One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

FOOD JOURNALS

Changing Momentum

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I was rocking the no snacking challenge last week. ROCKING IT! Every day got easier than the last. I was feeling good. I had momentum on my side.

Then Saturday came with 2 birthday parties.

The pizza. The cake. The ice cream. The chicken nuggets. The cupcakes.

Yes in that order and yes, cupcakeS.

I ended up Saturday night at midnight with a box of Triscuits by my side watching TV with the husband.

Sunday wasn’t as bad but the Doritos got me and I had a cupcake before bed for no real good reason at all. *sigh*

Yesterday was a grill fest of wings and more ice cream than I’d like to admit eating. Let’s just say one should never grab a gallon, a spoon and sit on the couch.

Ever.

ugh.

I’m not mad at myself and I don’t feel guilty. I’m just confused.

WHY do I eat like that when it makes me feel so icky?

Yes, icky. That’s about the only word I can use to describe the bloated, sluggish, slightly nauseous feeling I have when I over eat crap.

Crap!

This morning I decided to push the momentum pendulum back in a direction I can feel good about. It all started with breakfast….

Don’t ask what the baby is doing. I have no idea. He just randomly decided to throw a touch down signal for no apparent reason at all. lol

Anyway, breakfast was a 2 egg omelet with bacon bits and spinach.

Then the husband asked to go out lunch.

NOOOOOO.

Why does he do that? It’s like he KNOWS! But he doesn’t so I said yes.

I could do this! And I did! Hence my note to self mid-day and this salad.

This afternoon I made a quick snack on celery sticks which served 2 purposes…

1.) I was hungry and 2.) I’m working on a post for The Laughing Cow and am experimenting with a few ideas.

Dinner was HUGE. Just look at it..

That’s my last Salmon Burger from the freezer, leftover corn on the cob, roasted broccoli, a sweet potato, and a salad.

I ended my day with, yup, you guessed it Banana Soft Serve!


Click here to see how I made it.

Consider my momentum changed.

I’m ready to tackle tomorrow.

Good Night!



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Discussion

There are 36 comments so far.

    sugar

    May 30, 2012

    when I read your blog posts, i feel so comforted. I know others go thru the exact same thing as me, and that I need not feel singled out and hate myself for what I am. I am making progress, albeit slow!

    Shelley

    May 30, 2012

    Good job changing momentum!

    Miz

    May 30, 2012

    I can entirely relate too.
    it’s amazing here how when I slip into the IM HAVING SUCH A BAD DAY mindset it spirals and I really do have a terrible horrible no good very bad day.

    I strive now that change that momentum too.

    KarenJ

    May 30, 2012

    Roni, assume your mind is taking charge of trying to help you cope with your feelings of overwhelm (you have those right?) and this is (currently) the only way it knows how to do it. In time, you will develop another way to deal with these feelings, but if you can get yourself back on track each time, you are ahead of the game. You are a shining example of a healthy way to react to the situation – good for you!

    Good job Roni. I love how we can take control back. Thats real life!

    dawn

    May 30, 2012

    I say it’s sugar—always makes we want more! Evil white demon I love so well! and yet I always feel yucky after!! I am right with you, Roni!

    Deb Cadovius

    May 30, 2012

    I’m so very proud of you!!!

    I think Little Bean is giving you a touchdown for changing the momentum ;)

    I have been struggling a little every day, too, but it’s definitely a renewal each time I make a good decision instead of a bad one…Go Roni!

    PS: to echo above comment, it’s most definitely related to being overwhelmed – you’re doing a lot, lady!

    Kim |At Home With Kim

    May 30, 2012

    So happy to have found your blog. And oh I can relate to this post! I’m actually glad I over~indulged this weekend bc it was a GREAT reminder of how awful I feel when I choose to eat horribly. I think falling off the wagon every once in a while can remind us of WHY we eat well. Good for you to get back to it! Looking forward to being a regular reader… great encouragement!

