One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

ASK RONI Q&A

Ask Roni: How to Support Someone Looking for a Quick Fix

6 Comments 2399 views
iStock_000016726564Small

Good morning Roni. I will get straight to the question :)

I feel I live a pretty healthy life. I work out, eat reasonablely well & have a good attitude. Most days :)

I know you’ve struggled with having a husband that isn’t totally on board. I have this same struggle…..DAILY!

It drives me crazy, he’s the all talk, no work kind of person BUT that’s only true for health. He worked his butt off to put himself through school AFTER we had 2 kids, taking 22 hrs in one semester.

Now he is very successful as the VP of operations.

But when it comes to health he wants the easy way out. He’s always looking for the next best pill, shake, patch…..

I am of the move more, eat less and you will see that you feel and look better. I don’t have the perfect body and I struggle with my own body image but I keep plugging along.

I feel like I am very negative or at least giving a negative vibe when he brings the “magic” solutions up. I don’t like being the Debbie Downer, but come on already!?

Do you have a go-to response to keep the negative at bay?

So much for getting straight to the question ;)

Have a great day!

Cherie

Hi Cherie!

Can I just say, I’m glad I’m not alone in the significant other struggle. It’s really hard when you live with someone who says one thing but does another in any area of their life.

I got a little flack when I said it makes my skin crawl when I hear my husband talk about his goals without any motivation or plan to actually make those goals happen but it’s hard when you know someone so well and can see their patterns of behavior.

For years I was super supportive but honestly, now I kind of just let him talk knowing that what he’s saying probably won’t happen and that’s OK.  I do my best not to do the eye roll. Some days I’m successful and somedays I’m not. A few weeks ago we had a long conversation about it and we came to the conclusion that there are few things we can’t talk about because we tackle them from two different perspectives.

So I’m not sure I have at the answer you’re looking for. I don’t think there is a non-negative go-to response you can turn to while hiding your true feelings. The better approach may be to have a real heart to heart with him. Tell him how you feel and that you would appreciate it if he kept the quick-fix diet talk to a minimum because it’s not something you can get behind.

Sometimes it’s good for couples to draw lines in the sand even with things like this. There’s only so much support you can offer someone who is following a path you can’t get behind, and I don’t think it’s unrealistic to let them know that while still being supportive in other ways.

That’s my approach, anyway.

— Roni



Leave a comment

I’d love to hear your story or thoughts on mine.

However, to prevent the massive amounts of spam I was receiving I have turned off comments on any post older than 5 days old. If you'd like to leave me a note regarding this post or anything really try me on twitter (@RoniNoone,) my Facebook page, or even IG (@RoniNoone) I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. I never thought I'd have to do this but it's gotten way out of hand and comment management has become simply too time consuming to manage.

Discussion

There are 6 comments so far.

    Emily

    March 3, 2015

    Oh Roni, you and others motivated me to lose 36 lbs (using WW) before my husband and I tried for a baby in order to have a healthy pregnancy. Now I’m 6 months pregnant, and as excited as I am to be growing a person I am having a HARD time with the self control and weight gain. I know I am empowered enough to lose it once the baby is here…I’m just afraid I wont be able to…how long after you had Ryan did you start WW?

      roni

      March 3, 2015

      Oh Congrats Emily! That’s awesome! I started WW when Ryan was 2 weeks old. I think to the day, I can’t believe how long ago that was.

    Naomi Teeter

    March 3, 2015

    Hey ladies…
    I lost over 125 pound and kept it off for the last 5 1/2 years. I’m married as well… I guess I never struggled with this issue with my husband because he just followed my example. I cook clean for him. He sees what I do and he follows what I do sometimes. We even run together… whereas he didn’t like to run when we first met. It’s not something I pushed him to do, but after I ran my first marathon back in 2011, he was inspired by my action and he wanted to do that too. So we trained for a half that fall and did it together. He developed the love for running over time. So I guess what I am saying is that I was able to be the example and he followed suit. Usually, if you just allow other people to be who they are and allow them to fail without judging them, they will come around. That’s been my example with my husband and friends.

      roni

      March 3, 2015

      I agree you have to let them be who they are but unfortunately I don’t think everyone comes around the same. I’ve been at this for 10 years and my husband has “come around” on very few things but overall my example doesn’t really motivate him to do anything — run, eat differently, lift weights, anything! I’ve been patient and I do small nudges — like challenging him to give up soda but overall he’s not a willing participant in the lifestyle change I’ve embarked on.

      When that’s the case I think it’s a clear cut example of agree to disagree and that’s when you have to have an open discussion about it. Draw the lines and make your goals, desires known or else you bottle stuff up and it comes out negative.

    Rossana

    March 3, 2015

    I’m in the same boat but the roles are reversed. My husband and I struggled for years to get our weight down. I haven’t been at my ideal weight since my last child was born 18 years ago. I came within 10 lbs of that weight several years ago but did it the quick fix way and promptly gained it all back. It’s not the only time that has happened to me, either. My husband has always had more willpower than me, though. About a year and a half ago my husband had a serious health scare and had to lose weight. He’s lost about 50 pounds and now is at the weight he was when I married him. He did it the old-fashioned way by cutting down on his eating and exercise. And his health condition is under control now.

    So now I’m jealous! I keep hoping for a quick fix but I do now realize that that is not going to happen. I’ve started the healthy eating and exercise route and have lost 10 lbs over the past month. It’s difficult, but I am determined more than ever to lose the rest of it and keep it off. I’m tired of looking and feeling the way I do. My husband motivates me, not by anything he says, but just by the way he looks now.

    cheryl

    March 3, 2015

    I got a divorce! Worked for me and everyone is happy!