One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

I’m Falling Apart

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This morning with The Husband standing behind me at the computer I broke down into tears. I was simply trying to show him a technical problem and I couldn’t focus enough to find the link I wanted to click on.

I literally  just started crying and that’s not something I do often about myself. Sure, I cry about my kids or while watching sappy commercials, but I’m not a panic-attack-cry-about-my-situation type of person. I’m just not.

I’m going on day 4 of intense neck pain and I lost it. I can’t focus. I’m moody. Angry. And to make matters worse my foot still hurts AND I’ve been battling a hideous allergy attack that’s causing a horrible sore throat and postnasal drip.

I feel like I’m falling apart.

It sucks and I just need to vent about it because honestly, I tried writing the post I wanted to write today and I just can’t.

I’ve been trying so hard to keep a #wycwyc attitude about this but every day it’s getting harder.

I’m basically stuck in a Groundhog Day cycle. I wake up in pain. Push myself to move because if I don’t, I just feel even worse. Throughout the day with some stretching and ice packs and mobility, I start to feel better. I’ve seen a chiropractor 3 times this week and he’s been helping as well.

But then I go to bed and wake up with the same pain all over again.

It’s infuriating!

In addition, I can’t walk without limping so I haven’t run since Saturday. I’m supposed to, and was looking forward to running 15 miles this weekend for my marathon training but there’s just no way. My neck would probably love it but my foot won’t be able  to handle it. Plus it’s just not a good idea.  I don’t know what’s wrong with it and I’d rather not do any more damage. I made an appointment to see a podiatrist on Tuesday.

Frankly, I’m pissed. I’m mad at my body. I’ve been really enjoying training and felt like I found a nice balance without going crazy overboard.  I was already cutting back on my mid-week runs to focus only on distance training on the weekends. I’ve been good about taking rest days. I even cut back a little at the gym.

I’ve been feeling fantastic! The neck thing just sucks. The foot thing is coming out of nowhere and is not something I’m used to. I’ve never, ever had foot pain before so I don’t even know how to deal. And these allergies are crazy. I swear, it’s worse for me in the fall than the spring.

So there you have it. My whiny post for the day. Sorry to be today’s Debbie Downer. I’m going to the doctor this afternoon and I can’t wait until Tuesday so someone can shed some light on my mysterious foot pain.  Until then I’m just going to keep taking it easy. There’s really nothing else I can do and I think that’s what bothers me the most. I’m not one to sit around and pout and I hate, HATE, feeling helpless, which is exact how I feel.

Let’s end on some cuteness ’cause I can use a smile.

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Ok, they made me smile. I’m off to the docs.



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Discussion

There are 34 comments so far.

    Heather@YSP

    October 2, 2014

    I wonder if you realize that everything you’re doing is the exact spirit of #wycwyc? The crying, the frustration, all of it. To me, doing what you can, when you can is about more than just getting off the couch. It’s meeting yourself where you’re at, and right now that’s pain. Pain is so tough to deal with, and you’re still up and moving and mom-ing and wife-ing and business-ing every day. You’re amazing.

      RoniNoone

      October 3, 2014

      Thank you so much Heather. You are right.

    Mandi

    October 2, 2014

    Sorry you are having one of those days. I get it. I am an every day runner. I was training for my last half marathon, which was to take place on Aug 31, and during an 8 mile run on Aug 16, I did SOMETHING to my hip. Tried rest, ice, everything you are supposed to do and figured I would be fine by half marathon day. Well, I was NOT fine by half marathon day, nor am I fine now. I have not been able to run since Aug 16. I had an MRI done and found out that I have a small tear in my anterior labrum and a stress reaction in my femoral neck. I am on crutches. I started PT. And, I go to a hip specialist next week. To say I am feeling sorry for myself would be an understatement. I just want to run again. So, I totally get where you are coming from…you are in good company. I hope you get some answers so you can get back to your routine. And, by the way, those pics at the end of your post made me smile too…so, thanks! :)

      Lori

      October 2, 2014

      Roni, have you tried heat and ice alternately on neck and foot? Ice will reduce swelling, heat relaxes muscles, 1 hour each, back and forth. I suggest this method to my patients with aches and sprains and it works well.

    Sara

    October 2, 2014

    Hang in there! Consider Physical Therapy. They are amazing!

    Denise

    October 2, 2014

    I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well! I know exactly how it can wear you down when it is the same thing over and over!

    KCLAnderson (Karen)

    October 2, 2014

    For what it’s worth, I had the same kind of day, tears and body-you-have-betrayed-me included. Here’s to tomorrow.