    Chanelle

    May 30, 2012

    Roni! It’s Chanelle :) I still avidly read your posts and (as you know) I’m still one of your biggest fans but I usually never comment because someone else usually says what I want to say and I don’t feel the need to repeat anything… but ever since I started reading years ago, I have wanted to express this but didn’t feel like I “knew” you well enough or could find the right way to say this but here it goes.
    Almost EVERY time I read a post where you were “defeated by food” or when something not-so healthy got the best of you for a moment, the words “Doritos” and/or “the Husband” were also a part of the equation. Sometimes it makes me SO FRUSTRATED to see that you give in to the snacking but, looking at what’s in your environment, I understand why! Sometimes a better sentiment is “why not” since the Hubby seems dead set on keeping those Doritos in the house. I do remember you talking on one of your podcasts a longggggg time ago about not wanting to force anyone to make changes they didn’t want to make and that this journey was for you, but do you think it’s possible that your husband could find something less tempting to have in the house for himself? I look up to you SO MUCH and I hope I don’t sound rude, but I also hate to come here for inspiration only to find you so frustrated in yourself when (as a recovered binge eater), you have so many temptations lying around, waiting to be eaten, and a husband that, from the outside looking in, KNOWS what your goals are yet doesn’t seem to be helping. I am not married, so I may not understand a lot of things that are understood between a husband and a wife, but I care about you as one of your readers and “friends” via social network and ALL I want for you is continued succes since you have already won a big part of this battle. Just my thoughts from a place of love and congrats for always finding a way to bring yourself back to the healthy track.

    Susan

    May 30, 2012

    I’m with you and the other posters. I need to get my momentum back. I was one good healthy path and then my husband and I lost our jobs within 3 days of each other and I’ve been struggling over the past month. It’s the sugar, I’m convinced. This post makes me feel less alone. Thank you!

    Kathleen

    May 30, 2012

    I totally agree on the momentum! I’m on day of eating right.. not perfect.. but reasonable and i feel great. It’s hard at times.. that urge for seconds or candy at work.. but in the end we all only need a little bit here and there. Good luck and hope your momentum continues… forever i couldn’t get past a day.. just didn’t give myself credit that i could make good choices.. but i can and it’s so worth it.

    Lisa (sunnystl)

    May 30, 2012

    Roni! Im so glad you are REAL with us, you admit it all.
    I had the same kind of weekend I was rocking it then I had BBQ,cake,more cake,chips, BEER! lots of it. ETC .Then yes I felt like utter junk, I look at myself and say dernit your down 19pounds! why.??? I wish I could explain why too. But today im back on it, just had my 2 egg and spinach omlete..so im getting there.
    Take care! :)

    sue

    May 30, 2012

    you don’t think the babe was giving you touchdown cheer for your excellent and savvy breakfast choice? That was totally my read on the picture…

    ana Myre

    May 30, 2012

    Let keep the momentum going!!!!

    nenast

    May 30, 2012

    I think that every time we turn off the road and exaggerate in food – in fact prove to ourselves that we are strong enough to immediately get back on track. It is not proof of our weakness but our strength. Go ahead!

    Mehgann

    May 30, 2012

    To what Chanelle said, I can answer this to some degree. Just because a spouse is supportive doesn’t mean that they understand how hard it is for people like us. Roni’s husband may be one of the kinds of people who can eat a handful of doritos and leave it at that. As my bf is–he simply doesn’t understand how hard that is for me! He is supportive…he eats my kitchen experiments, he goes running with me. But there is a line I have to draw with the things that I have to ask of him. It’s not reasonable for me to ask him to change his entire life for me, especially because I know he would! So I struggle with my demons and am slowly overcoming them. Does that make sense?

    And I don’t think you were rude…it’s simply a dynamic that each couple has to balance in their own way.

    Chanelle

    May 30, 2012

    Thanks Meghann… and I totally get what you’re saying since I have a bf who eats pretty crappy but still frequents the gym. I tried to touch on that but as you can see…. my comment was getting kind of long! Haha… I am also the kind of person who can eat a little of something or start something and not eat all of it and my weight gain was due to illness, so my situation is a bit different. But I guess my point was, was it POSSIBLE for her husband to pick something that wasn’t so hard to resist? There are definitely enough different kinds of junk foods out there, it just SEEMS like Doritos in particular, start a bad trend for Roni. Or would it even make a difference? I ask these questions because I am truly curious because I’ve never struggled with binge eating (but I DO struggle with OCD), so I wanted to know if it’s the Doritos that are a trigger themselves or if it really wouldn’t matter what the junk food in question was. Hope that made more sense and thanks again for your input Meghann :)

