One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

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10 ‘Impossible’ Things I’ve Accomplished

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Me after completing the Baltimore Marathon 2009

This post (as with many) is for me. You may think I’m patting myself on the back or tooting my horn, but the truth is I’m struggling with a lot of self-doubt and this is how I move past it.

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I’m not going to lie, winning the scaled CrossFit competition this past weekend was a super big deal for me. I enjoyed it more than I ever imagined. Maybe it’s because I’ve never, EVER been competitive athletically in my life. I’ve never really played team sports and the ones I tried I suck at — seriously, I couldn’t even make my high school softball team! Sure, I’ve been running in events for a few years now, but I’m slow as molasses when compared to “competitive” runners. I don’t even run to win; I run to move my body and enjoy the atmosphere at events.

This past weekend was different. Something in me was really excited to be there. I loved the nervous feeling I had before it was my turn to compete. I loved being in the moment and tuning out the noise to focus on my form and movements. I even loved the random “You’ve got this, Roni!” I’d hear from a friend on the sidelines even though it made me realize people were watching.

Since Saturday, I cannot get the thought of competing again, possibly even in a higher division, out of my head.

But you should have seen the girls in the division above me! They were SO strong and so fit. They have probably been athletes their entire lives — and that was the in “inner mean girl” was waiting for.

 Are you kidding? You can never be as strong as they are. You can’t even do a pull-up. You’ll probably NEVER be able to do pull-ups.  And Double-unders? HA! You’ve been trying to do those for months! Just admit it, you aren’t an athlete. You’ll never be an athlete. Do I even need to remind you that you have, like, 15 years on some of these girls? They are younger, stronger, and more fit then you will ever be. Stop being so ridiculous. It was a fluke you won. And what did you really win anyway? The lowest division possible? Does that even count? Keep dreaming, Roni. It’s not going to happen. 

I’m so TIRED of this voice in my head!

So I decided to focus on the things I have accomplished that at one time I thought impossible.  These are things the inner mean girl voice almost talked me out of.

10. Losing and maintaining my weight loss. For years, YEARS, I let the voice keep me in the yo-yo dieting cycle of hell. Weight loss wasn’t impossible for me. My darn perfection gene would just kick in and I’d walk away from my goals selling myself short once again.

9. Starting my own business. Quitting my full-time job was one of the hardest things I have ever done. So hard I actually went back to work just a few short months after because inner mean girl convinced me I’d fail. I got up enough nerve to try again and here I am three years in!

8. Publishing my own book. I talked about it for months, maybe even years, but inner mean girl always won and I kept making excuse after excuse. Finally I said the hell with her and just did it. I’m still selling a few copies a month!

7. Run. Period. Have you read my Pondering What People Told me Post? I convinced myself at a very young age that I could NOT run. I’d look at other runners like they were crazy. Now I run whenever I get a chance. Yesterday, I ran 2 miles like it was nothing. Now I am a runner and I actually enjoy it!

6. Buying *this* house. With our rent increasing every year, the Husband and I decided to buy a house way back in 2001 but the area we wanted to live in was ridiculously priced. So we bought a cheaper house a little farther out. We sat on that house for 8 years, saving and saving and took a chance in the middle of the housing crisis to sell. We took the money we made on the sale to buy a house where we wanted to live originally. I never thought I’d be able to afford to live where I live now but we did it!

5. Running a marathon. As I said, just being able to run was a huge accomplishment. A marathon? Not in a million years! But yet I did it. I freakin’ did it!

4. Completing a Tough Mudder. I’m not sure I thought this was impossible but I never thought I’d love it the way I did and I never, ever thought I’d be able do two in one weekend. TWO in one weekend? Unbelievable, yet I did it!

3. Hosting FitBloggin’ on the West Coast. First of all, I never thought I’d really be able to pull off FitBloggin’10! Then I did it again and again. But planning it 3,000 miles away? No freakin’ way. Impossible! Well, apparently not. Now I’m hoping to confirm yet another remote city for next year. I just needed to stop doubting myself and do it!

2. Handling 2 kids. This is hard to explain and some of you may not understand but I really only ever wanted one child. I was convinced I couldn’t handle two and be an effective parent. I didn’t think my marriage would survive. I didn’t think I had enough energy. I just didn’t think it was the right choice for me. Well, here I am raising two and I couldn’t be happier!

1. Winning a CrossFit competition. We covered this one, but I cannot stress enough how impossible this still seems to me and I’ve already done it!

Why do I still doubt myself, after proving that can I accomplish pretty much anything I set my mind to? Why is it easier to listen to the inner mean girl than have a little faith in myself?

I’ll bet you could also make a list like this. What have you accomplished that you previously deemed impossible? Is your mean girl trying to talk you out of something you really want to accomplish?



