One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

Getting Out of My Own Head

40 Comments 2988 views

So you may have noticed I stepped away for a few days. Well sort of, it’s almost impossible for me to disconnect completely for many reasons, mostly because this is my job now and I do have responsibilities beyond my own blogs.

That being said, sometimes it’s hard to blog daily, trying to motivate and inspire when I’m just not feeling very motivated myself.

I’ve been stuck in my own head.

Does that ever happen to you?

I haven’t really had a REAL conversation with someone in a long time. Sure the husband and I talk, but it’s mostly surface stuff as we’ve been so busy. My best friends are in different stages of life. We’ve all been too busy to connect and they live far away. My Mom is raising my niece and has lots of her own responsibilities and stress. I’ve met a few new moms but being in a funk, there’s a wall there. I’m not letting them in. I don’t want to let them in.

Honestly, I feel really alone which is absolutely insane to "say" aloud as I’m lucky to have friends and family I can turn to. I even have a fairly popular blog where people comment and send me emails on a daily basis. Although, I know it sounds strange, but blogging is a lonely job even though it’s known as being social.

I do get the most awesome notes from people literally all over the world. While writing this I got a comment from Agnes on yesterday’s post,

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You rock and you continue to inspire me get healthy and be a better mom! Thanks!

A few days ago I got this email,

You know, I truly love your site.  You inspire again and again.  You have really helped me see the ways I have sabotaged myself over the years, the self hate, the "I’ll start tomorrow" mentality.  So many times I stop and think about something you’ve said when I am making a choice and it really makes a difference.  You, Roni Noone, are making a difference!!  Thank you!

You’d think getting feedback like this would be enough to keep me going and most of the time, it is. I feel justified in making the choices I’ve made. I say to myself, ‘if I only inspire one other person today then it’s all worth it.’

Right?

I mean if I’m doing something I really enjoy and it’s being well received by someone else isn’t that awesome? I found a creative way to work, have fun, express myself and connect with others. Dude.. that freakin’ ROCKS!

So why do I constantly doubt myself? Why do I think I don’t deserve success? Why do I not feel worthy of this life I’ve built?

Am I talented enough to blog for a living? Are my pictures good enough? Do I write well enough? Are my recipes tasty enough? Are my blogs designed well enough? Are my ideas unique enough?

Some of you may think I’m fishing for compliments but honestly, I’m just letting you into my defective little brain. All of these doubts and insecurities have led to this funk and if there’s one thing I’ve learned from blogging for almost 7 years it’s this:

Getting it (whatever is causing you to visit funkville) out of your head is the only way to move forward.

A lot of the feelings I’ve been having recently are the same feelings that have always lead me to overeat and seek solace in food. My emotional food related indulgences aren’t the same as they used to be but the bad habits are still there. I actually went back to an old post of mine called My Core Hurt Eating – A MUST Read for those that Overeat and it helped. I needed to be reminded of the Core Value Eating concept and what clicked for me so many years ago.

It’s hard for me to admit I feel lonely, unworthy and inadequate but the truth is, trying to find myself again after having Little Bean has been challenging. With baby #1 it seemed easier and honesty, I think it was because I went back to work when he was 6 months. My life returned to what was normal for me at the time. Now I have no "normal." I’m not even sure what "normal" is anymore. That’s scary for me.

That’s it. I don’t have any great revelations or anti-funk solutions to share. I just needed to get all this crap out of my head so I can start to move forward.



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However, to prevent the massive amounts of spam I was receiving I have turned off comments on any post older than 5 days old. If you'd like to leave me a note regarding this post or anything really try me on twitter (@RoniNoone,) my Facebook page, or even IG (@RoniNoone) I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. I never thought I'd have to do this but it's gotten way out of hand and comment management has become simply too time consuming to manage.

Discussion

There are 40 comments so far.

    Jolanta Marzec

    November 14, 2011

    Roni, I really relate to your post. I won’t write for everyone but for me there are so many doubts sometimes that I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t fall back asleep.
    I am just trying to think of it as part of life, the worry, the doubt and with that I also try to remember that I still have to get done what I need to get done.
    I love that you put these thoughts down on this site because it is so real, and in this Social world it’s so very easy to become lonely.
    Keep on blogging, posting, giving us great ideas. For me I appreciate them ALL!!!

