One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

I’m Ready to Never be Ready!

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While pondering what items I would tackle on my to-do list today, I, as always, was procrastinating on Facebook. It’s Throwback Thursday so I dug up an old picture and posted it.

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That’s my mom, Judy and I in 2004 — my last Christmas without kids!

Anyway, while fishing around Facebook, this popped into my newsfeed.

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The Gemini Games is a team CrossFit competition I’m registered for with my friend Heather. We competed together last year and had a blast! So we decided to do it again.

My gut reaction after seeing that was literally… I’m not ready! I’m not ready! 

No, really.. see…

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Then I realized…

I’m never, ever ready!

At least I never feel ready.

Whether it’s a running event — my recent marathon comes to mind — or, heck my first ever 5k or every year before the conference, or jumping off the plank in a Tough Mudder, or submitting the final draft of my book, or geesh, even Christmas! I always feel like I need more time… more practice… more prep… more confidence… more advice… more mental readiness.

I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I’m ready to never be ready!

That’s right, I’m embracing all my unready insecurities.

What’s the alternative?

To wait until I’m ready?

If I did I’d never do anything because…

I’m NEVER ready!

I always have Tweetdeck open in the background of my computer and — I’m not kidding — right after I came to that conclusion the following tweet caught my eye…

We know objectively that we learn from failure. But we spend every ounce of energy trying to avoid even the thought of it. -@RyanHoliday

Then it hit me: the reason I never feel ready is because I’m afraid of failing!

I’m afraid I’m going to lose the competition or not be able to finish the run or have the conference flop or, well, not wanting to jump during the Tough Mudder may just be a fear of heights but whatever.

I’m afraid of failing.

The funny thing is I fail ALL the time so I don’t know why I still fear it. I never win a race.  I’ve only won one of my four CrossFit competitions. I submitted book proposals that were rejected. I’ve attempted recipes that flopped (A LOT). I fail at lift attempts at the gym ALL the time.  I failed at weight loss for years — heck, even last year. Speaking of, I failed at my #2014RunStreak (hmm maybe I should try again this year?) I failed getting the last 2 paying gigs I proposed. I never got call backs on any casting calls I attempted, ever. Let me see… Oh, I know! I failed both English and math in college, yet here I sit with a master’s degree — it just took me an extra semester.

Failing really isn’t a big deal.

Not trying, freaking out, or walking away because I don’t think I’m ready, is.

OK, I now feel better about the CrossFit competition I’m not ready for! It’s 30 days away anyway so why freak out? Right?

In other news..

  • I posted a new recipe for a Better Egg Muffin Sandwich on GreenLiteBites — SO GOOD!
  • I started contacting potential speakers for FitBloggin’ — better late than never but boy I have a long way to go!
  • I’m working with Flatout Wraps in the new year (one proposal that did work out!) and they sent me tons of awesome products! Stay tuned for recipes!
  • My new site designs are almost done. I may reach my goal of getting them launched before the new year!!

Today’s Food Journal:

  • 7 a.m.  Post-workout shake. I’m giving this one a try at the moment
  • 9:30 a.m. 3 eggs scrambled with spinach and yellow bell pepper
  • 12:30 p.m. Spicy beef soup, 1 brown rice spicy tuna and avocado maki roll (8 pieces) and half a spring roll — out to lunch with The Husband. He convinced me.
  • 4:45 p.m. 1 chocolate truffle from a gift someone sent me.
  • 6 p.m. 1 of my chocolate chip cookie experiments — running late with dinner and I needed something to calm my growling stomach.
  • 7 p.m. A Blueberry Chicken wrap on Flatout Flatbread – an experiment I may remake tomorrow to share — plus a bowl of homemade soup and a few bites of the kids tortilla pizzas. It was a mish mosh kind of night.


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Discussion

There are 2 comments so far.

    GoingOn30

    December 21, 2014

    I just finished my 1st race (5k) since June 30th 2002. Back then I was an Ironman Triathlete with 100s of competitions under my belt. The road back is a journey of perpetual perceived unreadiness. In reality, you are always ready to be who you are, at that moment, on that particular day. It will always be that way, because it’s not about the goal, it’s about the never ending story (that was a great movie) of the never ending journey. I’ve fallen so far from grace!

      RoniNoone

      December 22, 2014

      I’m totally quoting you on this…

      In reality, you are always ready to be who you are, at that moment, on that particular day. It will always be that way, because it’s not about the goal, it’s about the never ending story (that was a great movie) of the never ending journey. I’ve fallen so far from grace!

      SO true!