OK, so I’m a big fan of Fancy by Iggy Azalea. It’s a catchy tune.
(Wow, can I sound any older and out of touch?)
Anyway, the first line in the song is:
First thing’s first, I’m the realest
Which I always jokingly change to:
First Things First, I’m a Realist
And it cracks The Husband up!
I’m not as talented as Weird Al because if I was I’d write an entire parody with the 9-Year-Old who, cleverly sang, “I’m So Sandy” while at the beach this summer.
Wouldn’t that be cute?
Anyway, the real reason I’m popping in today is because of a conversation I had with one of the trainers at the gym. It went something like this:
Trainer: So, you ready for next week’s competition?
Me: I guess.
Trainer: You’re going to win, right?
Me: Ummm, doubtful. I’ll just do my best.
Trainer: So glad you’re optimistic.
I’ve had similar conversations with a few other people and it’s got me thinking about self-confidence, optimism and our own expectations of ourselves.
Would I love to show up to that CrossFit competition confidently, kick ass, and take first?
Ummm yeah. That would be awesome. Winning is fun. Who doesn’t want to win?
But the truth is I’m a 38-year-old mom who spent most of her life thinking sports, or any athletic endeavor for that matter, wasn’t for her.
Of course, over the past 7 years I proved myself wrong over and over again and maybe I’ll do it again next weekend.
Maybe I will win.
But I’m a realist.
For starters, I’m on the old end of competitors. I’m pretty sure the age range is 18-39. And most of the older bucks, like me, have been athletes most of their lives, playing sports in high school and college.
Second, I know what the qualifiers are for the division and I’m pushing it in some categories because I want to challenge myself. If I wanted to win confidently I would have competed at a lower level.
Third, I try hard not to compare myself to others, but I know where I fall in the realm of other females at my gym and in the area. I’m not lagging behind too far but I’m also not, by far, the fastest, strongest, most fit woman out there. I still have a lot to learn and experience.
Fourth, this is not my job. Training has become an awesome outlet for me but I’m not in it 100%. I do what I do because it’s fun, not because it’s my career. Maybe if I did focus 100% on training and eating right, I would be more confident in my abilities, but to be honest, being in 100% doesn’t appeal to me at the moment. It’s not my focus. I’m raising a family, writing a book, planning a conference and trying to maintain these blogs. One day, I may want to put more time and energy into REALLY training but right now, all I’ve got is an hour a day to de-stress at the gym.
Fifth, and this is the truth, I’d rather go in with modest expectations and surprise myself than go in thinking I own the place only to let myself down. So I subscribe to the “I’ll do my best” attitude, and if my best is good enough to win… AWESOME! If not, well, I did my best and where’s the shame in that?
Maybe I still have a lot to learn about confidence. Maybe some people will say I’m just making excuses for myself. Maybe I don’t have what it really takes (the drive?) to even be a competitive athlete.
But I’m OK with all that.
Winning would be awesome, but in all honesty, all I want to do is show up.
For some of us, that is winning.