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Now, hear me out as I know some of you reading are even older than I, so don’t go getting your panties in a twist. These are just some thoughts floating through my head after a funny conversation at the gym.
During warm-up, I happened to hear 2 guys talking about when they graduated high school, and after butting in, I immediately regretted it.
Apparently I was the oldest one there!
By a LOT.
The closest in age to me was the guy I thought was OLD.
He graduated high school in 1997.
I was already in college dating The Future Husband at that time. I graduated in 1994. There was some comfort in knowing that Mr. ThoughtHeWasOldGuy and I were at least in high school at the same time, but remember, this is the guy I thought was older than me. I had over 10 years on almost everyone else!
I’m still in a bit of shock and disbelief. I just assumed most of us were all the same age. I mean I knew there were a few young’uns but by far I was in the majority being in my 30s.
At least that’s what I thought.
Am I the only one in my, OK late-30s, who still feels like they never left their 20s?
When did that happen anyway?
Oh yeah, about 7 years ago!
In a few short months I’ll be 37, putting me far closer to 40 than I feel comfortable with.
I know it shouldn’t matter and really, it doesn’t. I do have a small amount of regret for not seizing life a little sooner. It’s a bit depressing to think about all the time I wasted in my bad body image and yo-yo dieting cycle of hell days, but all that only propels me to grab more of life by the horns now.
On the flip side of being oldER, there is a part of me who’s tired of feeling young. I don’t mean physically or even mentally, I mean psychologically. Maybe it’s just semantics, but sometimes I think of myself still as a girl, not a woman. I’m the student, not the teacher (even though I taught college for 6 years.) I’m the daughter, not the mom. And even though I’ve owned my own business for 4 years, I act more like an employee than a boss.
Is this making any sense?
As I’m discovering with most things, it comes down to confidence. I think I’m ready to start being “old” in the sense of experience and self-assurance, but my goal is to stay young at heart and in physical ability.
That’s not too much to ask. Is it?
I snapped this picture yesterday after reaching a personal goal at the gym.
I cleaned and jerked 95 lbs for the first time — those in CrossFit will understand — and I felt like a million bucks. I can honestly say there’s no way I would have been able to do that 10 years ago. I also couldn’t run a mile, do a chin-up or even find the smallest bit of pleasure in moving my body the way I do now. Oh and yeah, I was at least 40 lbs heavier.
I (and this blog) may have started on a weight loss mission but I’ve grown, changed, and learned so much about myself these, geesh, almost 8 years. There’s no way I’d want to go back just for the sake of youth. I’d rather be the old lady at the gym any day. It’s so much more fun than being young when still battling a bad body image and yo-yo dieting.
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I’ve been doing this a looong time…