One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

Wednesday Weigh in, a Food Journal from Mom’s, and My Personal Weight Loss Rant

18 Comments 1965 views

I may be weird but I actually enjoy traveling with the kids, alone. Don’t get me wrong, it has it’s challenges but I look at it as bonding time with my babies. Today we had 4 hours of signing in the car, talking about school, snacking on popcorn, and just being goofballs…

I used to like it when it was just Ryan and I. Having Evan now just feels like a bonus. I get all the fun toddler-ness with an older helping hand. I’m glad I decided on 2 and even happier it took me 5 years to realize it was the right choice.

Anyway, we are here at Mom’s now, but before I left, I jumped on the scale.

Down just over a pound since last week! I plan on continuing this trend. I’m tired of playing with the same 4 pounds when I have 5 more to lose to reach MY GOAL. I’m tired of the slightly snug pants. I’m tired of feeling guilty about wanting to lose because I’m suppose to be happy with the body I’m in.

That may sound "off" but hear me out. I am happy and proud of myself for the last 7 years. I’m not the same person I used to be. I’m not ashamed of my body. I don’t shy away from doing things I want to do because of a bad body image. I’m not stuck in the yo-yo dieting cycle of hell. I’m super active. I run. I play. I swim. I just wore a bathing suit at the public pool without a t-shirt!

I know.. crazy, right? I just had a baby too! Well, not "just" but 15 months ago I was 3 days postpartum and about 30 pounds heavier than I am right now. Seven years ago when I started this journey I was 57 pounds heavier than I am right now. For Pete’s sake, 12 years ago when I graduated college I was carrying 70 more pounds than I am right now.

I’m doing this. I’m managing it.

I. am. a. maintainer!

However, part of me has been struggling these last few months because of the pressure I’m putting on myself NOT to lose weight but to be an example of a healthy body image. Then I realized… I can do both. Actually, if you read my "3 Steps" you know how I feel about self-acceptance and how invaluable it is to weight loss.

Now don’t stone me, I know this is kind of the opposite of what I said in My Weight Loss A-Ha Moment. I’ll obnoxiously quote myself again,

I am now someone who doesn’t care what the scale says because of everything listed above <–THAT was My A-Ha Moment.

Here’s the thing and this may not come out right so bear with me….

I don’t really care about the number on the scale but it is the easiest tool to measure success for me right now (not always, but right now.) IF I weighed what I weigh now and all my clothes fit the way they used to, I could care less what it said (someone asked me that in a comment recently and it really stuck with me.) However, I have not hit my goal of reaching my pre-pregnancy weight and I can’t help but think doing so will make the difference.

So, can I promote a healthy body image while actively trying to lose weight? I think so. You may not agree. This is actually quite a hot topic and one we will be discussing at FitBloggin this year. You should join us! <–shameless plug

Anyway, I didn’t mean to go on a tangent. Here’s today’s food journal. I’m going to shut up now. It’s late and I’m rambling.

Food
What Why
1 egg/1 egg white omelet with onion, zucchini and ham I love changing up my eggs for breakfast
Homemade microwave Popcorn on the road (Click here to see how I make it) I was in for a long road trip this is how a ward off junky options from gas stations and drive thrus.
McDs Southwestern grill salad sans-dressing + a small cone We stopped for lunch, see photo above. I skipped all fries but one and opted for a cone instead. slightly addicted here.
Dinner at Moms: grilled tilapia, chickpea salad, baked beans, roasted potatoes and watermelon for dessert So nice to have someone cook for me for a change!
Bag of microwave popcorn I know, it was a popcorn kind of day but Mom’s has a lot of temptations. This is, again, how I ward them off.
Activity
Nothing official just some fun pool time with the kids. Let me tell you running laps to make a whirlpool is a seriously hard work!
Water
The travel got me. I’m feeling a little dehydrated today. Gonna grab an extra glass before bed.


Leave a comment

I’d love to hear your story or thoughts on mine.

However, to prevent the massive amounts of spam I was receiving I have turned off comments on any post older than 5 days old. If you'd like to leave me a note regarding this post or anything really try me on twitter (@RoniNoone,) my Facebook page, or even IG (@RoniNoone) I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. I never thought I'd have to do this but it's gotten way out of hand and comment management has become simply too time consuming to manage.