    Vicky

    November 14, 2011

    You are VERY normal. ALL human minds work just like you’re describing. Mine does and so does everyone else I know. Each mind has it’s own preference for a version of FEAR. You can’t stop it permanently. Just remember that it’s how we were made and practice meditation/deep breathing. This allows you to view the thoughts as they pass by like birds in the sky and remember that they are JUST powerless thoughts to observe not absorb and believe.

    I’ve been in a slight funk a couple of days as well and I sympathize. Don’t beat yourself up cause it’s not easy. It’s NOT easy to remember to breathe and meditate. But once you do, you’re yourself again and NOT your mind.

    Heather

    November 14, 2011

    I think, as women in general and as moms in particular, that we all go through this. You don’t want to burden other people, you don’t want to ask for help, you want to be confident and competent and capable. So you take it all on, take it all in, and it’s too tough to do it for long. At least, that’s true for me. We can’t do or be everything. I think you’re doing a kick-ass job of getting through, you’re making time for yourself and your health, you’re raising two clearly joyous boys, and you’re teaching them the same healthy habits. I hope the funk passes. HUGS!

    christine

    November 14, 2011

    I often marvel at the zeal and enthusiasm you put into your blog. You really put it all out there and it is appreciated by so many people.
    That being said, it is okay to check out from time to time. It is not easy to keep it all together, all the time. I’ve been checking in on you for years now. I feel qualified to pat you on the back and say, “Thanks!”

    Deb Cadovius

    November 14, 2011

    You have no idea how much I needed this post tonight. I have the most amazing family, many amazing friends who I know love me and are always there for me….but I’m feel exactly the way you’re feeling right now. Life has just gotten nutzo lately and that’s where my funk is coming from….I LOVE your blog, Roni!

    Julie

    November 14, 2011

    Roni, I think that everything you are feeling is completely justified. You are adjusting to a new/different way of living, and you haven’t had a lot of time to adjust to that change. In time, it will improve and until then you are doing the very best that you can. Hell, you’re doing an extraordinary job!

    A friend of mine once said to me, “You’re better than you think you are.” I’ve spent a lot of time really thinking about that quote, and its so true. Hang in there, Roni, and thank you for everything that you do!

    LisaM

    November 14, 2011

    I think everyone stuck in Mommyland has that funk at one time or another, or maybe most of the time. Forming a playgroup (let’s face it, it was mostly for the moms) with a group of other families was really a lifesaver. We knew that once a week we would get a morning to get together and talk, all the while telling ourselves it was for the good of our children. (And they truly enjoyed it too!)

    Tami

    November 14, 2011

    I think we all go through times like you are experiencing right now. Especially when you have small children at home to take care of.

    Blogging is a lonely job – there is no one to talk to! Emails and comments back and forth are communication but its not the same as talking to someone one on one. Reading body language, looking into someones eyes, sharing a laugh or having a good cry together.

    Hang in there Roni as my mom always tells me, “This too shall pass.” And it always does.

    Ginny

    November 15, 2011

    I really feel for you. I had the worst time adjusting after my second baby. I ended up in the hospital and was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression. The most important thing I learned there was how important it is to take care of myself. It’s good that you’re moving forward, but please, Roni, take care of yourself first! Hang in there. :)

    Tammy Cole

    November 15, 2011

    Wow, for a second there I thought you got into MY head. I am feeling the exact same way. I have friends, but they are busy with their own lives and in different stages of parenting. My mom and dad are retired, and travel and do their own thing now. My husband and I say hello in the hallway in the mornings. I am way down deep in FUNKVILLE also, Roni. And as usual, I am turning to food. And guess what? It’s getting me NOWHERE fast. I feel so, so alone, even though I am surrounded by people. So I guess what I’m trying to say, is that even if you FEEL alone, you are not alone in your feelings. Make sense? You are in good company.

    (If you want to have lunch soon, e-mail me: ttd@gdldlaw.com or Coleitis07@AOL.com) I really enjoyed Sushi Hana and would love to go back sometime (as the husband doesn’t like ANY form of Chinese, sushi or otherwise).