    curlsz

    May 30, 2012

    So monday i went to a cookout, it was the healthiest cookout I’ve ever been to! It was great to see that the grilled veges and fruit were in abundance etc. It was also great to be around a group that valued real food and health, now don’t get me wrong we love our wine and beer and the ice cream was delish, but the focus was our company and the fact we were able to all get together and cook. Part of this is the influence we have on each other, part of it is our own desires to be healthy. My family is another situation – and when I say family I mean extended family as I’m single. When I go to their house them and their friends love everything that I deem not worthy of my calories, queso, cake etc. I have a battle plan when I go there – I eat before I go and sample when I get there and that’s it! But it’s taken me a while to get to this point – I do this because what I want for me is greater than that cake. Also I’ve detoxed myself from the sugar and crap so now a sample is more than enough as its usually too sweet and too much! I would start tracking your sugar and fat intake, try to keep it to a certain amount, ween yourself off this crap so you don’t want it anymore, otherwise you are going to keep battling this constantly b/c you still want this sugar, salt etc. And tell your family/friends this is what you are doing b/c your goal is ___ and you really want ___ and you want their help. You can do it, you can detox from this junk and live the life you were meant to live, that you want to live – you can be the person you want to be!!!

    I feel like I should break out in a chant now….

    roni

    May 30, 2012

    Chanelle – I agree 100% with Mehgann! Just think of all the weird stuff he’s eaten and tried for me! lol He is supportive in his own way. When you are married there are a LOT of compromises and you have to strike a balace. The fact the he wants Doritos in the house doesn’t bother me at all and 99% of the time I have no issue with them. I’m usually the one who buys them! It’s the days, like this weekend, when I’m already on the path on junk food that I find them irresistible. It’s kind of weird and that’s why I described myself as being “confused.” MOST days I’m around cupcakes, chips, chocolate etc and MOST days it’s not an issue at all but when momentum is swinging the other direction I have a hard time saying no.

    What I have found is that it’s me. It’s always been me. If it wasn’t the husband’s Doritos it would have been something else. Know what I mean?

    The Husband is on his own path of getting healthier and it’s a slower journey than my own but I can see his progression. :)

    Just know I didn’t find your comment rude and you aren’t the first the accuse the husband of being unsupportive. However only I know that he is and that’s all that really matters. :)

    Chanelle

    May 30, 2012

    Perfect! I absolutely know that he’s supportive and I bet he’s just as nice as he looks.. guys (even my boyfriend!) just seem to have those attitudes that what they do don’t affect us so I get it ;) I was just really fixated on the Doritos thing. I was seeing them mentioned a lot and in my mind (my OCD min, mind you), I know that when something keeps popping up as a problem I have to remove it. Again, I don’t know what it’s like to succumb to binges but I do understand fixating on something until it haunts you and calls you in dreams until you have to satisfy the craving. I was just wondering if removing the Doritos was a “deal-breaker” and why the Doritos were so important in the first place. Reading some of your posts, it seems like the Doritos had a particular “power” over you. But I get the compromise thing.. it’s so hard! You know I love you Roni, keep doing your thing <3

    Tina

    May 30, 2012

    I had the same night! Cookies & Ice Cream!! After 2 mnths of excellent eating and exercise habits. I told the hubby that food gives INSTANT GRATIFICATION. It’s the only thing that does (I think). Roni, have you ever thought of taking pictures of the food on the unhealthy days? (The way you take photos of food on the healthy days?) I wonder if that would give you a few extra seconds to think if you were to try doing that.. maybe you would go for a bite of cupcake instead of several cupcakes? Might be interesting?

    roni

    May 30, 2012

    Tina – That’s a great idea except for one problem. WHen I’m in this place, I just don’t CARE. That’s part of the issue. If I was food journaling I probably wouldn’t make the same choices. It’s like a momentary lapse of sanity. lol

    LisaM

    May 30, 2012

    “Let’s just say one should never grab a gallon, a spoon and sit on the couch”. Truer words were never spoken. Made me say Amen Sister right there at my desk! Even though I know when I’m grabbing a whole container of anything and heading for the couch that it will not end well, it’s amazing how much denial I can manufacture in any given moment.

