One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

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Stop Watching the Years Go By

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I just shipped “The Toddler” off to 4th grade.

Unbelievable.

I know many of you reading have kids, some even already adults with their own children, and I can now, sort of, imagine what it must feel like to look at your grown children. I think about my mom and how it must be almost incomprehensible to not only see me as a 38-year-old woman getting ready to celebrate her 20th high school reunion but to spend time with her grandsons? Two human beings she is partially responsible for but a generation removed.

Everyone has this fleeting feeling of time passing when milestones like the first day of school occur. We are aware it’s happening, but somehow, by being caught up in the minutiae of life we don’t think about it.

I’m watching my boys grow up in real time and I try every day  — EVERY day — to look at them, really look at them, and notice the people they are becoming.

2011 2012 2013 2014

For those of you who don’t have kids, I imagine it may be harder to notice the time go by. I think about life without my boys and how unconsciously I was living. I’m sure that’s not true for everyone but as you guys know, having kids was a complete game changer for me in the best possible way.

I’m not a perfect mom by far. I hate throwing birthday parties with themes, I don’t hide elves on shelves at Christmas and I pretty much told my 5-year-old the Easter Bunny didn’t exist. I also let them eat too much candy, I yell WAY too much, and don’t get me started on these chore boards we keep coming up with. Maybe this one will last more than a month.

But you know what? I play. I dance. I make sure to spend time with them every day without distraction even if it’s only 10 minutes. Most importantly, I don’t let the way I feel about my body stop me from experiencing ANYTHING with them — not a darn thing — and that was one of my ultimate goals WAY back when I started this crazy journey (and blog). Before then, how I looked in a bathing suit seemed to be the only thing that mattered. I didn’t like the way I felt in my body and I was just watching the years go by.

Since starting this blog in 2005 I’ve lost weight. I gained weight. I discovered running. I seriously fell in love with fitness and training and being strong. I have continually pushed myself out of my comfort zone and I’ve experienced so much — SO MUCH! My energy level and motivation is at an all-time high and — news flash! — I’m the oldest I’ve ever been.

I feel fantastic and it’s not because I’m the skinniest I can be. Sure, I could cut calories and be really diligent with my food choices all in the name of maintaining a certain size, but I can honestly say my goals have changed over the years. Now (and maybe this shows my age) I want to be the healthiest/fittest/strongest I can be so I can keep up with these boys as they become men.

Never again will I hate myself or my body enough to simply watch the years go by.

Once you make this realization, I don’t think there’s any going back.



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Discussion

There are 14 comments so far.

    t

    August 27, 2014

    makes me cry. so sweet and so true. i just love these babies/young men of ours

      RoniNoone

      August 27, 2014

      I cried too. :)

    Jessica Hartman

    August 27, 2014

    Thank you. From a new mommy of a 5 month old.

      RoniNoone

      August 27, 2014

      Congrats!!

    Cheryl

    August 27, 2014

    This post is just what I needed to hear today. I have a chronic medical condition, which before I was diagnosed and had surgery left me exhausted, in pain and facing early retirement because of ill health. When surgery gave me my life back, I knew I wanted it to be different and not to waste the body God had given me( I had certainly piled on the pounds while ill). Gradually I’ve been chipping away at weight loss and rediscovering fitness. On Sunday I set off for my biggest challenge yet, I’m walking the 84 miles of Hadrian’s Wall( I live in England). I’m terrified and excited and I needed reminding that I don’t want to watch the years go by anymore. I’ll be out of my comfort zone but if I stay inside I’ll miss the chance to discover, experience and grow. Thank you for all the inspiration you provide.

      RoniNoone

      August 27, 2014

      OMG this sounds amazing!! Have fun1!

    Erin Alexander

    August 27, 2014

    this is very touching. I find that sometimes its hard to stay in the moment with my baby and just play with her because I feel like I should be doing so many other things…clean the house, do the laundry, workout….but I’m starting to realize those things can wait. Lizzy will only be a baby for long. Ps love all the blue shirts!

      RoniNoone

      August 27, 2014

      ME TOO! But even if you take a few minutes. Shut off the phone, the TV, and just sit with her. Last night the boys and I played 2 games with nothing else on and it was awesome. By far the best 30 minutes of my day.

      RoniNoone

      August 27, 2014

      Oh and I forgot to joke about my blue shirts. Totally not planned but now I may have to keep up the tradition. lol

    Mish

    August 27, 2014

    Thank you. As a new mom with body image demons and a daughter..I have really dug my heals into “not passing on what what passed onto me” in relation to dieting, binging and body image.

      RoniNoone

      August 27, 2014

      Just remember she doesn’t care. All she wants is a mom who plays with her. That’s what I always think about with my boys. They could care less if I weighed 400 pounds as long as I’m in the ocean with them jumping waves. That’s all that matters at those young ages.

    Bella

    August 27, 2014

    It is so important to be mindful of the days passing. As someone who doesn’t have kids, this “For those of you who don’t have kids, I imagine it may be harder to
    notice the time go by. I think about life without my boys and how
    unconsciously I was living” at first struck me as something I would be offended by, but then I realized that is your story and not mine.

    May we all be mindful of the time going by, and be awake for it.

      RoniNoone

      August 27, 2014

      I only said that because before I had kids I didn’t and now I have these two constant, visual reminders of how old I’m getting (ME). I mean, weren’t they just babies?!? That’s what I think almost everything I look at them!

    Mindy Lee

    September 2, 2014

    Okay, now I’m crying too. Such a wonderful post and so true. Your blog has made such an impact on me, I am continuing to #wycwyc!!