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And if so, why?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. Where does the need to explain myself comes from?
Let me explain. <– see! ;)
After I lost the weight I went through a bit of identity crisis. People didn’t see me as "chunky" or "fat" any longer. They just assumed I was always thin and, frankly, it bugged that crap out of me. I wanted people to know my thinner physique took a lot of work. That I wasn’t "born lucky." That I used be made fun of for being fat. That I am not just another skinny girl.
Those feelings have passed, somewhat. There’s still a tinge here and there but I have maintained the loss so long I actually feel more and more like it’s a moot point. People will make judgements on my body regardless what size it is. That’s just the sad truth.
Here’s the thing though, I also feel the need to explain myself when it comes to my work. I’m not quite a stay at home mom, not quite a working mom so I feel judged by both groups. I do work, not in the traditional sense, I don’t have a boss, but blogging is work. Conference planning is work. I need time and child care, and an office space. I have conference calls and deadlines. Clients and associates.
I also feel the need to explain my upbringing. I wasn’t raised with a silver spoon in my mouth. I watched my single mom struggle to better our situation after a divorce that left us with nothing. No house. No money. Nothing. I grew up on yellow cheese and powdered milk. when people see my nice house, in a nice neighborhood I want them know I wasn’t just born into it, I worked hard to get here and needed some helping hands along the way.
I also feel the need to clarify little things by saying..
"No, really, I didn’t start running until I was 30."
"Seriously, I never wear dresses."
"Really, I didn’t grow up eating kale and butternut squash."
Do I really need to explain to people I’m an exercise immigrant, a tom boy at heart and learning to eat healthy has been a choice not my norm. Why is any of that important?
I mean, these are all trivial but I’ve been pondering why I feel it’s necessary for me to prefix conversations or let people know things aren’t always what they seem. Is the "need to explain" a personality type? Maybe everyone feels this way? Maybe it’s a confidence thing? Self-esteem? Maybe it coincides with why I like to blog? Maybe it’s because I’ve changed so much I want people to know it is possible? Maybe it’s stupid and I just need to get over myself?
Honestly, I don’t know. I thought this made a great question of the week. Your thoughts? Do you ever feel the need to clarify or do you just let people make their own assumptions about you?
I’ve been doing this a looong time…
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Roni started this blog in '05 to journal her weight loss. 70lbs later, she's committed to living a conscious, healthy life and hopes to inspire others along the way. Read more on the about page.
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