    Lori McHugh

    May 30, 2012

    Roni, sometimes I think that you sneak into my house and write about my experiences! I totally identify with your expression about having a temporary insanity. There are times when I think that my “fat lady” personality decides to make a guest appearance and eat whatever she can in an hour. Then she leaves (with a satisfied chickle), leaving the “real” healthier me to deal with the physical consequences.

    With reference to the Doritos – I agree that marriage involves compromise (my husband eats things that I’ve decided to forgo – soda, chips, cookies). I have absolutely no problem with some of these foods, but there are some that can become irresistable at times. Sometimes I can rise to the occasion and get past the temptation, but other times I end up pigging out.

    How about if you buy the portion-controlled bags of Doritos – that way every time you want to eat more, you have to make a conscious decision to open up a new bag. Perhaps that will help.

    Patty

    May 30, 2012

    Nice job Roni! My bananas are almost ready for soft serve…can’t wait I think it will be my Friday treat!!! :)

    RG

    May 30, 2012

    I’ve been working on the temporary insanity issues. I know part of it for me is that I sometimes push the weight loss efforts further than I should. I’m trying to embrace the late-night snacks by having 3-4 go-to snacks that are more healthy than Doritos. Be it low-fat popcorn, rye krisps with a good cheese, granola, or brown rice with peanut sauce, or baked fries. I can still inhale a lot of calories, but it’s less mindless, more flavor and nutrition. And if I do eat an entire box of rye krisps with cheese, I was probably genuinely hungry.

    roni

    May 30, 2012

    Lori – Good idea but they are on of those things I think I’m better off avoiding. I don’t really want to eat them at all!

    Tina

    May 30, 2012

    Sadly it’s so true, in the moment of over-eating bad food I don’t CARE either. Even though you may not have found the solution (yet) that stops you from over-indulging… you’ve certainly found an awesome, healthy solution that stops you from letting the cycle continue day after day! For me, when I eat HORRIBLY, it seems to last 1 week… and then I get depressed, and then I get back on track. It would be awesome to read a post about the things that get YOU back on track (and so quickly).

    roni

    May 30, 2012

    This is that post. I just put one foot, or in this case, one meal, in front of the other. There really is no secret beyond making myself a healthy breakfast and taking it from there.

    kay kessler

    May 30, 2012

    I have been on a bender all week too. BBQ, drive thru, drive-in, pasta dinner, leftovers, etc…With the holiday I didn’t run or hit the gym until today (off since Saturday). Felt good to get back into it today but HAD to meet friends and the kiddos for coffee and fresh homemade doughnut & then finish off the pasta leftovers. Just SUPER hungry these past few days that I haven’t been running, weird?
    And now you inspire ME to have a better day tomorrow. Thank you.
    KK

    amanda

    May 30, 2012

    I hate the feeling when I wake up the next morning after eating something I know I shouldn’t have. great way of getting back on track!

    Karen@WaistingTime

    May 31, 2012

    Eating crap always makes me feel like crap and it never ceases to amaze me that I don’t seem to find that a deterrent. This weekend we had a “going away” party for my son and I can’t even begin to list what I ate. And ate. And then, because my mentality is “all or nothing” as in “I went off plan so I might as well eat everything I want since I’m going to start my diet again tomorrow,” I ate more. Sigh.

    Lisa

    May 31, 2012

    One meal in front of the other – i like that. I’m trying to get my momentum back too. I finally got out of my 1-year plateau, only to gain back 5 lbs on vacation last week. I had told myself THIS would be the vacation that I didn’t give up on – and I did BETTER, but still not well enough. So now I’m trying to get those lbs off and get the momentum back. But it’s hard. You crave what you consume – and once you start eating all that “bad but oh so good” stuff, that’s what you crave. So today it’s ALL healthy food, to get that momentum back. Thanks for the realness you bring!

    Rachel

    May 31, 2012

    Roni,
    Could it be celebratory mode when you don’t care? That’s when I over indulge!

    roni

    May 31, 2012

    Sometimes but I think it’s mostly feeling overwhelmed.