I~ez_rsquo~ve been planning on posting this for weeks, if not months, yet I still haven~ez_rsquo~t written it. See, I~ez_rsquo~m just not one of those calculated, organized blogger types. I write what I~ez_rsquo~m feeling when I~ez_rsquo~m feeling it or it just doesn~ez_rsquo~t, well, feel right. So even though I knew today was coming I had to actually wait until today to sit down and blog about it.
If you don~ez_rsquo~t know, the Exposed movement was started by Mish, a fabulous blogger who resides in Australia. In 2009 she wrote a post called Exposed and when I read it I literally dropped everything I was doing and wrote this~ez_hellip~
At the time I was, as I~ez_rsquo~ve been most of my life, delusional about what my body looked like.
Fast forward a year later and I wrote a follow up post.
This time I was 2-3 months pregnant and I realized something: My body, despite all the hate and abuse I~ez_rsquo~ve spewed at it over the years, has always been amazing. You~ez_rsquo~ll have to click here to read the post, I really can~ez_rsquo~t do it without shedding a tear.
Today, this morning, I held the baby I~ez_rsquo~m pointing to in that photo before taking him to preschool.
I~ez_rsquo~d love to sit here after 4 years and tell you I love my body exactly the way it is but the truth is, I spent Saturday in a self-destructive food binge. It was my first in a really long time.
The truth is I still see myself as big, thick and chubby because I don~ez_rsquo~t look like this.
And that is what I~ez_rsquo~m exposing today.
For the past 8 years this blog has been my attempt at self-therapy¬ and for the most part it~ez_rsquo~s worked. Every post I~ez_rsquo~ve written, I~ez_rsquo~ve written for me, to me. And each and every one¬ has helped.
The blog has gotten me out of my own mind to face my feelings head on. It~ez_rsquo~s given me courage to push myself out of my comfort zone over and over and over again.
I~ez_rsquo~ve been arguing with myself about posting a new Exposed photo today. Part of me doesn~ez_rsquo~t want to. I~ez_rsquo~m so tired of caring and worrying about what my body looks like. Plus isn~ez_rsquo~t it about so much more than that? Isn~ez_rsquo~t it about living our best lives regardless what the scale says and how we look in a bathing suit?
The other part of me knows I need to do it. That this is what the Exposed movement is all about. This is what my blog is all about. This is how I push myself out of my comfort zone yet again.
So I grabbed the camera and tripod, took a deep breath and ~ez_hellip~
Then I decided to try and have fun with it.
Then I attempted fierce.
Yeah, I~ez_rsquo~m not sure I can pull off fierce either but hey, at least I tried.
OMG, I can~ez_rsquo~t believe I just did that.
I really do feel exposed and I guess that~ez_rsquo~s the point, huh?
In my original post I said,
‚~ez_euro~¶what I love about my body is that it is healthy, strong, and has the ability to change. I love that my body has grown and nurtured a life. And I love that my body allows me to enjoy life to the fullest, I know not everyone is that lucky.
All of that is still true.
In my second post I said,
I‚~ez_euro~~ez_trade~ve been fat, skinny, young and if I‚~ez_euro~~ez_trade~m lucky, I‚~ez_euro~~ez_trade~ll get old but in all these states I was and will always be ME and there‚~ez_euro~~ez_trade~s nothing wrong with that.
This time, I~ez_rsquo~m saying¬ despite not always being comfortable in my own skin, I still rock it, and I~ez_rsquo~m darn proud of myself. I no longer shy away from challenges or new experiences. I wake up every stinkin~ez_rsquo~ day and do my best¬ even though inner mean girl~ez_rsquo~s voice is in my head. Some days, she is loud, deafening even, but she no longer controls me.
As cheesy as it sounds (and I made it look) I AM fierce and I~ez_rsquo~m owning it.