at one of her heaviest times.

This would, of course, be after “Old Yo-Yo Dieting Roni” already tried Paleo but beat herself up for wanting a sandwich on bread or ice cream with her kids. She would have signed up for a Whole30 challenge a few months before that only to fail on the first day someone brought doughnuts to the office. She’d then resort to researching diet pills and give fasting a shot because something, SOMETHING was going to work.

It just had to.

I know that’s not everyone but I also know that’s someone. Someone out there is “Old-Yo-Yo-Dieting-Roni” and they can change their relationship with food and their body because I did.

I read a post this morning that brought tears to my eyes and it may give you a bit more insight into my mentality and why I’m so passionate about this. I don’t do what I do to help people sculpt some perfect body or lose their last 5 vanity pounds. I do what I do because those people who search for some diet to be their solution put all their eggs in the “After” basket. They truly believe seeing a number on the scale or fitting a certain size is the goal which will bring them ultimate happiness.

I believed that.

My old “After” picture but it was just a “during” or really a start??

I did not write the following words but I feel as if I did. The author captures exactly how I after losing 70 pounds nearly 10 years ago…

The truth is my body melted away, and I stared at myself in the mirror not understanding why I couldn’t love the skin I’m in. Why? I thought After was the goal!

But I made a mistake.

A crucial mistake.

I forgot that the number on the scale is only a number. Only just a number. It’s not a before. It’s not an after. Getting that number to a certain set of digits is not my After.

I’m not at After. There is no After – happily ever or otherwise. There is only today. Just today – During.

And here she captures how I’ve felt since…

There. Is. No. After.

There’s no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow of weight loss because the rainbow has no end.

There is today. There is now. There is during. There is life.

I uncovered myself one pound at a time; now, I must REcover myself…I must DIScover myself. And that…that is the new goal. Not numbers. Not sizes. Not inches.

Me. I am the goal. Finding. Loving. Being.

And now I’m crying again.

I’ve been discovering myself for last 10 years and I will continue to do so.

strength

That whole post is really, REALLY powerful — Click here to read it in its entirety.

~*~*~*~

Today’s Journal

Food

  • 5:45 a.m. Slice of toast with peanut butter.
  • 7:15 a.m. Post-workout shake (1/2 scoop).
  • 8 a.m. Finished the 4-Year-Old’s bowl of shredded mini-wheats – they abondon it when it gets mushy and I think that’s the best part!
  • 10:00 a.m. Quinoa with ham and cheese. This time I measured and took a pic for GreenLiteBites — will share soon.
  • 1 p.m. Chipotle but I changed it up — Salad no rice, with steak, fajita veggies, pinto beans, salsa, and guac NO cheese. <– that was my #wycwyc food choice today and you know what, I didn’t even miss the cheese.
  • 4 p.m. Handful of Purely elizabeth Ancient Grain Granola Cereal Cranberry Pecan — sent to me as a sample.
  • 6 p.m. 2 Fish Tacos while out with friends.
  • 10 p.m. Avocado pudding made with maple syrup, cocoa powder, and almond milk — my stomach was growing and we just started a movie.

Activity

  • 6 a.m. workout: warm up was a 400m run and stretching
    Front Squats
    5 @ 33 lbs
    5 @ 63 lbs
    5 @ 78 lbs
    5 @ 93 lb
    4 @ 103 lbs
    3 @ 113 lbs
    3 @ 123 lbs <– I can’t believe how easy this was. I mean it was hard but easy. Other lifters will understand. ;)
    Today’s workout was a combo of toes-to-bars, cleans and front squats. I suck at toes-to-bar just like I suck at pull-ups so I ended up doing mostly knees to elbows. I was a little hard on myself but then I remembered I can kill it at double unders now when just a few months ago I thought I’d never get them either. This is why I love CrossFit. Progress.
  • 12:15 p.m. 3/4 mile quick run before heading out to lunch. I really didn’t want to go because the wind was whipping. I hate running in the wind. But I went and did what I could, it was better than nothing at all.


Leave a comment

I’d love to hear your story or thoughts on mine.

However, to prevent the massive amounts of spam I was receiving I have turned off comments on any post older than 5 days old. If you'd like to leave me a note regarding this post or anything really try me on twitter (@RoniNoone,) my Facebook page, or even IG (@RoniNoone) I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. I never thought I'd have to do this but it's gotten way out of hand and comment management has become simply too time consuming to manage.

Discussion

There are 13 comments so far.

    Leigh Anne

    April 25, 2015

    This. This is the same message as yesterday but it feels freeing. My brain knew that this was the message you wanted to put out there but my heart felt scolded.

    Thank you for creating an environment where people know they can disagree with you and have a respectful discussion about very personal topics. It’s one of the many reasons we keep reading :)

    And now I have a question for you: I have a bootcamp friend who wears two pairs of pants and a long sleeve sweater over her tank top even though she gets uncomfortably hot because she is self conscious about her body. One of my favorite “lessons” you talk about is living life regardless of your size. Do you think there was anything anyone could have said to you to help you reach that point before you did? I’m pretty sure you are going to say no (a la changing the husband’s eating patterns) but I thought I would ask anyway LOL.

      roni

      April 26, 2015

      You know, I’m not sure there is BUT if someone asked me the whys — WHY does it matter? WHY is it so important to you? WHY do you really care — a little early and really had me explore those feelings maybe I would have come to realization earlier?? I’m not sure. Dealing with body image stuff is tough and the person has to be ready.