Discussion

There are 18 comments so far.

    Karen P

    June 21, 2012

    It’s Totally worth the work to get to your personal goals, IMO. I had the option of stopping sooner during maintenance and I chose to go for a lower number. It was a lot more time since the loss was slower, but it sure is nice to maintain at the lower number/BMI.

    Like on an airplane, I feel like I’ve reached my cruising altitude and I can move about the cabin. But I always buckle up when seated. LOL. Safe travels with the kiddos and to the weight and body size and shape you want to be.

    roni

    June 21, 2012

    What a great analogy! OR is it a metaphor? Regardless, lol it’s perfect. I always looked at my lower number goal as having some wiggle room. The buffer helps the small natural gains not be so traumatic. A 2 lb gain when you are at your upper weight range is scary, 2 lbs when you are cruising is no big deal and ends up just coming back off naturally.

    christina

    June 21, 2012

    Totally agree about the going out with the kids – my husband thinks Im insane because I plan so much with them on my days off. Yes I have to take a crap load with me but we have so much fun! And totally agree on the age difference – mine are 5 years apart (almost 6 year old and 6 month old) and it has been PERFECT for us. I was worried for nothing!

    Awesome post! I could not agree more. I like using the scale to keep me in check. I am no way starving myself but I too have a few more pounds I would like to loose along with having maintained. Let’s face it, the scale does not lie!

    Ashleigh

    June 21, 2012

    You can certainly lose weight and still be the same example of positive body image and maintenance you always have been.

    That’s the beauty of a positive body image; wanting things for the right reason and loving yourself enough to do good things for yourself – whatever they might be.

    Karen P

    June 21, 2012

    The benefits are nice with my mid range BMI. It’s forced me to take a good hard look at what works and stay on plan in maintenance.

    I will be charged $ 30 more a month for my health insurance if I start to gain my weight back. I have to be one BMI point lower this year, or in a healthy BMI , or 35 inch waist. That’s not including buying new clothes ,etc.

    And from an emotional perspective, it’s nice to have a scream weight ( where I go back into weight loss mode) that won’t cost mentally and $$ wise. It’s really motivated me to make and keep a pretty clean program for myself in weight maintenance. ( 72 pounds down)

    In the long run I’ll be a lot healthier and fewer trips to the doctor. I’d rather spend my $$ on travel with my daughter than co-pays and higher insurance.

    LisaM

    June 21, 2012

    When I’m using only how my clothes fit to keep myself in check, it’s funny the things my brain comes up with to keep myself in denial about the fact that they aren’t fitting anymore! I end up feeling vaguely and unspecifically unhappy, but it never crystalizes into the reason – that my pants hurt… What a liberating moment when I step on the scale, after which the scales fall from my eyes and I can see what the real issue is!

    I hate that we’re so dependent on that number, but the scale definitely keeps me in check. I can come up with a gazillion excuses in my head as to why my clothes are tighter or why the number went up.

    I love seeing the number go down after I’ve followed “my plan.” It’s just a matter of sticking with it. Congrats on the loss!

    Lisa (sunnystl)

    June 21, 2012

    Yep I understand totally where you are coming from, im not to maintaince yet by a long shot. But everyday when I make a good decision its amazing how I feel about it. And yes why not lose those last few pounds and feel even better about yourself. Sadly all this can be such a mind game we all play , daily! Its so frustrating. Why cant we just be happy with ourselves? But I know im not at the right weight yet to be doctor happy about me.. lol I will some day hopefully this year be able to actually go for my physical with my doc and actually have him NOT tell me I have to lose weight. Im stuck at these 19 pounds and the scale is yo-yoing back and forth. But thats ok. Im givng it my best shot. !! Take care enjoy every moment with those 2 boys….they are just adorable!! If i havent said that enough already.. lol

    Roni, as a longtime lover of you and this site, I wanted to point something out. You have a tendency to end your posts with a self-deprecating comment that sells yourself short. Take this post, for example. You write a fantastic post with some really fascinating and relevant ideas, then at the very end accuse yourself of rambling. Or you’ll often say, “I’m sorry this post is so short” or “I’m sorry this has been all over the place.” Time and time again, I notice you selling yourself short after writing something really thoughtful and honest. You need to ban self-doubt from your posts like you have everywhere else in your life! You–and your posts–are good enough just as they are!

