This post is inspired by 2 recent events so different you may wonder how they relate, but they do. I promise.

First I have to show you a photo.

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Photo by Getty Images

See their arms? My entire life all I wanted was model thin arms. Well it wasn’t ALL I wanted, but it was definitely something I thought a lot about between the ages of 12 and, oh, I don’t know, yesterday.

I’m kidding, sort of. I would be lying if I didn’t say I’m still somewhat self-conscious of my arms, but I’ve been working hard at accepting my body for what it is. I’ve learned to ignore my inner mean girl who kind of likes to fixate on insignificant little things — like how my arms look.

For the most part, I haven’t heard from said inner mean girl in awhile. I’ve been going about my business, kicking butt at the gym, having fun with the kids, and living the active life I want to live because let’s be honest, how does the size of my arms really effect any of that?

Hint: It doesn’t.

Anyway, this past Saturday I got up bright and early to run with my friend Jimmy. The same Jimmy who ran the Tough Mudder double header with me.

This deserves a post of its own, but Jimmy decided to tackle 32 miles to celebrate his 32nd birthday. He’s crazy, we all know it, especially his wife, Carrie, who helped him organize the running event.

The idea was for all his friends to run part of the 32 miles with him. I got the first 5-mile leg and met him at his house at 5 a.m. Saturday. The run was great and I was ecstatic he let me be a part of his amazing birthday challenge. When we finished I asked Carrie to take our picture.

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At first I didn’t think anything of it. I shot the photo up on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook, but within minutes people started to comment, pointing out my arms.

I looked closer at the photo and… holy crap I have MAN ARMS!

All the comments were very complimentary, but I have to admit, it brought back a lot of old feelings. I’ve always felt big, broad and well, like a man. I think that’s why I so longed for a petite female body as a child. My desire to be super thin really set off a chain of events that led to more and more weight gain.

Regardless, the whole arm photo experience cemented my position on diet and exercise — I can’t worry about how my body is going to look. I just need to focus on the life I want to lead and be happy with the body that life creates.  I’ve learned that’s really the only way for me to have a healthy relationship with food and exercise.

Changing gears, as I said, the second event really has nothing to do with the first. It’s not even related to my body, but it is something I’m also very self-conscious about.

A few days ago someone unsubscribed to my site and left this message:

I think you are going way too far with the exercise. It is bordering on obsessive and just as unhealthy as excessive dieting. I don’t relate at all, and I don’t understand how any working mother with a traditional job could ever find time to do CrossFit, Mudder training, Bikram yoga, marathon running, and take multiple vacations without the family. I use to LOVE your site, but as I said, I don’t relate anymore.

I replied — kind of hastily — and said:

I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m doing what’s best for me and make no apologies for that.

Just for the record…

I haven’t been able to go yoga for 2 months — my schedule isn’t allowing it, Mudder training is CrossFit so they are one and the same, I don’t “marathon” run, I challenged myself to run 1 mile a day — it takes 10 minutes, and my last “vacation” was a business trip to a conference.

Thanks for reading and I hope you find what you are looking for in another blogger.

– Roni

I’ve blogged about this MANY times before, most recently in a post called It’s Hard Giving Up Being a Caterpillar.

I replied to the unsubscriber so defensively because, honestly, I am self-conscious about not being relatable anymore. If I wasn’t I would have just deleted her email and moved on, but like my arms in the photo, there’s something that still bothers me, and you know what, I think there will ALWAYS be something there that bothers me. I will always be aware of my arms, I will always worry that people don’t want to read anymore. I will always revert to feeling “thick” when I’m depressed. I will always look first at my stomach in the mirror — another childhood insecurity. And, for as much as I don’t want to admit it, I will always worry what people think of me.

These things are threaded in the fiber of my being and many of them, or at least the experience that made them, make me who I am today.

I’m going to bet you have insecurities, too, and those insecurities probably help shape who you are as a person as well.

Do we really need to be ashamed of that? Does it make you less of a person to admit something you are self-conscious about?

I don’t think so, and I’m not saying that because I just did it. I swear! I really think admitting our insecurities helps to overcome some of the fear that may be holding us back from reaching our goals.

Specifically weight loss-related goals too. How many times have you given up when one of your self-conscious issues surfaced or resurfaced?  I did it often, hence the 15 years I was stuck in the yo-yo dieting cycle of hell.

If you want to participate this week, let’s explore some of your self-conscious issues in the comments. I’m going to bet we all share some similar ones. 

 
  • Anar

    Roni,

    I have read your blog for years. when the little guy was a toddler. I have lost weight since, ran a half marathon, got married, got pregnant, stopped working out when pregnant and now have a ten months old. I am trying to get back to working out, lose 50 lbs and have a full time job with a one hour commute each way. I say all this to tell you that you are relatable. Your progress over the years shows how life gets better if one stays committed to what they want. You are not out of reach. You are just more clear on what your priorities are and more focused so you get more done. I will continue to read your blog. and I have signed up for my first marathon in December when my daughter will be 15 months. so there are crazy committed full time working moms (who used to be neither moms nor working) who can still relate.

