One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

Getting Out of My Own Way

40 Comments 3925 views

For all of my adolescence and 20’s I was my own worst enemy. I let a bad body image prevent me from doing what I wanted to do and being who I really wanted to be.

Case in point…

For years I didn’t swim in the ocean becuase I didn’t want to be seen in a bathing suit.

YEARS!

You know what, I LOVE the ocean. I love swimming. I love the beach. I LOVE SUMMER! But I hid in jeans and oversized t-shirts not enjoying my favorite time of year doing the things I really wanted to be doing becuase I was fat.

Or at least I thought I was fat.

Does it really matter?

Point is.. I wasn’t embracing life the way I wanted to and that’s a horrible way to live.

This morning I could have made 100 excuses not to do what I wanted to do.

  • I’m too busy with all this work.
  • I’m self-conscious about this 25lb weight gain.
  • I’m overwhelmed about the conference.
  • I’m pissed off I didn’t lose weight this week.
  • I’m depressed that none of my clothes fit.
  • I’m tired.
  • I’m disappointed that I lost my running and workout stamina.
  • I should really clean up the house.
  • I DON’T WANT TO START OVER!

But instead of wallowing in self pity and feeling sorry for myself I challenged myself to do what I wanted to do anyway.

I strapped on the running shoes, secured the baby in the jogger and I ran 5k.

Well…. I ran/walked 5k.

It took me 41 minutes and 39 seconds…

That’s slower then my first 5k ever but who CARES! <–just cried re-reading that.

I did it!

For so long I thought I wanted to be skinny but what I really wanted was to be who I knew I was–an active, happy, ALIVE person who takes life by the horns, has FUN and does what she wants to do with no excuses.

I refuse to hide myself again.

I’m getting out of my own way.

Here’s little bean and I, all sweaty, after our run this morning.

He did AWESOME! We enjoyed the beautiful weather and got some fresh air. Now I feel more equipped to tackle this day. Especially after the smile he gave me during our little chat…

For more baby smiles click here. <— my favorite post of the month!



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Discussion

There are 40 comments so far.

    Beautiful! the post and you and little bean :)

    Cindy

    April 29, 2011

    Proud of you! Good job!

    Callie

    April 29, 2011

    You are doing SO great. I think I need to bookmark this post to remind myself that everyone has those feelings/frustrations – I’m sure I’ll have my own after I have this baby! But you definitely have the right attitude – just get out there and go for it. You’re doing great!

    Svanhvit

    April 29, 2011

    LOVE it!! And the pictures are just terrific!!

    Laura

    April 29, 2011

    Happy boy and happy mom. You might make a runner out of him yet.

    Laura

    April 29, 2011

    Good for you Roni!! Keep up the good work!

    Kaye

    April 29, 2011

    Roni…you are absolutely beautiful and inspire me every day. You will make it to where you were…and enjoy the journey there by doing what makes you feel GREAT!

    Christy

    April 29, 2011

    That’s awesome that you were able to do a 5K. I’m impressed. That’s amazing for so soon after a baby. I know you don’t want to hear this, but remember you did just have a baby! You’re doing great. For me, after my second I was wearing maternity clothes for like 4 months afterwards because life just got in the way of taking care of myself. Good for you for getting a jump on it!

    well if that doesn’t make me strap on my sneakers I don’t know what does…BTW, he looks jsut like your husband in that picture…

    Jamie

    April 29, 2011

    You just encourage me so much!! You are doing awesome. And isn’t great that you can exercise and spend time with your gorgeous baby. You are truly an inspiration. Thank you. Jamie

    patty

    April 29, 2011

    love this photo of you and the lil bean…your adoring eyes on each other say it all… <3

    Deb Cadovius

    April 29, 2011

    I’m so proud of you!!!!! You are just beaming with Little Bean and you should be. You ARE a healthy, active, beautiful young woman who peed out two watermelons. LOL :-) And they are handsome boys with a bright future because Mom knows how important it is to take care of herself…even when having to start over (I had to start over and I didn’t have a bouncing new baby to show for it :-)). So hold that head up high and remember how many people you’ve encouraged along the way! *hugs!!!

    Tara

    April 29, 2011

    That is awesome that you went out and ran/walked a 5k!!!! That is impressive! Who cares about the time! you get back in no time at all!

