One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

ASK RONI Q&A

Where Do You Go For Support?

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Weekly QuestionThis weeks I’m doing an Ask Roni and a Question of the Week all rolled into one REALLY long post.

A few days ago I got an email from Laura (who recently wrote this post that brought me to tears.) Laura asked where I go for support and I thought I’d answer and then pass the mic to you. Here is her original email…

Hi Roni,

Just listened to your latest Ask Roni podcast, and I’m thinking about the upcoming birth of your baby, and wondering how you will deal with the changes. I don’t want to freak you out, but I’m sure you’re already wondering how it’s going to be different, and how you will make sure to take the time you need for yourself in the midst of it all. I’m hoping your hubby has been briefed on how he will play a big role in keeping you sane. 

All of this brings me to my question: where do you go for support? You keep it all so together for us, answer our questions, give us strength and motivation… but where do you go when you need the same? We all need that wise person who has been there done that, and for many of us that person is consistently you. I hope you have a fitness/health/food guru that you can go to that will give you sagely advice when you need it. 

In the meantime though, don’t be afraid to complain to us when you need to, and to ask for help. You are the expert on many things, but I know a lot of your readers out there have 2 or more children and still manage to keep it together (most of the time). 

Blessings to you, your little ones, and your big one,
Laura

First of all Laura, I need to thank you for being so supportive of me. I know people don’t think or believe this but I do read each and every comment and I actually remember many commenters, especially if I peak at their blog or email addresses. I can’t respond to each one or participate on other’s blogs as much as I’d like but I do try (note: this goes back to a question I recently answered in last weeks podcast. I don’t make excuses, I simply do the best I can and it will have to be good enough.)

Anyway, Laura, I’m not going to lie, I’m freaking out a little. OK, a LOT. First of all, I really never thought I’d be pregnant again. I never wanted nor needed, two babies. Once the husband and I got into a groove with Ryan, I really didn’t want to add another variable. Between work and house and kid and blogs, I had MORE than enough to keep me busy. I really felt another baby would simply be the straw that broke the camels back.

Once I started preparing Little Man for Kindergarten all that changed. I felt that biological-clock-baby-itch deep in my soul. Something, or should I say someone, was missing. I started to assess my situation again. My business was doing well. Well enough for me consider working for myself exclusively. Ryan was older and more independent. We recently moved to a larger home. All of a sudden the thought of another child didn’t seem so scary or impossible. The thought of another baby actually excited me.

I was ready. I am ready…. but that doesn’t mean I’m not freaking out!

Sometimes it hits me square in the face… I’m having a BABY!

OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT AM I DOING?

I spent the last 5 years recovering from the first one. "Recovering" may be an odd choice of words but seriously those that have kids know it’s the biggest life changing thing EVER! Kids are a strain on your relationship. They are a strain on your bank account. A strain on your sanity.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade being mommy for anything in the world. I just LOOK at Ryan and he melts my soul. It’s seriously the most amazing love affair I’ve ever had.

Except for when it isn’t and I want to strangle him.

I’m only partially joking. ;)

In all seriousness though, he changed me. All babies change your situation, sure. But really, I feel like a different person since becoming a mom. He made everything "click". I started to look at my body differently. I treated myself differently. I held myself differently. I was more confident. More sure of what I wanted and who I wanted to be. He helped me realize life was passing me by as I dreamed of being skinny.

In a weird way HE is my support. He keeps me going because the alternative just isn’t acceptable. I refuse to "go back" for that reason alone. I can’t let him down.

However, I don’t quite think that is the kind of support you were asking about. Although he is my ultimate motivation I also need a helping hand now and then and I get that from, well, you.

I discovered long ago that I’m the kind of person that helps herself by helping others. When I taught web development full time it was my students that kept me sharp. I’ve never been afraid to say "I don’t know." and when I did we would discover the answers together. We learned together.

THAT is how I treat this blog and GreenLiteBites. I don’t know how to cook everything. I’m not trained in the kitchen. I barely knew the difference between chopped and diced when I launched GreenLiteBites BUT I’m not afraid to try and those that want to join me on some cooking adventures teach me while I’m teaching them. We learn together. We grow together. We experience together.

When I’m answering questions here on Roni’s Weigh I’m unraveling a bit of myself that I didn’t know before. I’m exploring thoughts and feelings that I would have never considered if you didn’t ask. When I’m inspired to write a post it’s normally because I need to hear it myself. Because of you, I have that outlet.

So when you ask "where do you go for support?" well, I go here, as egotistical as that sounds. It’s true. I come here and I post. I vent. I write a note to self. I explore some feeling and ask you to share yours.

