One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

More Hours Please

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I’m having a rough day. The Husband and I are out of sync which sucks because we had such an awesome weekend. I’ve been having technical problems holding me back from accomplishing a few things. And the conference is really starting to ramp up with new (fun but stressful) things happening daily.

I can’t seem to catch up and things just. keep. getting. piled. on.

*deep breath*

I don’t want to admit it but attempting to get anything done at home with this little guy is proving almost impossible anymore.

Little Bean

He’s lucky he’s so darn cute!

I kid but I find myself yet again torn between working and just hanging out with Little Bean. I feel so lucky and so grateful to be home with him but I’m not getting what I need to get done. Sometimes It takes me days if not weeks to get back to emails and frankly, I feel like I’m working around the clock. (side note: so is the husband, hence our disconnect. :(

I even missed my workout this morning. First time in months that has happened but I couldn’t wake up even though I went to bed early.

I’m tired.

This month Bean will be starting day care twice a week and I’m again struggling with guilt.

Guilt that I’m shipping him off and I’ll be home.

Guilt that it costs so much.

Guilt that I just can’t manage it.

There it is.

I’m mad at my self for not being able to do it all.

Typical. huh?

In other news…



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Discussion

There are 33 comments so far.

    Kelly Fuller

    May 1, 2012

    Repeat after me….”I Roni Noone am a total rockstar and I am only one person” :)

    Keep your chin up and take the time to rest. NO MORE GUILT!!

    Jen

    May 1, 2012

    Deep breathe! It will be ok, one thing at a time :). Bean will love school 2 days a week and he is lucky to becable to hang with mom the other 3 :)

    Eileen

    May 1, 2012

    I’m really glad that you found a childcare situation for the little one. I knew it was really bothering you. If he hates daycare (which I doubt since he seems pretty social) you can always get 2x a week in home care. I’ve been doing that for a family for awhile while the mom studies for the board exam. Just know that he may get sick a lot in the beginning.
    As far as you and the hubs–can you try to schedule some time together? Get a babysitter and go out somewhere. Pack a picnic…anything? You’ll be okay, your busy means that you’re achieving and doing so much with your life. It’s awesome and inspiring.

    Cori

    May 2, 2012

    We moms are just so hard on ourselves, aren’t we? We need to give ourselves a break and remember all the awesome things we accomplish too. If only we could just drop the guilt … oh that nasty little word.

    You are amazing! You do such much for your family (as noted in your Sensational Sundays), and you also do such much to inspire us, your faithful blog followers.

    Right now might be a time of growing pains, but it will all be okay. After some distance you might even find a little nugget of wisdom in it.

    Sending you hugs from across the miles. :)

    Annmarie

    May 2, 2012

    Totally get you!I also work from home and I have 2 girls same age as yours and I am also having struggle to get things done. Just as I suggestion, why don’t you get help in your home? Someone that can help u clean and take take of your little bean and you there working, then you won’t feel guilty and you can also use some help with your house , not sure how much you will pay for day care but can easily get someone to help you for 50dlls (that how much I pay LOL and is the best money spend!!!)Good Luck!!!!

    Caroline Calcote

    May 2, 2012

    It will be good for both of you! I started sending my kids to Moms Morning Out when they were around a year old, and I’m a stay at home mom. It was just a few hours twice a week or something, but he learned that he would not die if he wasn’t constantly in my presence and I actually got to get a haircut occasionally. I started both of my kids in preschool (again, just half a day, three times a week at first), when they were two. Their preschool was awesome. Let go of the guilt!

    christina

    May 2, 2012

    Its because you are such a great mom that you are stressed about it so much.

    Those two days a week will be good for both of you – he will get other interaction, you will get stuff done and feel semi sane again.

    I work 3 days a week, the baby is in daycare typically 2 of them but I also send her for half a day so I can get my long runs in. That way Im a better mom.

    KarenJ

    May 2, 2012

    There is nothing wrong with sending your little one to daycare a couple of days a week. There would also be nothing wrong with getting a neighborhood teenager to come by and keep the kids entertained for a few hours while you get things done. You are fortunate to be staying home with your kids, but what you are doing is a REAL job. Speaking from the viewpoint of someone who’s raised kids, the guilt never goes away, even after they leave home (woulda, shoulda, coulda), but my kids turned out to be independent and hard working in spite of all the time I didn’t think I was there enough. It really is true that it is the quality of the time you spend, not the quantity that really matters. I think you do an amazing job!

    Are you serious!??! You’re not “shipping him off!” You need to do this so you can concentrate on the job that enables you to stay home with him, you dig?

    Guilt be gone! ;)

    Sara

    May 2, 2012

    My gosh that is a cute pic! You can’t do it all! My son is 11 and I work full time and feel overwhelmed much of the time. Don’t be hard on yourself!