    Aimee

    April 29, 2011

    Look at the Little Bean…he is so handsome. Just caring for an infant is hard enough but you are juggling a home, 2 children, blogs and a conference. You are so inspiring Roni. Seriously your blog helped me to realize that all I have to do is get up and do it. No more excuses. One change at a time is all it takes. Instead of hiding inside on this gorgeous spring day I like I would have done in the past I have already gone for a run, bought hanging plants for our porch which my little guy helped me pick out and played on the swings in the backyard. Thanks for all of your encouragement. You are amazing woman!

    Miz

    April 29, 2011

    I love this.
    And it applies for fitness and so.freakin.much.more huh?

    Looooove photo and can’t wait to see the bean!!

    Tami@nutmegnotebook

    April 29, 2011

    Great attitude Roni! I love how you turned your thought process around and did what you wanted to do so you can feel like the person you really are, an active healthy mom!

    The smiling photos of Evan make me happy, keep them coming!

    Lynnea

    April 29, 2011

    So proud of you, Roni! I hope you feel better and I am excited to start running with you and baby bean soon! Love you! Lynnea

    Tina

    April 29, 2011

    I see a happy baby smiling for his happy mom! He must sense your joy – so that run/walk did wonders, obviously!
    Great post – I’ve been avoiding pool-party invitations since I was 12. Still not ready for that (I’ll get to that healthy mentality of not worrying soon), but am definately ready to strap on running shoes and walk/run alone if I have to…. and enjoy every minute of being good to myself, my body.

    Amber

    April 29, 2011

    This post just made me cry as I just got back from maternity swimsuit shopping and it was a big depressing fail :( Thank you :)

    Laura Jane

    April 29, 2011

    Great post! It’s so true that we often make excuses for ourselves rather than doing what we really should or want. And I’m super impressed that you ran 5k in 13 minute miles! That is definitely a running pace and you were pushing a stroller. Little bean is adorable!

    Roz

    April 29, 2011

    Roni, you are SUCH an inspiration!!! We all make so many excuses and just “exist” instead of “live”. I’m trying to change that in myself, and this post helps alot. BTW…your little Bean is BEYOND adorable!!!!!!!!! Have a great day!

    Michelle

    April 29, 2011

    He was so proud of his mom that he gave her his best smile! Good for you Roni!

    Kathy

    April 29, 2011

    see you were only 1 exercise event away from a good mood:) That is just what you needed to get rid of that stinkin thinkin! good for you! You have done it before and you can do it again! We choose our attitudes….so make a good choice.

    Lay Down My Idols

    April 29, 2011

    Great post – and “Little Bean” sure looks like his Dad & Brother!!! Whoa!! Cutie. I’m proud of you running – you’re inspiring me…ONE DAY I WILL!
    D

    Sue

    April 29, 2011

    Hey Roni:

    I know that its not about looks, but I wanted to say that compared to the pics I’ve seen when you were at the “same” weight 10 years ago, you look so healthy, alive, toned, and happy. The number may be the same, but, in my humble opinion, the person (even the body) is not at all! You looked beautiful then and now. Just an observation, for what its worth…

    Laura of Lauralovinglife

    April 29, 2011

    Awesome, Roni. And Evan is looking like a beautiful little alert baby these days… I think he looks like his dad!

    Sarah

    April 29, 2011

    Yay! Great Job Roni! I have those same thoughts running threw my head too … my hope, throughout my life/weigh loss journey and having babies, is for those thoughts be minimize and thoughts of good runs, memories, babies and happiness will maximize and replace them! Go YOU!! “Have those voice in our heads, like us instead!” :)

    Robyn

    April 29, 2011

    I walked/jogged a 5k this morning too! Granted, it was on the treadmill and it took me 46 minutes, but it was my first one ever and I feel better than ever. Your motivation inspires me so much Roni! Keep up the positive thoughts and you’ll shed the weight in no time at all :)

    cassie

    April 29, 2011

    love this post.. i have been feeling this way a lot this week.. sometimes we just have to get up and do it, excuses will always be there..

    Jeannie

    April 30, 2011

    Great job getting out there Roni and not talking yourself out it! You are right in that often times many of us get in our own way. We make up excuses. We are unhappy with the way things are but don’t make the effort to change it out of fear or the unfamiliarity. I think you are doing awesome transitioning ot being a mom of two and I love the pictures of the little bean. He is just so adorable. I so wish mine were that precious again!

    Char

    April 30, 2011

    Thank you for being so honest and transparent! I am currently on a weight loss journey to lose 60 lbs. I’ve lost 20 so far, but one of my biggest motivators is that I don’t want to feel self-conscious/fat anymore. I can really relate to how you’re feeling! The beautiful part is that you’ve lost weight before so you can definitely so it again! Also, what a precious gift you’ve received from the weight gain! I am rooting for you! I’ve never ran a 5K but that’s my new goal. I look forward to your future posts. Blessings.