    Angie

    November 15, 2011

    Roni, Thank you for writing this post. I have gone through EVERYTHING that you write about. I have two boys (ages 8 and 7). After having my second child, I completely relapsed with disordered eating, but it took me two years to realize what was going on. I still struggle. It’s hard because I love my boys and they bring me my greatest joy, but being a Mom is a lot of responsibility. Last night I was sick (sinus infection; antibiotics made me nauseated) and knew I needed to lay down. I told my husband and he said he would put the kids to bed. I immediately fell asleep, but was wakened 15 min later because my kids were crying. Hubs got frustrated and the kids were losing it. I was able to settle everyone down and we got to bed without any additional tears. I laid in bed thankful that I was able to calm everyone, but realizing that it’s a lot of work to be so emotionally available for everyone.

    I guess I write this because I want to thank you for your honesty and for reminding me that I’m not alone. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle.

    I think more of us feel that way than you know. Blogging is a very lonely thing at times and its worse when your family and friends either don’t get it or don’t look at it as “work.” (My experience) I swear sometimes it feels like a double life! We don’t have kids so I have a lot of respect for those who juggle it along with being parents. It can be hard enough to do without that committment! So hats off to you!

    Sabrina

    November 15, 2011

    Roni,
    I can really relate to how you are feeling. I’m struggling right now to find myself again after baby number two as well. All the feelings you are having about being lonely, unworthy and inadequate, I feel the same way and I don’t know what to do to make it better. I keep thinking going back to work will help and I wont feel so isolated but I’m not sure if I want to give up being home with my girls. I think we are feeling the same way many Moms feel, I’m not sure if it ever goes away being “mom” is a big job and it comes with a lot of work,worry and decision making and if we let ourselves doubt the decision that we have made for families the feelings of not being good enough just get bigger. We must trust ourselves and believe in the decision that we make as moms. I hope you start to feel better soon! I’ll be thinking about you :)

    Ashleigh

    November 15, 2011

    There’s no substitute for adult human contact – besides the husband. Friends. Going back to work makes that easier. They don’t even have to be close friends. They are just different people that enrich your life by offering another POV.
    Sometimes I feel inadequate too, despite a great deal of accomplishments. And you have accomplished soooo much. But that in itself doesn’t make the feelings go away. Go ahead and feel them, that’s okay – but don’t dwell. Forward progress. Decide what YOU need and work toward that. It’s not selfish.
    You really do inspire people, Roni. I’ve been reading your blog since it was Weight Watchen. I’m a lurker for the most part, but I routinely use your name as if we’re pals because I follow you. I want to know what you’re doing. You’re that interesting just for being you. :)

    Tina

    November 15, 2011

    I have been where you are so I understand. I struggled for years with negative thoughts and not feeling good enough. It led me to a lot of self descructive behavior. Until I finally got close to God and everything changed for me. I don’t know much about your faith and I know it can be a touchy subject for some people but I just have to share what works for me.

    I will leave you with a quote that I received today from Joyce Meyer

    “People who don’t base their worth in Christ are constantly looking for something to make them feel important”

    This might not make sence to you right now and I know at some point It didn’t for me, but it has made such a difference in my life.

    You are a great person and role model for so many people…keep doing what you do!

    Christine

    November 15, 2011

    I can really see myself in your post, Roni. I have a 26 month old and a 9 month old. I am still trying to find “me” after having the second child. It makes me feel really lonely at times. Although I love having both kids, I miss the old me sometimes, and I yearn for the days when I can get some of her back.

    Having two kids is SO different than having one. Seems like we each always have a kid, and if one of us needs alone time or we want couple time, then you have to plan for it, and it feels overwhelming. I struggle with getting alone time, and I spend most of my day just going with the sometimes rocky flow of motherhood. I feel like I am just in reactionary mode and that also can be overwhelming.

    I am also finding I really need structure–we are trying to add more of a “schedule” to our weekends. It is difficult though. The 9 month old is still a baby.

    Anyway, enough about me. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone. I think this is one of those things that moms of two go through that they do not write in all those pregnancy/baby books.

    Rose @ Bind & CrEATe

    November 15, 2011

    I understand where you’re coming from. I often felt like that – a lot – when I worked from home. That’s why I’ve gone back to the 9-5 office lifestyle. It’s not perfect, but it gives me more human interaction, which I need. I hope you can figure out some balance and get a little more human time. It’s really necessary for me, so I’m assuming it’s the same for you.