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Discussion

There are 17 comments so far.

    Siobhan

    September 24, 2013

    My mean girl sabotoges any success I have and keeps me stuck. . . 80+ lbs overweight :(

    carla birnberg

    September 24, 2013

    <3

    Sarah

    September 24, 2013

    You are such a baller! Absolutely amazing and a huge motivator. Thanks so much for being fantastic!

    Lesley

    September 24, 2013

    I wish I knew how to shut her up myself. That is part of what I love about crossfit. There is just something about pulling through a tough workout that makes her quite for a little while. Thank you for being so honest and letting us see that even those we look up to battle the same demons we all do. I just wish I knew how to keep my daughter from having an inner mean girl.

    Yulia

    September 25, 2013

    Great achievements and thank you for this beautiful post!
    You are the best example that impossible is nothing! I’m so afraid of crossfit, I don’t know why, but it seems for me like something I could never do. Probably I should just try that. You know what i’ll do it! I go to the class next week and do it! Period!

    emily

    September 25, 2013

    oh, #9 is my LIFE… inner-mean-girl and i are *still* in a fight (even after 6 yrs)!

    I.M.G. “won” the “i’m gonna be an artist” battle, but i owned the “i’m gonna coach” debate.

    Aimee

    September 25, 2013

    Congratulations on winning the Cross Fit competition! That is awesome Roni. I ran an amazing marathon on Sunday. I exceeded all of my goals and set a huge PR for me. So why am I feeling so awful today? My inner mean girl is on fire right now and won’t shut up. I had a horrible eating day yesterday. I ate and ate. I was hungry. Today is a new day and part of me is resolved to let yesterday go and return to my healthy lifestyle. The other part of me is where my inner mean girl has reared her ugly head. Reading this today reminds me of what I have accomplished in the last few years. Thank you for that.

    LisaM

    September 25, 2013

    Motivational thought – the older you get, the fewer women doing much of anything fitness-related you’ll see. When I’m out lumbering on my running trail and see the fast, nubile young things out there with me, the way I silence my IMG is to ask myself how many of them will still be out there when they are my age. I can tell you I’m the only 50-something I ever see who hasn’t resigned themselves to nothing more than a slow walk. Yes, I regret that I didn’t start younger so I could have gotten better while in my prime, but maybe my late start will keep me at it longer?

    SuperCutePetContest

    September 25, 2013

    You are a total badass! If I didn’t have such a personal relationship with my inner mean girl, I’d say you were crazy! How could you ever feel bad having accomplished all of that?! But I get it. Nothing will ever permanently shut up that inner mean girl. She gets me sometimes, but sometimes it’s a push to prove her wrong.

    Mindy Lee

    September 25, 2013

    Roni, you keep patting yourself on the back, be proud, there is nothing wrong with being proud of the things you have accomplished. Keep standing up, raising your hand, trying new things, inspiring all of us to believe in ourselves. I know you inspire me :)

    Shannon

    September 25, 2013

    You continually inspire and uplift me, Roni! Your honesty is encouraging.

    Beth M.

    September 25, 2013

    First off, I’ve been reading your blog for years and still like to keep up with what’s going on! I’m not sure if you’ve read about this, but being a nurse, I had to put it out there and share. It happens very rarely but after reading this article….I didn’t realize how often it happens in the Cross-fit community! I just want you to be aware and stay safe! https://medium.com/health-fitness-1/97bcce70356d

    Sammy @ Peace Love & Ice Cream

    September 25, 2013

    We are so quick to compliment our girlfriends, but we forget to compliment ourselves! (You just wrote about this!) This post put me on such a high for you! Congrats on having the confidence to post this! This list is so awesome! You deserve it all :)
    -Sammy @ peaceandloveandicecream.blogspot.com

    Steve

    September 25, 2013

    Hey! That’s me in the background of your CrossFit pic (behind the third place!) I’m FAMOUS! :D

    Oh…and you’re awesome! :)

    Nicole

    September 26, 2013

    I think that not having been an athlete makes your CF aspirations even cooler! You don’t have years of experience and muscle memory, you’re starting from scratch!
    Weightlifting has given me a fairly broad, strong back and shoulders. I actually get a kick out of people asking me if I was a swimmer in college! But that strong back is what allows me to squat 235 (soon to be more!) and I couldn’t be prouder!

    Lisa

    September 27, 2013

    Roni, this article totally reminded me of you. It just goes to show that we all have that mean girl and its tough to love your body sometimes, even when it’s doing exactly what you want it to do! :)

    http://www.self.com/health/2013/10/athletic-body-regret

      RoniNoone

      September 27, 2013

      Thanks you! Loved it.