One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

Weekend Quote: Things Will Go Wrong.

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Yesterday was a tough for me. The conference is really getting close and my stress level increasing. I’m having this mysterious agonizing lower back pain. The dishwasher is broken. The baby is going through a fussy period. My house is a mess, full of boxes and materials. I haven’t gone grocery shopping in over two weeks. The only fresh food I have is two overripe bananas and a grapefruit. I event exhausted all my frozen vegetable stashes.

The husband decides taking me out for lunch will help. Yea… it did for like the 20 minutes we were there when I shoved french fry after french fry down my throat.

ugh

Why do we do that to ourselves?

Of course I felt worse afterwards. So then I started sneaking handfuls of potato chips.

Why food makes me feel better while eating it, I don’t know but it sure makes me feel worse when I’m immediately done.

I tried to salvage the day by getting the family to go for a nice long walk. It helped a little but my back hurt the whole time making me anxious and worried because I simply don’t have time to deal with it this week. Not to mention I have a bazillion boxes to lug for the conference.

Double ugh.

When we got home I made hot dogs and beans for dinner. You don’t even want to know how many I ate.

4.

FOUR hot dogs?

Who needs 4 hot dogs? And see I’m the biggest bean lover in the house. So who do you think ate the majority of those?

triple ugh.

“When things go wrong as they sometimes will, When the road you’re trudging seems all up hill, When the funds are low and the debts are high, And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest if you must, but don’t you quit. Life is queer with its twists and turns, As every one of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about, When he might have won had he stuck it out. Don’t give up though the pace seems slow–You may succeed with another blow, Success is failure turned inside out–The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems so far; So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit–It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.”
author unknown

I found that at 5AM this morning after nursing the baby and getting him back to sleep. Me? I couldn’t sleep. Too many things swimming in my head.

Reading that helped. A lot.

I’m sticking it out today. My plan is simple. Get my house is order. Hit the grocery store for some supplies and get cracking on the last minute prep for the conference.

I am full steam ahead!



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Discussion

There are 38 comments so far.

    Teagan

    May 14, 2011

    go, Go, GO Roni! Shake it off and move on – you’re in the home stretch now!

    I am battling depression right now due to normal life stress and my Mom’s death, last night I ate 3/4 of a medium pizza. By myself. I sent the follow tweet out into the universe “We are not hungry. Stop feeding us. Love, Your Feelings” I think I may need to hang it on the fridge door.

    Hang in there…you have a lot on your plate right now. You are balancing better than most.

    We all falter at some point. I know I am guilty of turning to food for comfort. But you didn’t keep going. You stopped and went on a walk instead. I once heard it is what you do consistently that matters, not so much the small slip ups that happen occasionally. There is a lot of pressure on you right now, but its only for a finite time. So stay strong and know how grateful/excited we all are for Fitbloggin!

    AJ

    May 14, 2011

    Thanks for the quote- I need it right now too. You are a POWERHOUSE and I am so thankful to have you in my life. One day, one hour, one minute at a time. I think it is awesome that you not only went for a walk but that you blogged about your struggle! Way to be accountable!!! :) SEE YOU VERY SOON!!

    Lay Down My Idols

    May 14, 2011

    You can & will do it! ((( hugs ))) Hope the back gets better – mine has been bothering me a lot today too. Sciatica. UGH!
    Dawn

    erin

    May 14, 2011

    you can do it ! I messed up yesterday too … It is my TOM and I have a sore throat … and my husband was running late for dinner … and I was starving … so instead of getting a piece of fruit I grab the bag of chip and some salsa … and eat I am sure 12+ pts worth … and then I grab some cheese … ofcourse when he got home I still ate my taco salad …

    I guess I used some of my extra points … and Thursday I was down 1 lb and no I am up 2 lbs … oh well I have til Thursday to get it off!

