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If you’ve been following my food journals on MFP I have a confession. Friday’s, Saturday’s and Sunday’s were not accurate. I started each day with the best intentions. Motivated. Ready to make healthy choices.

But then something happened. Something that used to happen way more frequently then it does now.

I got stuck in the screw-today-I’ll-start-over-tomorrow mindset.

It started Friday when I got depressed about my lower back pain. Then Saturday we went out and I just didn’t feel like tracking past dinner even though we had ice cream and chocolate. And yesterday? Ugh. Yesterday was the worst. I pretty much binged on cheese, homemade nachos and cinnamon cookies after entering the day’s food journal. I wasn’t even hungry. I just wanted to eat.

Why?

Why? Why? WHY?

Ugh. If I really psychoanalyze myself, I think it’s the combination of anger about my back, anxiety about the Tough Mudder contest (I wasn’t lying, it’s scaring the crap out of me!) stress about the conference, uncertainty about a few business decisions I have lingering over my head, the every day JOYS of raising a grade-schooler and toddler, and, oh, I don’t know, hormones. On top of it all, I haven’t really been feeling 100% lately. Physically. I’ve had a cough lingering for almost a month now and I’m just so darn tired.

Thankfully I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow to help sort a few things out about my back and cough. Everything else I just need to deal with without turning to food, which STILL seems to my coping mechanism of choice after all these years.

However, there is a big difference between me “now” and me “then.” Now I don’t let these feeling fester too long without dealing with them. I don’t throw my hands up and completely surrender. I still wake up every day and do my best without guilt or shame about the day before. So I ate some nachos and chocolate. Whoopty Freakin’ Doo. It’s not the end of the world. It doesn’t mean I failed. It means I ate some nachos and chocolate.

Once you adopt that attitude it’s so easy to recover. I remember a time when a weekend like this would set me back weeks if not months and at least a 25-pound gain until I got motivated to give it another whirl. Now I’m back in the saddle immediately because I never fell off the horse. We just took a wrong turn and I had to get us back on the right track.

Phew! I feel so much better already. See, I just needed to get it all out of my head. I had a great day chipping away at the old to-do list while procrastinating on facebook.

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OK, I’m gonna go. For those interested today’s food journal IS accurate and my kitchen is now cleaned and closed.

I’ll have some fun Tough Mudder Madness contest updates soon. Promise!

 
  • http://www.facebook.com/emily.elgin Emily Elgin

    Wow did I need this tonight. This cycle has happened with me a hundred times. This time I am starting to gain my weight (that I just finished losing after baby 3) back and I can totally see myself saying “screw it” until I gained 20lbs. NOT NOW!!! I will correct my wrong turn b/c tomorrow is another day. Thanks again Roni

  • Michelle Harris

    I have been stuck like this too, for a week. I have not even bothered to track. Sigh. Need to listen to you.

  • Karenna

    I’m also there right now, mad and angry and sad and resentful and defeated. Usually, I stop tracking once I starting binging, but one day this past week I went back and tracked my binge — couple thousand calories in one fell swoop. Textbook binge, and something I do frequently and with abandon. Question, Roni: why are your MFP calorie goals different every day? Thanks.

    • RoniNoone

      Because I enter my workout, either running or CrossFit and it adds in more calories.

    • Karenna

      Thanks for the answer! I’ve been using MFP pretty regularly for the past month (daily for the past week), and since workouts aren’t consistent, I’m usually sticking to one really sad, hard-for-me-to-hit, calorie goal. Trying to lose weight sucks.

  • Sandi

    This way of looking at it- no on or off the diet, just need to reign it in and keep going, is what has kept the weight off this time.
    Thanks for posting this today Roni. Even though I live by this I still need the clear reminder occasionally. This last weekend was a Pms=fudge fiesta. Today was great, almost six mile hike and healthy eating.

    • VaMarcy

      Reign it in and keep going–I like that! Thanks!