    • mathlab

      I also have man arms! I, too, wished I had pipestem arms, but between my genes (which give me a “body builder’s physique”) and my Body Pump classes, there’s no way I can ever have that form.

      The body parts I’m dissatisfied with – my bat wings, the extra skin on my stomach, and the extra skin that hands down right above the inner side of my knees.

      In some senses I’m thankful for the loose skin – it reminds me of how far I’ve come – and I NEVER want to “fill out” that loose skin again! Good riddance to the 75 pounds that I’ve kept off for 5 years now.

      The other thought which helps balance out my dissatisfaction – the feeling of accomplishment I get when I lift more than the men in my Body Pump class lift – and being able to out-plank, out-pushup, and out-situp the college kids who come to the gym during the summer. They might have the cute little shapes, but my body is a powerful MACHINE! I feel better at age 59 than I did at age 29.

      So…be proud of those arms!

  • Kate D.

    I am totally with you on this one, Roni! As much as I know it doesn’t matter, I still worry about what people think of me – probably more so after my recent 40lb weight loss. I know their opinions have no bearing on my life, but I still stress about it. My BIGGEST physical insecurity is my legs – to be more specific, my calf muscles. They. Are. Huge. Like, NFL linebacker huge. I’ve gotten comments on them my whole life. It’s part genetics (thanks, mom!) and partly from years of soccer, rowing, running, and CrossFit. I’m strong and fit and healthy and I know that. But I’m acutely aware of how. big my calves are, especially in shorts and dresses weather! I hate to wear heels because of the comments I get. And they’re not NEGATIVE comments – but more questions about why/how my calves are that big. It gets old. But…that being said, I’ve been working on making peace with them, and the rest of my body.
    On a side note, I HATE the BMI charts – because, as a more muscular woman, no matter how thin I get, I’ll likely always be in the overweight/obese category. I think the BMI is one of the WORST tools the medical society has come up with lately!

  • Lisa Eirene

    I think your arms look GREAT.

    What am I self-conscious of? My stomach. After losing 110 pounds, I have some loose skin, cellulite and puffy fat on my stomach. It doesn’t matter how much weight I lose, how much I restrict “bad” foods…it probably something I’ll have to deal with forever (or have surgery to remove the skin). I hate that I am so self-conscious about it. It’s the FIRST thing I look at in pictures of me. :(

  • Julie @ ROJ Running

    I don’t usually comment on people’s stuff. Much more of a lurker, but I’ll chime in on this topic. I constantly battle with this issue, if it isn’t one thing it’s another. When I was dealing with my heart issue and weight gain and injury last year my blog hits took a HUGE hit and I cried thinking I was no longer relatable because I couldn’t DO anything, at times and lately I’ve worried because I’m not a college blogger, I’m not a fitness trainer, I’m not a dietician and I’m not a Mom, so what can I offer the world? I guess all I can offer them is ME. I always have to stop and ask myself “why do you love the blogs and people you love”. I’ve never loved someone because of the way they look, the job they have or any of the other stuff. I love their voice, I love their personality and the way they take on the world. Hopefully in the end that’s what matters to us all…even if I’m sure I’m still gonna freak out that I can’t seem to lose weight ( ; Thanks for being willing to share this side of you

  • Lori Smith

    I’ve been struggling with that a lot the last several days – I want to be strong and healthy, and not worry about having the thinner thighs, the flatter stomach, or the thinner arms. But then the mind starts telling you things, making you doubt yourself. I went shopping for some summer clothes over the weekend, and it made me extremely self-conscious about myself. After going shopping, I have had to fight really hard not to let it ruin my efforts, b/c there have been moments that have made me want to give up. I have always been extremely self-conscious, b/c of my weight. I guess it’s the saying mind over matter, and just keep plugging along.

  • Sonya

    I think it’s interesting that the person who unsubscribed felt the need to write and tell you. It says a lot more about her feelings of insecurity and comparison than it does about your accomplishments. Would she feel better if you were (really) struggling and unhappy? Why? I have read your blog for many years and am inspired even though I’m in a slump right now. My gosh, you are doing what you want to do. That means that it’s attainable, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. You’re just a person, like everyone. But you’ve found a path that is working for yourself. Yay.

  • Stephanie

    I have been reading your blog for about 2 years now and I can say that you have inspired me so much that I have changed along with you. I started reading for healthy food choices and ideas and then because of you I started to jog, take classes at my gym ALONE, completed the warrior dash and have tried numerous new recipes from GLB. I figure if you are no longer relatable to some readers thats ok. You as a person are always evolving, as are your readers!