    Sue S

    April 30, 2011

    What great words of widsom, Roni. Today everything moves so quickly and before you know it the future is yesterday, ancient history. The “when I’m thinner, when I weigh less —I’ll do this or that or the other” thoughts are poison. I know I am guilty of putting things off until I would be thinner and weigh less. And it’s a shame. Life got in the way and now my journey also begins to once again lose weight gained from health issues and caring for aging and ill family members and forgetting about me. Your post today has reminded me to refocus on me and to heck with what anyone else thinks. If I choose to swim in the ocean, so be it. If I want to start running again, so what if the “girls” are a little larger and need to be restrained a bit more. Can’t put things off you enjoy and make you the person you are….the future is here and gone tomorrow and becomes ancient history before you know it. Now, to put on the running shoes and start caring for me before today is tomorrow and I am wishing I would have, could have, should have! Thanks Roni for being you and sharing!

    Natalia

    April 30, 2011

    Hey Roni! Good for you! I can relate. I have a LONG, LONG way to get to goal, but I love to swim and I’ve been putting on my bathing suit and going to the pool almost everyday. I try my hardest not to care about what I think other people are thinking about me and do it anyway and have fun! I’m more active than I’ve been in a while and it feels great! Thanks for sharing this.

    Hugs!!!

    PS That baby, ooooh so cute!!! You look great. Happy!

    sheryl

    April 30, 2011

    you continue to inspire Roni! you will never regret a run – you and the little bean are glowing – shine on!!!!!

    Megan

    April 30, 2011

    You are an inspiration!

    I read your blog daily, but rarely post. However, this one hit very close to home for me. I am currently stuck in the mentality of “I’ll start tomorrow”. Because of that, I’ve missed out on so many things recently – like bike rides with the hubby. He’s asked a couple of times and I said no… how sad that I didn’t want to spend quality time with my husband because I don’t feel in shape and I’m self-conscious about some recent weight gain. I just don’t want to get out there and enjoy life until I’m {healthy/in shape/not jiggly}… for fear of not being able to or looking ridiculous while I do it.

    No more!!! I enjoy life too much – and it’s TOO SHORT – to sit back and watch it fly bye until I’m the right size to join in.

    Way to go Roni for putting all of those excuses aside and joining in anyway! I know from a lot of experience that those thoughts are extremely hard to ignore when you’re in the moment. But, YOU DID IT!.. and in my opinion, that is something to be way more proud of than how long the run took.

    Mary Nell

    May 1, 2011

    Love this…I told a girl I lost weight because I wanted to be more healthy and active with my girls, not just to be skinny. I heard someone who overheard me say, “What is the point of dieting if not to get skinny?” But this hits it: “For so long I thought I wanted to be skinny but what I really wanted was to be who I knew I was–an active, happy, ALIVE person who takes life by the horns, has FUN and does what she wants to do with no excuses.” Don’t get me wrong…I love being able to buy smaller clothes, but I REALLY love being able to chase after my kids, pull them in wagons, and run around the park. I also love no longer feeling that “uncomfortable full” that I used to feel after so many meals. Thanks for another great post, girl! Hang in there–you’ll get back where you used to be.

    Lori

    May 1, 2011

    You rock! My day always goes better when I get in my workout. So proud of you for not letting negativity get in your way. You are already teaching Evan what Ryan knows, you are awesome!

    Sam

    May 2, 2011

    Very timely post – I’ve been debating about skipping an upcoming family trip to the beach. I’m fatter than I have ever been and really don’t want to face my family (or even strangers) looking like this…the one thing that has kept me from canceling is that I don’t want my 15-month old son missing out on stuff because of my body issues…bad enough that I have missed out on so much myself…Anyway, thanks for the post.

    Dawn

    May 3, 2011

    When I read “For so long I thought I wanted to be skinny but what I really wanted was to be who I knew I was–an active, happy, ALIVE person who takes life by the horns, has FUN and does what she wants to do with no excuses. ” it made me well up with tears because isn’t that the truth, what we all want. To feel alive and happy and have fun. Well it sure looks like you and little bean are having fun and I bet he will love and remember his runs with his mom when he gets older. I wish I had found that inner strength back when my 2 were little. Hats off to you Roni.

    Mehgann

    May 15, 2011

    A very wise woman I work with once said to me “Who looks worse? The fat lady in the swimsuit, or the weirdo on the beach all covered in clothes?” …and she was totally right. :)