    Missy

    May 14, 2011

    That’s a great quote! I feel like printing it out on some pretty paper and framing it :-) Thanks for being so real… I love how upfront you are with struggles that you have… Hope today is a good, productive day- that is the best stress relief, when you feel like you’re getting things done toward your goal. Just think, only a few more days and you’ll have a whole lot more breathing room!!!

    Brittany

    May 14, 2011

    We all messup, and that’s totally okay! I am definitely one that turns to food for comfort, i’m working on not doing that– but i accept the fact that i do that! We are so thankful for you and for Fitbloggin! So excited!

    Foodie McBody

    May 14, 2011

    Ohhh Roni I wish there was something we could do to ease your burdens. You need a Fitbloggin’ staff! Assistants! Volunteers! I wish I lived closer and could be of help.
    Having said that, the honesty of your post (even though I feel for you) helped me so much. Even those of us who have come a long way doing really well have days/weeks/periods of doing less well, doing things we know we don’t want to (but we DO want to in the moment). You’re not alone sister. I can’t wait to give you a huge hug and haul a bunch of boxes for you.
    And yes We are SO THANKFUL for you. oxoxoxoxo

    Laurie

    May 14, 2011

    So sorry you are so stressed.
    Is there anything I can do to help you remotely for the conference?

    Courtney

    May 14, 2011

    I am sorry you’re stressed. One suggestion I had about the grocery shopping is to place a Peapod order with Giant. They bring everything right to you. It was a lifesaver for us when I was on 4 months of bedrest during my pregnancy. It’s a nominal fee too–only like $8 which might really be worth it for you right now. Just a thought!

    Thanks for the quote. I needed it right now too.

    Diane

    May 14, 2011

    Thank you for helping me today with that quote. I hope you feel better soon.

    Tina

    May 14, 2011

    Hi Roni, this reminds me of the Oprah episode that was on the other day. Her best friend, a fitness trainer, was on the show telling a story about how the other day when he and her were talking about something that stressed her out, she got up and got a piece of dark chocolate from the fridge. Oprah embarrassingly responded to him telling the story to everyone with “Oh. You noticed that, eh?”. He said she wasn’t ready to deal with the stressful topic so she “self medicated with food”. Not to sound totally cheesy, but this was an “aha” moment for me. Self medicating with food to relieve stress is what I do too. Need to have a list printed out of other solutions that will also make us feel gratified instantly. Maybe that would be a good topic sometime soon? Curious what someone with a healthy food relationship turns to for instant stress relief.

    Brandy

    May 14, 2011

    Definitely get that pain checked out. I had it once before and I ended up having a kidney infection. Don’t put it off–especially when all I needed was some antibiotics to kill the infection and I felt 100% better!

    Beth

    May 14, 2011

    I could have written these words so many times. My downfall is after my kids bedtime. I’m exhausted and eat the whole pantry. Thank you for writing this post. I would definitely check out Peapod. That truck is in my neighborhood all the time!

    Dionna

    May 14, 2011

    I’m constantly re-aligning myself to eat better. I do well a few meals and then regress. But I think the positive thing I need to focus on is that I keep trying. :)

    Dani

    May 14, 2011

    Here’s a big hug.

    Paula

    May 14, 2011

    I do understand and it is so nice to know that others share this plight from time to time. I am still trying to figure out the question “Why food makes me feel better while eating it, I don’t know but it sure make me feel worse when I’m immediately done.” That describes my off days to a T. We will both get back on track tomorrow.

    Tami@nutmegnotebook

    May 14, 2011

    Talk about a stressful time in your life, it seems to be piling up for you.

    In times of great stress us emotional eaters do revert back to those old coping skills of eating! It’s like we are on auto pilot and bam! it just happens.

    The difference is, now we see it, we know what it was and we can put a stop to it. Each morning we get up and we are given a brand new start. I love that.

    I think you need a co chair for the blog conference. Perhaps you can get a volunteer lined up for next year and share the load.

    Wishing you well in the days ahead Roni.