    Bella

    October 2, 2014

    Times like this suck. I have had a pinched nerve in my shoulder for 3 weeks. And I had breast reduction surgery 2 weeks ago so I haven’t even been able to stretch it out or get a massage for it, and I’m hunching my shoulders up more than normal which is just making it worse.
    Good luck with the foot pain and back pain. I hope you find some answers and some relief.

    Diana

    October 2, 2014

    Roni I loved your pics….funny how cutie animals do that! :-) I find I have to listen now when my body starts shouting….I ignored it and my pain gets worse! Plz listen give yourself permission to rest n recover…it is ok to do less at times…maybe u can work on your recipes…know this – you can not fall back to where you started – peace to u!

    Kelly

    October 2, 2014

    So sorry you are going through this. I suffered from plantar fasciitis that lasted 20 months and all but ruined, well it did ruin, my running mojo, habits and abilities. Just be sure your miles run, your workouts, don’t turn into your scale. Those do not define you nor your fitness level. You are a healthy and fit Mom. Inevitably, there are ging to be injuries and set backs along the way. That does not change who you are or even what you are able to achieve. It just puts things on hold for minute. Maybe a “let’s sit back and take a minute” injury is not all bad. It is an opportunity to be sure you are you. You are not your workouts, nor your ability to run.

      RoniNoone

      October 3, 2014

      Ugh.. that’s what I’m worried I have and you are right.. this to just “is.”

    Martha Glantz

    October 2, 2014

    ARGH! What a total bummer!
    About 9 months into my weight loss journey I broke my ankle and coudlnt’ do a thing. You know what? I was fine and you’ll come through this too. Just relax and heal. That is the important thing. You are strong and you will be fine. Relax. Take a deep breathe….ahhhh.

      RoniNoone

      October 3, 2014

      Thanks. :)

    Laura

    October 2, 2014

    Perhaps instead of a chiropractor, you should be seeing a doctor. Neck pain? Limping? It may all be related.

      RoniNoone

      October 3, 2014

      That is who I saw yesterday and I’m seeing podiatrist on Tues who is also a medical doc. I’m super skeptical about the chiro too but figured it was worth a try. This is an ongoing problem that medical doctors really have no testament for. I even saw a neurologist who basically said, yea,, you have some issues but they aren’t bad enough yet for me to treat you. Isn’t that nice?

      Sarah Deman

      October 3, 2014

      I have a friend who has a sick baby right now, and when she took him to the ER last week, one of the docs actually asked to take pics of the baby’s rash “for research” – but never actually treated the problem. She was furious!

      Laura

      October 3, 2014

      My one grandson use to get rashes and very sick…turned out he was lactose intolerant.

      Laura

      October 3, 2014

      When my husband had back problems we got no results from anyone until we went to Johns Hopkins. Wish we lived a little closer so we could go there for everything! If there is pain, there is an issue.

    Shannon

    October 3, 2014

    Chronic pain is its’ own kind of agony and it wears on you both emotionally and physically. I wish you a speedy recovery and a much needed happy surprise!
    When my neck hurts, in addition to the things you are doing, I take multiple showers a day and use a rice filled neck wrap that you heat up in the microwave. The combo of heat and weight on my neck comforts and soothes.

      RoniNoone

      October 3, 2014

      YES! that alternating hot cold is such a life saver!

    Chris B.

    October 3, 2014

    It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself once in a while. Esp when you’ve been having the extra things like foot/neck pain & allergies. Technical issues can make people cry even when they are not in pain, they are so frustrating.

    I love how you bounce back with pick-me-up cute photos. Hang in there. These type of days make you feel all the more grateful for the strong days. Glad you a taking care of yourself and hope that things get better quickly.

    Mimi

    October 3, 2014

    Hi Roni! I am so sorry you are in pain and not feeling well. After reading your post, I felt compelled to comment and let you know that wycwyc is exactly what works best in a time like this! I’ve had chronic migraines for 20+ years. I wake up and spend most of my day in pain.

    It. Sucks. Hard.

    Sometimes for me, wycwyc means just getting out of bed. You just have to do what you can sometimes. And be ok with it. In fact, I think I have been wycwyc’ing since way before there was a name for it :-)

    There is a great post out there on the interwebs called “The Spoon Theory”. If you get a chance, google it. I think you may appreciate it, and how it relates to your situation right now. Be well, and keep wycwyc’ing.

