Another maternity leave blog post! Although I’m not really on maternity “leave” more like maternity “slow down.” ;)
This post is from Laura who is Loving Life. She has really captured my thoughts on Bagging Pants and hiding in a “cushion of fat.” Something I did for a long time as well. Right now I just wish my baggy pants were actually BAGGY! But I digress. Enjoy….
I have a pair of pants—rather, I have stolen a pair of pants from my husband. They are made of flannel and have a big, flannel drawstring. The circumference of the bottom hem of the pants is probably 20 inches. The waist is made to fit someone who is larger than I have ever been, and the pants are too long. They are green with tiny white bears all over them.
On some days, when I am feeling particularly crappy, or I have had a size medium button-up shirt on all day, I crawl into these pants like the warm blanket that they actually are. I cinch up that waste—which takes a lot of cinching—and I put on comfy socks. I don’t even care that I’m trodding on the bottom of the pants as I walk around all evening, doing whatever things I have to do around the house.
Part of me says that to digress into pants such as these is to deny all the hard work I’ve done to arrive at this 62 pound lighter point in my life. This part of me reminds me how badly I wanted to get here, and to fit into much, much smaller pants. Most days this part of me is right on… but some days, I just need to be surrounded by the comfort that used to be my bigger, fatter self.
When I wear clothes that are my size and fit me just right, I am showing myself to everyone who cares to look. I get lovely comments from women saying that I look great, and I sometimes get looks from strange men in grocery stores. Almost all the time, these things are great—even the looks from strange men. Let them look! I’m glad to entertain them, and go home to my very awesome husband.
But it hasn’t been easy letting go of 62 pounds of cushion between me and the rest of the world. Sometimes I still look at myself and I don’t know who I am. Sometimes I don’t want everybody to see me. The good news is, now I know that I don’t have to hide in a box of Oreos, or a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. I don’t need to put the weight back on, because most days it’s great to be thinner. And on a quiet evening at home when I want to hide, I can do that. I grab those big, green, ridiculous pants, tie them on, and I can be that silly turtle, hiding in a big, cozy shell once again.