*sigh* sorry, didn’t mean to scream. I just needed to get that out. My back has been killing me. I’m hormonal. My tiny apartment with the crap kitchen just isn’t cutting it. We’ve eaten out 4 times this week. I have no place to relax. No place to be alone. I’m afraid to run in fear of doing more damage to my back. The only thing that’s giving me any sort of pleasure is my job. Funny, right? I’m productive there and it’s an escape from this hell hole we’ve nick-named "the hometel" as in it’s not quite a "home" and it’s not quite a "hotel". :)
Ahhhh I feel better. Sometimes you just need to vent. I mean seriously I don’t have much to complain about. I’m building a beautiful house in the perfect location. I just started an awesome new job. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful son (albeit annoying sometimes.) I’m just having an off couple of days and two things are really bothering me.
1.
I haven’t worked out in any way, shape or form since my run in chicago. I haven’t done weights in almost a month. I haven’t done yoga in 3 weeks and my running is REALLY slipping with this back pain. Ever since sunday it’s been pretty bad and I’m fearful of doing more damage if I do run. This really sucks considering the marathon is 2 months away! I don’t care if it takes me 10 hours I will cross that gosh darn finish line!
As for my back, I have called a Spinal Center. They are going to order me an MRI but my appointment isn’t until 9/11 that’s almost exactly 1 month before the marathon. I just hope I heal up a bit before then. *trying not to think about it* *trying not to think about it*
Moving on.
2.
I have NO desire to cook. None. Not at ALL. I have good intentions every night and then I get home, look at the 1 foot of counter space, electric stove, lack of equipment and say "oh eff it." I know. Bad, right? I think it’s the combination of getting used to the full time job while out of my element in the apartment. It’s like both compound the problem. The husband doesn’t help either because he’s loves to go out.
Thankfully I packed the scale or I think I’d be on it all the time obsessing, which is not a good thing. I just know that the eating out is going to catch up with me and even though I’m trying not to think about it, it’s there. Take this conversation I had with the husband today…
Me: "Hi honey! I’m home" <– ok so I did’t say that but it helps me start this write up. :)
The Husband: "You wanna go out?"
Me: "No, I defrosted chicken. I wanted to cook since we went out yesterday."
The Husband: "Come on, please?"
Me: "I’d rather not. I was going to do a video for GreenLiteBites and everything."
The Husband: "OK, well… "
I look at the hell hole kitchen with absolutely no motivation.
Me: *sigh* "ok, but we need to get into a groove. I swear I’ve gained like 5 pounds."
Husband raises his eyebrows like he agrees. <–I must add… NOT in a disapproving way at all. He’s not that type of guy but I hop on it.
Me: "oh man… I HAVE! I knew it. You even noticed haven’t you?!?"
The Husband: "You look great! Seriously. So what if you put on a few pounds?"
He’s totally right. WHO CARES! I’m still making good choices! I feel great (well besides my FREAKIN’ BACK!) and I’m eating the best I can given my situation. I’m totally over it. <– typing that I’m over it so it helps me get over it! THIS is why I like blogging. :)
I do have to admit… I’m glad I don’t have a scale. :) It would only compound the problem. I am trusting my instincts here and I think I owe that to myself.
Other news…
- I have a TON of Thursday Thoughts built up but I just don’t have it in my tonight. I’ll shoot for next week.
- I’ve only posted one simple idea on GreenLiteBites BUT I’ll be Crock-potting it tomorrow. If it comes out ok I’ll be sure to post about it! (I told you…. I’m trying!)
- I’ve been moving my butt on FitBloggin! Making some serious progress and I hope to open registration soon as well as have info for sponsors.
- The house is coming along! Now more then ever… I can’t wait!!
72 Responses to I WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK
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I'm going on day 2 of counting Weight Watcher Points and I'm already inspired to come up with light, healthy meals for myself. It's like I needed the constraint of points to motivate me. Isn't that weird? Anyway, all morning I was brainstorming what to make for lunch. I wanted something flavorful [...] -
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About Roni
Roni started this blog in '05 to journal her weight loss. 70lbs later, she's committed to living a conscious, healthy life and hopes to inspire others along the way. Read more on the about page.
Hi Roni,
I have to agree w/ a few ppl here and set the record straight — its not about not coming to your blog b/c of a rant — everyone deserves a day off to just vent. Its about the fact that lately, I have noticed a lot of negativity, whining and complaining about how busy, stressful and stretched you are in your life while doing nothing to change it. Its a lot of OH look at me, im stressed, oh look at me I have this really busy life and I still eat well, OH look at me, I’m CRAZY to be doing all this stuff — well there are ppl that have A LOT busier life that you, people that sleep a lot less than you do and people that earn a lot less than you do probably. If you feel so strongly that you are always busy and that you are CRAZY to be taking on so many things, then don’t. Otherwise, quit drawing attn to yourself and all the things on your plate b/c everyone has that stuff — they just deal with it w/ a little more finesse. Or continue to do what you do and stretch yourself thin — hey thats fine but quit saying it in every single post. We get it. you’re skinny, you have a son, you have a job, you have a full life and its hard. But seriously, no one needs reminding every. single. day. This blog is to provide inspiration to people; its cathartic to you to tell other people your life stories — great! But if you say the same old story with a slight twist everyday, why not just tell yourself that in the mirror. Like it or not, in writing a blog, you are writing for an audience and sometimes that requires a little bit of positivity, finesse and grace. Otherwise, we’d all be writing our every negative/suicidal/kill others/angry thoughts — and we don’t. Not as sane humans b/c as soon as things are out of our heads, they need to be filtered some.
