One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

An Egotistical Blogging Confession and Sappy Brain Dump

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I’ve been blogging Sunday-Friday consistently for the past, geesh, 8 years?!?

Over the course of those 8 years I’ve blogged about whatever inspired me that day. Sometimes it was just a mundane post to share my food journal, sometimes my attempt at a “real” article, sometimes a photo journal of my day, and sometimes my deep thoughts on weight loss or confidence.

Truth be told, if I don’t blog at the end of the day I feel incomplete. It’s become ingrained in my daily routine. When I worked full time I would stay up late to share my thoughts on the blog. When I shifted to self-employment it felt odd to start posting midday, but I still posted. Daily.

Last night I started to write. I was going to share my post-Super Bowl food fiasco journal and how I’ve changed my MyFitnessPal set-up, but I let inner mean girl talk me out of it.

No one cares what you ate today or how you set up your stupid food journal.

Why do you continue to blog anyway? You’re not “skinny” anymore. The only reason why people used to read you was because you lost a ton of weight. What do you have to offer now?

Nothing. Just stop. No one cares. 

You can think this is a call for attention from an insecure blogger but these truly are the things that go through my head.

There are times when I’m super confident and I blog with an I-Don’t-Care-What-Anyone-Thinks attitude. I do it for me. It’s fun. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and I feel motivated to do it.

Then there are times like last night when I question everything about myself and what it is I do.

I don’t know why I flip flop. I think it’s normal to question and doubt yourself everyone in a while. No?

This morning when I woke up I decided I would take a little time first thing to write about these feelings. I know from experience the easiest way to get over these funk thoughts is by getting them out of my head. That’s why the blog has been such a big part of my success, and not only weight loss success.

Allowing myself to feel whatever I’m feeling, facing it by sharing, and then moving on is my therapy.

It’s such a personal thing and I forget how it’s possibly affecting other people. Because for as much as I try to relate my story to you, I really write for me. I post about things I need to hear. I’m always either writing to my “old” self or me, now. Even when I’m answering questions I do it from a very self-centered way, sharing my experiences as it relates to the question. That’s why I’m a bit self-conscious about the blog, too. It’s always been about me and I know how egotistical that is. But it’s true. This blog was created to document my weight-loss journey and help me break out of the yo-yo dieting cycle I was in for far too long.

This morning when I sat down to write this I went through my daily routine of checking Facebook and Twitter. I broke into tears after reading this note from Lauren:

Just wanted to send you a quick note. I’ve been a reader for a long long time – back to ’06 I think? Been there with your journey and had my own journey as well, losing 25 lbs on WW with you, then adding in back when I had a baby in March 11 with you as well. I didn’t shake my baby weight off so easily, then added another in July 2013. So I’m finally starting to work on me again, back on WW and joined a gym. What I want to say is that you are fully in my head. Years of reading your blog can do that I guess …

Last week, I was tired after putting the girls to bed, didn’t want to go to the gym as it would be closing soon and I could only get in a short workout, but I heard your Do what you can when you can – and geared up and went there for a 30-minute workout. I left feeling great, and happy you were in my head.

Super Bowl Sunday – I caved in and ate a little more buffalo chicken dip (made with light stuff but still), I had a little more BLT’s than I should have (bites, licks, and tastes). I was mad at myself the next day, but my self talk changed from – its over, I messed up my diet so I can just binge eat and wait a week to maybe start back over again – to its one day, get back on it. And I swear it was you in my ear. 

Last example: My husband and I signed up for a Color Run in Oct – something way out of my comfort zone, but reading about your journey made me know not to be afraid but to push myself to do it and I’m excited. Maybe one l’ll be ready for a Tough Mudder but baby steps 

There are many more ways your are there for me – but those are just 3 little stories I had to share with you, so that you know how much of an impact you have. Keep blogging, taking pics, and share your journey as I would miss you if you went away.

Lauren

Talk about timing. Now I’m crying again.

The fact that I can somehow help others also break out of the cycle I know all too well by sharing my life, blows my mind. The fact that I can and have inspired others with this blog feels like a happy accident. It was never my intention when I initially decided to start a little website to track my weight loss progress.  

