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Do you know it’s June 10? Holy crap! What happened to May? I mean, really. In two weeks I leave for Savannah to set up for FitBloggin‘ and then it’s… like… July! So not only did May sneak by me it feels like June is tiptoeing right behind it.

I think time accelerates when you keep yourself busy.

You know what else happens when you are in kick-ass-accomplishing-stuff-and-staying-active-by-siezing-the-day modeYou don’t think about things like the scale or counting calories or how you look in your workout clothes.

At least I don’t — well, haven’t been.

I realized this today — after sending out an obscene number of emails, all of which I’m now patiently waiting on responses for — sitting at my desk post-lunch with a full belly of Chinese food. It was The Husband’s lunch choice and even though I didn’t want to eat out AGAIN, lunch is about the only time we have to spend time together at the moment. Between his tennis schedule, my current conference work load, and the kids’ social calendars, time is at a premium.

Anyway, back to this full belly… I ordered something I rarely get anymore —  a Schezwan chicken lunch combo. Fried rice, spring roll and all. Normally I’m “good” and stick with sashimi (plain fish) a salad and a cucumber roll but none of that sounded yummy today. Nope. I was hungry and chicken with fried rice sounded perfect.

In the past this would have been a painful, guilt-ridden decision.

Ohh, I don’t know. Do I get the rice? Should I order the sauce on the side? Hmmm, maybe I can tell them to keep the spring roll? I already had a pretty big breakfast. Maybe I should go light with dinner. It’s too many carbs. I wonder if they use oil? Forget it, I should just order steamed chicken and vegetables. 

I’m not claiming my choice was the healthiest or lightest or “best” — whatever that means — I’m saying I made it consciously and without guilt.

I wish I could put my finger on the switch in my brain that controls reactions to things like this. It seems I’m either completely consumed with obsessive thoughts like my body image and food choices or I’m on autopilot (in a good way), confidently living and enjoying life without the constant stress of my inner mean girl making snarky comments.

The switch is pretty elusive, but there is definitely a correlation between my confident autopilot mode and my current level of engagement with things I enjoy. For example, right now I’m event planning and, as crazy as this sounds, it makes me happy. I get a lot of personal satisfaction from coordinating something like FitBloggin’. It’s like organizing a giant 4-day wedding with all my blogger friends! I mean, really, what’s more fun that that?!

I’ve also been running more, something I didn’t even realize I missed until I started back up recently. In addition, every morning I’ve been waking up at 5:30 just to make it to CrossFit. It’s the only time I can go with my current schedule but I don’t care, I love it and my friends who I get to spend an hour with at the gym every morning. Plus, I have a competition this Saturday (I signed up months ago figuring I’d need the stress release from conference planning — I was right — even though now I’m even more stressed about the competition!)

Besides conference planning and working out I’ve also been learning about book promotion and figuring out ways to publicize my new children’s book (We got our first review — click here to check it out!) . That is a whole job in and of itself but totally fun because I have this tangible, cute book to show people and say, “Hey.. check out this thing I made.” Once the conference is over my plan is to hit up local bookstores!

There is all that AND a super secret project I’m working on I hope to tell you about in July because it’s KILLING ME  not having shared it with you yet!

I guess all this is my long-winded way of saying I’m happier when I’m doing things instead of worrying about how I look or what I’m eating. Sometimes I think we are our own worst enemies with these kinds of internal battles. We end up overanalyzing ourselves (and our diets and our bodies and our workout routines) and then we get paralyzed by that analysis.

When I keep myself busy by creating, learning new things and staying active, I’m happier and less consumed with obsessive body thoughts and the famous yo-yo diet mentality.

I also seize life a little more.

Oh, who am I kidding? A LOT more.

Tonight I took the-9-Year-Old for a walk to pick up the-3-Year-Old from daycare. We were out for about 2 hours and covered about 2 miles.

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I let them get SOAKED. We jumped and raced and threw rocks in the puddles (only their absolute favorite thing in the world to do!) We had no agenda and didn’t have any plans on going home until we heard thunder.

It was an awesome night and I was again reminded that these two…

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…could care less how skinny I am or what I ate or how I work out. They just want a mom who’s fun,

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relaxed,

2014061-_C curious,

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and willing to look like an alien.

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Every once in a while I need to put things in perspective like this and for some reason eating that Chinese food lunch combo just because I wanted it, did that for me today.

Thank You Chinese Lunch Combo, Thank You. 

 
  • http://www.therangerproject.com Jeremy Logsdon

    I’m bummed I’m missing Fitbloggin yet again, especially this year when I was ALMOST in the clear to make it and then my weekend class shifted weekends. Oh well. 2015, I hope.

    All that said, I really just want to post to say that I really do admire you. I know you don’t really know me from Adam, but seeing a busy parent who can make the less-than-perfect-on-paper choices guilt-free and still maintain and be active… it just gives me hope.

  • EL

    Roni, you are awesome. ‘Nuff said. :)

  • Paige

    Yep. Just yep. Me too.

    Also, your restaurant that serves both Chinese and Japanese food reminded me of this comic that I love (totally meant in a silly way, not saying your restaurant is awful! Hee hee) http://theoatmeal.com/comics/asian_food

  • Beth

    it’s what most busy moms do who work for a living…all the women I know.

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  • Heather

    Thank you for this. I can so relate. I really believe that part of healing my messed up relationship with food is making friends with it. ( I still have over 100 pounds to lose and have lost over 120 as of now) but one morning I wanted a chocolate glazed doughnut and a cup of coffee. So I had it and moved on.. still worked out, ect. That was very healing for me to realize I wasn’t picking all morning from a box of 12.. now while I cannot do that every morning .. it’s ok now and then.. it’s actually IMPORTANT. Glad I’m not alone in this.. thanks Roni.

  • Bella

    Such a timely post. I put up a “throw back thursday” picture today that was me in my 20′s (20 years ago…). I was actually lanky (I never ate back then really) and I started thinking “why can’t I go back to that?” But as I was driving home, heavier now, I thought “what had that 20 year old done besides not eat so she could be thin? being thin isn’t an accomplishment.” It was sort of a duh moment, but there it was.
    The people who love me don’t care what I weigh. NO ONE cares what I weigh. I am happier, fitter, healthier, have better coping skills and am in a much better place than sad, scared, skinny twenty year old me.

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