One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

FOOD JOURNALS

Consciously Changing My Focus

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This morning I was in a rotten mood. I’ve been feeling great the past couple of days, in the zone, trucking along and then… BAM I don’t know what happened? I started to get all down in the dumps and blah.

And no, it’s NOT that time of the month so don’t go there.

Getting out of bed this morning was excruciating. It’s so darn dark out anymore and I was tired, but I knew if I put it off I’d never make it to the gym later and the Tough Mudder is only a couple of weeks away. (I will make it across those darn monkey bars, I WILL!) So I got my ass up and headed out the door.

At the gym I saw THAT girl and then every time I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror I felt like a cow. We’re not going to go there today. Let’s just say sometimes, I really do think I have that body dysmorphic disease or whatever the heck it’s called.

Anyway, I forged through the workout and ran home distracted by Jillian Michael’s podcast. Then I got on the computer and was hoping to hear from a friend but I didn’t. I hate how relationships change over time, not good, not bad, just different.

Then I looked at my long list of things to do for FitBloggin and how my hands are tied until I hear back from the hotel yet I have sponsors asking me questions I can’t answer. All this while researching and planning for FitBloggin’13. Then I questioned my sanity in starting the process all over again.

I realize, by the way, all these things should by no means put me in a funk. It’s dark, blah blah blah. I’m tired, blah blah blah. I don’t like my body, blah blah blah. My friend doesn’t like me any more, blah blah blah. My awesome job (that I invented) is too hard, blah blah BLAH. All pretty much first world problems.

Life could be a lot worse. A LOT. I know this, but the "be grateful" thing doesn’t work in the moment while in a funk especially when there’s no real reason for the funk. Nope, for me the only way out is to change my focus and actively DO something or at least plan to do something.

I guess you can say I’m action orientated.

SO… instead of moping around in my ridiculous funk I did a few things today.

  1. I started researching trips to knock something off the old Bucket List next year. I don’t want to share too much right now but let me just say it involves me and the 7 year old and a hiking adventure. :)
  2. I blasted music, danced, and cleaned the kitchen with the kids. Always therapeutic.
  3. When the babysitter came, I posted about our trip to DC on the UnWorldlyTravelers. This may seem minor but I have a tendency to procrastinated (especially while in a funk) when there’s something I need to do (work on conference) but can’t do (waiting on hotel) so forcing myself to sit down and accomplish something was a good thing.
  4. By the time I was done with the DC post the hotel came through with what I needed and started to work my butt off. Soon all my funk thoughts were no where to be found. I was too busy to care.
  5. After a productive afternoon I put on this dress…



    despite being self conscious of my arms and being told by The Husband and 7 year old that they didn’t like it. I didn’t care. It was comfy and cute and I rarely wear dresses. It was a nice change and what do boys know anyway?


    So I headed to Back to School night to meet Ryan’s teacher and then I got a haircut and treated myself to some popcorn at the mall.

It ended up to be a great day that just started a little shaky. I don’t know about you but sometimes I have to consciously change my focus and just forge through the funk.

Food
What Why
egg white omelet with peppers, summer squash and leftover ham cubed took a break from the eggs for a couple of days. I missed them
cherry flavored greek yogurt mixed with a little cocoa powder I couldn’t help myself. This combo is great. The husband and I were going out to lunch but I wasn’t gonna make it. Stomach was growling.
salad + spicy tuna roll + california roll + fortune cookie Husband’s idea. I can’t refuse the lunch special at the sushi place!
leftover bakes ham, large sweet potato split with the kids + broccoli quick dinner before I headed to school
popcorn I’m obsessed.
Activity
2.5 mile run + BodyPump class
Water
not good. Was just too lazy.


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Discussion

There are 27 comments so far.

    Kathy @thepandapost

    August 24, 2012

    Any newbie Tough Mudder Advice tips? I am also doing TM on September 9th and pretty scared, not gonna lie. The most I have done are mud 5k races. I’m afraid I won’t make it up the half pipe!

    Amilja

    August 24, 2012

    You did great! This is such an inspiring post.

    Gail H.

    August 24, 2012

    Good for you! LOVED this post…I’m in the funk today and when I saw your post title come thru my e-mail I knew I had to read it before I jumped in the shower to start my day…you look adorable in that dress!! Just goes to show that if we change our attitude about something it can change our view :)

    Carey

    August 24, 2012

    Hi Roni,
    Just so you know, you would be THAT girl at the gym for me. :) GLad you turned your frown upside down (something my mum always told me). You really are an inspiration!!

    KarenJ

    August 24, 2012

    Just so you know if you’re body dysmorphic so are a million other women. It’s amazing what the media and societal expectations have done to us. No matter what state of fitness I’ve been in, I’ve always found it difficult to truly accept my body. I can totally relate to your post as I am also action-oriented and I think it came from the past when I used to eat when I was feeling lousy and I knew I had to come up with an alternative way to handle my feelings. Getting busy does it! Good post!

