It’s 21 days into the new year and I’m going to bet 2014 already feels like old hat — at least it does for me.
If you haven’t broken your new year’s resolutions yet, AWESOME! If you have, welcome to the club. I haven’t flossed in over a week!
Ugh. OK, I can’t lie. I’m not. No Flossing for me even though I “resolved” to do it nightly.
Every year I have this overwhelming feeling of being “perfect” in the new year. I’m going to eat the perfect diet, exercise every day, go to bed early, wash my face every night, floss, read more, yell less, yada yada, yada.
Without fail a few of these “resolutions” fall the by the wayside within days BUT I keep at it. I keep trying and that is how I ultimately reach my goals.
If goal reaching is not something you are in to — I’m of course being sarcastic — then by all means, please follow this list of surefire ways to break your new year’s resolutions. That is if you haven’t already.
10. Be Unrealistic
When I keep my resolution and reach that goal everything will be perfect! I’m going to get THAT job, meet THAT person, buy THAT house. It’s going to be AWESOME!
9. Be completely preoccupied with it
Have you heard about my resolution? Look at this awesome book about my resolution! Sorry, I can’t go to dinner, it would break my resolution. Do you want to come with me tonight while I work on my resolution? Give me a second, I’m researching new ways to keep my resolution.
8. Give Yourself Permission to Walk Away
Darn it! I ate/did/skipped that little thing I needed to do for my resolution. Crap. It’s over. It’s cool. Whatever.
7. Have a defeatist attitude
It’s SO hard to stay motivated for an entire YEAR. I’m only going to fail anyway so I might as well just give up now.
6. Compare yourself
Ugh, so-and-so is doing so awesome on her resolutions. Look, she already lost/gained/accomplished _____. *eye roll*
5. Keep Complaining
This is SOOOOO hard. Why am I even trying? You mean I have to do this forever? Why is it so easy for so-and-so? But I don’t want to do that or this or… whatever. This blows.
4. Hate the Process and Focus only on Your Final Goal
This summer I’m going to be amazing because of my resolution! Ugh, do I HAVE to do that to reach my goal? Can’t I just do what I’ve been doing? I don’t like to try new things. I don’t want to change but when I get to that goal.. watch out!
3. Don’t Ask for Help
I’m feeling really unmotivated today. Hmm, maybe I should ask so-and-so if she wants to take a walk. Naaah, I’ll just sit here and give myself a pity party. Reach out on social media? Pfft. No one cares.
2. Don’t Make it a Priority
Who has time for resolutions? I have a family and job and I’m busy, darn it.
1. Keep Thinking You are Going to be Perfect
I’m ROCKING this New Years resolution! Nothing can stop me! I’m PERFECT! What? You need me to work overtime? Who forgot to go to the store? What do you mean you have to stay late? I can’t miss my resolution class! Ahhhh!
Of course I’m trying to be funny — Did I succeed?
In all seriousness, do the complete opposite of this post and your New Year’s Resolutions may stand a chance.