That’s what I said to myself this morning at the gym upon seeing her.
You know, her. The woman who, without trying or even knowing, makes me feel bad about myself. She doesn’t mean it, I’m sure. It’s just her perfect body, her chiseled arms, her un-flabby legs, her flat abs.
After I see her I feel like frumpy slug.
It’s true and it doesn’t help that I’ve already been fighting off a case of the funk lately.
You’d think with my healthy eating and awesome weigh in this week I’d be on cloud 9, but the opposite is true. The Husband and I haven’t been on the same wavelength, the 18 month old is entering that “I want mommy every waking moment stage,” and I’m stuck in a cycle at home I cant’t seem to break.
It’s all first world problems, of course. Life is pretty darn awesome right now and I should be grateful, but that doesn’t stop it from affecting my mood, leaving me more vulnerable to old body image demons and self esteem issues.
This morning I decided to shut me inner mean girl down.
I thought to myself,
Stop it. Just STOP IT. Why are you comparing yourself to another woman. That’s so stupid. You’re being ridiculous.
Then I realized,
Hey. Why are you being so hard on yourself. Calling yourself stupid and ridiculous isn’t making you feel any better. Lots of people compare themselves to each other. It’s pretty common, you know.
My aha moment,
Here you are at 6AM taking BodyPump after running a mile to the gym. You are honoring your body. You feeding it good food. You are doing YOUR absolute best and that’s all that matters.
Then I thought about my son and almost cried right there in the gym. He’s getting ready for his third cross country meet since I posted Running for the Rest of Us and for each and every one he has so much excitement and enthusiasm, despite being at the end of the pack every time. Sure, there’s a tinge of disappointment when he sees his name at the end of the list, but then he moves on. My motivation turn workout partner is now my inspiration.
I don’t know what’s been up with me lately. I’m on a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Maybe it’s pre-holiday stress? Early mid-life crisis? Hormone imbalance? Who knows. I’m just tired of feeling unworthy and inadequate.
I’m over it.