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20130529_weighin

Sometimes I just don’t know how to start a post and this is one of those times.

I’ve been feeling … dare I say it … fat.

Stop rolling your eyes. I know. I know. But sometimes it’s the only word that captures that uncomfortable, thick, unhappy, self-conscious, blah feeling. I’m trying hard to remove the connection in my brain between “fat” and “feelings,” but it’s pretty deep rooted. We’re talking years of dysfunctional thinking here.

The official Tough Mudder Photos were released and like last year, my inner mean girl is really letting loose.

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She has me focusing on all the wrong things. Again.

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I’m so over listening to her yell about my weight and body size. I really am. Especially when I’m doing things like this.

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And this.

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And this.

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(OMG, I’m STILL freaking out about the Plank and I’ve done it 6 damn times!)

I decided a long time ago that my body is and will be a product of my lifestyle. I refuse to starve myself and focus on particular body parts all in the name of sculpting some perfect body. This is me.

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I’m a 37-year-old mom who likes CrossFit, running, and ice cream all way too much. If we can figure out how to add more hours in the day, I’d love to take a yoga class here and there. I’m happily married to a junk-food junkie who brought Doritos to bed last night and supports me in all my crazy adventures. I’m almost always smiling and I consciously work on being happy, grateful and content. It’s not always easy but I’ve learned it’s worth it.  I’m also, apparently, out of focus.

This is my favorite photo they captured.

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Not because of the way my body looks, but because when I saw it, the first thing I noticed was my smiling face and it immediately brought back the sense of accomplishment I felt when I crossed that finish line.

I’m sorry I hijacked our Wednesday Weigh In post this week, but I needed to get this out of my head. The scale really doesn’t have anything for me today. I didn’t need to weigh in. I needed to write this post.

Inner mean girl  must not have liked it too much. I can barely hear her now.

 

 
  • Liz

    The first I saw in the last picture was your beautiful smiling face!!!

  • Elle Noel

    I know the feeling- thankfully it passes and usefully pretty quickly! I was looking at your pictures thining “Damn! That girl looks so fit!”

  • http://mysizehealthy.com/ MySizeHealthy

    That’s right! Tell your inner mean girl to shut the hell up! :) Roni, you’re a absolute inspiration and I’m so happy for you and all that you have achieved and all you can do in your healthy lifestyle. And I have to admit, I could never do that race. I’m too much of a wimp. I hate that I am but mud, jumping into water I can’t see the bottom of and just…all that….freaks me out. So GOOOO you :)

  • Christie

    You look super awesome!!! Promise. Tell that mean girl to STFU. These are definitely pictures that’ll you’ll look back on later in life and think “man, I looked SO good” :) I just did it today with some old high school photos. And my inner mean girl hated those pics back then.

  • http://neurosciency.wordpress.com/ dcrunnergirl9

    roni, you look amazing and your involvement in these outdoor race things is super inspiring to me as i gear up for a running race in a little under a month. and i agree with christie about the mean girl thing. :)

  • http://www.heathergettingfit.com/ Heather Smith

    Although I understand that “fat” is not an EMOTION, I can definitely relate to the idea of “feeling fat” — and I think, for me, that is more about what it means to be physically present in my body than about emotions. There are certainly days where I just feel bigger and heavier and grosser. I think you look fantastic and totally badass in these photos! :)

  • Janet T

    I follow all your sites and recently I’ve noticed just how totally healthy you look! You glow!

  • Charline L

    I have to tell you, to me, you look strong and healthy, an inspiration. I would way rather look like that than like a thin, frail waif of a thing.

    I have been fighting my weight forever, and the true lifestyle change really kicked in about a year ago. I started regular spin classes, downhill/cross-country biking, back-country skiing, and boot cam classes, at least 4 days a week… and while my weight is still way higher than I would like (180lbs at 5’3″), I feel STRONG, and healthier than I have in years.

    And yes, some days I still get frustrated when I step on the scale, but I know I am working hard, and I have faith that some day, my body will decide to let go of the extra weight (probably around the same time I get my food intake under control, funny how that works)

    Don’t think of the feelings you get when you look at a picture, think of what you were doing when that picture was taken, and remember that feeling!

  • Mary Ann

    I love your pictures! You look strong and beautiful; you really shine. I understand the feelings you have, because I get those also when I look at pictures of myself. But when I look at your pictures, all I see is strength. I’m incredibly impressed with your journey, and thank you for sharing it.