I hope you don’t mind this sappy brain dump. I know comparison is the devil but I look at some bloggers and wonder how they seem to know what to do. Their blogs are filled with amazing advice or they document their lives with ease.  I consistently feel like I’m figuring things out as I go. I share what I need and hope it also has some relevance to you. Maybe that’s bad blogging practice? I don’t know. I just needed to get all that out of my head.

I also needed to say, thanks for always being there for me.

20140204_thanks



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I’d love to hear your story or thoughts on mine.

However, to prevent the massive amounts of spam I was receiving I have turned off comments on any post older than 5 days old. If you'd like to leave me a note regarding this post or anything really try me on twitter (@RoniNoone,) my Facebook page, or even IG (@RoniNoone) I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. I never thought I'd have to do this but it's gotten way out of hand and comment management has become simply too time consuming to manage.

Discussion

There are 39 comments so far.

    Michele McClure Lindsey

    February 4, 2014

    Aww. Hugs to you Roni!!

    Pantea Vaziri

    February 4, 2014

    Roni, I have read your blog since 2006 as well. I lost 15 lbs, ran a half marathon, graduated from grad school, got a job, got married, had a baby in ’12, gained 50lbs, have lost 35 of it so far and now I am training for another half in April. I continuously post on instagram on wycwyc and I am seriously thinking a cross-fit gym later this year. Wouldn’t I do it without you? I probably would. But you have helped. You are definitely in my arsenal of tools when I need to recharge. And having read your acknowledgement of inner-mean-girl helps me with mine.

    What I am trying to say is, keep writing. It is a great thing to try hard and achieve results. But greater than that, and I think a service to the community, is sharing your excellence. Because exposure to your excellence inspires others to bring out theirs and hopefully one day pass the torch.

    Katy

    February 4, 2014

    What I appreciate most about your blog is your vulnerability. You say other bloggers make it look easy, but I think a lot of bloggers only share the good stuff which is somewhat of a problem. I think it’s so important to share the ups and downs of life so we aren’t comparing ourselves to an unrealistic or unattenable image of the perfect body, perfect marriage, perfect life. You show us your struggles and joys in a way that help to push others towards a healthy life, not a perfect life, but a healthier more happier one.

    Shauna

    February 4, 2014

    there’s something in my EYE! *sniff sniff* I love that you are still here and still being real and vulnerable and honest and awesome after all these years :) Rock on!

    Maria B

    February 4, 2014

    I enjoy your blog so much for the very reasons you are feeling so inadequate today. You are an amazing, inspiring and very real woman who many of us can relate to in so many ways. Your blog is simply a reflection of your life…good, bad, exciting, mundane. Even if you had no one following your blog, at this point I except you would do it anyway. We are just very privileged to be able to peek into your journal.

    Dana

    February 4, 2014

    I agree with Katy. I think some bloggers put out there what they think
    people want to hear and only the good stuff. I like that you put the
    ups and downs of daily life in your blog posts. I can’t tell you how
    many people I have referred to your blog or GreenLiteBites and I always
    start out with “This is from Roni’s page – the blogger I’ve followed for
    years.” Now if you think about giving up on the Sensational Sunday posts…we will have to have a talk!

    Ellen

    February 4, 2014

    Hi Roni, there are lots of people out there (like myself) who don’t comment much but I really love your blog and how “real” you are. All substance, no fluff! Thanks!!

    Martha Glantz

    February 4, 2014

    I don’t think you’d be human if you didn’t go through some self doubt once in a while! For me, part of what makes me check your blog religiously since I found it, it is it is written by a real person, who has real issues, writes honestly, and gives me hope that I too can keep off the weight I lost. Thank you!

    Shannon

    February 4, 2014

    HI Roni-
    Please, please know that you are supportive and encouraging to your readers by simply being you and being here. The fact that you ave succeeded, and continue to succeed in new and exciting ways encourages me to continue to strive for a fitter more confident future. Honestly, my husband and I were talking about you last night. I was telling him how much information and guidance I feel leaping off the screen from your posts. In fact, last year when you were in Chicago I almost suggested meeting for lunch. Then I remembered that I “know” you and not vice versa! Not to sound like a stalker, I just wanted to point out that to those of us who follow your blog you become a mentor and friend-almost like the friendly neighbor you are happy to bump into. Never doubt your importance and impact on so many of us, and thank you for all you do!

