I’m a fairly rational person. I know I can’t gain 5lbs of fat overnight. I know some chocolate and a few Oreo cookies isn’t the end of the world, but I’m noticing an interesting pattern. Actually it’s more of a loop.
I feel fat so I eat crap, and when I eat crap, I feel fat.
There are times nothing tempts me. I feel great. Motivated. Skinny, even. The Husband could be eating a bag of Dorritos next to a pile of cupcakes, fresh Christmas cookies from the oven, and a warm Cinnabon all while asking me if I want to order a double stuff crust pizza and I could. care. less. My answer is no. Easily.
Then there are days I feel off. Fat. In a funk. I walk into a room and the kids will enjoying a couple of Oreo cookies and I can’t walk away. The thought of having a cookie consumes me. I torment myself, bargaining and rationalizing. I grab 1 that turns into 2 then I pour a glass of milk and have 2 more, ok 3. Then, since I already “ruined” the day, I nibble on cheese when making the kids lunches and sit down with a bag of chips while watching TV.
It’s sad, but I still struggle between these two states. I just can’t figure out which comes first, the feeling “fat” (which really is my catch all for depressed, sad, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, lonely, etc.) or the eating of crap.
It’s my personal chicken egg problem.
Which Came First, the Fat or the Crap?