One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

The Photo I Didn’t Share

21 Comments 2762 views

Friday afternoon was beautiful! Warm, sunny, just gorgeous.

Around 4:30 I embarked to pick up the 3-Year-Old from day care. I do this on foot as much as possible since his center is only about a mile away. You may remember our walk a few weeks ago, that’s our route and on Friday we had lots of extra time to play on our way home since The Husband was taking the 8-Year-Old to his soccer game and we planned to eat dinner afterwards.

A few days before we had some thunderstorms and the rain left a few puddles in the drainage area surrounding the parks parking lot. If you have or even know a 3-Year-Old then you are keenly aware where this is going.

Screen Shot 2014-05-26 at 12.04.27 AM

Toddlers LOVE puddles. They must be polarized or something because I’ve yet to pass a puddle either of my kids weren’t attracted to.

Since we weren’t in a hurry we decided to stop at the park puddles and lucky us, there happened to be a nice pile of rocks nearby.

Toddler HEAVEN!

After about 5 minutes of watching Little Bean completely entertained by finding “big rocks” and throwing them into the shallow body of water I started (in true #wycwyc form) stretching my hamstrings and doing a few yoga poses.

That’s when the idea hit me to set the timer on the phone and snap a fun photo to share on IG and Facebook (and now Tumblr!)

I set the phone on the ground, leaning it against a rock and found a fun angle. The lighting was perfect. The sky gorgeous. It was going to be a great shot!

Timer set.

I walked to my spot and attempted to get into tree pose (my favorite) real quick for the photo.

Beep.

Picture taken.

20140523_175801

It was perfect!

The gorgeous sky, the fun angle, me smiling at Little Bean, I couldn’t believe it. First try and I got it!

Oh, wait. 

What’s that?

Is that my stomach hanging out? 

20140523_175801b

OMG it is. 

I didn’t even realize my shirt was up. 

I can’t share this. I look horrible. 

But the photo, it’s so fun and happy and exactly what I wanted to share.

I love it. 

Damn it, why did my shirt have to ride up? Now I have to take another one. I can’t share that. It’s gross. 

So that’s what I did.

Screen-Shot-2014-05-25-at-11.54

And even though I didn’t like second shot as much, I shared it. Why?

Because my slightly round, pudgy, stretch-marked stomach was safely hidden under my black tank top.

I’m still mad at myself for making that decision. Here I am trying to be confident. Trying to spread a message of self-acceptance and healthy body image but I still struggle.

Yesterday I saw a video that gave me the courage to share this story.

I watched, then cried, then donated to Embrace – The documentary that will create global change. I want to see this project come to fruition.

We need this documentary.

Taryn (the woman in the video and behind this project) said it best,

The day I learned to unconditionally love my body was the day I became unstoppable.

I’m almost there.



Leave a comment

I’d love to hear your story or thoughts on mine.

However, to prevent the massive amounts of spam I was receiving I have turned off comments on any post older than 5 days old. If you'd like to leave me a note regarding this post or anything really try me on twitter (@RoniNoone,) my Facebook page, or even IG (@RoniNoone) I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. I never thought I'd have to do this but it's gotten way out of hand and comment management has become simply too time consuming to manage.

Discussion

There are 21 comments so far.

    Jolanta marzec

    May 26, 2014

    Good video. Good post. I feel my body is STROnG due to my damn hard work in crossfit. :)

    Michele M.

    May 26, 2014

    Getting really, really DONE with this overwrought PC nonsense that we have to somehow convince ourselves that we love certain parts/appearance of parts of our bodies or there is something wrong with us. That is as impossible to do as trying to convince ourselves that we are in love with a person we’re not in love with — as long as we repeat the sentiment enough, it will somehow become true, right? Wrong. Think of a song you hate, whether because the lyrics offend you or the singer’s voice makes your skin crawl, then tell yourself a hundred thousand times that you LOVE the song…do you? It is perfectly OKAY to think that some parts of our bodies — perhaps through no fault of our own, or perhaps BECAUSE OF OUR OWN CHOICES AND ACTIONS — don’t look great, don’t work right, etc. LOVING your body is done through the ACTION of treating it with respect at all times…not repeating a silly mantra whilst telling yourself you deserve a cupcake because you were “good” all day. It is OKAY, Roni, to admit that you don’t like the way your stomach looks in that picture. It is OKAY for someone to say that she hates the bunion on her foot or the shape of her earlobes or a birthmark or her hairy forearms. LOVE is an active state of doing things that affect our body for the better. No amount of happy self-talk is going to make me love my stretch marks (BFD that they show I carried two healthy babies…they also show that I was obese well before those pregnancies and that I used those pregnancies as an excuse to eat gigantic portions of junk food and gained way more weight than I ever should have). No amount of happy talk is going to make me love the roll of belly fat that I still have after an 80-pound weight loss that I’ve maintained for close to nine years. But I LOVE my body every day by fueling it with nutritious food and exercising it for strength and endurance, not by telling myself that my body looks wonderful when I know damned well it doesn’t.