I also turn to facebook and twitter. When I don’t feel like working out, I ask for a shove out the door. When I’m frustrated after feeding a picky husband and 5 year old, I vent and get a real time pat on the back for trying. The support is out there you just have to ask for it and I have NO problems asking.

I’m not sure that’s the answer you were looking for as I don’t turn to a specific fitness/health/food guru. I do scour the web for tips, tricks, recipe ideas, inspiration, and information but I don’t have that many "go-tos" I’m much more of a surfer. Basically, I take what I need from a variety of places and never fear asking a question.

Thanks, yet again, Laura, for getting me to sit down and do some soul searching. This post was exactly what I needed to write tonight.

Now, if you made it this far, I’m curious where YOU go for support. Your spouse? Friends? Parents? Online community? Twitter? Who or what is your pillar?



Leave a comment

I’d love to hear your story or thoughts on mine.

However, to prevent the massive amounts of spam I was receiving I have turned off comments on any post older than 5 days old. If you'd like to leave me a note regarding this post or anything really try me on twitter (@RoniNoone,) my Facebook page, or even IG (@RoniNoone) I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. I never thought I'd have to do this but it's gotten way out of hand and comment management has become simply too time consuming to manage.

Discussion

There are 27 comments so far.

    Erica

    February 1, 2011

    Thank God for the world wide web! I also surf around for support when I need it. I am so happy I did because that’s how I found this website. I was actually looking for the new weight watchers points calculator so I can calculate food (before I joined weight watchers) and this website came up. I thank God I found it, it is the best support. Just to be able to read that someone else is going through the same thing I am or has been through the same things. I know many people might not think it helps but it does. Reading all your blogs is the best Roni, Thank you. You inspire me!

    kia

    February 1, 2011

    I head to my husband and friends IRL. I find a good deal of inspiration in online communities but they don’t take the place of IRL love for me.

    Patrick

    February 1, 2011

    Oh yes, turning to facebook and twitter for reality checks, insight, and laughs when I get myself wound too tight, social media had been so valueable in the support arena. Word of caution that may be obvious, need a degree of thick skin and the ability to take things with a grain of salt as trolls do lurk that serve to set us back if we let them. But we know better, right?

    Sue

    February 2, 2011

    I have a couple of friends I talk to. I get a lot of support from your blog and others. Surprised me but what you write is often just what I need to hear. Thanks!

    Julie - Big Girl Bombshell

    February 2, 2011

    WOW! This stirred SO MUCH in me tonight. Thank you Laura for asking and Thank you Roni for writing. First of all, oh I remember those fears. My two older kids were 26 months apart. I spent the time they were 3 & 5 as a single Mom working full time shift work. I spent so much time devoted to them that they are now 26 and 24 and I am planning my second wedding and will be step mom to an 8 year old. I often asked what am I doing, what am I thinking, AND I still have a ton of work to do with my weight and I am now fighting age but I have another little girl to help raise.
    Where do I turn for support now…BLOGS…I write for so many of the same reasons you have mentioned.. I started out slowly stepping out of my shell with your Blog to Lose community, i participate in Spark People and I read each and every single comment and I read other blogs every night. THAT is where I get most of my support these days

    amanda

    February 2, 2011

    I’m lucky to have an amazing husband and equally amazing in-laws who make it a point to comment on how hard I am working and how much I’ve changed(physically/emotionally/mentally/motherly) since putting myself first.

    I have a totally awesome circle of friends who have done nothing but support me, cheer me on and let me whine when I need to.

    Then there is the blogosphere, where I read about everyone else’s triumphs, struggles and so-so days. Which show me that not everyone is perfect and we are all bound to get tripped up. What matters is if we get up and dust ourselves off and continue on the same path we were on.

    I come here. Roni, you are a wonderfully real person. Someone who is completely honest about your journey. THAT is why I come here. The podcasts, the pregnancy updates, all of it. It’s like your talking directly to ME. Even though I know your talking to all of us.

    I hope to be able to attend FitBloggin in ’12.

    steph k

    February 2, 2011

    Facebook and Twitter! And coworkers (old coworkers) and even my personal trainer. I’ve got some goo support when I take the time to look for it. I usually think I’m too strong to need it, but I do! I should use Blog to Lose more too – I just can’t seem to find the energy to write much lately. :D

    Mary

    February 2, 2011

    What a great q&a. I think I have a few different places I go to for support depending on the problem. I have a wonderful hubby who is always supportive of my needs but let’s be real here…he’s a guy. Sometimes he just doesn’t get it. That’s where my girlfriends come in. I only have 2 really close ones but they are the tried and true type. I also have a wonderful trainer friend who is more like a life coach. And of course coming here and reading and relating is a wonderful bandaid for my moments of wondering if anyone feels the way I do, advice, recipes and comraderiship. I am also trying to remind myself that God is on my side as well. I need to remember to praise and pray. Last but not least is the pavement. My own free therapy. My running shoes and I have a geat love affair going on.

