So it’s finally getting warm enough in the Northeast for shorts and normally this excites me like a kid on Christmas morning.
Man, that cracks me up every time! Anyway, I love – love, love, LOVE — summer. It’s a wonder why I don’t live in Florida because I welcome a 90-degree any day of the week. Yes, even with 100% humidity. What can I say, I just like to be warm and I feel like all fall, winter and even spring, regardless of what I wear, all I do is shiver. It sucks!
Last week had a few hot days so I pulled out my shorts. It was time to take a walk to Little Bean’s preschool and I was so excited to be able to do it on a warm sunny day.
There was only one problem.
NONE of my shorts fit.
I could get them on and buttoned but MAN were they uncomfortable and tight and…. BLAH!!
I was distraught. It took me right back to my teenage years of trying on clothes with my skinny friends and feeling like a stuffed sausage.
Although there was one big difference: a few years ago I was super skinny, slipping clothes on effortlessly. Everything was loose and comfortable.
I think the comparison frustrated and disgusted me even more because now I know what “skinny” feels like.
I’m not going to lie. All the feelings of desperation came flooding back and my diet-trained mind did what it does best…
I should skip dinner tonight. Maybe I’ll start food journalling again. I wonder if I should ease up on carbs? No more eating after 8? A fast? Cleanse?
UGH, I hate that I’m wired this way!
The Husband, seeing my frustration, complimented me but you know how it goes — nothing anyone says matters when you feel the way you feel. Especially about your body.
I told him I felt thick, big and bulky.
To which he responded, “Then why are you doing things that make you thicker, bigger and bulkier?”
Hold the phone.
Wait. A. Minute.
Grrrr, I hate when he’s right.
Every morning I go to the gym and lift, and I lift heavy. I like lifting heavy. Screw that. I LOVE lifting heavy!
My strength has substantially increased since I started about 18 months ago, too. For example, last year at this time I could bench press around 93 pounds, one time. Last week I easily did 12 reps and that same weight and my new heaviest is 123. That’s an increase of 30 pounds!
My dead lift is even more impressive — increasing a whopping 50 pounds this past year.
I am no longer skinny (in the sense that I’m starving myself to stay at the lowest weight I possibly can — my old definition) I am strong and I love what my body can do even though it doesn’t fit what my mind thinks it should look like. Or in the case of my tight fitting shorts — what size I think I should be.
Have you read Andrea’s post on Imperfect Life about how she loves her “ugly” body? You have to head over there. It brought a tear to my eye — click here. It’s super inspiring! Side note: She’s coming to FitBloggin!! :)