    Kathy

    February 4, 2014

    Thank you for blogging. I enjoy reading it. I have lost over 100lbs with WW, and it is so hard to kept it off. But knowing there are others like me struggling with the same issues, makes it “easier”. So thank you. Dismiss your self doubt!

    Virginie

    February 4, 2014

    Well, english is not my language, so excuse me for the mistakes! I discovered your blog few times ago, and I still exploring it! And how much it helps me! Thank you for sharing your ideas, il helps! It’s the little thing which will help going, step by step, “un coup de pouce”, I don’t know how to say it exactly! And perhaps, the most important is not what your readers could think, but the pleasure you have in blogging! Thank you Roni!

    Kimberly Whittaker

    February 4, 2014

    Brain dumps are the best posts, Roni! :) As I wipe my own teary eyes… thanks for writing this and being so honest. xo

    Amy Rolniak

    February 4, 2014

    I think you really have to blog for yourself. (I know this because I think I have about 2.5 people who read my blog). But then don’t you think that when you truly do things for yourself you are a better person because of it. You are you. When you start doing things for others without any regard for yourself you stop being you. I know I am a better mom, wife, teacher when I take care of myself. I am not talking about being selfish I am talking about making yourself important. Hopefully along the way “you” become inspiration for those around you. As a mom and teacher I am kinda banking on that.

    kristi

    February 4, 2014

    Because you are YOU, you are real, you share the ups and down, we care and that’s why we keep coming back (for years), you inspire us, motivate us, challenge us to be our best selves, but also remembering that life is life so #wycwyc – Don’t stop sharing with us – there would be a part of life missing!!!

    Agnes

    February 4, 2014

    THANK YOU!!!! You inspire me each and everyday…I’m even tracking again after saying I would never track again…and I’m finally gaining some control back. Haven’t binged in 2 days…tiny steps but going forward. THANK YOU!!!!

    Chris B

    February 4, 2014

    A+ Love posts like this when they are from the heart. Very motivating and real. Thanks!

    Lee

    February 4, 2014

    You’re positive and honest about the forward progress and not so forward progress that you have been through/are going through. You are an inspiration and I hope that you keep blogging your journey…because like Lauren, I’ll find the end of my journey soon too :)

    MrsMojaykes

    February 4, 2014

    Hi Roni, I found your blog this year and have enjoyed reading it each day. I’m not overweight but would be more comfortable in my clothes if I was a few kilos lighter. I have shared your plan for running a mile EVERY day with my co-workers because I think it is a great idea. I’ve set myself a goal of doing 3km (I’m in aus) every morning and aside from the weight loss, I feel so good about myself because in just one month I know I am already fitter and stronger. While reading about huge weight loss is always inspiring, I think that there are lots of people like me who just feel encouraged by the way you set goals and live an active lifestyle (while still running a family and a household). I’m very strong minded about putting my family first so I love that my 3km each morning, before anyone else is out of bed, is just for me and makes me a better mum and wife because of how it makes me feel about myself.
    Love reading your blog each morning when I relax with a coffee, keep writing.

    Magicbaker

    February 4, 2014

    I also am new to your blog but I LOVE it. I appreciate that you blog so often and I love your kids helping with the laundry every Sunday night. Don’t stop!

    LJ

    February 5, 2014

    I read a ton of healthy living/weight loss blogs and only recently discovered yours from a video I watched on KERF. I feel like you are totally relatable and refreshing. I felt relief to read about how your hubby isn’t totally on board with the whole healthy eating thing (mine likely never will be and I’ve often wondered if I’ll ever truly be able to put the pieces together and find the balance that works for me and us, iits comforting to see you have), I love how you showed your house all messy and your boys sucked into their technology. Similar scenes play out here with my family on a daily basis. It’s real and I like real, it’s my favorite in fact because it gives people hope. They can relate and see you maintaining your weight loss and living a healthy lifestyle and feel hope that they too can figure it out.

    Julie

    February 5, 2014

    Roni, I have read your blog a long time. I think about things you write all the time when facing the same situations (like looking in the pantry at night when you shouldn’t be). I love your blog, keep rockin’ it!

    Barb

    February 5, 2014

    I’ve been reading the beautiful, wonderful, insightful and inspiring things you write since sometime during the first year of your blog, Roni. You’re simply the best. My self talk has become SO much more compassionate and smart, i.e. it all counts. You’ve helped us all become kinder and gentler to ourselves and our bodies — and healthier. And better people to be around, I’m sure. THANK YOU FOR EVERY SINGLE WORD! And the videos we love so much, but no pressure.

