One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident


Fat is NOT a Feeling.

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DUDE. . . I just want to eat today. It’s crazy. I’m like a bottomless pit. Actually, no, that’s wrong I’m a full pit but for some reason I still want to eat. I’m not sure what’s up with the whole wanting to eat when full thing but it’s a problem I struggle with all the time. Especially when I eat too much sugar. Today I went a little nuts with the sour patch kids at the movies. I swear, I think that’s what set it all off.

The husband and I took the little guy to see Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel. It was actually pretty cute. Even the husband was pleasantly surprised.

After the movie we took down the tree. Which is actually fun for me. As much as I love the holidays, by the first week of January I’m ready to get back to normal. Taking down the decorations is a representation of that.

I also get to take my trip down memory lane once again by going through all my ornaments. Those that have been reading for awhile may remember my post called A Couples History in Ornaments. Every year since we started dating the husband has gotten me an ornament to represent our year together. This year it was. . .

Of course representing our new house purchase. :)

I need to do a new page with all the pictures of the ornaments so I can keep them all in one place. I can’t believe how important this little tradition has become to me. That New Home ornament is the 15th story I get to tell my son about my history with his Dad. That is priceless to me.

Here he is with the ornament given to me the year I was pregnant with him.

Posting that picture of the little guy and writing this reminds me why I changed my lifestyle in the first place.

The body critical voices need to stop. The fat thoughts. The feeling sorry for myself. All of it needs to stop. It’s not about how much I weigh. It really isn’t. It’s the feeling I have when I’m not quite eating right. I’m bloated. I’m moody. I’m tired all the time. Unmotivated. Just. . . bleh. For some reason that all gets translated into that one single word. . . Fat. And that’s how I’ve been feeling.

This is when I remind myself. . . Fat is NOT a feeling.

It’s really not.

I’m off to get to bed early. My lunch is made. The toddler’s lunch is made. Tomorrow I’m planning on getting up and doing a little workout on the Wii fit and then heading to work. Back to the grind, as they say.

I hope you had a wonderful weekend. :)

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There are 30 comments so far.

    Julie - Big Girl Bombshell

    January 4, 2010

    Yep.. back to the grind tomorrow. It has been fantastic to have the time to do all the things I have accomplished over the last 10 days. (Wow is that all its been).

    FAT is not a feeling but all too often we lump all those feelings like lonely, bored, sad, glad, bummed and even bleh, into that catch-all word that allows us to beat ourselves up a bit.

    That is what I am working on more than anything. The attitude, the self – making that my focus rather than just the diet and exercise. Those are the things that are actions TOWARD the solution, not the answer itself.

    Thanks as always for your honest posts!

    Julie Lost and Found

    January 4, 2010

    The “wanting to eat when full” thing can be directly related to blood sugar. I’m sure you already know this, but if we eat something sweet, it spikes our blood sugar, but it crashes fast. Signals to to our brain telling us we have cravings, when our tummy may still be full. It’s a vicious cycle!

    I want to take my kids to see the Squeakquel!


    January 4, 2010

    Tomorrow is the day! Holidays are over and no more vacation for a while! Somewhat glad to be back in the routine, but need something to look forward to. Since it can’t always be a trip maybe this time it will be a race. Shamrock 8k here I come!


    January 4, 2010

    i’m a lurker, de-lurking for a moment. love your blog! i’m sorry you are feeling bleh but i love that you are talking it out with yourself. i find self-talk so helpful, it sounds silly but to actually tell yourself “self, stop being silly about this” really seems to make a difference. at least for me. and maybe i’m not alone in that!


    January 4, 2010

    I totally hear you on the fat feeling. Here’s to new resolve.
    I love your ornament tradition, it’s one I do for each of my two sons. Each year I buy them an ornament representing a milestone from the year. I very recently blogged all of their ornaments, if you want to check them out.
    I love the idea of your couples-milestones and want to retrospectively buy our history in ornaments … hmm, after 14 years of marriage I may have my work cut out doing that!


    January 4, 2010

    I’m going through the exact same feelings. I’m stuck in a slump or a rut. I’m sticking to my diet all day, but I keep cheating after dinner when I’m already full. I don’t really know what causes it, but that blood sugar thing sounds about right.

    I love those words though…”Fat is NOT a feeling”. I think that’s just the thing I need to keep reminding myself to get me out of my rut and back on track after the holidays. I need to get myself out of this vicious cycle of overeating, blaming myself and then getting depressed about it and overeating again.

    Thanks Roni, for once again being inspiring with your clever words- and my new mantra that will be plastered all over my fridge for a while!!!


    January 4, 2010

    UGH, I know that (non)feeling oh too well. Funny how easy it is to catagorize it that way.