    DinosauRN

    October 3, 2014

    Hi Roni,

    I am SO sorry you’re in pain. I hurt my back (after years of lifting heavy, ill patients as an ER nurse) and couldn’t move for a week. Considering all I’ve seen, I am anti-narcotic, anti-surgery, but I found myself calculating how long I could go on with the excruciating pain and no quality of life. I spent the time on the internet and found the McKenzie method. I found a practitioner and after three PT sessions, I am pain free. They specialize in lower back, neck and shoulder pain.

    I have friends who have had several back surgeries and still require injections several times a years and deal with daily pain. Might not be for everyone but I just can’t recommend it enough.

    Whatever you do, I hope you find relief soon! We’re all praying for you.

      RoniNoone

      October 3, 2014

      Thanks! Will research!

    Sarah Deman

    October 3, 2014

    The stress you feel is also probably from not working out – maybe try and do some light weights, yoga stretches, squats, or something to release some tension? I know if I don’t release some energy every few days at the gym, I get really irritable now that my body is used to it!

      RoniNoone

      October 3, 2014

      I’ve been going actually and doing exactly that.. staying light. It totally helps with my muscles and my mood!

    Sherri

    October 3, 2014

    Has the doctor considered an MRI? Obviously there is something more going on with your neck that needs to be looked at. I also wonder if acupuncture may be helpful. I have considered it for my jack as well.

      RoniNoone

      October 3, 2014

      I’ve already and one. I know where my problems are. I’ve just been good at keeping them at bay. Today I’m trying an acupuncturist!

    Sorry you’re having so much difficulty. I found that, as much as I wanted it to at times, my body does not tolerate running well – and I’ve done my share of running over the years. The pounding from running and impact activities is just hard on the body, and it mine didn’t really do well with it. I also gave up basketball after playing a couple of times a week for years; it was just time to listen to my body. So … I have focused on various non-impact/lower impact activities, my favorite of which is cycling (I’ve always LOVED being on a good road bike!). I think lower impact activities also get more important as we age. It’s interesting to listen to my friends talk about their injuries and hurts (a physical therapist basketball buddy friend is even facing knee replacement), when I’m pretty much pain-free at age 56 – even with a history of sciatica/lower back issues …
    Hope you feel better fast …

    Karen

    October 3, 2014

    Gosh I hope its not plantar fasciitis. I had that and it was miserable and took forever to feel good again. Although, I was taught some great exercises and given some wonderful medication that helped drastically. And I am not a pill popper so obviously I was in pain to even consider taking the medication.

    Hang in there:)

    Cindy

    October 3, 2014

    Yep! I slipped doing some plank exercises. I thought it was no big deal. Hmmm! Then the neighbor drove a cement truck over my lawn and didn’t even apologize.
    On the other hand after 2 weeks of back pain … no pain today!!!!!! Don’t let my body find out it forgot to hurt! Auh!! The JOY! The freedom of movement!! This is what you have to look forward to. When it gets better it is fantastic!!

    LG

    October 3, 2014

    Oh my. That neck pain totally sucks. My back has gone out before and it SUCKS!! Laying around gets old fast. My husband ruptured his achilles tendon this year too and is only now back to mostly normal…it’s heavenly now going here and there with no issues, but he wasn’t able to even walk normally for SO long!!! Anyway try to take care of yourself in inventive ways and be gentle…one day today will be just a memory you’ll think of when you’re on your run. :0)

    Janelle Roberts Hill

    October 4, 2014

    Please go get a massage! Ask your chiropractor for a referral. It should at least help you to relax and reset. Hope you feel better soon. :)

    AlisonPhillips

    October 4, 2014

    Couple things here Roni… first, you’re allowed a moment. You’re allowed a LOT of moments, because life’s not exactly easy, and you’ve already accomplished so much and will continue to do even more. Though these issues probably seem huge right now, they won’t seem as massive later I’m sure.

    I’ve had neck pain the past 4 days now, and looking into it, there’s been suggestions that it’s one of two different things… either it’s http://pain-medicine.med.nyu.edu/patient-care/conditions-we-treat/cervicogenic-headache (that) or it’s a flare up from an old acute sinus infection I had before I realized I was allergic to cats and we owned one for 9 months. Apparently, when you get a sinus infection it leaves you prone to having more, a bit like ear infections. Perhaps the allergies are giving you that sinus pain that could be causing tension in the neck, which in turn… is hurting you.

    You’re already doing everything humanly possible, but best of all? Your attitude is amazing as ever, and THAT alone will get you through anything that comes your way. For instant smiles though? This: http://blogimg.goo.ne.jp/user_image/46/33/41d8b0ce3a795dfc320658233d975d93.jpg