    I am currently self conscious about my entire body being pregnant. Before getting pregnant with #2 I lost around 30lbs and was in the best shape of my life (not crazy shape, but the best for ME) and I have found through this pregnancy that gaining weight has been tough. I keep thinking back to how hard it was, it took me 18mths to loose the 30lbs, and I know I can do it again, but the thought is overwhelming at times. Before loosing the weight it was always my tummy and my thighs (same as most women right?), but for the first time last summer I was wearing shorts that didnt come to my knees and shirts that actually fit and feeling great about it!

    I think we all have inner battles to overcome and we may never really be over them, but reading about strong successful women of all types inspires me to keep trying. Sooo THANK YOU!

  • Deb Roby

    I was 95#. Underweight though I ate like a teenaged boy! My family told me I’d have such a cute shape if I only had a smaller waist!

    I’m very short-waisted and will never have much of a waist. And Instill hate that part of me.

  • Iris Lee

    Thank you for this post, Roni. I know it’s hard to put those vulnerable thoughts out there, and I totally understand having parts of yourself that you have always self-conscious about. I definitely struggle with the same thing – my arms and stomach are the first things I look at when I am in photos. I’m trying really hard to move past this, because I am learning that they don’t make me who I am. Wanting to be someone I am not (e.g. small in stature with tiny arms) is not serving me and is actually poisoning my thoughts and feelings, which then in turn poisons my behavior. Letting go of these cruel expectations for myself has been hard, but I have found the process to be rewarding. I just tell myself (sometimes mentally, sometimes out loud!), “I don’t care.” I care more about who I am inside and being the best version of myself on the outside, but it’s no longer my goal to be someone else. Accept and embrace!

    You are truly an inspiration, Roni, and I love reading your thoughts. Thank you for sharing, and have a lovely week!

    Iris @ Anatomy & Intuition

  • Karen H.

    What am I self-conscious about? Good question and I think I’ve narrowed the answer down to 3 things: my stomach, my behind and my lack of station in life. I’m well over 100 lbs overweight, so you can imagine that I have a large belly. I also have a rather flat behind. My SIL made a joke once that our behinds are in the front of our bodies and our bellies are in the back. I thought about it and I had to agree with her. I hate shopping because the mannequins all have flat stomachs, even in Lane Bryant. The Lane Bryant mannequins even have a little “junk in the trunk and hips”. Is it weird to be jealous of a mannequins shape? LOL! Well, I am! I spend a great deal of time trying to find tops that are lose so that you can’t tell how large my belly is and long enough to cover my behind in the back.

    The last point has to do with the fact that I feel my life is in a holding pattern. That I’m progressing so slow, that I may as well be standing still. I graduated in the top 10% of my high school class and went to University of Southern California right after high school. I dropped out after 2.5 years. I’m 39 and I’ve just earned my second Associates Degree, the first one at age 37. I graduated in December and I still haven’t found a job in my field, Respiratory Care. I’ve never lived on my own, always with roommates or boyfriends or family. Everyone is always saying how smart I am. Yes, academically but that doesn’t seem to be helping me in life. I know it has a lot to do with me always feeling overweight and not wanting to venture far from home (the comfort zone). Dipping my toe in the water, but never taking the plunge out of fear.

    I’m hoping and praying that this time is different. I hope this is the last time that I have to lose weight in my life. I hope that I keep remembering that I’ve stayed in my comfort zone my entire life and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere. So being uncomfortable is what is going to bring about change and change is going to get me where I want to be.

  • http://twitter.com/CindySleepSpin Cindy Corliss

    Your arms are rockin’! :) I too am self conscious of my arms. It’s the one part of my body that I am irrationally aware of all the time, especially when it’s warm out. I don’t like not wearing sleeves, but I also don’t like being hot!

    So today, I was broiling and I took off my sweater and walked part way to my office in a tank. I was totally anxious the entire time, like everyone was staring at them. I am sure no one was, but I was aware of it the entire time.

    I pretty much don’t allow anyone to take pictures of me at all, ever. My face, maybe- I might take some. But full body shots- never. I know it’s terrible and I will regret it someday, but I can’t look at myself in pictures.

  • Ali

    Oh Roni, I love your blog- I have been reading your heartfelt, real, completely relatable writing since you first started. When I am feeling down I read your posts- you always cheer me up and make me feel motivated. I am saddened that the person who criticized you felt the need to be hurtful with her words. That was out of line on her part. Thank you for always inspiring and creating a life for yourself that makes you feel happy, and for always finding the rainbows in life’s many storms.

  • http://www.bitchonadiet.com/ Bitch on a Diet

    um, I don’t think you work out too much. I think you work out a good amount as any healthy person should. I try and work out 4x a week. I think anyone who would unsubscribe from a blogger and then SEND an email saying why (who does that???) is someone who is just insecure with their own inability to find the time to workout and be healthy. my two cents.
    I just think that’s incredibly rude. Don’t like it? Don’t read. It’s THAT simple.