    I love the ornaments!
    My mom & I have the same tradition so I have ornaments going back to the year I was born. Many were even made by my mom. :) I did the same thing with both kids & have so much fun choosing a special ornament representing something about them each year.
    My oldest is 6, and this year she remembered a few of the ornaments which made it extra special. You will love it when you son starts telling you the stories. :)

    Best wishes,

    Adam @

    January 4, 2010

    This is a GREAT post…funny I’ve been debating taking my little nieces and nephew to see Alvin and the Chipmunks, but I haven’t heard great things…maybe now I will.

    I couldn’t agree with you more about Fat being a feeling. It is a terrible feeling and not just being fat, but “eating fat” sucks too. I wish I could remember that feeling before I put too much stuff in my mouth, but sometimes when Ben and Jerry call, I have to answer.

    My blog post today is along these lines too…it’s called Focusing on the CANS of Weight Loss in ’10

    I am tired of depriving myself of things and so I am going to focus on the things that I am providing myself with in 2010 not the things I am depriving myself of.

    My husband and I have the same tradition, an ornament every year. :) This was our 5th year and 5th ornament. We get one for our dog every year too…that probably makes us weird, but he’s like our son!

    I am looking forward to returning to routine. I’m always sad to pack Christmas up, but I need routine back. I was getting too comfortable in my old ways. Happy New Year Roni!


    January 4, 2010

    I know that feeling all too well. I think it *is* related to sugar.

    Something that helps me when I really want to eat, and distractions are NOT working, is to cook up a big pot of kale with onions etc. Kale is SO healthy, and it has a lot of fiber but low in calories, very filling. I have eaten a whole pot of kale myself on a “munchy” day… getting a bowl here and there when I want to eat. It’s delicious, and after you eat it there is not room for junk in your belly.

    Happy New Year Roni :)


    January 4, 2010

    I feel the same way right now – wow you described it so well! You are such a great writer Roni, that’s part of why I love reading your blog so much, there are so many things that you write about that I relate to and can never express properly, I find it ‘comes out of you’ the way it really feels to me. Maybe it sounds silly, but it’s something I appreciate a lot, it’s hard sometimes when english is your second language and you feel like what you say never comes across ‘correctly’…
    ok, end of ramble ;) hee hee
    Anyways, what you feel like right now – same here. I have only one thing to say: one good decision leads to another and thinking positively leads to being positive – two things I learned from you ;)

    Have a GREAT year 2010!! :)


    January 4, 2010

    I swear, if I have a little sugar, it is so much easier to just keep putting sweet stuff in my mouth. It’s like I forgot how yummy it is and I just want more.


    January 4, 2010

    Hi Roni – I totally relate to the wanting to eat when full, or not hungry, and when you mentioned that it happened more when you’ve had sugar, it was a lightbulb moment for me. Sugar definitely sets me off and I do so much better in every way when I leave it out! When in doubt, leave it out!


    January 4, 2010

    I hear ya, Roni. Great advice yet again! “Fat is not a feeling” is something I often have to remind myself. I’ve lost 26 pounds sofar, and one box of Raisinettes and a small popcorn get me INSTANTLY back to feeling “oh no, I’m a fat lard, never gonna be anything but that.” Yeah, maybe I made a mistake, or maybe I could instead call it “taking a very short break from being healthy,” but it does NOT undo all I have done. I have learned this from YOU, on the day I started listening to your podcast, and it is a necessarily recurring theme. Fat is not a feeling. Fat is fat, and we are not it just because we make a certain decision on one particular day. (Similarly, I also know this is true because on a good day I feel as thin and healthy as can be, even though I’m still miles from my goal… it’s a good feeling, but makes it obvious that 90% of this is in my mind).


    January 4, 2010

    My husband and I are doing the same ornament thing you guys are. It makes the holidays a lot more special than if the tree is just filled with a random assortment of unmeaningful ornaments.

    I think as I lose weight I’m starting to realize that some days are just bad days. I have hungry days where I feel like I could eat everything in my house, and then I have days when I struggle to eat enough points. Bodies are so complicated, and I’m the first to admit I don’t always understand mine. Don’t worry about it too much. It’s probably partially from the stress of the holiday season…. and the bad habits we all pick up during the holidays ;)

    I love that – Fat is not a feeling, and I am TOTALLY stealing it, I hope that’s okay!

    anonymous fat girl

    January 4, 2010

    Sugar is my crack. I have to stay away from it at all costs. I will eat, eat, eat if I don’t. I really think it’s my genes. At least I blame it all on my mom! LOL


    January 4, 2010

    YES — Sugar is my crack. That is sooo true. Sugar and white flour seems to sit in my tummy and keep asking for more food. I set myself off this holiday season having a few Xmas treats and every food decision comes back at me like a boomerang. I am feeling bloated, cranky and most of all tired. It is January people and I am getting back on track! Let’s do it.