    Priya

    February 5, 2014

    Hi..I have just started following your blog while trying to find inspiration and stay motivated on my weight loss path. I look forward to your post everyday and try to picture how great it will be when I would attain the same fitness level as you. Your blog keeps me on track. More than anything it gives me hope that it is possible to break out of the weight gain-weight loss cycle and to love and accept myself. Thanks and am sure there are many others trying to lose weight who must be feeling the same about your blog.

    Karen Bures

    February 5, 2014

    Hey Roni. So Reading your journal is part of my homework. I am on a weight loss journey as well and have my own blog. http://thefoodwar.blogspot.com/ (shameless plug) But in an converted effort to start each day with positive self thoughts I decided that instead of reading my celebrity magazine where I just compare myself to them, I stumbled across your blog. It’s on my tool bar and I check it every morning. I connect with what you are saying and I hear a very real person, which is why people love you. You aren’t an “expert” who has always been genetically blessed spouting off advice. You are a real person with real struggles and real successes. So I thank you for inspiring me and others in our own journeys! Rock it girlfriend!

    Tina

    February 5, 2014

    oh Roni, I just want to say I feel the exact same way as that writer Lauren that you posted. You are often in my ear! I often worry you’ll stop blogging… I love your food journals and thoughts and work-out tips & constant inspiration and REALNESS! (I do miss your scale weigh in though but totally understand why you stopped…. but it was fun for me to virtually weigh-in with someone). CHEERS!

    Lori

    February 5, 2014

    When you said “Their blogs are filled with amazing advice or they document their lives with ease. I consistently feel like I’m figuring things out as I go.”, THAT is what makes you so relate-able! I know we have never met and I very rarely even comment (even though I follow you everyday), but the fact that you show yourself just as you are, which in many cases is just the way we all are, makes it feel like we could almost be friends (I hope that doesn’t sound to stalkerish lol).

    Keep on doing what you’re doing, because what you’re doing is being real.

    Mehgann

    February 5, 2014

    I started reading your blog because of the weight loss connection. I have continued to read your blog because I like hearing what you have to say!!! Don’t let that inner mean girl win.

    Karen Z

    February 5, 2014

    It is your positive energy that keeps me going – and your fabulous recipes – and your cooking videos. I am glad you are a great blogger.

    Sara Halverson

    February 5, 2014

    Roni, I’m usually not a commenting type girl because I as well wonder if people will care what I have to say. But I’m getting better and felt compelled to comment. I am working on taking care of myself. To be a better full time working mama to the four amazing beings I have underfoot. Some days I find it so overwhelming I feel crushed. But I DO WHAT I CAN WHEN I CAN. You taught me this. Often in the past if I didn’t follow a wight loss plan perfectly, I’d quit. Now I just do the best I can.

    You are truly inspirational. Honestly. Not only how you transformed your body and mind into the glowing woman you are…but in the mama you are. I always look forward to your sensational Sunday posts because I love seeing how your little men are such awesome helpers. Laundry and cleaning bathrooms. You are teaching them to be self sufficient little men. I know this isn’t a parenting blog, but dang…I’m working on getting help from my entire family so I do have more time to make me healthy. Wished I knew your secret.

    Keep at it. We love your words and images. Intertwined.

    LisaM

    February 5, 2014

    “Why do you continue to blog? You’re not skinny anymore” …uh, that’s one of the reasons I keep reading you, because you keep reminding us it isn’t about being skinny. Skinny bad, healthy good. Like have you seen the photos of that poor girl who won Biggest Loser? OMG she looks like she’s probably done a number on her health, and no better off than before she started, for exactly the opposite reasons. Roni you help so much with that inner ‘all or nothing’ attitude that makes us think we’re not successful unless we can get to that proverbial spot over the rainbow. Problem is, no one ever gets there (or they pass it up, like the Biggest Loser gal). You work your butt off to keep yourself in the sweet spot of life, and that’s inspirational.

    LG

    February 5, 2014

    I’ve been following since about 2006, and I just really enjoy your honesty. And I appreciate your consistency too – geesh. I’m impressed with it. I keep a journal and I too feel weird if I don’t write in it at least a few times per week, but blogging is hardcore! lol.