  • Robin Nicole

    I’m seriously thinking about joining you and the winner if its in time for some training. None of the Tough Mudders are that close to me plus any excuse to travel! I have several mud races on my agenda in the next several months lets see how this Princess holds up lol. Positive thoughts for your back and health , I know how that can really bum one out.
    Xoxo,
    Robin Nicole

    • RoniNoone

      We are doing Kentucky but I plan on doing a at 3-4 others too. I’ll be posting about it soon. Would love for you to join us!

  • Missy

    I really needed to hear this Roni… This is where I’ve been the last few days too, but am trying not to beat myself up over it and move on. Thanks, as always!

  • kanga

    Hi! I can relate on the back pain issue. It is very frustrating. There is a workout by Desiree Rumbaugh(i think i spelled correct) on hulu plus that seems to help me feel considerably better . The hour workout is long but it seems that is what my muscles really need. She is very detailed about doing them correctly. It also has many back and neck strengthening exercises.. .. namaste,…” and may the force be with you “

  • Sara

    Roni what I love about you is that you are real. I think anyone who turns to food for comfort will always have that to deal with, I don’t think it magically goes away. I think your mindset is the perfect one and one I wish was more out there in the world today!! Thank you so much for constantly being an inspiration!!!

  • Katherine

    This happens to me quite frequently, too. Especially when I’m very close to my goal weight. Part of me thinks it’s just a mind game to have something to reach for every time I get close to that number. Maintenance seems like a strange animal after all of this time. What are we going to talk about if we actually lose all of the weight and maintain? Lol.

    • Sammy D

      Totally agree. After being 3-7 pounds from goal for more than a year. Every time I think ok almost there, I go and have a few bad days. There I am back at 7 pounds away instead of 3. I do order if I got there would I just fall a part?

    • Sherri D

      181-189 and every number in between for almost a full year here. Replace the 8′s with 7′s and I’d be at goal wt. But Sammy, I could say the exact same thing you did! It helps to know we are not alone!

  • Stephanie

    I LOVE your honesty! I have been following you here for a couple years and now on MFP. I look at other peoples diaries to get ideas for meals and to also see that some people eat REAL food, some days they go over their calories, its all realistic because its life! I admit, this makes me feel better when I eat a mini snickers from a co-workers desk, instead of some funky all natural carob thing. Because the truth is…I, like you, are not the same person I once was, but I still need a treat everyday, the difference is now it can be 1-2 treats and not a whole days/weeks/months worth. I am also about 16 weeks pregnant and getting tired of everyone telling me its ok to eat whatever I want because I am with baby…DUDE…do these people know how hard it is to get the weight off? Now that I am past the so sick I want to die phase, I am back to mindful eating most days and trying to keep the gain in check. I have lost it before so I know I can again, but why would I purposely gain more just so I have to work harder to lose it? Ok…that was quite the ramble! Thank you for your always inspiring posts and HONESTY! This is why I love to follow your blogs!

  • Jamie Campbell

    This is one of the worst mistakes people make… they go on a diet and as soon as they eat something unhealthy they give up! It is actually healthier to eat mostly healthy and with one or two unhealthy foods per week than it is to just eat all out healthy foods! I think the main cause for this is people overanalyzing everything and that is why I have made this blog at http://www.nobsfatlossnow.blogspot.co.uk which tells you in simple terms how to lose the fat and also allows you to read my personal story from obese to healthy!

  • Jeri Lyn

    Thanks for your honesty Roni!!
    I had a similar weekend. Hubby’s bday was Saturday night & went to a delicious (fattening) restaurant for dinner & then a Nascar party Sunday morning/afternoon. I should’ve had a better plan for Sunday, the food was SO GOOD & I just kept grazing!!! Then I did the “well might as well eat crap for dinner because I have no idea how much crap I already ate today”!! Followed that up with half a cheeseburger & a huge order of fried zucchini. I felt SO SICK afterwards!!! :( Don’t know why I do that to myself??!!?? I still felt the after-effects most of Monday, but I ate pretty well on Monday & got up @ 4am this morning & ran 3 1/2 miles on the “dread-mill”.
    Trying to brush myself off & move on. You’re e-mail today really helped!!!
    Thanks again!!!