Hence, I will try and stop by less as I have found this blog to talk about things that have a chance to be changed but you dont change them and ultimately, your posts remind me of either a attention seeker or a negative nancy or a complainer or someone that thinks they have a right to a life that is better than everyone else’s life. And for pete’s sake, please spell check and grammar check before you publish — you are writing for an audience.
Marsha – Thanks for your negative nilly comment.
please read my latest post… Unapologetically Myself
http://ronisweigh.com/2009/07/weekend-quote-unapologetically-myself.html
As for the typos… I used to OVER apologize for my lack of editing and proofreading skills. I got tired of it. This is me.. I’m a bad writer. I know it. my audience knows it. Why the heck are you still reading if I bother you so much?
Note: Now I’m just tired and cranky.
Roni should be really sorry that she lost weight(something most of us haven’t accomplished), went through grueling college and grad school to get a nice paying job, met a nice guy that is supportive and a then had a totally adorable son. Shame on you Roni.. shame on you. Why can’t you be average? Why can’t you stop being such a beacon of light and inspiration?
What a bunch of bitches that complained about reading your (for all intents and purposes) online diary. If only it were so easy to point out our own faults and correct them.
I love you and you rock.
What in the world? Are these people insane?
Roni…you are awesome!! Please don’t think that we all (or even the majority of us) feel this way. This is the most ridiculous crap I have ever heard.
Message to everyone out there: If you don’t like this blog (or any other blog), then don’t read it!! Blogs are people’s thoughts and feelings in the moment. They aren’t supposed to be well thought out…and they don’t have to be positive or even make sense. That is the beauty of it…and oh by the way….who gives a rat’s a– about the grammar and spelling. I like reading this blog because it feels like a conversation…and I can so relate.
Roni…you are great. Most people can certainly relate to the things you say and your experiences. Please continue to keep it real. Life is not a bed of roses….and just because you have been blessed…doesn’t mean you aren’t going to have a bad day and oh my goodness….you might even complain!! Some people never cease to amaze me….ugh!!
Aw, Roni, I’m so sorry that these crazy people are being so negative. I enjoyed your complaint. It makes you seem real and human. You’re going through a tough time, and you deserve to complain. The best things and time in life are often what you end up complaining about the most. I complained so much through my wedding, but it was one of the best days of my life. I love my job and am lucky to have it, but I’m going to complain about it. Part of being healthy is just getting those frustrations out so you can enjoy the good that you have coming your way. There just seems to be so much jealousy. There’s always going to be someone who has it harder than you; does that mean no one ever gets to complain?
It’s so great to see you doing what makes you happy even if it’s stressful. I can’t believe people are criticizing you for your amazing work ethic.
Oh and if you’re going to complain about Roni’s grammar in a comment, use apostrophes correctly! I also thought it was hilarious that people are telling YOU the point of YOUR blog!
I hope to read more ranting in the future, not because I want to see you unhappy, but because I love that you share the real you.
Thanks Roni, I take away that wonderful whole wheat pizza recipe from green lite bites (so good!)…
oh, and, one great running song you haven’t mentioned on your lists is Sabotage by the Beasties…when your backs all a-okayagain (and it will be ) you have to add it to your marathon playlist.
:)…again, all the best to you & good luck
Oh my God…. hey Roni! I love your blog and I try to read it whenever I have some DOWN time… I I’m shocked with the comments on here! Sheesh… nobody is forced to read a blog if they don’t like it… and whatever happened to the saying “if you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all?”
I’ve been struggling a lot with my weight loss lately… I took have taken on a lot on my plate. Why?! Because like YOU, I ENJOY the challenge!
Thank you for letting us learn from your daily struggles. I’ve learned that “I’m not alone in this journey”.
I hope your back feels better soon and I look forward to reading MORE of your posts… unapologetically yourself :)
Wow, damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I suppose everyone has a right to their opinion, but geez some of these are a bit out of control. This too shall pass. Roni, try not to let the few negative comments ruin the message of the many positive, supportive comments. You have been there for so many readers during their bad days, weeks, months. It’s our turn to be there for you.