    Love the little house ornament Roni.


    January 4, 2010

    Deanna – It’s not mine. :) I read it somewhere but can’t remember!


    January 4, 2010

    Fun – we have the same sweater ornament.

    Mary :: A Merry Life

    January 4, 2010

    I hope you stop feeling like that soon Roni.

    Love the pics. :)


    January 4, 2010

    A great post, I was thinking about it today. For me, “fat” is somewhat synonymous with “failure”. So when I think I am feeling fat, often I am feeling disappointed with myself, and lack confidence in my abilities.

    Hope you had a good first day back! I did well today with my exercise and meal plan, now I need to just go to bed before anything else happens….

    Cynthia (It All Changes)

    January 4, 2010

    I started that tradition for myself in college. I love looking back at the memories.

    Fat is definitely not a feeling. I have to look at what I really am feeling when I think I feel fat. Usually I can figure it out but it requires some introspection.


    January 4, 2010

    i think all women go through this, no matter what size we are. i like to blame it on hormones. :)

    All Women Stalker

    January 4, 2010

    Fat is really not a feeling. I think it’s more of a state of mind.


    January 5, 2010

    I have to say i was wondering what ornament your hubby would get you this year lol.. I think its such a cute tradition [=


    January 5, 2010

    That is such a cute tradition with the ornaments! I need to start doing that with the gf!

    And the sour patches…those are a danger! I spent the last six months in Beijing and when I landed back in the States five days before Christmas, there were two things I went crazy on: cheese and sour patch kids! Nasty little devils!

    I noticed you were speaking a lot about nutrition and also about your feelings regarding your eating habbits and thought I might have some interesting info. I worked under some research psychologists for a good amount of time that were specializing in physical-psychological relationships, and it was recently discovered that physical activity actually produces a newly discovered chemical called brain derived neurotropic factor. Basically what goes on is that when I was growing up, I was always told you only have a set amount of brain cells, well not the case, brain derived neurotropic factor actually recreates brain cells and improves brain function, short term memory, and leads to more satisfaction with one’s self. Wierd right?

    Also on the nutrition thing I’ve been doing a lot of research lately, and discovered a nutrition system designed by a doctor who was given the Nobel Prize in nutrition and biochemistry for his system. It’s based on cellular nutrition rather than all the other nutrition plans, and has given me absolutely amazing results. I am a marathon runner and religious about working out, so I’ve been on their weight maintenance and weight gain nutrition plans to build muscle mass, but I know a ton of people who have had amazing results on their weight loss nutrition plan by not chaning much about their day, except exercising a bit more and taking the nutrition suppliments.

    I guess the concept is that first the cells are cleaned and poluted cells are replaced with new ones, then they use special vitamins to literally feed nutrients to the appropriate part of the body to maximize energy and excelerate the metabolism. A lot of people I know on this have lost as much as 60-100 pounds and have kept it off for some 9+ years.

    I was wondering if I might get your take on the new cellular nutrition type of thing? I only ask because your blog is very well respected (I found it through some “best-blog listings”), and I’m sure we would all really love to hear your opinion!

    If you’d like to talk more about it just shoot me an email at!

    I look forward to talking more with you!!

    Wishing you a happy and healthy new years!!


    January 5, 2010

    We have a bad dog in the house this year … some of the ornaments that survived from my parents’ tree (and some I cross-stitched myself for the tree in my first apartment) got eaten — even after we moved all the ornaments from the bottom of the tree to the top. It sucks that 30+-year-old ornaments can’t survive a stupid yellow lab.

    Farah Nuri

    January 6, 2010

    Hey Roni! I totally creep you .. and i have been for over a year now.. I think u are such an amazing person. I find you to be a REAL motivator. Sometimes you come across motivational speakers and fitness trainers who seem fake because they are soo serious about working out EVERYDAY.. keeping a tight routine.. in general an unrealistic mindset not geared for the begginer weight loser, and most of us… get intimidated before we even begin the journey. I just want to say that you show a real side of the journey where there are good days and days we would like to forget… and after much creeping.. i am starting to find it within myself to make a positive change in my life :) thanks so much …


    January 8, 2010

    Thanks Farah! I’m so glad you get it… THAT is exactly the reason I keep up the blog. To show myself and others that it’s not just the “lucky” people that succeed at weight loss, or anything for that matter. EVERYONE has good and bad days. I don’t care what they tell you. :)