    Leslie

    November 15, 2011

    Thank you for your honesty and giving words to the swarm of feelings that get tangled up inside. I’m a 12 stepper (AA for 20 years) and can assure you that talking about, in person or virtually, is the way through. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. I’m sure that having a bunch of essentially anonymous folks answer back is a dilute substitute for sitting with people in the flesh and talking from the heart, but it’s what your life affords you now. You are likely getting ready for some kind of transition because you’re feeling this rather than stuffing it down with overeating or other addictive behaviors.

    I’ve been stuck in my head countless times and know that a very good antidote for it is to reach out and help another person. It gets our focus off ourselves for a bit. Hang tight and trust the process…the next thing will be revealed when the time is right.

    roni

    November 15, 2011

    Christine – I actually said this SAME EXACT line to my friend this morning…

    “I feel like I am just in reactionary mode and that also can be overwhelming.”

    So funny.

    Thank you everyone for taking the time to leave a comment and share your experience. It really makes a difference.

    Michelle

    November 15, 2011

    As a homeschooling mother of five, I have ben right where you are. In fact, I find myself there often. Not to discourage you, but it really doesn’t get any better (by itself). I now have two almost grown daughters (as well, as a tween and two little ones), and the angst of them leaving home is almost unbearable at times. I, too, find that I have no one to actually “talk” to about how I’m feeling. I’ve been at home for the last 18 years…it sometimes feels as though I haven’t left the house!

    Seasons come and go, but our need for connection remains the same. Kinda the “same $#!*, different day” thing. lol

    I agree with Tina ^, the One I can always count on the hear me is God. Somehow sitting on the bathroom floor, in tears, telling Him everything is often the best medicine for me. BUT, I do still long for a close girlfriend or two. And I will share this tidbit: I find that having someone in fromt of me and someone behind me, helps me tremendously. Having an older woman to mentor me, to encourage me is an amazing asset! On the other hand, being able to personally mentor a younger mother or wife, is very therapudic also; reminds me of the lessons I’ve already learned and proves to me that I have made progress.

    Take a bubble bath, have a glass of wine, pray, and find some other Momma’s to share the journey with. In the mean time…you really are stringer than you think you are!!

    Michelle

    November 15, 2011

    Oh man, I HATE typos!! Gotta go get my glasses…sorry. :(

    Christina

    November 15, 2011

    As far as feeling lonely, I battle with that as a stay at home mom. I started making myself reach out and get together once a week with a mom. Loneliness can be so isolating and it was really affecting my mindset. So I make myself get out there, maybe meet at the park after school so kids can play, have a playdate at my house etc. I read somewhere you can’t wait for people to invite you places, you need to step up and do the inviting and make it happen. That totally rings true for me. Increasing my socializing isn’t the total solution for me but I know it was an area that needed improvement so I started there.

    Or in your case, maybe sign up for a PTA event with his class? Forcing myself out of my comfort zone has helped me. Maybe it would help you? I never realized that blogging is isolating! It makes sense but I didn’t think of it that way.

    Good luck!

    Patty

    November 15, 2011

    Lots of good advice from everyone, in a nutshell you are not alone, be kind to yourself, given time you too will find your way once again. I know you LOVE Seuss so I leave you a quote: “Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.”

    Linda

    November 15, 2011

    You see, this is why we all LOVE reading your blog. It’s your honesty and ability to take down the mask and show how you are REALLY feeling. Roni I can SO relate to what you just wrote! I suffer from debilitating self doubt and low self esteem and I honestly don’t fully know why. I have always had a loving supportive family and I have a wonderful boyfriend of 7 years. But I have always felt: not cool enough, not good enough,not smart enough etc. . . With my job right now I’m writing a curriculum for all of my other co-workers to teach and I have had so many sleepless nights. I have been obsessing over what I’ve written, what if it’s not good enough? What if the kids don’t respond well? What if my co-workers don’t like it? I could go on and on. I truly believe everything in life is a lesson and I honestly feel I’m going through this now to help me get over it. If everything was always easy and comfortable we would never evolve. So I’m going to embrace my utter un-comfortableness and face my fears and evolve into the woman I want to be. Join me? :)

    Jacqui

    November 15, 2011

    I so agree with everyone. You know, I found your blog in searching for weight loss/health inspiration, and I read through your various posts. But that’s not the reason I come back every day. And I don’t come back for inspiration (gimme! gimme!) I come back because you are real, and you are interesting, your kids are cute, and you think up great recipes. I come back because (like today) I can relate to you. Being a stay at home is hard, work or no work, blog or no blog… it’s just a hard and isolating job. But it won’t last forever, and you will never ever regret it, I can GUARANTEE you that. I really hope that you continue to look for the silver linings and let people encourage you for a change. And by the way….