  • Karen H.

    BTW I think you are totally relatable. You summed it all up pretty nicely in your recent post about imperfection. You have learned how to delegate. You also learned to accept that when things are done by others they won’t be done exactly as you would do them, but that’s okay. Those are definitely two lessons that I’m struggling with, but reading your post made it a bit easier.

    Although, I’m only in the beginning of my weight loss journey I have discovered that I have more energy. I can only imagine that amount of energy you have now that you fuel your body properly and exercise on a regular basis.

    I’ve also learned from you that sometimes you have to juggle your schedule in order to workout or come up with alternatives instead of just throwing in the towel when you can’t get to the gym at the time you planned. So thank you for being totally relatable to me. :-)

  • Mehgann

    Arms. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! So right there with ya, sister. How’s THAT for relatable? Lol! :). Keep up the good work. I love your blog.

  • Sherri D

    I still didn’t think that email to you was called for as it came across as mean spirited. I am like you in that I am a female and I want to live a healthy and healthier lifestyle. After that, we don’t have much in common! I am old enough to be your mother. :) I have three kids that are old enough to be your spouse. I have one child still at home, so I like getting ideas for his school lunches from you. Heck I even get ideas for lunches for ME from those postings.

    I wouldn’t do a tough mudder …EVER. But I enjoy your spirit and your enthusiasm is contagious.

    Anyway, I am VERY self conscious about things. I lost over 100 pounds after being obese all my life. I have ‘wings’ under my arms that I could glide through the air with! I live in the south these days and the heat makes short sleeves a must. I try to not go out much if I have short sleeves on, because of the batwings.

    I really notice my ‘muffin-top’ and am always on the lookout for ways to hide it. I notice my butt a lot more. Jeans are made weird. If the waist fits the butt and thighs are so baggy they look horrible!

    Sometimes I wonder how I look, walking on the trail with my dog. My husband videotaped me once and I look like I am walking like Ozzie Osborn! When in yoga class I really worry that my belly is showing because my shirt slipped during ‘down-dog’.

    Ya, we all have our hangups. I think you are an amazing woman and I wouldn’t keep following your posts and such, if I didn’t think so. You are so generous and share so much with us!

    Thank you.

    :)

  • Wendy

    It is funny how we, as women, are always criticizing ourselves. I was admiring your arms and wishing mine looked like yours and you criticize your arms. My neighbor admires my waist, I compliment her hiney. I guess we should treat ourselves the way we treat our friends. Why are we so mean to ourselves?
    I’ve been following your blog for a while. You are a constant inspiration to me. Don’t let one bad apple spoil the basket. You have changed more lives than you will ever know. Keep it up! :-)

  • Kim

    One of the ironies in life – I have fairly little arms (I’m not skinny – just my arms!!) and I’m always frustrated that even with all of my hard work, they don’t really look muscular. I guess it is that whole “grass is always greener” thing.
    I enjoy reading your blog and the different workouts you do/family stuff/and and travels you have!!!

  • geekgrrl57

    That comment made me so mad!!! Please don’t let it get to you. It’s totally about her, NOT about you. You are doing fabulous — please keep it up! You are totally inspiring! And you do NOT have man arms! Wtf!!! You look great, you feel great, your family is obviously happy and thriving. UGH. that comment was WAY out of line! :)

  • Reen’s Journey

    Oh, gosh I love reading your blog! For me, arms and thighs. Wasn’t until very recently that I felt confident enough to wear my “shortie” running shorts and stop worrying about the saggy arms I have leftover after losing weight.

  • Imacrazymomof4

    I have always been self conscious of scars I have on my face from a car accident that I was in over 30 years ago…I had over 100. For the past 3 years my hair stylist has wanted me to try to wear my bangs differently but you could see some of my scars more. After trying to persuade me numerous times to change them I’ve only recently done it. I’m not exactly sure why now I’m okay with it…is it my maturity? I’m less vain than I once was? Or is it because I know that the people who love me would never judge me so superficially and really they are the only ones who matter? Or I feel pretty good about myself since I’m exercising more and lost over 25 lbs and dropping sizes? I’m not sure what it is…but I’d like to think that I’m a beautiful person on the inside and some old scars on the outside only make me more unique. They certainly have made me more empathetic towards others with a less than perfect appearance and that’s a good thing too.

  • valerie

    I read once that we should find something we like about our bodies. I like my nose. My ears aren’t bad either. The rest? Well. That’s another story altogether. I don’t even like my elbows. I could do something about it but I’d rather sit on the couch and complain about it. Meh. Maybe I’ll go put my gym clothes on…

  • Brittany @ Barr & Table

    I seriously almost commented on that picture the other day.. Something to the extent of hot damn check out those muscles! I think you look great and on top of everything, I think you’re an incredible person and mother.