    Jenn (GH)

    May 15, 2011

    I always admire your honesty. You’re only human. This time next week the conference will be over soon you will be able to relax.

    Regarding you lower back – Do you sit a lot? It could be your psoas. I have very intense lower back pain that just crept up on me one day and it’s mostly the result of sitting. When we sit a lot of our psoas gets short and since it’s connected to our lower back it pulls on the back. Anyway this stretch really helps me and I wanted to pass it along in case you wanted to give it a try. http://sanfranciscocrossfit.blogspot.com/2009/03/stretch-your-psoas-peoples.html

    I have also found that classic sidebend stretches also help tremendously. I like to hold onto a door frame and pull away from the door. If I do these 2 stretches regularly my back pain decreases dramatically.

    Look forward to meeting you later this week!

    Marissa

    May 15, 2011

    (((Hugs))) Roni! I feel like every day is like that lately. All I can say is that I wake up every morning telling myself it’s a new day. Sometimes I have to say it several times a day… I just keep trying. Just know you are not alone and your post was just what I needed. We cannot quit! I love that quote and it totally hit home! Thank you for your honesty too:-)

    Nadine

    May 15, 2011

    that is a great quote. definitely something to remember. I heard a great line yesterday too that has definitely stuck with me. “Don’t turn a slip into a fall” — I’m going to remember that one when something doesn’t go as planned.

    Michelle Nitengale

    May 15, 2011

    I had lower back pain after having my second child. Went to physical therapy and it was much better. My back was compensating for stretched out abs from the pregnancy. I’d definitely have it checked out though because it’s no fun to be in pain and taking care of two kids.

    First, I love that quote!! It is really motivational especially at a time when it’s really tough to get motivated – right after you’ve messed up. I totally understand the stress eating! I did that just this week. I have been super, super busy lately and it often feels like everything is out of control – house a mess, haven’t been grocery shopping in eons and don’t even think about a meal plan, so many things on the to do list and I can’t even see a spot on the horizon to get them done. (By the way, I greatly admire your ability to accomplish so much with a new baby! I feel this way already and I have no kids yet.) So this past Tuesday I totally gave in to the overwhelmed feeling and ate THREE full sized Nestle drumsticks (you know the cones with ice cream dipped in chocolate), a little thing of Jello pudding, a random piece of bread, and probably half a serving of chips of the course of about 4 hours. I started to feel like a complete failure and wondered how I was ever going to lose a hundred pounds if I do stuff like that. I may as well just throw in the towel, you know? I was about ready to blow off my planned workout (because I had overeaten and we all know that not working out is the best way to help with overeating – duh!), but then I thought of you and your blog which I’ve been reading consistently since 2006 (back when it was Weight Watchen). I remembered how many times you’ve talked about that all-0r-nothing mentality and I specifically remembered one of your posts from a couple years ago where you ate a ridiculous amount of food one Saturday, but you kept right on going and continued to maintain your weight. I realized that I’m not a complete failure. Even successful long term maintainers like you have some bad days, but the key is you don’t let that turn into a series of bad days. So I laced up my tennis shoes, worked out as hard as I could just as I had planned, and went on to eat a normal, healthy dinner. The rest of the week has been great and I’m continuing to lose weight this week in spite of the big mess up!
    All that to say, thank you so much for being so honest with all your readers, and you have no idea how helpful your perspective is for people like me!

    LG

    May 15, 2011

    Thanks for your honesty. Being so busy sucks!!! Our yesterday was CRAZY and today my husband and I have decided to really listen to the Bible and REST on the Sabbath day. Somehow God must have known we’d need a day off, even though for farmers in the old days it must have been tough to not do field work during harvest!

    Anyway…that’s not what I wanted to comment about! It’s the back pain thing…I get lower back pain when I’m really stressed or about a week after I’ve lifted more than I should. Not fun! I would never have believed it myself, but acupuncture has really helped…

    Millie

    May 15, 2011

    Thanks! This is kind of where I have been. It helped to read it and I really like the quote.

