Okay, so I totally feel like a failure today. It’s week 4 in the CrossFit open and I couldn’t complete one rep this week.

Not one.

Ugh.

This was my fear when I entered. I knew it would happen sooner or later, I’m just surprised it took until the 4th week.

I feel like a total loser. In a way it validates all my fears about signing up in the first place. I mean, I know I’m not going to be competing at any type of level so why bother, ya know?

Then I started to think of all the races I’ve run.

I never had a chance of winning any of these either …

But I showed up to each and every one, had fun, and did my best.

Isn’t that all that really matters?

Why is it so easy to tell others that (including my kids) then believe it myself?

“Falling down is how we grow. Staying down is how we die.” — Brian Vaszily

That may be a bit dramatic, but I do feel like I stumbled a bit.

Here’s the thing, though: I can either use the fall as an excuse to stay down or a reason to keep going.

I choose to keep going.

Just wait for a post later this year when I clean and jerk 95 lbs because it’s coming.

 
  • BLMark

    I can’t do a single toes to bar, so i did “toes to air.” The 135 lb clean and jerk was a snap, but not toes to bar. But i kept on going and moved through the rounds. Just keep going!

    • RoniNoone

      Thanks Mark. I can’t ado a toes to bar either but I thought, maybe I’d be able to get at 1-2 cleans up. Ugh. I just got discouraged.

  • Alexandra

    I have been WODing for about three months now. When I started I could only clean and jerk the bar, pretty much. Yesterday I clean and jerked 75#. When I did toes to bar for the first time, I did well just to get my knees up to my stomach level! Yesterday, I got my toes all the way up and was only about an inch away from hitting the bar on every rep.

    I’ve noticed that crossfit changes your body and your ability so quickly! No doubt you’ll be able to clean and jerk that 95# sooner rather than later :) Love your blog, Roni. Keep up the awesome work!

  • Jill Schindel

    Truly, I think you’re amazing. I have to keep telling myself “I can’t expect to experience meaningful victories if I’m only willing to try at things of which I know I’m already capable.” Translation – failing is GOOD! It shows that you are trying at new things, expanding your horizons and your abilities. It tells you you’re alive. It breaks down your fears. What did you fear? Failing. What did you do? Fail. Did the world end? Nope. You’re still here. You have the freedom to try again, try something different, do whatever. But you tried, and you’re alive, and you’ve done a hell of a lot more than a lot of people ever will because you’re willing to fail.

    Good on ya.

  • Shannon

    You never lose if you’ve tried your best! What an adventure you’ve had, Roni!

  • christina

    I’ve been following your awesome blog since september 2012! Until this post I thought you were that kind of a super-woman that never gets discouraged by anything!! hehe I’ve learned sooo many things from you! And all I have to say is FALL DOWN 7, GET UP 8! Of course you can do that, your own terms, your own limits, your own success , your own greatness! You’re such an inspiration.. This Sunday I’m running my second 5K ever. I could not practice due to a lower back injury and at the begginig of the week i decided not to go.. I would feel embarrased with all the people passing by me, with all the extra weight I still carry and by the fact that I have to walk more than half the distance!! But now I just changed my mind! I’ll load my favoring songs on my ipod and i’ll do my best! Thanks to you Roni and thanks to this post!! Thank you is not enough..

    • CJ

      Amen, Christina! And good for you, Roni! Isn’t it about the journey, any way?

  • http://kleinefotogeschichten.blogspot.de/ Jola

    Thanks Roni for motivating me! Starting is the key. It’s not about winning!

  • Kaki Bennett

    I always try to remind myself, if this were a good friend and she felt like a failure and was disappointed in herself, what would I say to her? Like you said, it’s so easy to be kind and encouraging to others and so difficult to be kind to ourselves. I remind myself of this continuously, and it’s a hard lesson for me to learn. It seems like I have to keep re-learning things I have discovered…Apparently I don’t always retain the information the first time :)

  • Marcus4848

    No one is perfect; we all have failures on the road to achievement. I think it was Edison who said that he did not fail all those times attempting to create a lightbulb, he was learning each time what would not work.

  • http://www.maquiberryreviewer.com/ jennie

    Remember, it’s not how many time we fall down… It’s how many times we get back up that matters… Good Luck!

  • http://twitter.com/FatGirlvsWorld Robby/FatGirlvsWorld

    (1) It still touches me that you kept my sign. I’m honored to inspire the woman that inspires me.
    (2) I think there comes a crisis point in everyone’s weightloss/healthgain journey where they have to figure out whether they’re going to give up, or whether they’re going to dig in. That is the first hurdle, the follow-through is the second.

    (3) Okay, so you fell. How are you going to fight for yourself to get back up?

  • SherriD

    Sweetie, you are no failure! But you knew that and I bet it is nice to hear it from your followers. I have SOOOO been there, done that in feeling like a failure. I lost 100 pounds, after being obese all my life. I have maintained that loss for over a year now. I STILL have days where I feel like a failure because I haven’t lost the last 20 pounds, or because I am not walking as much as I used to, or any one of a number of dumb reasons. Intellectually I KNOW I am not a failure. That stinkin’ gremlin in my head will argue that with me though.

    You HAVE inspired others, I can see that by their comments. I also know when I am struggling I have others tell me that I inspire THEM! Imagine, we can feel like failures but we really are not failing…just having “one of those days” Ya know? hugs

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