    • emily

      took the words right out of my mouth! i think this post makes absolute sense for a Wednesday Weigh In. thank you :)

  • Sammy @ Peace Love & Ice Cream

    Looks like someone is putting yesterday’s blog post into action – shutting that inner mean girl up…..CONGRATS!! And all other things aside….I think you look strong and beautiful in these pics!! :)
    -Sammy @ peaceandloveandicecream.blogspot.com

  • Dawn

    What an amazing message and a totally gorgeous spirited brilliant woman. Thank you!!!

  • Shannon

    You go Roni! I am on day 36 of a whole 30 and I am afraid to weigh myself, which was supposed to happen 6 days ago. I am afraid because I feel good and proud of the way I have focused on healthy food for over a month. I am afraid the scale will make those positive feelings disappear. Sad, I know….

  • Trixie

    Roni, you look AMAZINGLY FIT AND STRONG. Just because you think your arms look “thick” doesn’t mean they don’t look good! You just look so healthy and great.

  • mandi

    GOOD FOR YOU! I think you are way too awesome! ;)

  • Mary H

    I’m a new follower (love it, btw :) and I think you look FIERCE! Go, Roni, go!
    (And thanks for this post today…it’s inspiring :))

  • jakovac2

    You look fantastic in every single pic. Why? Cause you look strong, healthy, and happy.

  • writerekb

    You are a rock star! Look at those awesome arms! Look at those great legs! – you are amazing!! Your 7th (??) Tough Mudder? Hello??! I can’t even run a mile! :-} You are an inspiration to us…and incredible role model to your children. Keep on keeping on…you are doing everything right!

  • nancyabc

    Roni–All I see are well defined muscles from your hard work.
    Now I on the other hand am slipping.
    Went to Olive Garden after a doctor appointment and ate pasta, sausages, and bread sticks–took home my left overs and the nice young man gave me 2 more bread sticks. Had bread sticks and another sausage for dinner–ugh.
    Up 5 pds today. But I ate a good breakfast and packed a good lunch for my first day day back to school. So the journey continues–we will have success if we just keep trying.

  • Svanhvit

    I agree with what has been said before. All I can see in those pictures is a beautiful, strong, fit, amazing woman who’s doing fantastic things every single day. And who looks amazing as well!

    Good for you to write that post and get the inner meanie to hush up!!

  • LisaM

    I’ll repeat what others have said – I look at those photos and wonder what you are seeing that could equal “fat” in your mind!! Hardly any women live a fit enough lifestyle to achieve your awesome sculpted look – a girl with shoulder muscles – *gasp*! I used to refer to my “fat” feeling days as having a case of the fat dumb & uglies. And let me tell you, that was a self-fulfilling prophecy… Now I just tell myself I feel “fluffy”. Still just as physically uncomfortable, but it sure quiets down the inner mean girl.

  • Deb

    Always remmeber the NSV’s (non scale victories).

  • Dukebdc

    Roni, you are fit and amazing. I wish I had the guts and fitness level to even attempt a Tough Mudder. Go you!

    My weigh-in is still holding at 131. Still struggling with junk food. Still hopeful for the future. If all goes well, we’ll be moving into our first single-family home next month, which is scary and exhilarating at the same time. Going to talk to my priest today about some family issues I am struggling with. If only unburdening your soul dropped pounds on the scale. :)

  • Shannon

    You know what I see? A strong, courageous woman who doesn’t let any obstacle hold her back. And your arms make you look like you could kick some serious a$$! Good luck in your cross fit competition!

  • Mindy Lee

    Your post made me tear up. You look awesome and so strong and happy. I’m glad you silenced her. Eventually it will be little more than a whisper and you probably won’t even notice she’s missing.

  • http://www.supercutepets.com/ elaine

    There needs to be an island where we can castaway all the inner mean girls! All I see when I see those pictures are how strong you are. You look amazing and I’m so impressed every time I see your Tough Mudder pics!

  • Christina Savage

    That second muddy pic of you looks POWERFUL, STRONG, and AMAZING.

  • Connie

    Roni,
    You rock. I love your smile. Your body serve you well. It is the balanced lifestyle that matters.

  • http://www.authenticallyemmie.com/ Emily Sandford

    All I see in these photos is strength, determination, and a beautiful person inside and out.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/pattyaizaga Patty

    Beautiful and strong…love it! :)
    Inner mean girl has no idea what she’s talking about. ;)

  • http://mysearchforahealthierlife.blogspot.co.uk/ Chloe@SearchinForAHealthierLif

    To me your pictures just show how strong and athletic you are, and there’s nothing wrong with that! But then again that’s my view of you, and we all have that inner mean girl letting us down – no matter who we are and what we do xo

  • Coco

    I see strength, smiles, and overall badassery in all of the pictures! I love the idea that your body is a product of your lifestyle. That is so true! I know I could be thinner or stronger if I ate less ice cream and spent more time working out, but that is not my priority right now.

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