    Roz

    May 15, 2011

    Great quote! Yesterday is behind you, and I have complete confidence you’ll move forward and stay on plan. Take care of yourself!!!!!!

    Why food makes me feel better while eating it, I don’t know but it sure makes me feel worse when I’m immediately done.

    That might be one of the most profound statements I ever heard…that is my life in a nutshell!!

    Roni I too wish I was closer to help. I’m hoping that your back is feeling better soon…

    CK in CO

    May 15, 2011

    Love the quote, and especially love Tonyne’s tweet!

    But, I’m sorry — you have a husband and no groceries?? Is it time you asked him to step up? because, like, you just had a person come out of your body not too long ago??

    Take good care, and ask for help!

    roni

    May 15, 2011

    CK – Believe me I don’t WANT him grocery shopping. That’s one area I control and I’m glad I do for my pantry would be all cupcakes and soda.

    As for his “stepping up” he did all the laundry this weekend and is taking of two days off work to help me with the conference. He steps up when I need him.. he always does. I just don’t toot his horn much as it’s more fun to make fun of him. Plus he already had a big head. lol

    roni

    May 15, 2011

    Jenn (GH) –
    I have been sitting more than normal!

    This stretch helped a lot! Thanks!

    DJ

    May 15, 2011

    Awww, this post is what I love about your blog the most…the so very human moments of frustration combined with the fact that you pick yourself up time and again. My menu today~bagel, ice cream, fried potatoes, peanut butter cup, etc. It’s been one of those days. I wanted to sit and cry until I read your post and I was encouraged because I know that you’ll be fine…it must mean I will too! Hang in there and repeat after me…”this too shall pass!”

    Tara

    May 16, 2011

    I love that quote! I know you can plug through this! You are the most multi tasking, great accomplishing people I know! All you do and have time for amazes me!

    Lisa

    May 16, 2011

    That poem “Don’t Quit” is my all time favorite! You’ve got more energy than anyone I know… have a blast at FitBloggin. Hope the bookmarks made the swag bags. :)

    Alison

    May 17, 2011

    I am trying to decide what to say that might make you feel better. I don’t know what that might be… I feel bad for you that you have such a struggle with eat now regret later dilemma(sp)? I am glad you are going full speed ahead. I agree with others ask for help. Keep your chin up girl. And know that you are an inspiration to many. And just “real” to boot. Gotta love ya.

    Sandra

    May 19, 2011

    You are in good company! I just logged onto the computer to see how you were doing feeling lousy for a few indiscretions and feel so much better to see I’m not alone! As you’ve said before, it’s not an all or nothing mentality. It happened, life was frustrating, now you can move on. That’s how I’m going to treat it because I’ve come to know that giving in to the ‘all or nothing’ mentality is WAYYY worse! :) By the way, after talking to the Doc. I was able to go to 1/2 of the dose of the medication I asked you about (which was giving me a huge appetite). It has helped immensely. The weight and battle are still there somewhat, but I seem to have much more control, yeay!

    Christie

    May 20, 2011

    I know I’m late to this party but I’ve been having a very stressful last few weeks at work and it was nice to read this quote. I immediately forwarded it to my work e-mail address so I’ll see it first thing Monday. :)

    Julie from France to USA

    May 21, 2011

    Dear Roni,
    I’m with all my heart with you because having my second children made me so tired as he didn’t sleep well and i wanted to be as before with my first one, having my house perfect, work (i did politics – is it stressful, NO (kidding)) so i was eating bad foods. And the more i ate “bad” food or poor quality food (it’s better) the more i hated myself and then go to the circle you already wrote about.
    So : BREATH, relax. You can not double yourself. You need to sleep. Take a housekeeper (cleaning woman) so the house won’t be a problem. Read read read, that’s help sleeping when you don’t want to. And more.
    Take care