Is there anything cooler than in flight wi-fi? I’m sitting here on a plane somewhere between San Antonio and Baltimore with the ability to connect to almost everyone I know, post on any of my blogs and have access to more information than I can imagine.
I’m awed daily by modern technology.
While looking out the window, I remembered it was Wednesday and it’s time to weigh in.
This week I asked a question to those who have lost weight and the responses have been insightful and interesting. I’m not sure I was able to really capture my thought process but some of you picked up on it regardless.
Lately I’ve been really pondering my ability to lose and maintain a healthy weight these past 8 years and how it was/is intertwined with my overall happiness.
I realized something I think was very crucial to my weight loss success.
During my yo-yo dieting cycle of hell days I completely hinged my happiness on weight loss.
Back then I locked everything about myself in a cute little box. I buried the key to that box under my fat, and “thin” was the only way to unlock it.
I really thought being thin was the key to happiness and to get thin I had to be perfect.
Perfect –> Thin –> Happy
If I wasn’t perfect? I was fat and depressed.
Imperfect (I ate a cookie) –> Fat –> Depressed
And those were the only 2 states I lived in for years: Perfect and happy or Fat and depressed.
Then one day I decided to dig deep, through the fat, steal the key and unlock the box.
I detached happiness from thin the best I could and focused on doing things, creating things, experiencing things.
I started to realize that even though I wasn’t perfect it was still possible to be happy.
And when I’m happy, making healthier choices doesn’t seem so daunting. Actually, those healthy choices are appealing. Moving my body isn’t a punishment for being fat, it is a reward for being healthy. Eating lighter and healthier wasn’t a sentence I was given for being chubby, it was a way to honor my body. And eating a cookie doesn’t mean I’m imperfect, it just means I want a damn cookie.
Now happiness and thin aren’t mutually exclusive and perfect doesn’t exist at all.
Recently I’ve putting pressure on my self to be perfect again. I’m training for another CrossFit competition. I’m traveling a lot. I felt a little out of control. That’s why I’ve been pondering all this.
And that’s why I’m glad I have an outlet to get it out of my head.
Overall I had a great week! I wasn’t perfect. I was happy and that’s really all I want to be.