One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

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Do You Accept Compliments?

20 Comments 2338 views

This is NOT a rhetorical question.

I really want to know if you easily accept compliments or do you just shrug them away? Do they make you feel uncomfortable? And if so, why?

Today at the gym I was working on overhead squats. Ever since my last competition I realized they were a big hole in my training. So this morning a friend and I incorporated them into our routine. After we were done another gym-goer said,

“Those squats looked great! Nice job.”

To which I immediately replied, without even giving it any thought,

*shrug* “It was only 50lbs.” 

Right after the words came out of my mouth I thought…

WHY do I do that? Why couldn’t I just say,

“Thanks! I’ve been working on them!”

This is just one interaction that reminded me of my compliment problem or should I say our compliment problem. I think I’ve shared this before but I can’t find it so I’m either sharing it again OR here it is for the first time.

Note: There is profanity.

So funny, right?

I negate almost any compliment people give me about almost anything, and honestly, it doesn’t even have to be about me! There have been times people have complimented my kids’ behavior and I chime in with a, well you should have seen them last night when I wanted to wring their necks!

Why do we do this?

Does disregarding the compliment somehow take away the uncomfortableness of admitting we are good at something? Is it more of a way to not seem conceited? Egotistical? Vain? Do we fear our confidence will intimidate others?

I really can’t put my finger on it!

I’ve been working on this for some time, but unless I consciously force myself to just accept and say, “Thank you,” disregarding the compliment is still my default.

How about you?  Anyone share my inability to absorb a positive statement about themselves?



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Discussion

There are 20 comments so far.

    Evelyn

    October 9, 2014

    It has taken me a long time to start modestly accepting compliments. I realised that it’s an important social interaction and by brushing off compliments you’re actually degrading the person who is paying them to you! If someone says that you look lovely and you brush it off, you’re saying that they are the one who is crazy/lacks taste. And you know what? While I started off accepting them for other people’s sake, I have actually started accepting them in my own mind as well. It’s a strange and happy state of mind.

      RoniNoone

      October 10, 2014

      I do think your perspective starts to change once you embrace acceptance of them. Kind of like “faking it ’til you make it.”

    Missy

    October 9, 2014

    I embrace compliments. My goodness, someone noticed something about me! I am not invisible! How cool is that?

      RoniNoone

      October 10, 2014

      VERY!! :)

    Mehgann

    October 9, 2014

    I have no trouble accepting compliments when it rings true, but when someone compliments me and I think they are making it up for whatever reason, I have a harder time being gracious about it.

      RoniNoone

      October 10, 2014

      Hmm never thought about fictitious compliments. Maybe we don’t believe them.

    Kim Bauer

    October 10, 2014

    This was a perfectly timed post. Today I wore a skirt to work (not something I do very often, since I am not very comfortable in them), one of my co-workers said the skirt looked good on me and I should wear it more often. What I really wanted to say was I don’t like wearing them cause my thunder thighs rub together and I think I look chunkier in the skirt. But what actually came out was “Thank-you”. I find it much easier to do is give them and not so easily to accept.

      RoniNoone

      October 10, 2014

      I also give lots of compliments. Even to strangers. I’d rather recognize someone else that have someone compliment me.

    Denise Elliott

    October 10, 2014

    I am so uncomfortable accepting compliments – I need to work on that. (Attention in general makes me feel icky, so I have a long way to go!)

      RoniNoone

      October 10, 2014

      Me too!!

    Sarah Deman

    October 10, 2014

    It is something I am working on as well, I usually down play any compliment that is given to me, or just awkwardly say “thanks.”

      RoniNoone

      October 10, 2014

      “Play down” that’s a great way to describe it. That’s what I do.

    ItsMeVsMe

    October 10, 2014

    Someone told me once that basically when you DON’T accept a person’s compliment…or when you put your own qualifications on it…you’re effectively telling that person to shut up because they’re wrong. That made it easier to accept compliments, and the more you do it the easier it becomes.

    As far as why we do it, I think people think they’re being humble if they say “Yeah, but…” They don’t want to seem boastful. But saying “Thank you” is just another way of bringing gratitude into your life, which we could all stand to focus on more.

      RoniNoone

      October 10, 2014

      Such a great way to look at it!! I never thought about it from a gratitude standpoint.

    That video is hilarious. Just saying thank you is so hard (especially for women). This is something I work on. I literally try to just say thank you and smile. Nothing more, nothing less.

    Janis

    October 10, 2014

    I tend to dislike them, but mostly because I went to a crap elementary school for a long time, and because I was one of those kids who would complete an exam in about seven seconds and then just sit there for the rest of the class. I got used to the following script:

    1) “Wow, you must be smart.”
    2) “Thanks.”
    3) “Stuck up bitch, look who thinks she’s better than everyone else!”

    So I’m afraid that I still hear a compliment, and then react defensively due to the sucker punch that my inner 6 year old still thinks is coming. Oh, well. at nearing-50, I’m getting better at it, but it’s slow.

    Paula

    October 10, 2014

    All I can say is yes. I guess the reason I have such a hard time is I really don’t have much self esteem.

    Bridget

    October 10, 2014

    It’s a flaw of mine. I’m working on it, and my trainer never allows me to get away with it in her presence. She’s that good ;).

    Kristian

    October 11, 2014

    You know, I’ve realized a dramatic change in workouts since there is someone telling me “Great Job!” whenever I try my hardest. It’s been proven and I definitely agree that the psychology behind it is motivation! I absolutely love being motivated by kind words and compliments.

    What’s funny is, this isn’t the best way to motivate yourself. Someone giving a compliment should be met with the “it’s no big deal” or “but wait there’s more” attitude. This mindset, if it does not distracting, shows your drive to do better than what is being noticed. By this you can motivate yourself to push the weight limits or work out more, or make that extra healthy snack or whatever! This puts you in a mindset of ‘I’m doing what I need to get BETTER!’ But I’m still not saying they’re bad!

    Compliments are such a great boost, when you DON’T think that what you are doing will suffice. It shows that your doing what challenges not only you but other peers. It shows your on the road to success. I expand on concepts like these in a report that I’m just giving away. I feel it’s real important to push yourself and have a breaking performance when you want to surpass fitness goals. Get the FREE report right here: http://alpha-k.uycer.com/

    Mindy Lee

    October 22, 2014

    LOL I have been working on the same thing! I conciously force myself to just say “thank you” and then force myself to stop talking LOL It is so silly. ItsMeVsMe is right, they get something out of giving the compliment, it’s a risk they take to tell me something nice, the most gracious thing I can do is accept. It’s a great way to think about it. :)