    I have 3 kids. A husband in the oil industry makes me a single mom every other month. I also homeschool. Sometimes I’ve got it and sometimes I don’t. But my life is the absolute best adventure I have ever been on and wouldn’t trade it for the world.

    You are going to do great Roni….and as you know, we are here for you, just as you are for us!

    Jen (Making Messes)

    February 2, 2011

    Roni- Thanks so much for sharing. :)

    I have three small ones and a very hands on husband. I don’t know how I’d survive without him! For the most part I use humor to get through my day. And blogging really helps me stay on track- body, mind and spirit. I also use FB and Twitter and general online support to keep me sane. :) And blogger friends. Love me some blogger friends!

    Rene

    February 2, 2011

    You will have a nice distance between your kids. I got pregnant again (not planned) when my son was 3 months old. Talk about stress! They are now 4 & 5 years old. It’s still hard many days since they bicker a lot. It’s just me and my husband. We don’t have a lot of help since my family is an hour away but they help when they can.

    Wendy (Healthy Girl)

    February 2, 2011

    There is a wonderful website that offers free support. If it wasn’t for the amazing people there I do not think I ever would be where I am today with my weight loss. Anyone looking for support should at least check it out. I am in no way associated with them, just one person who’s life’s path was radically altered by what I learned there. The site is www.peertrainer.com

    Colleen

    February 2, 2011

    I go to my sisters for support. I know it sounds cliche but they really are my best friends. I also look to blogs and social media for inspiration and motivation.

    Tami@nutmegnotebook

    February 2, 2011

    Wasn’t that a great question? Where I go depends on what kind of support I need. If it is personal/family issue then my hubby is my go to for support. Sometimes it needs to be a girlfriends shoulder I lean on.
    Other times I surf the net if it is information I need, I also like to read books. If it is encouragement for healthy lifestyle choices then blogs really do come into play. Reading about someones success gives me a boost like no other!

    I also find that blogging has been a wonderful outlet for me. Sharing recipes, books that have valuable information and products that are amazing keeps me on my toes!

    Michelle

    February 2, 2011

    I am not one for physical emotions very much, but, wow. This one for some reason almost brought me to tears. I am misty. That you look for support in the same place we do? Just wow. Thanks :’)

    Laura

    February 2, 2011

    Thanks Roni, for the heartfelt post answering my question. :)

    Other than here, I turn to my husband and a few friends for support. I have to be careful with my husband, because if I want support for, say, being able to do a Real Pushup, I’m not going to find it from him. He rolls his eyes at me as I whine about it. He’ll say “they’re called girl push-ups for a reason. You don’t need to do a man push-up.” I think he’s afraid I’ll start looking like Arnold Schwartzenager. But, the other day when I decided to start running in the mornings, he was surprisingly supportive. He was like “sure, go for it. Just try not to wake up the kids as you go.” Of course, this is why I’ve been avoiding doing it for so long anyway. My kids are now old enough that for the most part they sleep on their own.

    But for the guru’s, I have online to turn to. Mostly Roni, and I’m finding some other blogs and inspiring people that are awesome. I read Kara Richardson Whitley’s Fat Woman on the Mountain (at Roni’s suggestion), and she is now a big inspiration for me.

    I’m glad you have your outlet, Roni. Like I said before, don’t be afraid to whine more often. Sometimes it’s just really hard, and you don’t have to be strong for us all the time. I mean, hey, if you don’t whine to us at least 10% of how much we whine in our own lives, we’ll start to think you’re actually a computer program.

    Chelsie

    February 2, 2011

    What a great question and great post! Thanks :)
    I think you hit it spot on when you talk about your son being your support. When I’m down, when I just don’t want to do it, I simply look at my daughter and remember why I’m on this journey. My husband is a great support to, he is always right behind me cheering me on! If its advice I am looking for I jump on the computer and start reading.

    Brandi

    February 2, 2011

    I can honestly say that for the first time in my life I have a partner to go to. Most days :)

    Guitar Guy (Ray) has been such an unexpected but amazing blessing. I never have leaned on another human for support and love and confidence etc. I have never COUNTED on another soul for guidance or help. I’ve always leaned on me and trusted that I would be able to tackle things on my own. Always have.

