One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

INSIGHTS

No One Can MAKE You Feel…

21 Comments 1995 views

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.

There are times I feel guilty.

  • Not being able to do something a friend asked because I’m busy that day.
  • Leaving the kids with Dad when I want to go running.
  • Wishing I lived closer to my parents so I can help out more.

There are times I feel fat.

  • Trying on clothes with a skinny friend.
  • Reading fitness magazines.
  • Seeing a real fit, confident person stroll by me.

There are times I feel old.

  • Talking to anyone under the age of 30.
  • Strolling by a group of teenagers at the mall.
  • Watching an old movie or not knowing the latest popular band.

These are just a few examples to give you an idea. I can come up with more, and I’m sure you could add to the list.

But here’s the deal, the other person in all of these situations (the friend, the model in a magazine, Mom, etc.) can’t MAKE me feel anything.

They are simply uncovering some internal issue I have.

If you are confident in your decisions, if you own your age, your body, your choices…

No one can make you feel anything. Not guilt. Not Fat. Not Old. Not ANYTHING.



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Discussion

There are 21 comments so far.

    Brandi

    July 11, 2011

    I remind myself of this a lot. I remember one day after a particularly rough weekend of not so great eating and feeling rather fat all day I went to sing in the praise band at my church. My boyfriend is also in the band and we did a pretty popular version of an Amazing Grace arrangement by Chris Tomlin. It went amazingly well and I held my own.

    Afterward in the car on the way home my boyfriend in his very point blank fashion said, “well I guess how much you feel you weigh or how you look doesn’t seem to change how beautiful your voice is”.

    And in that moment I really did realize that my weight, or my scatterbrainedness, or my age, or my job didn’t really change WHO I am.

    And all those things don’t define me. Unless I let them.

    I do let them…a lot of the time. But I try and continue to remind myself that the only person that lets those things get to me is ME.

    nic

    July 11, 2011

    Thank you… Just… Thank you!

    Dawn, Lay Down My Idols

    July 11, 2011

    SO TRUE! BUT, yesterday I realized that I got a SENIOR’S DISCOUNT!!! THAT threw me. Really did. I should have just moved on and enjoyed the discount, but I kept discounting MYSELF and wondering if I really look that old or what!!! Ugh.
    Dawn

    KCLAnderson (Karen)

    July 11, 2011

    A-freaking-men! And once we realize this? How free are we??

    Jack Sh*t

    July 11, 2011

    I don’t know if it was intentional or not, but this post made me feel guilty, fat and old…. but I shook it off and now I feel content, fit and… ummm… old. Well, two outta three ain’t bad!

    Colleen

    July 11, 2011

    I feel those things sometimes too, Roni. I never thought I’d feel old, but it really does hit me at the mall, lol.

    sabrina

    July 11, 2011

    Wise words. This post really gives me something to think about. Im sick of feeling like im coming up short in everything i do. I need to step back and really think, no one can make me feel that way but me, so why am i doing this to myself.

    Kelly

    July 11, 2011

    You said it sister!!

    s

    July 11, 2011

    a good reminder for me. i feel a lot of those things at those times as well.

    Adara

    July 11, 2011

    I am 25, and I look up to you! Hopefully that will make you smile! I am impressed at how you look, eat, that you are raising two kids, that you weigh less then when you originally started this journey and you just had a kid, and that you are training to run!

    I don’t need to pay money to read a success story in a magazine…I just pop on here and get the motivation I need!

    Jeannie

    July 12, 2011

    Very true! You are in control of your own feelings and reactions.

    Leslie

    July 12, 2011

    Good reminder. And if you feel old…just wait until you’re MY age (57!) – old enough to be your young mom!

    Roz

    July 12, 2011

    Hi Roni! I absolutely love this post. I’m working on owning ALL of me! Have a great day, thanks for the thoughts!!

    I think this is an important thing to remember. And it translates into other areas of life, especially health/weight-loss related. No one can MAKE you eat something that you don’t want to eat (i.e.; even the well-meaning relatives, etc.).

    Erica

    July 12, 2011

    Roni,
    This is a great post. I just want to add that some people are manipulative and do like to pray on people’s insecurities, thus causing you to feel a certain way. Just as a smile or loving embrace from a loved one can make you feel loved and safe, a snarky covert comment or look can cause you to feel crappy, especially if it is unexpected and you are not on guard. I am writing this just to add food for thought, not to disagree, because I love this post.

    betty

    July 12, 2011

    very wise words

    all you need to know is that you are healthy, you are a great person, and you do the best you can in life :)

    roni

    July 12, 2011

    Oh Erica, of course they are! Some people just suck. ;)

    But I think if we remind ourselves that they can’t actually MAKE US FEEL anything they kind of lose their power. Know what I mean? They can try to manipulate all they want but if you are confident in your decisions and who you are, they are powerless.

    Just a thought as well. Not disagreeing with you either. :)

    Laura

    July 13, 2011

    This really spoke to me today…

    Dee

    July 13, 2011

    This is an iron truth. It even extends to situations where you may be dealing with a meanie who is TRYING to make you feel a certain way. You actually always have the power. (And should avoid interacting with meanies).

    Stacey P.

    July 15, 2011

    Glad I read this post. I admit I’m guilty of feeling guilty. Irony there? I see someone I think that’s at my goal weight (20 more lbs for me) and I get so envious. I wish I could be like them. I wish I can sit there and have that burger and fries and not pay for it. I know I need to get out of that mindframe but it’s really hard since my whole life I’ve been trying to be someone else than the overweight person I once was. I do have more self confidence now and this is just the only little ounce of jealousy I have. I’ve been trying the last few months to get those stinky 20 lbs off and it’s been hard. I need to do it for myself and not think like I do. Thank you.

    NiNi Na

    July 7, 2013

    You’re so right! I have been there loads of times. And I have felt so lonely with that truth sometimes because at first I felt, “All right! It’s my fault again! So anyone can say or do anything they like without any consequence, why do I always try to stick to the rules?” I was really upset about this at first because I felt it’s not only about me.

    But then I also feel that it is empowering because I learned that if I focus on the good things in my life and the influence I have over some things. And that I can assess the situations I feel guilty, ashamed etc. in, I can turn it around and feel better, and I don’t have to rely on anyone else for that. And I also learned that if I focus on the good things I am much more able to enjoy more moments and stay present, and my good feelings also reflect on my surroundings.

    In my healing process I always tell myself one thing I heard at a first aid course: “Firemen always protect themselves first because if they don’t they can’t help anybody else because they harm themselves.” And I thought, “This is not only true for firemen, it’s actually true for everybody.” Thoughts of guilt or shame drain you of energy and actually harm you, and they help nobody.

    Many things you have enumerated are positive moments which you should enjoy. You don’t leave the boys alone when you go running, they’re with their dad and have some “man time”. It’s very good that you are busy, then you have loads of things to tell your friends. And I think that you know the difference between a friend in real need or a friend you can talk to later. If you have a bad day, just don’t read fitness magazines, fitness should make you feel good – and you know about Photoshop and what it does to pictures. As far as I know, you also have become a skinny confident fit person most of the time, and this is something to celebrate with a lout “Yeehaah!” (I really hope you actually do this). You only see the outside of that other fit confident person, you don’t know their whole story. And if you can’t be with your parents yourself, do everything you can to help them or maybe move them closer? You are a wonderful caring daughter who actually thinks a lot about how to help your parents, that’s great. :)