    Kathy

    May 2, 2012

    guilt is just part of being a mom and that makes you normal! Just do what you think is best for you and your family and don’t worry about what others think. Give it your best and there will be no regrets and remember that when you are good to yourself you will be good for others. Take time for you. My kids are grown and out of the house now, married and children of their own and I remind them of this too. Some things will wait and some won’t. Make a list and scratch it off as you get it done and you will feel a sense of accomplishment when you look back and see what you have done.

    NO STINKIN THINKIN

    Adrianna

    May 2, 2012

    You might also think about hiring a student to help you with YOUR work. Someone to do filing, scanning, or the other activities that take time but not necessarily too much brain-power. If you could off-load some of the mundane, you’d have more time for the creative stuff that you are so good at.

    Lisa (sunnystl)

    May 2, 2012

    Well first… Little Bean needs the interaction, he will do so much better later when hes ready for school if hes social now. And face it …ALLL MOMS need a break! There is not one thing wrong with you giving yourself 2 days out of 7 and he will only be gone for a few hours anyway. He will be fine :)
    We all try to be superwomen… just the other night after working all day, and then finishing laundry and cleaning up the house, I sat outside and read my book…it was heaven.. Why dont we do these things more? Why do we have to be at everyone else’s beck and call 24/7? Well we are moms…but first and foremost we are Women that need to be just that women, we need to find times for us too.
    As far as the Hubs goes well I deal with this alot, we both work sooo very much that we will have to find just a few moments to watch a show , or even go to the store together just us. We all hit our rough patches that for sure….This too shall pass… :)
    Hang in there my friend… We all understand!! :)

    He really is adorable!

    Let’s see if he goes off to daycare for a few hours, he gets the benefit of being around other kids = early social skills (thats a plus)

    You get to put sometime in for work (plus…more $ to pay for said daycare) and with one less cutie pie distraction you might get work done faster (then lunch with hubby or pick up little bean early or workout.)

    Dear friend…I see a lots of win-win…please no guilt. Even supermoms like yourself need some help. Grab it! :)

    Jennifer

    May 2, 2012

    As a mom who works outside the home, I struggle with guilt on a daily basis. There is an interesting discussion about this on the NY Times Website: Motherhood vs. Feminism

    Talysa

    May 2, 2012

    I have a friend that has a college aged girl nanny in home for her 3 days a week. She works from home and loves the fact that she can still put Sadie down for her naps and have lunch with her and know that she is there within her 4 walls being cared for. She knows the food she is eating and everything she is doing. It works for her. Also, I really REALLY hesitate to say this…because I am no pro in the matter…and because I would hate to add to a mom’s guilt {We all have plenty enough to go around} but I will say this…I remember the days of feeling overwhelmed and feeling like I just wish I had time to do what I “needed to do”…I was too busy to listen sometimes to conversations about dinosaurs and hot wheels. Sure I looked the part of a listening mom, but I wasn’t. In my head I was thinking of all the things I “needed to be doing”. Fast forward to today. My son is now 16 and on the cusp of being a man. What I wouldn’t give to go back and soak up dinosaur stories. It sounds completely cliche’…I get that…but it is OH SO TRUE…time really does fly. There is only so long that they will be kiddos hanging on your every word, wanting to play with you, looking at you like you could slay the world, wanting to tell you about their dinosaurs. :-) I’m not saying feel guilty…BUT do take a step back maybe, you AND the hubby, and assess. Prioritize. What is TRULY important right now? What TRULY “needs to get done”? Are there things that can be cut out that are just “busy” activities? We all have this noise in our lives and from time to time it’s good to turn some of it off. You can’t do it all…but you can do what you do…well. :-)My favorite quote: “Today, I will not have any emergencies. There are no emergencies! Only amateurs hurry.”

    Talysa

    May 2, 2012

    I just read this…thought I’d share

    http://rachelmariemartin.blogspot.com/2012/05/dear-overwhelmed-mom.html

    Tina

    May 2, 2012

    BREATHE IN. BREATHE OUT. Holy CUTE photo of the Bean!!! As for you and your hubby… do yourselves a favour and schedule a MASSAGE at the same time. OMG what a difference a 1hr massage can make in one’s day. Then maybe follow with sushi! Followed by movie night with all your boys. Ahh, doesn’t that sound awesome!?
    PS: Twice a week will be awesome for both you and Bean I bet. He’ll get to be social with other babies and you’ll have moments to BREATHE and catch up.

    Christina Georgievski

    May 2, 2012

    This isn’t something you haven’t been able to accomplish he’s 1 now and you have given him one full year of you! Now it’s time to get some of you back :) Hope that helps I love reading your blogs and you are an inspiration!

    Charlie Hills

    May 2, 2012

    Just be careful when wishing for more hours in a day. I used to wish for that too.