    I have always been self conscious about my body. Legs, stomach, arms, you name it. I just got married and was at my lowest weight and best shape of my life. I felt good but it still wasn’t quite enough. My honeymoon added a few lbs and a little extra fluff back to my stomach and it’s not been a good feeling. I’m working so hard to get back to where I was and I promised myself I would be happier with my results when I get back to pre honeymoon.

    Such silly things we all stress about but it’s inevitable. We just have to remind ourselves.. “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

    Good luck with all things FitBloggin! Sad I can’t make it this year!

  • tiger

    I cannot believe you would be self conscious of your arms. They are so muscular and shaped and beautiful. I WANT YOUR ARMS! Why be a twig?

  • Nancy

    Roni,
    I just love your blog……….my journey to health may not be the same as yours….but it is a journey ……I would like to thank you for turning me on to CrossFit………it is the best exercise experience I have ever had………..I have a long way to go……but you are just inspiring……..Keep up the awesome work…..and thank you……very much.

  • Meg

    PARENTING! That’s what pops into my mind. Now that I have a daughter, I worry about passing on insecurities to her. You mentioned your own childhood insecurities a couple times in this post. I have this fear it will be “MY FAULT” if my daughter has body issues. Intellectually, I know there’s only so much I can do. There is no way it is your own mother’s “fault” that you had those insecurities for years. But still… I worry. I know you don’t have a daughter, but would love to hear your thoughts on that, as it’s certainly still an issue for boys too.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/pattyaizaga Patty

    I’m insecure about my stomach. It affects the clothes I wear and how I look in pictures. I wish I had that flat stomach everyone else does (well you know what I mean that’s how it feels). I workout but I cannot seem to stick to a consistent routine. I never have any time. In always tired and life just throws a bunch of stuff my way…all the time. Im aware these things do not only happen to me. I just need to get myself organized. I’ve even gone as far as seeing an endocrinologist to check my hormones. There has to be a reason why i am tired all the time. this post made me see that facing insecurities can be good. If I face them I can overcome them. :) thank you Roni for starting the conversation.

  • Kaki Bennett

    I like the idea of getting used to the people we are. We are never going to let go of all of our self-consciousness, and that’s OK. It’s like we’re striving to be perfect…never think anything negative about ourselves or anything else. Well, not only is the perfection-race exhausting, perfection itself does NOT exist. I have arm issues, vericose-vein issues, eye-bag issues, etc., etc. Gee, what should we do, walk around telling ourselves we are the prettiest, fittest, most mentally-together person there is? I try to do my best with eating, fitness, etc., but I am flawed, and I will always be flawed, and every day I try to be OK with that.

  • Deva C.

    1: I envy your arms. I think they show that you are a strong woman!
    2: I have always been self-conscious about my thighs and my stomach. My stomach has never been “flat” enough, and running, lifting, and inline skating have given me some pretty muscular legs – my calves are big, my thighs are really defined. Lately I’ve realized that having muscular legs is a good thing – it shows I work hard at my training. But I’m still self-conscious about my tummy

  • Megan

    I agree with Wendy. It is funny to me because you want the arms that those models have and yet I would kill for the body that you have worked so hard for. I think that we always want something that we don’t have and we have to work hard to be happy with ourselves and where we are at in this moment. It is disheartening that we must work so hard at something that SHOULD come so easy.

    I have always been self conscience of my weight and the way that I carry it on my frame. I am definitely an apple shape.

    Thank you for what you do everyday. Even if I had no weight to lose I would still relate to you as a mother and a lover of life!!

  • LisaM2

    I covet Holly Holme’s arms and upper back. Not those skinny models, bleh. I have been working hard lifting weights and someone called me BUFF last week! It was awesome! Keep at it!

  • Tina

    My big chubby thighs,.. thunder thighs :( I look at the photo of you above and WISH for legs like yours… to be able to wear shorts and look that amazing in them. I haven’t worn shorts since 5th grade.

  • Janis

    We can’t be “relatable” to EVERYONE. If that person can’t “relate” to you anymore, then it’s her responsibility to find someone to whom she can, not for you to change to suit her whims. And if you change to suit her, then you move out of what someone else will call “relatable.” You can’t please everyone, you aren’t SUPPOSED to, and trying will make you nuts.

    Besides, all too often what people mean when they say someone isn’t “relatable” is “you’re getting a little too successful for my comfort level and making me feel bad about myself.” You keep right on doing what you love. I’m no athlete. I see color run and mudder pictures online from time to time and think, “Man, that’s crazy.” But if you want to have a blast running through mudpiles, hurricanes, and lava pits, you go right ahead and do it and have fun. It’s not your responsibility to amputate things you love from your life to make some TOTAL FREAKIN STRANGER happy — or anyone, for that matter.

