One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

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Weekend Quote: Being Proud

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I think we live in a culture of shame. Everything from what we eat to how we look, even the manner in which we raise our kids, is under constant scrutiny.

Maybe it’s just a part of being human but I for one am tired of not feeling good enough.

As a lower income child attending a catholic grammar school I wasn’t rich enough. In High School I wasn’t skinny or pretty enough. In college, I wasn’t smart enough. Early in my career, I wasn’t experienced enough. As a new parent, I wasn’t worried enough–note: I’m pretty laid back in comparison to other parents today.

Now that I’m aging I don’t feel young enough. How ridiculous is that? "Young enough" But honestly, I see my laugh lines and crows feet in the mirror and cringe. My short hair that was considered cool and hip in my teens and 20’s is now a lazy-I-don’t-have-time-for-myself mom’s cut.

I realize some of this is in my head but I think you will agree, a lot comes from societal pressures.

When will we be enough? When are we enough?

I caught this tweet the other day by @JulieGallaher and it made me smile.

I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that. -Lauren Bacall

We SHOULD be PROUD! And not just about the lines on our faces but our bodies and families and individual situations. We need to own it. OWN IT ALL and be–in the words of a very good friend of mine–Unapologetically Ourselves.



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Discussion

There are 17 comments so far.

    Miz

    February 19, 2011

    Ahh timely (and thanks for the shoutout. I’m so grateful for the gift of your friendship, Roni)

    I was blogging this morning about my ah ha! moment with regards to aging.
    Life is indeed too short to not just love ourselves and unapologetically acknowledge we ROCK.

    Simply by virtue of being who we are.

    Deanna @ The Unnatural Mother

    February 19, 2011

    Roni, as always well said! Well said! I agree with you 100% the enough is enough has to start w us? Right? And I think we’re doing a pretty awesomejob w some bumps in the road but nonthelss, awesome!

    Julie Gallaher

    February 19, 2011

    Roni,

    Thank you so much! It’s so nice (and flattering) to think that I’ve done some inspiration. And you are an inspiration to me — do you think a baby boomer can change to healthy ways?

    Julie

    Kristen @ That Hoosier Girl

    February 19, 2011

    Great post! I often think that I’m my own worst enemy, always thinking that I’m not enough – for friends, for family, for my career, etc. I eat up so much energy worrying that I’m not enough, that I’m not truly enjoying the times in the moment with each of these areas of my life.

    Svanhvit

    February 19, 2011

    So true! This is just what was going through my mind lately. Why is it we are always ready to run ourselves down, but never feel we can be proud of what we are and who we are and what we do?? It´s weird……
    I constantly have the feeling of not being enough and it´s bad. Because I am enough. Just the way I am. My husband put it very nicely one day………. “Honey, why are you always trying so hard to change something about yourself, when we all love you so very much just the way you are!” I need to remind myself of that more often!

    Tara

    February 19, 2011

    so true! Love it! I have had enough! I am not going to worry about others judgements, and I also am not going to pass my own! Obviously easier said than done, but I definitely will be working on that!

    Rachel

    February 19, 2011

    So true! We will never measure up to what others are doing b/c we can’t do it ALL. The person who is wealthy may long for more free time. The person who never eats cake eats chips. The person who spends doesn’t watch tv spends more time on the computer. We all have choices and we have to decide for us what is important to us, and make those things a priority instead of trying to do it all. It is possible to be happy for others who are doing positive things without internalizing the “I-should-be-doing-that, too” message. WE are the ones who allow ourselves to feel shame.

    Patty

    February 19, 2011

    Haven’t commented in a while but this one struck a nerve. I always thought I had these feelings as a result of my father constantly comparing myself and my siblings to everyone else, and we’d always come up short. Perhaps it’s not ALL his fault after all, I mean could everyone commenting here have had a parent like him? Maybe it is our culture? What I do know is that I am very conscious raising my children, making every effort I can to help them see that they are unique individuals, each special and always (fill in the blank) enough. I hope they won’t fall into the habit of comparing themselves to others, and that they appreciate themselves for who they are so they don’t end up having to overcome this nasty habit that I still struggle with.

    Kim

    February 19, 2011

    So true. In all honesty, I don’t think there was ever a time when I felt like I was enough. Not even now. Although intellectually, I realize I am, I’m not sure what it takes to really FEEL it. I wonder if I ever will. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone in feeling that way. So interesting to hear all the comments too. I guess this affliction is a common one!!

    mel

    February 19, 2011

    I recently turned 40, and although i am not one to get to concerned about a number, it is a realization i am defintely getting older. I do however feel like although i can see a few lines here and there on my face, i am accepting of my age, because i know ten years from now, i will be wishing I could rewind back and see just the few lines I see in the mirror today..

    goodreader

    February 20, 2011

    I’m still struggling with this concept… It’s challenging to accept myself as I am and own it, own everything about me, including my embarrassing moments in the past and my jiggly parts and my quirks and feelings of insecurity. I still wonder, “Am I the only one?” or, “Why am I like this?”

    I’m working on it, but at the same time that I’m trying to love myself as I am, trying to improve myself by working out and eating right. Thanks for the comforting words of inspiration, Roni.

    Alison

    February 20, 2011

    Thanks Roni, this post really hit home for me today, as a new parent, who is 38 I have been feeling not good enough, too old for this etc, time to remind myself of why I am enough (and more than enough) and focus on all the positives. Getting some sleep might make this easier… Because I’m definitely not rested enough and that makes all the negatives easier to focus on.

    Linda

    February 20, 2011

    Such a great post Roni! I turned 36 this year and am going through the same aging thing. When I was in my 20’s, every picture I looked at I would scrutinize whether I looked skinny or now. Now when I see a picture I obsess on my face and my crows feet and whether I look young or not. I have a brother who is 16 years younger than me and over Christmas the family was out on a walk and we ran into one of his friends. She thought I was his mom and it ruined my whole day!! I am SO ready to not care because it’s either I age or I’m dead!!! I would much rather be alive and kicking and living life! Thanks for the reminder.

    Paula

    February 20, 2011

    I completely agree. I was never enough. Now that I am getting older, I realize life is too long to be unhappy. Frankly, I am beginning to put myself up to the front. I care less what people think even though they feel it is necessary to tell me what they do think. I am tired of thinking of what I am not and start thinking of what I am. I am a great person who cares. I have a great husband, a nice home, enough money to live, good health, GOD, and a few really kind people who love me and I love to pieces. I have more than most & I deserve it. Keep up the good posts that make us all stop and think!!

    Megan

    February 20, 2011

    Being a young unmarried overweight professional, I am constantly bombarded with feelings of jealousy driven from feelings of “not good enough”. Great topic and great saying!

    Di

    February 21, 2011

    I so relate to this, and especially love the quote from Lauren Bacall!

    We’re all getting older, and the last 6 months my “laughter lines” (not wrinkles thank you!) are worse, and I am getting more grey in my hair :( I’ve had to switch moisturizers to combat the skin drying as I get older too.

    Amy

    February 21, 2011

    I heard this quote from Paulina Porizkova on Oprah the other day and it really stuck with me.

    “You forget to remember that aging is a privilege, and it’s not a birthright.”