    A long time ago (i.e., March) when I was working eighty hour weeks I barely noticed I was (literally, not figuratively) killing myself. If I’ve learned one thing since then (and if I’m allowed to quote The Princess Bride one more time) “if you haven’t got your health, you haven’t got anything.”

    Work, stress, guilt, work, work, work: there’s only so many decades you can take of that. Remember to stop and smell the bagels occasionally and keep one eye on the big picture as much as possible.

    Jeri Lyn

    May 2, 2012

    Hi Roni,

    Just remember “forward progression” every step no matter how slow or small matters!!
    I know I appreciate everything you do & all your sites. You are an inspiration, but we understand when you need a break.
    Dont’ beat yourself up about sending Little Bean to day care twice a week, i’m sure the interaction will be great for him & that he’ll have a great time!!

    Big Hug,
    Jeri Lyn

    Leigh Anne

    May 2, 2012

    No Mommy guilt allowed!! I have been trying to start my business since my youngest was born in 2010. finally we conceded that it was pretty much impossible and she started daycare the second week of April. She ADORES it and her vocabulary has exploded in just the few weeks she has been there. You will be a better Mommy when you have the time needed to focus on you so you can give them what they need!

    Becky

    May 2, 2012

    Thank-you so much for your honesty Roni! It is refreshing to hear someone else going through similar struggles and Mom guilt. I am on the tail end of maternity leave with my second little boy and about to move across the country this summer. I am terrified about making the right decisions for my boys, going back to work full time and wondering if in the grand scheme of life I am doing the best thing for my family. I appreciate your posts so very much, you are a daily inspiration!

    Kathy

    May 2, 2012

    Trying to “do it all” is bad for your health. Feeling guilty about not being able to “do it all” is bad for your health. Hiring someone to come to your house and watch your little cutie and do light housework–good for your health and your sanity. You are there so you know what is going on, your little guy won’t pick up every virus in the world from the little germ-mongers at daycare, you will not feel as guilty. Eventually you will learn to trust the sitter enough that you will be free to do whatever you need to do. It’s usually cheaper, too!

    Just my two cents. :o)

    Lori

    May 2, 2012

    I wish I could say no guilt but much easier said than done. You are an incredible mother and if 2 days of daycare is what is working for your family right now than that is what is working for you. If it stops working out, you pull him out. No one person does it alone.

    Roz@weightingfor50

    May 2, 2012

    I think you do an AMAZING job of juggling so many things in your life. And you are a super Mom, so please don’t feel bad about little Bean going to daycare. Your boys are lucky to have such an inspirational Mom. You need your time, little Bean will make new friends and have fun…and it’ll be really good for you both. In the meantime, take a deep breathe, be kind to yourself, and hug that husband of yours when you can. You and he are strong together, and I hope you give yourselves credit for that!!! Take care.

    Emily

    May 2, 2012

    Roni, first of all, Little Bean is going to LOVE daycare. LOVE. He will love all the babies and new toys, etc. And you are going to be a better mom for the time apart from him. This isn’t to say that moms that are home 24-7 aren’t completely awesome. It will just give you some time to do the things you need to do so that your focus can be completely on him.

    You are a rockstar.

    Amanda

    May 2, 2012

    Even super mom roni needs some time off! Dont feel bad!

    Hey Wonder Woman…don’t be so hard on yourself! You are awesome and inspiring to so many:)

    Vicky

    May 2, 2012

    Pre-pre-school can be highly benifitical to your sweet little man. It will also bring your stress level way down once you can finally get caught up on things. It’s a wonderful compromise for your family. I find juggling work and motherhood on of the hardest roles I play in life.. But if any one can do it, you my dear can.

    Mindy

    May 3, 2012

    Daycare will be great for him! He will become independent and socialized. Daycare workers don’t do it for the money, they do it because they love kids. He will learn how to form relationships with the teachers and the other kids. You are really doing him a favor. He will grow and learn so many new things! It’s hard to let go, though. Ultimately the kids will be happy if mom is happy. I find that I value my time with my son SO MUCH more because I don’t get to be with him all the time. It’s weird to think he has all these experiences that I know nothing about and he’s only 10 months old LOL

    Michelle

    May 3, 2012

    Taylsa so well said! I couldn’t agree more. As a SAHM of six kids (and we homeschool!) I completely understand how easy it is to get overwhelmed. I have really learned to prioritize. Now that my eldest is 17 I so wish I could turn back the clock and do some things differently. It sounds cliche but it is so true in a blink of an eye they are gone and you have so much time on your hands.

    Holly

    May 5, 2012

    Guilt is a thief, and will rob you of the joy of seeing the blessings in your life. Every parent has a nagging sense of guilt occasionally, but try having confidence in your ability to make decisions for your little bean. He will see your confidence and trust that you are doing the best things for him. On the other hand think about what survival would be like if you didnt have a wonderful (although imperfect)husband to just be there with you. You talk to yourself ha, tell yourself these good things.