    “Am I talented enough to blog for a living? Are my pictures good enough? Do I write well enough? Are my recipes tasty enough? Are my blogs designed well enough? Are my ideas unique enough?”

    YEEEEES!

    Alison

    November 15, 2011

    You are so lucky to be able to work from home and get paid to be in a funk. I am in my own funk, and jobless and can’t ever seem to reach goal… and can’t send many encouraging words, but there is always tomorrow. Be thankful for what you have, and keep being you.

    Dani

    November 15, 2011

    Roni, thank you for writing this. Once in a while I get stuck in my head. For me, it usually involves what I like to call my “run away fantasy” where I just take off and start life over again and magically I become a completely different person. I do century rides on my bike, cook all the time, have a completely different career, and work on my laptop in coffee shops. I look different, dress differently and on and on. It ususally takes me a few days to get out of my head. As I write this, I’m now getting the idea that the next time that happens I could write out a pretend little script for myself and see how it turns out! Thanks for sharing and thanks for the idea! We love ya kiddo!

    Kathy

    November 15, 2011

    Dear Roni

    I’m with Tina. What has helped me is turning to God and asking him for help with ANYTHING….and by that I mean anything. I used to think that you only ask HIM the important things and not things like “helping me control my food” but I believe differently now. I know that I am so important to Him that nothing is off the list……

    Roni I love your website and visit it almost daily. I also have little munchkins and love your lunch ideas, secret spaghetti sauce and everything else you update on all your sites. You are a true inspiration!

    Thank you

    Kathy

    I have to add a +1 to what everyone said here – your humanity and honesty is what people love about you, and also find inspiring at the same time! Don’t be afraid to lean on us once and a while.

    Barbara

    November 15, 2011

    Roni
    We are have doubt. I think thats why I am having just a hard time losing weight.
    WW says put yourself first, but that is so hard for me.
    I am working on it.
    I love reading and watching your videos. Gives me hope that I can do this.
    thank you again

    RG

    November 15, 2011

    Good luck! I agree with someone else who suggested that you’re going through a transitional period. Shedding some skin, seeing what’s next…

    Tracy

    November 15, 2011

    Roni,
    Your post was quite profound, as it made me realize my own funk most recently. I think no matter what stage of life you are in, there will be hiccups that come up that cause you to feel inadequate, lonely, and doubting choices. Know that you are doing a phenomenal job here with all of your blogs. You touch people daily. The top of the hill seems very far away, and steep, but you can push yourself past this funk and get over to the other side. Thank you for inspiring me, showing your real authentic self, and motivating myself and many others!

    Sheri

    November 15, 2011

    Roni, you are awesome! You are doing well despite this setback. One thing that crossed my mind is watch for post-partum depression. I had that, and it caused more havoc than not because it was not diagnosed soon enough.

    I really do treasure you sharing your heart here. I sure can relate to lonely and all those emotional struggles. My blog lacks interaction from others. Some days writing and sharing makes me feel even more isolated, but I have been pushing on.

    I recognized my own tendency to withdraw, quit and remain silent when those emotions strike. In fact, what goes on in my own head is often responsible for setting me back to where I started,or worse. Those mental struggles are what have buckled me in the past, crippling and undoing all progress.

    In the past I wasn’t as aware of how my thought processes caused me to quit. However, now that I know I am working on change. My journey is not about losing weight as much as it is about dealing with the voice echoing in my thoughts, and finding new ways of dealing with life other than taking it out on myself.

    Again, I really appreciate you sharing your struggles. Sometimes the great nugget or anti-funk strategy is just knowing there is another human being out there who understands. You’ve done that for me today, when I needed it most. I understand from you that thought I may feel alone, I am not truly alone.

