This post is inspired by my quest to find the perfect pair of underwear. Ones that will not cause panty lines in my workout capris because, let’s be honest, nothing makes you look or feel like the oldest person at the gym more than a$$ bumps.
I am routinely one of the oldest people anyway, but let’s not go there.
Before I continue I feel the need to mention those cute little shorts everyone seems to be wearing now. You know, these bad boys…
Umm yeah, homey don’t wear those.
I don’t know what kind of deal you need to make with the devil to look good in those things but it’s not happening for me and never will.
Nope, I love my workout capris. I really do. I just can’t STAND panty lines and for some reason I feel like the only one battling them.
Am I to assume everyone wears thongs?
There’s not enough material there to justify the 6 bucks I spent on them.
Maybe thongs specifically made for athletic wear?
I don’t know, maybe it’s a generational thing, but I’m just not a fan of the a$$ floss. “They” say you get used to it but not me. I constantly feel like I have a wedgie I can’t pick, in fear my fingers get lost searching.
I decided to go the other way and embrace the boy short. I had high hopes!
Until I realized they just shifted my panty line down from my a$$ to my thighs.
A few weeks ago I saw a little package at Sports Authority that said “Goodbye panty lines!” So I dropped the $12 and picked up these.
Sure, there were no panty lines, but that’s because they miraculously turned into thongs when you work out! More material than I’d like between my two cheeks, thank-you-very-much!
This brings me to my final panty and the one that inspired this post.
Last week there was a sale at my local department store. A 5-pack of cotton panties for $5 — great deal! There were bikinis and briefs. I found my size in bikinis and was about to check out. Then I had a brainstorm — notice I didn’t say, “Made a smart decision.”
What if I buy a size bigger so they don’t cut into my a$$ cheeks. Maybe that’s the solution!
I opened the package and found these.
Apparently I picked up briefs without realizing.
The husband walked into the room, said “NO.” And walked out.
We’ve been chuckling about it ever since.
Actually, he’s cracking up about this post this very minute.
In all seriousness, I need advice, people. Is there a way to be pantyline-less without wearing thongs?
This capri-wearing, old momma wants to know. I’d love to feel confident in my pants without walking around with chronic wedge!
P.S. update due to social media comments: NO COMMANDO FOR ME! I had kids. I do double unders. It’s just not happening. This momma leaks.