    Never let someone who doesn’t have the guts to get anything done talk you out of going for what YOU want in life.

  • Janis

    BTW, I actually do have “model thin” arms and have been thin my whole life, and I’ve always wanted muscle. I hate looking like I can get pushed around easily, and have hated it my whole life. I’m built like a garden rake and would kill to look more solid and strong, like a woman who could PUNCTUATE her “no” if the guy at the party started getting pushy or threatening.

  • LisaM

    This is so funny that you’re posting this today, because I promise I almost sent you a comment yesterday… I wanted to make the frozen banana ice cream thing & couldn’t exactly remember how, so I went to your GLB video from May 2012. My first thought was, “wow her body has transformed in the last year”, and I even brought up your Toronto photo you posted on June 14 to see what made me think that. You were thin last May, but this year you are thin and SCULPTED. You look at that Toronto photo and just try to tell me you have arms that aren’t what everyone wants. Yes, the photo with your buddy caught you at an angle that showed more muscle, but let me say again – you have the arms we all want (even those skinny models)! As for the hater that unsubscribed, you need to look at it as someone who just hasn’t been able to attain the positive attitude you have adopted for your life. I know it isn’t all sunshine & lollipops for you & the many commitments you make, but you take the positive mental route instead of the negative one, and that’s inspiration for us all. Keep it up.

  • Lou

    Roni, I am a guy. I have been reading your blog for years. I read your blog because I do identify with you an awful lot. You keep me grounded, focused and keep doing what you are doing. I even used a Dr. Seuss quote (“Oh the Places You Will Go”, ring a bell) yesterday for the second year in my WW meetings that I conduct because you reminded me of the quote in your blog a year or so back. WE are HUMAN. In a nutshell I hope that explains who we are, what we do and why we do it. You will always have my support. You ROCK!

  • Linda

    Roni I have been reading your blog since 2007 and I have LOVED following your journey. I too have worried far too much about what others think about me, almost to the point of obsession. I live in a VERY active town with VERY fit people and VERY tiny muscular women. I am not tiny and that used to really bother me too. I always wanted to be 5ft. 4in and 120 pounds. But instead I’m 5ft. 10in. and 155 pounds. It’s taken me a LONG time to fully LOVE myself but I can say that I LOVE myself. I am fine with the flab on my arms because they are more toned than ever thanks to yoga and weights. I LOVE my muscular thighs that take me up countless mountains. I am STRONG and confident and I do LOVE LOVE LOVE myself. And you are an inspiration and a rock star! Thanks for your honesty and sharing with us.

  • Annie Buck

    This post has me in tears. When you said the comment left you feeling ‘thick’. oh that hit hard. Why is that? Why does an upset leave such a mark? Why do I start to hate myself when someone else criticizes me? Saturday night my mother in law was wearing a turtleneck shirt with another shirt over it and complaining of the heat. Both sis in law and I said- take off the turtleneck! She looked straight at me and said, “If I do that, I’ll be showing too much.” I was wearing a modest scoop neck T with a sports bra, and I immediately wanted to cover my chest with my arms. Logically, I know this was just a dig because MIL is out of shape and overweight and insecure, and always has been, but for two days, I obsessed over it and kept thinking, if I was smaller, clothes would fit me better and I wouldn’t “show too much”. AGH!!

  • Dukebdc

    I’ve always been self-conscious of my stomach. Even though my weight has been in the healthy range most of my life, my stomach always “lumps up’ when I sit down – do you know what I mean? When other women my size sit, their stomachs tend to wrinkle, but stay relatively flat. Mine bulge out – upper and lower – with a foldover line where my belly button is. Working out regularly or not, my midsection remains squishy. I know why – I have an apple shape, and that’s where I carry any extra fat.

    But the funny thing is that in college, although I envied my roommate’s flat stomach that wrinkled when she sat down, SHE envied my slim hips and thighs. She was hung up on her saddlebags and rear end getting bigger when she put on weight. She didn’t care that her stomach was in great shape. So we all look at ourselves in bits and pieces – not as a whole. It’s sad.

  • Christina Florence

    I really got what the “unsuscriber” felt. I so admire you for your ability to transform your body through a disciplined exercise regime. Many people judge themselves for the amount of exercise they are able to achieve. Or they feel (sometimes mistakenly) that they are being judged by others. Your blog is a safe place to discuss these feelings.

    Everyone must go at their own pace toward success. The way to this is through self love. One way to create self love is though creating positive-self memories.
    My way to do this is here:http://www.christinaflorence.com/blog/page/2/

    BTW Roni, you have beautiful arms!

