A few days ago I got an email from Laura (who recently wrote this post that brought me to tears.) Laura asked where I go for support and I thought I’d answer and then pass the mic to you. Here is her original email…
Just listened to your latest Ask Roni podcast, and I’m thinking about the upcoming birth of your baby, and wondering how you will deal with the changes. I don’t want to freak you out, but I’m sure you’re already wondering how it’s going to be different, and how you will make sure to take the time you need for yourself in the midst of it all. I’m hoping your hubby has been briefed on how he will play a big role in keeping you sane.
All of this brings me to my question: where do you go for support? You keep it all so together for us, answer our questions, give us strength and motivation… but where do you go when you need the same? We all need that wise person who has been there done that, and for many of us that person is consistently you. I hope you have a fitness/health/food guru that you can go to that will give you sagely advice when you need it.
In the meantime though, don’t be afraid to complain to us when you need to, and to ask for help. You are the expert on many things, but I know a lot of your readers out there have 2 or more children and still manage to keep it together (most of the time).
Blessings to you, your little ones, and your big one,
First of all Laura, I need to thank you for being so supportive of me. I know people don’t think or believe this but I do read each and every comment and I actually remember many commenters, especially if I peak at their blog or email addresses. I can’t respond to each one or participate on other’s blogs as much as I’d like but I do try (note: this goes back to a question I recently answered in last weeks podcast. I don’t make excuses, I simply do the best I can and it will have to be good enough.)
Anyway, Laura, I’m not going to lie, I’m freaking out a little. OK, a LOT. First of all, I really never thought I’d be pregnant again. I never wanted nor needed, two babies. Once the husband and I got into a groove with Ryan, I really didn’t want to add another variable. Between work and house and kid and blogs, I had MORE than enough to keep me busy. I really felt another baby would simply be the straw that broke the camels back.
Once I started preparing Little Man for Kindergarten all that changed. I felt that biological-clock-baby-itch deep in my soul. Something, or should I say someone, was missing. I started to assess my situation again. My business was doing well. Well enough for me consider working for myself exclusively. Ryan was older and more independent. We recently moved to a larger home. All of a sudden the thought of another child didn’t seem so scary or impossible. The thought of another baby actually excited me.
I was ready. I am ready…. but that doesn’t mean I’m not freaking out!
Sometimes it hits me square in the face… I’m having a BABY!
OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT AM I DOING?
I spent the last 5 years recovering from the first one. "Recovering" may be an odd choice of words but seriously those that have kids know it’s the biggest life changing thing EVER! Kids are a strain on your relationship. They are a strain on your bank account. A strain on your sanity.
Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade being mommy for anything in the world. I just LOOK at Ryan and he melts my soul. It’s seriously the most amazing love affair I’ve ever had.
Except for when it isn’t and I want to strangle him.
I’m only partially joking. ;)
In all seriousness though, he changed me. All babies change your situation, sure. But really, I feel like a different person since becoming a mom. He made everything "click". I started to look at my body differently. I treated myself differently. I held myself differently. I was more confident. More sure of what I wanted and who I wanted to be. He helped me realize life was passing me by as I dreamed of being skinny.
In a weird way HE is my support. He keeps me going because the alternative just isn’t acceptable. I refuse to "go back" for that reason alone. I can’t let him down.
However, I don’t quite think that is the kind of support you were asking about. Although he is my ultimate motivation I also need a helping hand now and then and I get that from, well, you.
I discovered long ago that I’m the kind of person that helps herself by helping others. When I taught web development full time it was my students that kept me sharp. I’ve never been afraid to say "I don’t know." and when I did we would discover the answers together. We learned together.
THAT is how I treat this blog and GreenLiteBites. I don’t know how to cook everything. I’m not trained in the kitchen. I barely knew the difference between chopped and diced when I launched GreenLiteBites BUT I’m not afraid to try and those that want to join me on some cooking adventures teach me while I’m teaching them. We learn together. We grow together. We experience together.
When I’m answering questions here on Roni’s Weigh I’m unraveling a bit of myself that I didn’t know before. I’m exploring thoughts and feelings that I would have never considered if you didn’t ask. When I’m inspired to write a post it’s normally because I need to hear it myself. Because of you, I have that outlet.
So when you ask "where do you go for support?" well, I go here, as egotistical as that sounds. It’s true. I come here and I post. I vent. I write a note to self. I explore some feeling and ask you to share yours.
I also turn to facebook and twitter. When I don’t feel like working out, I ask for a shove out the door. When I’m frustrated after feeding a picky husband and 5 year old, I vent and get a real time pat on the back for trying. The support is out there you just have to ask for it and I have NO problems asking.
I’m not sure that’s the answer you were looking for as I don’t turn to a specific fitness/health/food guru. I do scour the web for tips, tricks, recipe ideas, inspiration, and information but I don’t have that many "go-tos" I’m much more of a surfer. Basically, I take what I need from a variety of places and never fear asking a question.
Thanks, yet again, Laura, for getting me to sit down and do some soul searching. This post was exactly what I needed to write tonight.
Now, if you made it this far, I’m curious where YOU go for support. Your spouse? Friends? Parents? Online community? Twitter? Who or what is your pillar?