    But now, things are different. Not only is there a person here I can trust and count on, that loves me and supports me in all I do, but I am LETTING HIM. I am giving another human being the chance to be my rock. To be someone I can run to when I just need to cry. Or to give me tough love and shoot me straight.

    It has been an amazing, beautiful, and eye opening thing this falling in love. But I think I can get used to it :)

    It’s been 6 months since that first date. And what a great 6 months it has been!

    Lyn

    February 2, 2011

    I agree, blogging is an *amazing* support system! I don’t know what I’d do without it!

    Lisa

    February 2, 2011

    Awesome topic, I wrote about it yesterday (but about unsupportive partners). I’m lucky to have a few close friends who are my support system. No matter what! My boyfriend is supportive and very patient. Also, my family was 100% supportive of my healthy habits. I’ve also grown to love the fitblog community–always uplifting and positive.

    Vicki - Michigan

    February 2, 2011

    I have a couple of great friends I look to for support but I’m a big believer in the blogs. I have a handful of blogs that either give me encouragement, like yours or other blogs that may have sad situations that make me realize that my life is all good. Thank you for your blog.

    rollercoaster

    February 2, 2011

    Great post, Roni. I think you have a lot of courage putting all of your intimate thoughts online and opening yourself up to whatever comes your way. I think you are mentally and emotionally very mature and open which I admire a lot in you. :)

    Ann

    February 2, 2011

    The simple answer is that I turn to friends. I have moved around quite a bit in my life, so I keep in touch thru facebook mostly. This year I decided I want to run a half-marathon by my 30th birthday (this fall). I am inspired by my friends who run marathons and seeing the pictures from their races. If I feel like I can’t do it, I know I can send them a quick message and get the support and encouragement that I need. I am also trying to lose the last 20 lbs (of 70-ish) and I am sooo bored with food sometimes. When I feel like there is nothing fun and healthy to eat, I turn to you Roni! You have so many great ideas and you help me realize that even if something I try out isn’t great, it’s always worth trying!

    Mary Nell

    February 2, 2011

    My ultimate support would have to be Jesus–my faith sustains me through anything and everything I face. I know that if no one else is there, my God will be. And thanks to Him, I have been completely blessed with a support system. My husband is my absolute “rock” but I also have a really supportive network of friends–those who don’t necessarily live nearby, but you know when you pick up the phone, they will be there and would come if they needed to…the kind where I can wait forever to call and know that the conversation would just pick up like nothing else happened. And then, like many others have mentioned, I often go turn to my “on-line” friends. I have a group of girlfriends that I met on line years ago and we are still there for each other, and great blogs like yours, Roni. It is amazing how we all feel that we really know you and you are a friend even though we have never actually met.

    I do have two children and the second was a huge adjustment, but definitely worth it. I still marvel at how different my second girl is from my first. I would actually have a third, but our finances are super tight right now, and my husband is content with the two; we have discussed foster chilren in the future which I think would be a really great experience.

    Gina

    February 3, 2011

    Hi Roni!

    I rely on my friends and family tremendously for support. Many of them have gone through the same things that I have and they are always an understanding shoulder to cry on.

    I also turn to forums a lot! Its always amazing how many kind and helpful people are out there to make me feel better or to just give out a helpful tip.

    Thanks again for your insightful post as always!

    ~ Gina

    lorraine

    February 3, 2011

    I read your sites for food support and it has been the reason why I’m sucessful. My life support going through my divorce with two kids and no financial help from x is my parents, my x’s sister in law and my girlfriends. Thank goodness for friends because I cant afford a shrink to vent on. Now thankfully I’ve met someone great and hes my person to share my life with.
    Kids are the best and you’ll find it easier than the first time.

    Laura

    February 4, 2011

    Twitter, Facebook, Blogs and Forums – who could live without them? Though I get great support from my hubby and family; the people in my office are entirely the opposite. At one time we were all about the same weight…then I joined WW and have begun to lose…now at a 30 lb. loss – well, there’s some resentment there. Losing weight certainly shows you who your real friend are!

    Christie

    February 6, 2011

    I always read but I’m usually a lurker. I haven’t had much time for reading this week but, WOW, you’ve really had some great conversations on here this week!

    I have to say that my real life friends don’t really “get” my desire to have a healthy lifestyle. Either they aren’t overweight (so they feel like what they are doing works fine) or they are and don’t want to change it. I find a lot of support in blogs like yours and the other dozen or so I read.

    Recently though, I decided I needed some real life support so I signed up for a challenge at work and WW @ work. Both have been really good as far as keeping me on track and having some real life people to relate to.