    Nikki

    April 25, 2015

    What a wonderful follow-up post to yesterday! I agree with Leigh Anne, it is so fantastic that you allow discussions on your blog, especially when people raise dissenting opinions. It’s great seeing everyone’s individual perspectives.

    Here’s maybe another thought for you, and it’s all just my experience. The reality for me is that I *COULDN’T* just “move more and eat less.” I tried. Numerous times. But I was always hungry.

    My own experience has also shown me that there is a lot more going on with our bodies than JUST calories and exercise. I think the whole idea of “eat less, move more” is a good start for most people, but it completely ignores the biological reasons that may be driving people to eat. If someone has developed metabolic syndrome and is dealing with excessive hunger driven by hormones that are out of whack, then that person may not be *able* to “just eat less”. This is what I discovered in myself. Once I started to address my health from a biological standpoint, everything just started to fall into place. But, it does still require me to monitor my macros in order to maintain where I am at.

    Just some thoughts! Thanks for another great post!

      roni

      April 26, 2015

      Aa see I think this is a misconception with weight loss, at least in my experience. I WAS hungry! Eating less will make you hungry and that’s something that people need to learn to deal with and learn how to manage. Monitoring macros to the detail that iifym is all about would drive me nuts and backfire but that’s just me.

      I don’t doubt there’s a whole host of variables in play when it comes to weight loss and it’s more than biological it’s emotional and people are broken.

    Eileen

    April 26, 2015

    You have to remember, for some people that are overweight enough to be unhealthy, it may take a system/program/approach that is methodical in order to get a better understanding of food’s role in their lives and be a critical component in getting rid of weight that put them in an unhealthy category. I’m sure that most of us that were or are overweight understand that eating less and moving more is key…but we are or were still overweight.

    Tools aren’t bad. Perhaps focus needs to be paid to post weight loss transition into maintenance, taking everything we’ve learned/experienced and moving forward in a healthy manner. Yes, the “after” is perhaps the hardest part, because it’s not a destination, it’s ongoing. But I don’t think using a tool (not a fad, a tool) to get there is in any way to be criticized.

    I mean, you are posting your daily food journal right? Perhaps you aren’t comparing it to WW or MFP or whatever, but you are still using a method that helps you. I don’t really see the difference, this works for you.

    If your comments are directed at people at the same spot in the continuum as you are, then it makes more sense I suppose.

      roni

      April 26, 2015

      Good point but I think there’s a difference between being conscious about your food choices and following a restrictive or complicated diet.

      I think the simpler the method the more success people will find and sometimes the plans or “ways of eating” become a distraction. That’s why I was pretty upset with WW when they changed the points system to something more complicated. With it was pretty much being 50 calories a point give or take with fiber and fat content it was a simple way to balance calories throughout the day and when push comes to shove that would help a crap load of people lose some weight. Not all, I’m sure there are folks that have other things going on but many.

      Eileen

      April 26, 2015

      I would not consider the most recent WW plan complicated (and it’s certainly not restrictive). The plan encourages healthier choices because the fruits and veggies are no points. I’ve used both plans and don’t see any issues with the new plan. It worked for me.

      Sure, the “after” or “the finish line” might still be a challenge or a myth, but I wouldn’t trade my ‘now’ for the ‘before’ in a million years. I can’t imagine you (or the person whose blog you linked) would either. Without a first step, you don’t get the rest.

      Did you (and me and millions of others) have false starts? Yup. But I’d not blame WW or MFP or whatever (unless it’s a highly restrictive setup — and even those work for some people), I’d blame myself. Either you are working actively toward your health or you are not.

      roni

      April 28, 2015

      Very true! But I disagree.. I still find the new plan more complicated and less intuitive.

    Paula

    April 26, 2015

    I am that someone. I am so glad you found the words that speak to me.

    Riya

    April 28, 2015

    Hi. That someone similar to the old yoyo dieting roni is me.
    Tears and a wake up call.
    Thanks and much love

      roni

      April 28, 2015

      {{HUGS}}

    I read “The After Myth” post as well, and honestly I’m scared of what happens when I finally reach my goal weight (whatever that is). I’ve literally been in weight loss mode since I was, I don’t know, 12? Maybe not actively trying to lose weight, but always keenly aware that I could stand to lose a few pounds.

    My hope is that by preparing myself now, and realizing that there is no “after”, it won’t be such a shock. I don’t know. Reading maintenance blogs (like yours!) has definitely opened my eyes that this journey will never end. It will morph and transform, and I will morph and transform, but the journey itself will never be over.

    Jesse09

    May 5, 2015

    Jeez roni! What a great transformation, you look great!

    I had a transformation too. But not as extreme as yours. I lost 17 pounds over 3 months following a keto diet. It was hard at first. But than it got easier. It’s slow starvation :/

    Well you know what it’s like, you’ve been here. So what do you think of keto diets? Mine was 65% fat/30% protein/5% carbs and 1,500 calories