      RoniNoone

      May 26, 2014

      See I think you nailed the body acceptance thing. It’s not about saying I’m perfect when I know I’m not. It’s about saying I accept my body and no longer let the imperfections stop me from living the life I want to live or in this case sharing the photo I really wanted to share.

      PerfectImperfect

      May 27, 2014

      I agree. We all have less-favorite features. But in this case, though a flash of skin is showing, that’s really all we see, because we don’t have your backstory that the skin is “stretch-marked,” etc.

    Maria

    May 26, 2014

    The funny, thing is, when I looked at the first picture, I didn’t even notice your belly hanging out! All I thought was “wow, what a great shot.” Just goes to show, we are all our own worst critics! Thanks for being so transparent!

    Karen P

    May 26, 2014

    My
    loose skin and appearance are 100% effected by how much spandex is in
    the clothing I wear. 70 pounds lost, at 5’1″ means I always have an
    extra layer of loose skin and subcutaneous fat at and on my belly.
    Kudos for posting this pic, Roni! Body acceptance is key at all stages. You are not alone.

    Michele

    May 26, 2014

    You look great either way! However, I am torn on the Embrace movement. I watched the video but just am not sure I can be on board with it. I guess maybe I am just too vain (or brainwashed) to want to love myself with this extra 10 pounds I am carrying around!! I’m getting ready to get dressed now to go out an am already having the stupid fat talk with myself!

    nancyabc

    May 26, 2014

    At 61 it is sad to say that I don’t think there are any words or videos that will get me over that invisible line in the sand.

    Dylan195

    May 26, 2014

    Roni
    I did not notice your stomach in the first shot. It was a great picture.
    Off topic, I am looking for some new deck furniture and LY you posted some IKEA deck furniture. How has it held up? Would you buy it again? Was it a fair price?
    Any info you could provide would be great.
    Thanks

      RoniNoone

      May 26, 2014

      So far so good with my Ikea deck furniture. I can’t remember the set we got but it’s been out there for a year and still looks new! I would totally buy it again.

    Paula

    May 26, 2014

    A really great post. I am currently working toward liking myself. Seeing the positive instead of the negative. It is a very difficult thing to accomplish. But posts like this are so important.

    Rachael

    May 26, 2014

    You look amazing – happy, healthy and absolutely beautiful in that photo. Frame it and hang it!

    I think you look fantastic and HAPPY! As women we are far too hard on ourselves, and each other.

    Dani Spies

    May 27, 2014

    Amen Roni! I love that you shared this picture and called ‘yourself’ out. I think when we call the ‘shame’ part of ourselves out – and shine a little light in the exact places we try to hide, that very action of ‘exposure’ removes its power.

    It’s just a sentence in our minds that blocks us from seeing the truth. In this case, this little sentence, “I look horrible” had the potential to block the fun, happy, peaceful, powerful, beauty you embodied int that moment.

    And thanks for sharing this video too! I’m sitting at my desk crying TOO! And I can’t wait to share this as well. xo

    Sarah Como

    May 27, 2014

    I saw your picture on IG which led me here. I did notice your tummy showing in the picture, but I did not notice it “hanging out”. It looks like flat flesh to me. You are so right that we are our own worst critics. I rarely post pictures of myself because I am not happy with my weight, but people that follow me see me in real life so they know what I look like. I shouldn’t care and I should be happy and proud of my progress. Thanks for being so open.

    Tina

    May 27, 2014

    All I saw in that first photo was a happy summer day: mother and son!

    Heather Albee-Scott

    May 27, 2014

    Thank you for sharing this. You are lovely!

    Carrie Keeley

    May 28, 2014

    I didn’t even notice until you pointed it out. We are our own critics.

    mostvaluabletipsebooks.com

    June 2, 2014

    The video made me cry. So touching to see what changes we can make. Thanks Roni.

    kristi

    June 3, 2014

    I would’ve felt (and done) the same thing but I LOVE LOVE LOVE the first picture – belly and all cuz it tells me your are real.

    Bouchra

    June 11, 2014

    Very nice post, you look beautiful thanx for sharing! http://dp4women.blogspot.com