    Getting to know you through your blog has been kind of like getting to know a friend better (in a one-sided way, ha ha.). In a friendship, sometimes things are super exciting and there’s life-changing news to share. Other times it’s like “my cat pooped on the clean laundry! Can you believe it?” Like, who cares, but these small moments remind me of spices in a recipe – they add flavor and memory. Let’s face it, life is sometimes dull. A lot of life is, actually! And that is ok! But when I read your blog, I still have a lot of “me too” moments in big and small ways, even though our lives are quite different and I don’t have kids yet.
    People get hooked once the blogger’s personality comes through, which is probably why folks love your blog regardless of where you are in your weight loss or maintenance journey/career/marriage/kid raising stage. :0)

    Beth Mason

    February 5, 2014

    Thanks for sharing! I LOVE your blog and I love that you post everyday! And I love all your posts, even the ones about simple things like how you set up your MyFitnessPal and your wycwyc. It’s all great!

    Carrie

    February 6, 2014

    What a great tribute to you! Your last quote post was “in my head” as well. I wrote down your steps for lessening your stress in my own weight loss journal. You don’t have to worry about whether we care what you’re posting. Just do what you need to do and we will continue to be inspired.

    BarbK

    February 6, 2014

    There is ONE blog I check consistently. It’s yours. You are you and that is what makes this blog great. I can’t even tell you how long I’ve been reading, but it’s been many years. Whenever I tell my sister about something I read from your blog (happens often), I refer to you as “my friend Roni.”

    Please don’t stop blogging. I don’t want to hear from “experts.” I want to hear from someone I can relate to about a balanced way to live. I am counting points. I am on WW. But I still find everything you post to be something I get and that spurs me on to the next right choice. Or it just makes me smile. Have a beautiful day and tell that inner mean girl to get out of your head. :)

    BrightStarMama

    February 6, 2014

    Inspiration indeed!
    I am 2 months post partum with twins at 42 – after a toddler – and your blog is the first one I went back to when I wanted to think about me & moving forward & feeling good in my body again (twin pregnancies are hard!) :-)
    I am struggling with life now – the body & eating stuff feels more solid than ever before – probably because I had to do it so many times to get the hang if it!!! And what you said above encapsulates my life everyday – every second:

    Allowing myself to feel whatever I’m feeling, facing it by sharing, and then moving on is my therapy.

    I am overwhelmed – anxious – too many kids to handle alone – stressed about affording child care – but have to to maintain my sanity.

    So thank you Roni for being there & sharing your fabulous imperfect self (just like the rest of us – don’t know or care about those other bloggers!) because that helps us meet our imperfect lives every day and keep going keep pushing keep living instead of giving up…

    And by the way – you are FIT Now (who needs skinny?!?!?! Not me)!!!!

    PS Did I mention I wrote this while I was spinning on my old stationary bike for whatever time I can squeeze in today :)

    jamainaz

    February 6, 2014

    I tweeted you earlier that you have inspired me and that was before I read this post. You are inspiring Roni, and your blog is loved because YOU. ARE. REAL. Other bloggers have a way of hiding all their rough edges in an effort to look perfect. You don’t do that, and I will always appreciate that. You are one of us and we love you for it.

    Patty

    February 7, 2014

    No pressure here…but I can always count on you for inspiration. On my good days and on my bad days. Something you write, a recipe your share, your thoughts or your food journal always sparks an idea of what I can do to better myself and my journey.

    Jodi

    February 9, 2014

    I have been reading your blog for over a year now (& have read a few years back as well). Your honesty is inspiring…a big part of weight gain/loss/maintenance over the years for me has been about being honest with myself. And you have helped with that!!! I am 2 weeks from my due date with my 3rd child, & even if I’m not in the same place as you at the moment, what you have been doing lately with #wycwyc, losing the scale, & food journaling has given me lots to think about as I try to shed pounds after this baby is born. Thank you Roni!

    Rachael DeBruin

    February 9, 2014

    I think all of us bloggers feel the same way at times! I know I do anyway…I’ll be ready to share some inspiring thought/post and hear those same lies. Thankful you stuck with your journey & a new follower :) Just found you tonight via google search.
    Rachael @Diamonds in the Rough http://www.parentingandhomeschoolinginfaith.com