  • LisaM

    I just read this, and it’s such a good example of how it’s all about what you decide your attitude will be –

    Four months ago, a movie reviewer lit into Melissa McCarthy, calling her “obese and obnoxious with equal success”, “cacophonous, tractor-sized”, and a “female hippo.” She did not take the bait – remained completely silent until just recently when she had an interview with the NY Times. This is what she said, “I felt really bad for someone who is swimming in so much hate,” she said. “I just thought, that’s someone who’s in a really bad spot, and I am in such a happy spot. I laugh my head off every day with my husband and my kids who are mooning me and singing me songs.” While she said she didn’t allow the comments to get her down, McCarthy admitted that if the incident had taken place when she was younger, it would have left her “crushed.”

    She’s kicked her inner mean girl in the nuts!

  • Sandra

    I know that feeling! A few years back, a male bodybuilder asked me tips to have calves like mine. I am a young woman!… I always had muscly legs that many people envy but I can’t stand them. I can’t wear flat shoes without looking weird, I don’t fit in most long boots… But I am trying to see the bright side, enjoying the purchase of high heels or the joy of wearing boot cuts jeans.

  • Peggy

    I’m self-conscious about my weak chin, and my rather large nose. And my frizzy hair. I wish they were different so that I felt I looked prettier. I wish I could change them. But, at the same time, I’ve lived on this earth long enough and seen enough truly serious stuff to know that looks don’t mean a thing, once you start opening your mouth.

    Roni, as for the reader who unsubscribed… her comments were mean and self-indulgent. To your credit, you refrained from passing thoughtless judgment on her. You rock!

    I hope you like this poem “Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver:

    You do not have to be good.
    You do not have to walk on your knees
    For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
    You only have to let the soft animal of your body
    love what it loves.
    Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
    Meanwhile the world goes on.
    Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
    are moving across the landscapes,
    over the prairies and the deep trees,
    the mountains and the rivers.
    Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
    are heading home again.
    Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
    the world offers itself to your imagination,
    calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
    over and over announcing your place
    in the family of things.

    Rock on, Roni! Yours, Peggy

  • Nadine

    I read a lot of blogs and I find myself commenting today for the 2nd time about how HARSH some people can be. I suppose that you, as a blogger WANT to know why someone chooses to unsubscribe, but what strikes me is how PERSONAL the message is. How can you NOT get defensive. For me, as a reader, since it is my personal choice to read or not to read any blog, it would be easier to simply unsubscribe and be done with it. Why make someone feel bad in the process. Again, I suppose you need/want the feedback, but that’s why I’ll never be a blogger. I could never lay it all out there the way you do and subject myself to that kind of criticism.

    That said, I’m super self conscious about my smile!

  • Lorrie Farris

    Roni – it’s funny you mentioned being self conscious about “weight” things. I just discovered your blog and have been reading some of the older ones and love it.

    I found you because I was hired to be the karaoke host at the Fit Bloggin conference in Portland. So here comes my self conscious fear poking up it’s ugly head – I’m a larger woman, who has just started her journey to being healthy, and I’m going to be with all of these healthy skinny people. Reading through your posts for the next week makes me think I can make it on Friday night with all of you and in my life journey as well.

    Looking forward to seeing all of you!

    • RoniNoone

      Looking forward to meeting you in Portland!!

      -Roni

  • Agnes

    Your arms rock, Roni! That ex-reader was really strange. Of course you won’t relate to everything, everytime but that’s the point right? Your blog is fun and informative and oh-so inspirational. You make me want to run, do Crossfit and lead a more active life. And you’re in no way exercise obsessed. You are striving for a great balance and enjoying your life and if someone can not relate to that then whatever! Keep rockin’!

  • Carrie K,

    The comment certainly wasn’t necessary. If you don’t like what you’re reading, just stop reading. We all have our separate journeys to take and just because mine isn’t exactly like yours, doesn’t mean I can’t relate to your struggles. I don’t know what you’ve given up to do the things you do. I do know that you seem to have a close family and you are instilling healthy habits with your family.

    I understand the self conciousness. I am 6’1″ tall and I am not only obese, but I am LARGE. I’m tall and my shoulders are broad, I have a big head, muscular legs and a huge rack. None of these things have changed as I’ve lost weight. I can be thin as a rail and I will still be the “biggest” one in any picture. It’s something I wish I had dealt with when I was younger. Maybe knowing then that “bigger” and “fatter” are not the same thing would have kept me from gaining so much.

    Keep up the good work, Roni. I don’t always agree with you, but you always give me something to think about.

  • Rachel

    Hi Roni! Loooong time reader, never commenter :) But i just had to after reading this post. I have been with you since near the beginning of your blog and I have grown with you. Like you, I used to calorie count, be a little obsessive, weigh myself, ect… but now I’m in a much better place! I’m SO happy you don’t weigh yourself anymore! I think it is a toxic activity for those of us with food issues. If you have no issues with food and can look at a scale objectively (like my husband,) then good on ya. That’s just not me, and I don’t think it’s you either :) (I was actually surprised at all the comments on your “should I weigh myself?” post from people pushing you to weigh. WTH?)