    Sammy D

    June 21, 2012

    Reader Advisement: This is rambling…
    The endless “conflict” between accepting where you are weight wise because you are healthy, fit and happy and trying to reach a certain goal weight…it is a mental struggle because we make it one. This is something I have been trying to acknowledge over the last several months as I go between, my weight is fine I am healthy and fit, people tell me I look great and I have 5 more pounds to my goal what the hell! Why can’t I get there? When I step back from it I see the two do not have to be conflict at all. First off, we are goal oriented people. I decide to runa half marathon, I train I run, I finish. I decide to cycle a double century, I train and train, I complete the event. You decide to run a marathon, you train, you are successful at completing the marathon. You decide to do the Tough Mudder, you train you train, you complete the Tough Mudder. I have come to believe, at least for me, it is not as much about the actual number but about the driven need to reach the goal. Not getting to that goal feels like a failure of sorts. It really isn’t, but for someone who sets out to finish something, not finishing, is just that, not finishing. Until I finish what I started I will not feel like I am finished, because, well, I am not. So, I can be healthy, fit and happy where I am and still feel I need to finish what I started. That being said, if someone thinks happiness lies with a certain number on the scale that is a different story. But that is not where you are coming from and clearly is not the message you are sending out. No apologies necessary.

    Andrea

    June 21, 2012

    Roni, you rock!

    Rachel

    June 21, 2012

    LOVE your attitude Roni! I can totally relate! I am losing my last five and I don’t want to tell anyone because I don’t want to hear negative comments about not having any weight to lose! I also want to add that I used to do popcorn this way until hubby saw me doing it and told me that it is a good way to kill our microwave! (Apparently you need moisture in there…you might be using oil, and if so, then just ignore this, lol.)

    roni

    June 21, 2012

    Lauren – I do do that. However, I don’t mean it as self-deprecating as I just don’t know how to wrap things up! I But I hear you, I have a habit of apologizing for myself all the time. I even do it when I’m sick. Like I it’s my fault or something.

    KCLAnderson (Karen)

    June 21, 2012

    “can I promote a healthy body image while actively trying to lose weight? I think so. ”

    I think so too…and I think I can promote self-acceptance AND weight loss at the same time. I am ALL about “both/and” thinking these days.

    I also think that there are times when the balance between the two is weighted (no pun intended) in one direction or the other, for good reason. Sometimes we need to focus more on the self-acceptance and sometimes more on the mechanical aspects :-)

    Roni, I think the reason I started reading your blog three years ago and the reason I still come back to it is that you are painfully honest about who you are. You bring humanity into the sea of “healthy lifestyle” bloggers. I think your conflict is natural. It’s what I endured for so long, and a thought I keep having to squash almost every day. I was 2 lbs short of my goal weight when I realized it wasn’t worth it to beat myself up over 2 lbs. It wasn’t worth it to starve myself and beat myself at the gym every day to maintain what I later realized to be a weight too low for my body to maintain at my older age (and higher lean body weight). For me, I had to nourish myself, live a full life, and allow myself to buy bigger pants. I am roughly 10 lbs higher than my goal today, but I have maintained that weight for almost two years. I am still 30 lbs lighter than when I started, and I keep having to remind myself of that when I look in the mirror and don’t see a body that would be posted on anyone’s fitspo Pinterest board. What counts is that I’m healthy. As exhausted as that statement is, it still rings true and brings us back to earth.

    Not saying you should stop aiming for goal–do what is right for you. Just sharing my experience with those feelings. :)

    Sarah S.

    June 21, 2012

    Every time I listen to you or read your blog, whatever the topic, it always hits home. I unfortunately still ride “the diet roller-coaster of hell” but I always like coming to your site for inspiration. I hope to get it done someday, my goal is 150 healthy pounds before I have kids! Thank you for your efforts!

    Vicky

    June 22, 2012

    Go Roni! You are very inspiring. I love that you post “why” you ate something as well as what you had for a meal or snack. I think that is going to be a helpful tool for me too. Thanks…