One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

Fickle Confidence

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I know it’s weigh in day but I have something more important to talk about so I’m going to go with my gut instead of some self imposed editorial calendar which I’ve been mostly ignoring anyway.

It’s one way I’m working on my confidence today. I need too.

Since Monday morning I’ve been in funkville.

The Husband has been working around the clock. Little Bean’s been going through a clingy, whiny, pay-attention-to-me-every-waking-moment stage. The 7 year old is, well, a 7 year old, so everything goes in one ear and out the other.

I’m also coming off the high of running the 2 events this weekend. Returning to the daily grind is always a let down after a super fun weekend. Isn’t it?

Anyway, I’m noticing my own fickle confidence cycle.

There are times I am simply a confident woman.

I feel

empowered,

successful,

motivated,

determined,

fearless,

on top of the world!

Other times I’m like an insecure teenager.

I feel

unappreciated,

unloved,

mopey,

distant,

alone.

Of course my food choices and overall kindness to myself depends greatly on which mode I’m in. "Insecure teenage" tends to turn to food to make herself feel better. Nothing she sees in the mirror will every be good enough. And she assumes no ones likes her, not even her husband who just happens to be too busy at the moment to notice.

"Confident woman," on the other hand, knows food doesn’t cure anything. She treats herself with kindness and feeds her soul with gratitude. She knows the world doesn’t revolve around her and is totally ok with it. She takes nothing personally. She courageously forges ahead on her goals knowing she’s on the right path.

I choose to be "confident woman" but sometimes "insecure teenager" sneaks in the back door. Once I realize she’s in town I do my bet to escort her off the premises but it requires some muscle and a little willpower.

Today I told her to leave me alone and after a little arguing, I’m left a confident woman once again.

Now that you all think I’m crazy I shall go to bed.

Confident woman has a date with the gym in the morning.



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Discussion

There are 20 comments so far.

    Patty

    July 12, 2012

    Those are the times I like to hear Pink’s song Perfect, to remind myself to “change the voices in my head, make them like you instead”

    Lauren C.

    July 12, 2012

    Not crazy at all … I can totally relate. It’s nice to be reminded that sometimes the difference in outlook just comes down to making a choice.

    Greg Kuhn

    July 12, 2012

    Hello Roni. I agree that “could be you” and I believe in the power of change. I, too, radically changed my body about fifteen years ago and have kept the changes. Believe it or not, I still wear the same pants size I did when I was fifteen years old (and I’m forty-five now). I’d be honored if you checked out my blog about weight loss and let me know what you think; I find a lot of synergy between our blogs. Either way, thank you for sharing about your journey.

    shandy (@webgals)

    July 12, 2012

    Sadly, I let my own “insecure teenager” rule my psyche. I know it’s something I should work on. “Confident woman” gets a rare glimpse of the world though. I hope to make those glimpses longer. Crazy that the “insecure teenager” mind still rules the roost even as I close in on my *cough* 40’s.

    Lazy Personal Trainer

    July 12, 2012

    Yeah you’re crazy…crazy like a fox! You know just how to express things right and discuss topics that resonate with many of us. Thanks for the enjoyable and motivational post!

    Love this post roni!! you still look like a teenager!

    Dana

    July 12, 2012

    Thanks for your honesty. I can definitely relate.

    Laura

    July 12, 2012

    I feel those two ways too, Roni. Day before yesterday, I was pathetic and unconfident. Yesterday I felt awesome! The difference for be between one day and the other is directly related to whether I exercised that day, and how I’m eating. Day before yesterday, I woke up being a load, and loaded around all day; felt terrible, went to bed early and depressed, and feeling horrible from the food I’d eaten. Yesterday, woke up and mowed the grass (push mower, steep yard, great workout), felt awesome the rest of the day. Ate like a champ. Went over my calorie allotment, but at least I know that because I tracked it all day. Today I’m going to learn from my mistakes and use these last few minutes of the kids being asleep to do a floor workout in my livingroom. Seize the day!

    Tanya

    July 12, 2012

    Not crazy lady :) Good job at escorting insecure teenager off of the premises! I wrote a similar post on BTL 3 years ago about “Balanced Girl” vs. “Hungry Girl”. Same ideas, but instead of escorting her off the premises, I think my words were, “drowning the b**ch daily”. Sometimes it takes brutal force :)

    Tina

    July 12, 2012

    omg… I could have written this! I think I will print this and post it on my fridge as a reminder. I’ve been told once before to give the teenage me a big hug.

    Tina

    July 12, 2012

    PS: I adore the photo you chose for today’s topic!

    Patty

    July 12, 2012

    I know EXACTLY how you feel! I do! I do!
    Wish my upcoming surgery it has been really hard to be “confident woman” and my “scared teenager” side has crept in and taken over some of my days. On Sunday I told her to leave me alone! I promised I’d exercise every day until my surgery and so far 4 days in a row I’ve done it. My teenager side though has control of some of the food options. It’s a daily battle but I’m fighting it as much as I can.

    This too shall pass Roni! For both of us! :)

    Claire

    July 12, 2012

    Hey Roni! I really like this, and definitely struggle to stay confident and motivated all the time. It seems especially hard at the end of an especially great day – I make good choices and do cool things all day and truly have fun, and then something changes and I just start to feel bad (maybe this is similar to you coming down off the high of your awesome weekend?)

    I noticed that all of the feelings you listed under Confident had to do with how you feel about yourself and all the feelings you listed under Teenager had to do with your feelings related to other people. I was wondering if you could give a little more insight into this? I definitely think there’s something there that I relate to but I haven’t quite worked it out in my head yet…

    Thanks!

    Julia

    July 12, 2012

    Thanks for this Roni, I think I needed to hear something like this. Made me feel so much better :)

    i

    July 12, 2012

    Spot on. sorry you have to feel this but THANK YOU for sharing because this is Me to the T. I’ve been reading awhile—thanks for keeping it real and having the courage to speak your inner truths/thoughts. You articulate it all so well. And help those of in the same boat. :-).

    coming off of personal highs (especially for us Moms) and going back to our daily mode is really, really hard.

    Mary Nell

    July 12, 2012

    You aren’t crazy at all and I REALLY needed to read this tonight…it is so me. Not even with my relationship with food necessarily; just with life and work in general at times. Love this line: “She treats herself with kindness and feeds her soul with gratitude.”

    Jodi

    July 12, 2012

    I can SO relate!! Thank you for this post!!

    Lola

    July 13, 2012

    I feel like this too, but here is a challenge, get yourself an app to track your days…like woman log. I know it sounds crazy, but I bet your confident days are days 5-11. Hormones do crazy things to you, for me, it helps to know im not going crazy..Im just having a bad day. Day 15, im usually starving. Day 19, agressive, day 25 crybaby. Find o your pattern.

    Michelle

    July 14, 2012

    Love this post Roni! I’ve been following you for 4 years now and I never post anything! Today I was so moved by this post! You are so real, and I love it! It’s sooooo inspiring. I feel that way a lot. Two kiddos and one busy husband too! It’s easy to fall into that slump but I think talking about it and turning around that negative thinking is key! You are brave and admirable. Thank you!

    roni

    July 23, 2012

    Claire – That is interesting. I don’t think I noticed the pattern before. If I’m being REALLY honest with myself I definitely let others affect my mood more than I’d like to admit. I’m an approval seeker and I like to make people happy. I wonder if my personality type just has a hard time balancing the inner confidence with need to please. Know what I mean?