I’m in question/answer mode tonight. I just got done recording a video/podcast but it’s taking FOREVER to upload so I thought I’d hold of on that and pull another question from my archives. This one is from Dani who is a blogger over on BlogToLose.
Here’s her question…
My question concerns learning to love and accept my body as it is now, before I can make lasting positive changes. While I completely believe and understand this concept, I can’t help but mourn for the body I had just 4 years ago. I was never overweight until I had my daughter (early 20’s) lost the baby fat 3 years later then put on about 5 lbs a year for 8 years. 4 to 5 years ago, I took off 30 lbs. It took me a year and a half to do it, and I only kept the weight off for about a year. Now I’ve gained 20 of the 30 lbs back over the course of 4 years. The trouble is, because I was still enjoying the glow of being in a body I really enjoyed, it took my eyes a long time to catch up to my weight gain, to realize what I actually looked like. Over the last 6 months I have truely "seen" what my body looks like and I can’t help but LONG for the way I used to look. How can I love the body I have now when the body I loved seems to be in the not so distant past? Even though I’ve been putting on weight for 4 years, it FEELS like it just happened and my brain is going, Wait! No wait! Go back! I hope this makes sense. If it does, do you have any advice? Thanks Roni. I love all of your Blogs.
This is one of the toughest questions I get. Self acceptance and body image are the two biggest things I struggle with and have struggled with for as long as I can remember. My story is a bit opposite of yours as I saw myself as fat before I ever got there and it wasn’t until I was able to get passed it did I find my weigh. Get it? Weigh? as in Roni’s Weigh.
Ok, bad joke on a serious topic. Sorry, I tend to do that in awkward situations and this questions makes me tense.
Here’s why…. It’s SO easy for me to sit here and type and tell you you must accept yourself and move on but I know how that sounds and I know how you feel. I’ve been in a body that I hated and I’ve longed to be thin so badly I would have done anything. ANYTHING!
But here’s the deal. I’m still not 100% happy. Sure, I’ll admit it. Who is? Would I love to walk around looking like an air brushed Victoria Secret model? of course. But guess what… I lumpy, I’m bumpy. I have stretch marks and surgery scars. My face is aging. I have laugh lines and acne. My arms flap when I lift them and my veins show in my hands an on my legs. I could on and on.
Do I long to look like I did when I was 18. Sure. But guess what I hated myself then. Now I look back and wonder what the hell I was smoking.
My point is you will NEVER be happy in your skin until you accept that perfection is out of the question. You mention in your email that you didn’t notice the weight gain because you were enjoying yourself.. Dude… that is awesome. Get back to that place. You can still work on losing weight if you want but I’m telling ya, you will not be successful unless you are at THAT place.
What you don’t want to do is feel sorry for yourself and medicate with food. Which is what I did for 15 years. Self acceptance doesn’t have to be an all or nothing thing. You can, you MUST, recognize that you are a human being and life is more then the size of your pants. It’s not stopping because you are a few pounds over weight and it won’t miraculously be perfect if you happen to lose that weight.
That was my a-ha moment.
Geesh.. Where did all that all come from? It shot out of my in like 2 minutes. lol I’m not even sure it all made sense.
I hope that helps a little!
Does anyone else have any advice for Dani?