  • Kelley

    This post came at the perfect time for me! I ran a 5k on Sunday and then rewarded myself with greasy Mexican food that night. And yesterday I just grazed. All. Day. Long. Last night I was so irritated with myself for falling back into old habits. This morning I got back on track. It’s tough to train yourself otherwise when you’ve been relying on food for so long!

  • Sherri D

    Hi Roni, I am a new ‘listener’ and have enjoyed several of your postings. I just wanted to chime in here too. After losing 100 pounds I stalled out last year. I have gained and lost the same few pounds for almost a whole year now. It was both comforting as well as sad that I have to keep on tracking stuff and that this happens to others on a regular basis! But ya, it IS nice to know I am in good company with you and your commenters. :) I recently heard on a podcast I enjoy, the topic of bloggers who only share their successes, never their failures. In ‘real life’ we are all successes and all failures for a time. Never a total failure though, as long as we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start all over again! :D

  • Anon

    A few times I’ve snacked after I hit the “Complete this Entry” button, but I stopped myself faster than before. That’s what success looks like sometimes.

    I know a few people have noted that MFP has low calorie goals and I agree. I reset my calorie goal based on what is realistic for me, even though MFP tells me I’ll lose ‘just’ .25 lbs per week. A pound a month is fine by me!

  • Shan

    Love this post. I also have these moments and I think it is very brave of you to put yourself out there so much. Not only posting your food diary for all of us to see but posts like this on your blog. I do follow what you eat to get some ideas (loving your recent yogurt suggestions). I also have days when I am over and under and bad eating days. But I think that not throwing away the week, the month even the entire day is the key to success. I figure beating yourself up for being human is pretty dumb. It is ok to enjoy that date night with your partner, birthday cake, a treat on a day out or just a bad day of eating. Just refocus and move on. Great work.
    Shan

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jody-R-Goldenfield/100000069514057 Jody R. Goldenfield

    Roni, it is all baby steps & you are better then you were & that is what matters PLUS just moving on – that is the key.. not giving up – that is so important! I hope you get some doc answers tomorrow! This flu season has been had & I had it twice with the 2nd time lasting way too long!

  • rachel

    I so needed you to write this! This is me, right now. It started by trying myfitnesspal.com. The calories were too low for me, I was doing great on 200 calories more a day and losing weight, but seeing that red calorie number really did a number on me. Also, I eat too many carbs and that pointed that out to in red numbers. I knew I was losing and doing great, but at the end of the day when I would click on done, it would say if everyday was like today you will be 8 pounds more in 5 weeks. What! My head was not ready for all that. After a week I closed my account, and regrouped. My husband and I have decided to stop the bleeding of candy and junk food that comes into the house. Not only for us, but the kids. Slow and steady, finishing what we have and not rebuying more. Replacing with better choices and less boxes and packaging. Today is a new day!

  • http://www.ConfessionsOfARecoveringChocoholic.com/ Laura Jane

    Can’t tell you how many times this happens to me. I keep pushing dealing with it to tomorrow. Before I know it, months have passed! I read something earlier this year that suggested the one person you need to unfriend this year is the future you. Future me is pretty much perfect. She wakes up perfect tomorrow morning. She never indulges in sweets, always exercises, keeps the house spotless, never wastes time, etc. However, she’s really my greatest enemy. She’s the one who holds me back from doing all those good things today, and, worse, she’s never actually there for me. She’s not a real friend.

  • http://twitter.com/ShaneNR Shane Richardson

    Great post!!!! We all have those moments of weakness. Thanks for writing and inspiring others that its okay.

  • monique

    Done that/ been there so many times in past. That kind of mindset kept me struggling with my ballooning weight. Thanks to a friend that recommended a supplement called Liproxenol. I was able to fight off and resist the urges. It didn’t really turn out much of a fight because it curb my appetite so food deprivation didn’t become a problem.

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