So you may have noticed I stepped away for a few days. Well sort of, it’s almost impossible for me to disconnect completely for many reasons, mostly because this is my job now and I do have responsibilities beyond my own blogs.
That being said, sometimes it’s hard to blog daily, trying to motivate and inspire when I’m just not feeling very motivated myself.
I’ve been stuck in my own head.
Does that ever happen to you?
I haven’t really had a REAL conversation with someone in a long time. Sure the husband and I talk, but it’s mostly surface stuff as we’ve been so busy. My best friends are in different stages of life. We’ve all been too busy to connect and they live far away. My Mom is raising my niece and has lots of her own responsibilities and stress. I’ve met a few new moms but being in a funk, there’s a wall there. I’m not letting them in. I don’t want to let them in.
Honestly, I feel really alone which is absolutely insane to "say" aloud as I’m lucky to have friends and family I can turn to. I even have a fairly popular blog where people comment and send me emails on a daily basis. Although, I know it sounds strange, but blogging is a lonely job even though it’s known as being social.
I do get the most awesome notes from people literally all over the world. While writing this I got a comment from Agnes on yesterday’s post,
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You rock and you continue to inspire me get healthy and be a better mom! Thanks!
A few days ago I got this email,
You know, I truly love your site. You inspire again and again. You have really helped me see the ways I have sabotaged myself over the years, the self hate, the "I’ll start tomorrow" mentality. So many times I stop and think about something you’ve said when I am making a choice and it really makes a difference. You, Roni Noone, are making a difference!! Thank you!
You’d think getting feedback like this would be enough to keep me going and most of the time, it is. I feel justified in making the choices I’ve made. I say to myself, ‘if I only inspire one other person today then it’s all worth it.’
I mean if I’m doing something I really enjoy and it’s being well received by someone else isn’t that awesome? I found a creative way to work, have fun, express myself and connect with others. Dude.. that freakin’ ROCKS!
So why do I constantly doubt myself? Why do I think I don’t deserve success? Why do I not feel worthy of this life I’ve built?
Am I talented enough to blog for a living? Are my pictures good enough? Do I write well enough? Are my recipes tasty enough? Are my blogs designed well enough? Are my ideas unique enough?
Some of you may think I’m fishing for compliments but honestly, I’m just letting you into my defective little brain. All of these doubts and insecurities have led to this funk and if there’s one thing I’ve learned from blogging for almost 7 years it’s this:
Getting it (whatever is causing you to visit funkville) out of your head is the only way to move forward.
A lot of the feelings I’ve been having recently are the same feelings that have always lead me to overeat and seek solace in food. My emotional food related indulgences aren’t the same as they used to be but the bad habits are still there. I actually went back to an old post of mine called My Core Hurt Eating – A MUST Read for those that Overeat and it helped. I needed to be reminded of the Core Value Eating concept and what clicked for me so many years ago.
It’s hard for me to admit I feel lonely, unworthy and inadequate but the truth is, trying to find myself again after having Little Bean has been challenging. With baby #1 it seemed easier and honesty, I think it was because I went back to work when he was 6 months. My life returned to what was normal for me at the time. Now I have no "normal." I’m not even sure what "normal" is anymore. That’s scary for me.
That’s it. I don’t have any great revelations or anti-funk solutions to share. I just needed to get all this crap out of my head so I can start to move forward.