One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

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Wednesday Weigh In: Deep Thoughts About Weight Loss From 40,000 Feet

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Is there anything cooler than in flight wi-fi? I’m sitting here on a plane somewhere between San Antonio and Baltimore with the ability to connect to almost everyone I know, post on any of my blogs and have access to more information than I can imagine.

I’m awed daily by modern technology.

While looking out the window, I remembered it was Wednesday and it’s time to weigh in.

20131112_plane

This week I asked a question to those who have lost weight and the responses have been insightful and interesting. I’m not sure I was able to really capture my thought process but some of you picked up on it regardless.

Lately I’ve been really pondering my ability to lose and maintain a healthy weight these past 8 years and how it was/is intertwined with my overall happiness.

I realized something I think was very crucial to my weight loss success.

During my yo-yo dieting cycle of hell days I completely hinged my happiness on weight loss.

Back then I locked everything about myself in a cute little box. I buried the key to that box under my fat, and “thin” was the only way to unlock it.

I really thought being thin was the key to happiness and to get thin I had to be perfect.

Perfect –> Thin –> Happy

If I wasn’t perfect? I was fat and depressed.

Imperfect (I ate a cookie) –> Fat –> Depressed

And those were the only 2 states  I lived in for years: Perfect and happy or Fat and depressed.

Then one day I decided to dig deep, through the fat, steal the key and unlock the box.

I detached happiness from thin the best I could and focused on doing things, creating things, experiencing things.

I started to realize that even though I wasn’t perfect it was still possible to be happy.

And when I’m happy, making healthier choices doesn’t seem so daunting. Actually, those healthy choices are appealing. Moving my body isn’t a punishment for being fat, it is a reward for being healthy. Eating lighter and healthier wasn’t a sentence I was given for being chubby, it was a way to honor my body. And eating a cookie doesn’t mean I’m imperfect, it just means I want a damn cookie.

Now happiness and thin aren’t mutually exclusive and perfect doesn’t exist at all.

Recently I’ve putting pressure on my self to be perfect again. I’m training for another CrossFit competition. I’m traveling a lot. I felt a little out of control. That’s why I’ve been pondering all this.

And that’s why I’m glad I have an outlet to get it out of my head.

Overall I had a great week! I wasn’t perfect. I was happy and that’s really all I want to be. 

You?



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Discussion

There are 10 comments so far.

    Em

    November 13, 2013

    I completely agree with everything you have said. Up until recently, I denied myself of almost all “unhealthy” food. If I did end up eating a bowl of ice cream, I felt guilty and fat. Finally, I was so miserable missing out on delicious food that I decided to eat whatever I was craving, just in small amounts. Now, if I see a chocolate croissant that I want, I eat it. Sometimes I don’t finish it all and sometimes I do. If I end up eating a chocolate chip muffin the size of my head, then I just balance it out by eating lighter at my next meal. I love your blog because of your honesty. It reflects many of the feelings and issues that a lot of us deal with on a daily basis. You are such an inspiration.

    Dukebdc

    November 13, 2013

    I’m having a rough week. My weight was holding steady (same as last week) until this morning – up 0.6 pounds. I am having a tough time with our upcoming move. There are so many moving parts (moving to a new house and trying to fix up current place to sell) on top of a full-time job and I’m pulling out my hair. I’m an introvert and hate making phone calls and working with contractors. Got a reminder about my scheduled move this morning and they have the wrong date and time booked – aaaugh! Stayed up too late watching college basketball last night (my team lost) and am sleepy and generally irritated right now. I love having this space to vent once a week – I know that my problems are miniscule compared to many, yet it’s still nice to be able to unload.

    Nancyabc

    November 13, 2013

    Gee I am in the same place.
    Had a rough 3 months and should be happy now but all I want to do is feel FULL but I know how unhappy I will be when I can’t fit into my clothes.
    I have gained 30 pds since summer and have so much more to lose.
    How do I get back to the state of mind that had me moving in the right direction? I have to get it together or I will never survive the coming holiday season. In the end I know I can do it–I just need to start.

    Amy

    November 13, 2013

    Great thoughts you are sharing about weight loss/happiness,etc. It has given me a lot to think about…

    Catherine

    November 13, 2013

    Here are my numbers – not a lot of movement, but I am getting back into exercise and should get to a spin class three times this week

    HW: 167
    CW: 163.8
    GW: 140
    HT: 5’8”
    Age: 49

    Martha Glantz

    November 14, 2013

    I recognize so much of my self in you – or at least the mental conversations. The whole thin = happy was definitely my equation in my younger years. As I hit my 50’s (and now 60’s) I realized that I was and could be happy and fat. not that I liked being fat, but it didn’t define my happiness. Being in a great relationship, having friends, a good job, money, wonderful homes, family, health……Hey, I was happy!

    At 61 1/2 I realized that being fat was going to jeopardize my health and I’d better do something about it and I did. I can’t say I am happier per se, but I really like how I look. A real kick. And I like how my body moves with much more energy and strength.
    My weight stayed the same last week to this which I what I want to see. I’ll vary by a pound or two during the week and that’s OK.

    cpaul

    November 14, 2013

    Thank you, thank you, AND THANK YOU!!! Enough said

    Sammy

    November 14, 2013

    TOTALLY agree! When you’re in the process of losing a lot of weight you THINK that it’s all black and white – I was totally there! Not only is that not realistic, it’s not fair to yourself either! Thin does not equal happiness – period! Thanks, great post Roni!! :)
    -Sammy @ www.peaceandloveandicecream.com

    Louis Jainchill

    November 14, 2013

    I don’t know about you all but Roni that hit me to my core (even a guy can feel this). I am going to hold on to this post and make it a note in my iPhone. I intend to read it often to myself and most probably to others as well. Safe journey.

    Lou

    kabas

    November 14, 2013

    wow your an amazing individual. i hope your journey may lead to happy days and god bless

    theweightsaint.com