    Chris B

    August 24, 2012

    Very cute dress!!

    Loving the dress!

    Teresa

    August 24, 2012

    I love this post. It just confirms that I’m not the only one that sometimes can literally feel a funk descend upon me and for NO reason sometimes. I LOVE that dress. What DO boys know! It looks absolutely adorable on you and what arms are you talking about!!!! Its darling! I’m so glad you feel better but I think the funk is just human nature and I can only hope that my loved ones continue to support me through them.

    amber

    August 24, 2012

    I love your dress, and your proactive attitude I might add :)

    Chanelle

    August 24, 2012

    Hey Roni!

    The comment about your arms really moved me to comment. In the “be grateful” vein, I must say that you are so so lucky to have beautiful arms. I used to hide my arms when I got Cushing’s and the extremely rapid weight gain marked my body with these tiny stretch marks all over my arms, and they are still on my arms, boobs, sides, thighs, calves and back…. But I still wear tank tops and field questions from people who don’t know its rude to ask questions about my appearance. I can never ever get rid of these marks 100% so I had to embrace them, surely you can find a way to embrace yours!

    kristi

    August 24, 2012

    AWESOME! I love it when we find the power to turn it all around! And by the way, I LOVE the dress!

    rachel

    August 24, 2012

    I will remember you when I’m in my next funk. Way to put yourself out!
    Boys do not know anything! That dress looks very nice.

    sue

    August 24, 2012

    I know it’s shallow. But that’s an awesome awesome dress. And great tan. I could go on about your intelligence & writing skill, and dedication to your family and inspiration to millions, but–let’s face it. Today, it’s about the kick-ass dress.

    Patty

    August 24, 2012

    congratulations! Those hard days are so hard to turn around so this is a huge accomplishment. Love the dress & hair!

    LG

    August 24, 2012

    Oh my. Sometimes we just have to wade through funky days. Me too! Nice work, Roni. Nice dress, too, and it looks very nice on you!

    Monkey bars…you have to do those in your race? Holy crap – they are so hard! (But why weren’t they when I was five?)

    I listen to Jillian Michaels’ podcast too. Another good one is thebecauseshow – three ladies from L.A. It’s so entertaining and random…

    Carli

    August 24, 2012

    Roni, You’re just AWESOME! Period. :-)

    dawn

    August 24, 2012

    I was in a total funk yesterday too!! But I chose the “other” path–way too much sugar! And today it made me feel better just to read your post. On we go and toward the choices that make us feel in control and proud of ourselves. Love your blog, Roni.

    Jama

    August 24, 2012

    Love the dress! sometimes boys don’t know a darn thing :)

    nancy

    August 24, 2012

    Blue is your color.

    Laura

    August 24, 2012

    Love the dress!!!! And the color on you! And post pictures of the hair cut.

    roni

    August 24, 2012

    Kathy – Everyone helps everyone! You’ll be fine. If it wasn’t for 2 guys pulling me up I wouldn’t have made it either. Take your time, try everything and have fun with it!

    Greg Kuhn

    August 24, 2012

    Roni,

    The fact that you can write a post like that in the middle of experiencing some low energy says so much about you and your spirit. Bravo!

    I got a big chuckle out of your typo and I hope it doesn’t bother you that I bring it up. I think you were “meant” to write it that way so I could get such a big smile at the end of a loooooong day. You wrote “…I headed to Back to School night to meat Ryan’s teacher…” and got images of you throwing cold cuts at some poor teacher! That was awesome.

    Thanks for posting Roni!

    Ellen

    August 24, 2012

    Roni, that dress is beautiful!!! I want one :) You look fabulous.

    Linda

    August 25, 2012

    I LOVE your honesty!! We all get down and it’s ok. I work as a park ranger in Yellowstone and I can’t tell you how many people tell me how lucky I am. Well, I don’t feel lucky. I’m sick of working for the Park Service, I have a HORRIBLE boss who breathes down my neck and follows me and the rest of the staff around making sure we are doing what we’re supposed to be doing. My point is nobody knows what your life is really like. I long for a time when I don’t have to move every six months, have a home with my own furniture and not wear that stupid uniform with that ridiculous hat!! This will be my last summer I promised myself that. Ok, that’s my rant!! All that happens is a lesson and I’m being pushed towards a new and better life for myself.

    Timmy

    August 25, 2012

    Have you considered doing light therapy first thing in the morning. really helps me. Go outside in the sun for 15-30 mintues. This will increase your thyroid function which will regulate blood sugar and help with mood.

    Mindy

    August 25, 2012

    The dress is Ah…wait for it…dorable! You look beautiful, the color is great on you, and it’s fun to feel girly sometimes :) Can’t wait to read the travel post! Hope you are having a great weekend!

    Bridgid

    August 27, 2012

    I love the dress on you – the colors are great for you, and your arms are enviable. If your friend doesn’t respond, it doesn’t mean she/he doesn’t like you, it may mean that they are as busy as you are!