    Smiles,
    Sheri

    Tiffany

    November 15, 2011

    Oh the journey of being a “SuperMom,” is there any job that is more thankful and fulfilling, yet often times lonely and thankless. I found your website a couple of days ago, when I started googling to find a WW points calculator. After seeing your blog, I am not sure exactly what drew me in, but I was compelled to read and click through all of your tabs. I have never followed anyone’s blog, but seriously something really caught me. Today, I cooked butternut squash for the first time ever, we had the fries, the seeds and I have some more cut up to cook and have tomorrow. I know you know you inspire people and you have probably heard comments and emails from people countless times, but I feel that this is something very different and purposeful for me. I do relate to you, but only with some of what you share on here. I am a corporate sales director and a mommy of 3, ages 7, 3 and newborn 2 months old). I recently went back to work and for the first couple of days it felt great. I had my teeth brushed, showered and clean (and non-maternity) clothes on. I was ecstatic! Not to mention with mommy going back to work, I actually was getting more sleep b/c daddy had to get up with Baby Cole (yay for me right!?!) but then it slowly started creeping in….”The Funk” as you so eloquently put it. I get to have conversations with adults, lots of them and clean clothes, makeup, clean teeth, etc. and I honestly keep finding myself desperately wanting to be home and be more motivated when I am home. I thought to myself ok well this seems like an easy answer right, then Tiffany stay at home…but no, two days later I had a long day at home, laundry, cooking, dirty diapers, screaming toddler, running errands, dishes, son’s homework, and the list goes on and on and I was finding myself feeling the same way again. I know some of you reading this might say, hmm she has post partum, or is sleep deprived or something but all I can really say it is feels like “The Funk.” So I am still not sure how to get out of this mood, but it does feel good to realize that I am not alone and I hope you can say the same. You have quite a following on here a RoniNation so to speak and your post on here about how you feel just is more inspiring and offers a sense of realness that we all need to know and connect to, even if it is just a blog, it feels like so much more.

    Warmly,
    Tiffany

    Lee

    November 15, 2011

    You are awesome and amazing and talented and a great wife and mom! The reason I read your blog is b/c you are honest and real… about WW, trying to make healthy meals for your family(TOUGH JOB to do) and get in a daily dose of excercise. Gppd job you!

    Melody

    November 16, 2011

    I go through the same things. I am a stay-at-home Mom now can’t find a job back in the industry (teaching) that I left because of the horrible economy. So it can be doubly frustrating sometimes. Isolation. (But kinda like you said, I don’t want to hang out with other moms just because they’re moms…) I try and go to the gym every day or almost every day with lots of cardio to get my heart rate up, get out to the store for some milk or a coffee if I need more interaction, or phone an old friend when it gets tough. I’d like to get back to my drawing/painting/art stuff as that is my old college major too. Like everyone else said, it’s a facet of being at home and responsible for so many little ones. I have two myself, 2 and 6. I am also trying to build something for a future job now that the old one is dead practically. I am trying to get accepted into a good masters program for another career option.

    I hope my post helps you know that you are very very very not alone. And I’m glad you shared it. Cause I’m feelin’ it too and my working friends probably just think I’m a basket case sometimes! But I think I’m just normal.

    emma

    November 16, 2011

    Maybe someone has mentioned this before, but is it possible that you have a touch of post-partum depression? Obviously you’re probably feeling overwhelmed, underappreciated, and all alone, but it might be that the hormones are still working their way out of your system this is contributing to the problem.

    MaryBe@Accidentally-Vegan

    November 16, 2011

    It’s the time change, and the fact that it’s dark by 4:00. Blah!

    Add to that, a new(ish) house, a new baby, lots of blog and non-blog related work (Hello Fit Bloggin ’12!) packing a lunch box every day, and anyone would run screaming!

    I think it would make you feel better if you called your boys by their names too. I LOVE their names! Please think about using them on the blog <3

    roni

    November 16, 2011

    I do too but as they get older I’d like them to have plausible deniability. ;)

    Kim

    November 16, 2011

    Thanks Roni for this post…..reading what you wrote made me realize I too have been in the same boat……I really enjoy reading your posts, they make me think and re-evaluate my life. Thanks for just being you :)