One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

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My Nervousness and This Weekend’s Quote

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I don’t want to admit it but I’m freaking out a little. Tomorrow I’ll be competing in my second scaled CrossFit competition and I’m nervous. It’s not the same nervousness I felt with my first. When I competed in September (click here to see photos from that event) I was nervous because I had no idea what to expect. I wasn’t sure if I’d even be competitive. It was simply fear of the unknown.

This time is different. This time I’m feeling the pressure of wanting to win because now I know what winning feels like.

Considering I’ve never been competitive at anything even remotely sport-like or physical, I’m assuming this is how athletes feel.

I’m torn between wanting to be confident and humble at the same time. I don’t want to have any expectation of winning because then I can only end up disappointing myself.

But I really want to win.

Like REALLY want to win.

I’ve also been struggling with a case of the “Onlys” — That’s why I wrote yesterday’s post.

I feel the need to keep reminding myself and others tomorrow isn’t a big deal because it’s only a scaled competition.

What is that about? Is it a defense mechanism? A confidence thing? A way to negate all that I accomplished? 

Why do we feel the need to belittle ourselves and our accomplishments?

The truth is, it IS a big deal!

I am doing things now I couldn’t even imagine doing in my teens and 20s. I’m fit, active, happy, and — surprising considering why this blog started — it’s not about my weight or how I look in a bathing suit!  I have completely changed the course of my life.

“We cannot expect to grow if we are too afraid or unwilling to change and face challenges. When we exit our everyday, mundane lifestyles to do something different we can experience growth, undiscovered strength, and new abilities within ourselves.” ― Ashley Ormon

These CrossFit competitions are definitely “something different” for me (as were all my running events) and I’ve learned so much myself. Most notably: I enjoy the challenge of physical competition. This coming from the same girl who, in high school would wiggle her way out of doing laps in gym. In college, would drive to campus even though she only lived a half a mile away. And in her 20s  did nothing. Not. A. Thing. Didn’t belong to a gym, never walked, barely got her butt off the couch.

My advice to you (not that you asked or anything but…)

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Do something different and learn something new about yourself. You never know what you can accomplish if you don’t. 

Wish me luck! I may be nervous but I’m excited too. Click here for the competition details. There’s a link there where they will be posting team rankings. Keep an eye on Team Meatheads  in The Gemini Games.



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Discussion

There are 7 comments so far.

    Karen P

    January 10, 2014

    Good luck and cheering you on for a PR/ win etc. Keep your food choices really clean. It’s amazing what eating mostly non-processed food will do for both your health, building muscle, and keeping a clear mind and emotions.

    I like to tell people I have “accidental” muscles, because I do- now to use them to keep my health. :) Looking forward to following you along and the photos of your success.

    LisaM

    January 10, 2014

    I wonder if this is a part of your conflicting feelings – maybe it’s not that you are afraid of disappointing yourself. Maybe it’s because we girls are wired to always be thinking about other people’s feelings. If you kick butt, take full credit, and strut around like a proud peacock, you might make someone else feel bad about themselves, and you don’t want to do that. So just do the butt kicking and (internal) credit taking, but wait till you get home before you do the awesome end zone dance for your boys. I’d love to hear that you went in to that competition all bad-ass!

    tiver da

    January 11, 2014

    “Do something Different and learn something new about yourself. You never know what you can accomplish if you do not “.

    I like this saying, and that’s all what I wanted to comment here

    Thank you :D

    Jackie Miller

    January 11, 2014

    Good luck Roni. Hope you smoke the competition and I know you’ll have fun trying!

    Mehgann

    January 11, 2014

    I’m a musician…not exactly the same thing as a sports type competition, but one thing I know for sure is that I ALWAYS want to “win”…get the coveted orchestra part, play better than everyone else, etc. The thing is, when it doesn’t happen, it’s okay too. If you win, well done! You should celebrate it. If you don’t, WELL DONE. You should celebrate it!!! The desire to “win” has never stopped me from enjoying participating in these activities. :)

    debra

    January 11, 2014

    don’t be nervous just think how good you did last time.

    Candice

    January 11, 2014

    Good luck Roni! You will do amazing! Please strut your stuff no matter where you end up, but I hope you win!!!