Yesterday I did what I usually do here on the blog. I wrote a post I needed to write for me about stopping the pursuit of skinny and acknowledging I’m in a good place. Lots of people chimed in with comments (not going to lie — love the comments) and as I started to reply to this one in particular I thought it warranted an entire post. Cindy says:
Roni, I hear you and I get it. What I don’t understand is why the need to devote an entire blog post to this topic if ‘you are so over the number.’ I feel like I read this same schtick about every 4-6 weeks in one way or the other on this blog. Which, fine, I’m sure the ‘It’s my blog. I write what I want. If you don’t like it, don’t read.’ is coming around the corner. I get that, too. It’s hard to break a habit after reading for so long but it may be time. Maybe I’ve just outgrown RW…..and BTL for that matter….which really is a shame. Thanks for listening.
Now, Cindy, I’m not singling you out in a negative way, I swear! Your comment really got me thinking about how I blog, what really is my “schtick” and how we all change and outgrow things.
First, yes, this is my blog and I write what I want, but in a lot of cases I write what I need. I’ve thought about it and I have beaten this dead horse (coming to terms with dropping the scale, accepting my body for what it is, etc.) for about a year on and off. If you look back through my archives I did the same thing when I stopped food journaling, walked away from Weight Watchers, accepted that I was a runner, dealt with the emotional side of skinny and even when I stopped posting daily to go to weekly scale readings.
The very thing you are pointing out is the very reason why this blog helps me continue to grow and transition into a new phase.
Why did I write the post yesterday? Because it really did bother me! Of course, someone pointing out I gained weight bothered me. To be told I should watch what I eat, stay in a certain calorie range, etc., is disheartening when you are truly doing the best you can and feel as though the advice is unwarranted. I’m not as thick skinned as I appear (if I appear that way that is). It bothered the shit out of me.
THAT’S WHY I BLOGGED ABOUT IT.
(I’m not screaming at you, just stressing.)
Really though, blogging is how I deal. I get out of my own head and attack those feelings from the outside by writing about how I want to feel.
Change is a slow process. Well, at least self-initiated change when you are trying to work toward a better you. That’s why blogging helps me so much.
Let me bring up a more practical example as accepting my body is a pretty lofty goal.
Tomorrow is Halloween and for the first time in 10 years I have ZERO interest in eating candy. I’ve been passing by our cauldron of treats for a couple of weeks.
But I haven’t had even an urge to dip my hand in that bucket. Not once, even though this year I finally let The Husband win and bought “the good stuff” as he says.
If you’ve been reading for a while you know I’m sucker for candy and chocolate and I’m a big believer in not denying yourself.
Let’s look at how I blogged about Halloween through the years.
- In 2006 I was newly at goal, learning maintenance, blogging daily food journals and not tempted by the kid’s halloween candy because we didn’t have any. He was only 1. Back then I just bought what I didn’t like. It was much easier to control my environment.
- In 2007 I stopped an all out binge with my soup strategy.
- In 2008 I reminded myself nothing is off limits but you could have too much of a good thing.
- In 2009 I had to forgive myself for eating too much chocolate and move on.
- In 2010 the only thing that kept me away from the candy was morning sickness.
- In 2011 I wrote a preemptive Note to Self to help with the the impending candy binge.
- In 2012 I was in the middle of an Unprocessed Challenge, which helped me stay away from it all.
- Last year I equipped myself with knowledge about candy and then wrote a nice long note to self.
This year I have not one iota of interest! Maybe that will change when I’m helping the kids sort their score, but at this moment, no desire to put any of that crap in my body.
So maybe the Halloween posts aren’t exactly like beating the “I’m over the number on the scale” horse to death because they are only addressed once a year but the same concept applies. Over time, the more I face things head on through the blog (from body image to Halloween candy) the more I’m slowly changing.
I could totally see how this could get old from the reader perspective. And to be honest, blogging adds another dimension because there is a small part of me that worries what you guys think or if I’m changing my brand too much or if I should just stay the same doing what I always did because that’s what everyone related to in the first place.
Then I remind myself: NO, the POINT of the blog was to get me to this place and to help me continually grow. So if I lose readers because I stop sharing daily food journals or weighing myself or posting about CrossFit, then so be it. This blog isn’t for them, it’s for me. That sounds harsh because I am, in my nature, a people pleaser, but it’s the truth.
At the end of the day, all I can do is blog when I’m inspired. Yesterday it was my yearly physical that did that. Tomorrow it may be a new product I find, a quote, an experience with my kids or something I ate. Honestly, I have no idea. I write what feels right for/to me that day and hopefully it helps someone else in some way.
Really, that’s all I can do. I have no grand plans for this blog. I don’t write and schedule things in advance or hop on the latest news stories (unless they really do inspire me) to get a boost in traffic. I made this tag line — I’m just a mom who’s sharing her journey from fat to skinny to confident — for a reason.
If you have outgrown me I wish you well. Life is too short to read blogs that don’t inspire you.