    But what i’m trying to say is, some of your readers who would rather diet and obsess and think of exercise as a walk around the block, are not going to identify with you. But those of us that have grown with you, and love the person you’ve become, will (maybe silently) cheer you on every step of the way! And I’m sure you’re gaining new, healthy readers all the time who CAN relate to you. Go you!!!

  • Allison

    I’ve never commented before, but this really resonated with me today. I am going back to work tonight after 12 weeks of maternity leave with my second daughter. I struggle to find the time to keep my house clean, spend time with my family, and finding the time to exercise, and oh yeah quality time with just the husband. I feel like it’s such a delicate balancing act and I always feel like I’m about to do something wrong… constantly. There’s always that voice or as you call it “mean girl” nagging at me. So and so is fit AND her house is clean, or another mother seems to have just as much going on and finds the perfect family activities without losing her cool… ever. My point is, I find you more relatable now then years ago when I started reading. You are branching out trying new things, you’re involving your family and you seem happier! I think we can choose to constantly critique and compare ourselves and never feel adequate, OR we can embrace things are never going to be perfect and make the best of what we have. You seem to do that and I’ve enjoyed reading as you evolve. Kudos to you!

  • Robby/FatGirlvsWorld

    You have goddess arms.

    I used to want the “thigh gap” — until I read that Crystal Renn had to whittle down to 98lbs to get hers. At almost all points when I’m confronted with a body goal/desire like this, I have to ask myself “Is it worth it?” (in that case, it’s not worth being anorexic/sick to achieve that goal) and “Is it worth loving myself as I am, right now?” (it always is, and in many instances, when I give up trying to control how I look or perceive myself, I am finally able to see myself as I am, and just how wonderful that is).

    Finally, I bet those girls on the red carpet wished they were as strong as you are.

  • Michelle

    You are NOT going too far with exercising. I can totally relate to you. That’s why I’ve been reading your blog for 5 years now. You’re living the dream! You’ve been able to do what you love for a living, have time for your family, and have time to do what makes you feel complete. You ARE an inspiration.

    BTW . . . my iPhone crashes every time I view your website in either Chrome or Safari. Thought you’d like to know that! :)

  • Darcy B

    I am so happy for you that YOU validate YOURSELF. So what I think about that unkind note or your reaction to it shouldn’t matter and I’m sure isn’t needed to validate your feelings. Rather than adding to the negative swirl by saying what I think of that kind of communication, I’ll simply say I think you handled that like a champ, hasty or not. I also want to share how I see you, in sort of a different way. When I was in fourth grade I had this really awesome teacher who loved English the most and she taught us about creative writing on a topic. We would do a “cluster” the topic being in the middle and the descriptive words/phrases/ideas could gather around that topic. So here is my Roni cluster:

    normal / bad cycle breaker / life lover / brave / open / sharing / personal information giver / inspiration / noble / fearless / path forger / strong / brave / athletic / woman / mom / short hair rocker / athlete / runner / cook / blogger / leader / healthy / real / down-to-earth / smart / passionate / willful / go-getter / amazing / relatable / encouraging

    I intentionally left the second “brave” entry., it came up twice…what can I say? That might be the one word, if I had to pick just one. You make me proud to be a woman and make me want to be a better version of myself. I’m not going to run out and do half of the things that you do, but in seeing your bravery at trying new things and pushing yourself, you make me know that the same is possible for me. We don’t need to mimic you in order to allow you (and others willing to share here) to inspire us to be our best selves. Thank you!

  • Jo B

    Roni
    I wanted to drop you a message as I have just read the above post and felt i must as i do not agree with the message left for you. I’m from the UK and found your blog in January this year (2014). I was looking for inspiration to help me lose a bit of weight.
    I am in some ways lucky, i have never been very overweight, just 15 pounds or so, i did not have problems at school. My weight started slowly increasing when i moved out of home and could eat chocolate and sweets and biscuits whenever i wanted. I have a serious sweet tooth. Anyway i have now read every post up to June 2013 on Ronisweigh (Just Roni) and am going to try some of your greenlitebites (i love the tortilla pizzas) recipes over the next few months.
    You have inspired me hugely to just try things. I have had a treadmill for a few years, but it was a little dusty. I started walking and am now starting a bit of running too. When the weather gets better i am hoping to run outside. Next i want to try climbing – i have always wanted to do that. I really feel now that i can do anything i want, and that has a lot to do with you and what you have done.
    How your blog has changed has been fascinating, how you have changed has been great and as i said so inspiring.
    Don’t stop what you are doing… maybe i don’t fancy a Tough Mudder but you have inspired and motivated me to try stuff i do.
    Thank you
    Jo

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