I haven’t read all the comments, so I may be repeating. But ever since I read this post the other day I was reminded of my time in an in-between apartment. Four years later, I remember the positives. Actually, I counted it a positive then, too! I moved from IA to KY 6 weeks before my 2nd child was born, my first was only 20 months old! So here’s some positives you can enjoy now:
1. You have so much less housework to do! So much less maintenance. Really, you will have to spend nearly no time cleaning. No yard work, no fixing broken stuff.
2. Rent is pretty cheap for teensy little homotels.
3. You don’t have to spend money on home maintenance!
Last year we were in another transition and stayed in a furnished temporary apartment for a while. The kitchen was very sparsely furnished, and it was sort of fun to see how I could improvise. It was pretty neat to eat soup and cereal out of mugs for a change, and I still had the satisfaction of sitting my family down to healthy meals. (But I’m not superwoman…I was 8 months pregnant with baby number 3 but caring for my family was pretty much my only obligation)
So my cheerful advice to you is to realize that in some areas your work load has lessoned, and maybe your expenses have too. Can you plan to eat out, rather than falling back on it in guilt? There’s lots of healthy options if you plan where you’re going and stick to the plan. Rather than being exhausted, dreading cooking, and giving in to guilt, PLAN to go buy healthy fast food, take it to a park for a picnic and family play time.
Kris – Totally missed the garage question. It does! The windows on the lower level are the garage! Just side entry. Makes the house look bigger then it is. :)
Ami – Thanks I needed that! And you are right. I have plans to plan tomorrow. I was just thrown off with the vacation and conference. This week I WILL be prepared! :)
Kitchen- I have a kitchen from the early 1900′s it is shaped like a walkway. I totally wish I had a giant kitchen with more than half a counter, but planning is everything with a small kitchen. Sometimes you have to make the meal in phases like doing the prep on veggies while something else is in the oven (because there isn’t room for a cutting board and a baking sheet out at the same time). This is a great opportunity to add another adaptive layer to your cooking style. I often use the microwave to steam veggie because I ran outta room on the stove, OR I throw broccoli in the pasta water and cook everything together (broccoli floats and is easy to scoop off the top, baby carrots are way harder to get out).
Back- Is there a good chiropractor in your area? The one I go to works on the Olympic training center and helps the athletes. Find one that is used to athletes and will give strengthening exercises (like physical therapy) to help recovery. I have a chronic injury (from ignoring my pain it never healed right) and I have found ways to manage it through exercise and stretching and the occasional adjustments (I also went through some physical therapy).
Hey roni it’s me again (the one with the garage question. lol) I wasnt going to post again, but I just needed to…..I am one of the people who has noticed a change in your blog…..but I dont think the negative comment leavers understand you are human and you AREN’T perfect. Even though I did look forward to the routine you had going (Video recipes, Q and A from readers and Thought Thursdays)…..it doesn’t mean I am not coming by anymore! People get used to a set way of things and don’t like change.
I personally hold you in a sort of “celebrity status”. I mean seriously if I saw you in a store I would be so excited…although I live on the other side of the country, so I have a better chance of winning the lottery, but you get my point. I guess what I’m getting at is all of your readers need to understand the fact that you allow us into your most personal thoughts and moments. And you are in no way obligated to do so! This isn’t something you HAVE to do! I mean sure you are a very fortunate person, you have a lot and you work hard for everything you have. For someone to walk all over that is absurd! Keep on doing what your doing and don’t ever have any regrets! So you’re losing a few selfish readers….big friggin’ deal! They aren’t the first and you can bet they won’t be the last.
Roni, you are a rockstar and I think that you are fab, rant or no rant! I think people need to remember that we all have different situations and we can’t judge! I think your rants make you seem more human :) just keep posting and remember that you have a big cheering section behind you!
Hi Roni,
Wow, the house really is coming along quickly! When do you get to move in? I hope that your back starts feeling better soon. I am glad that you are taking it easy with running and weights until you can get it checked out.
For my two cents:
-I have noticed a bit of negativity in the blog. A bit of “Oh my God I’m so busy this is horrible”. But, I also think, what are the other options, sit on your butt all day?!?! I, too, complain about my job and my work schedule and whatnot…but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
The interesting thing is the ONLY two things you complained about were your diet and your exercise. It seems like readers are attacking you for monetary things….never once did you say, “Oh, I’m too good to be living in this hometel” or anything like that. Never once did you say, “I’m too cool and rich to work…” instead you said, “I just got a job.”
Kudos to the other commenter that said you did this…you aren’t Paris Hilton and you don’t have a trust fund (that I know about!)….you busted your a$$ through graduate school, married the right person, worked the WW program to lose the weight…
Heads up, negative commenters…..nothing Roni has got handed to her on a silver platter. If you don’t like your own life, find a way to change it…don’t bash Roni for hers.
Elaine – LMAO… believe me… no trust fund.. LORD how I wish! ;~p
Zoey – I’m hoping the second week of Sept… IF they stay on schedule. *crossing fingers they stay on schedule* :)
OMG the house looks amazing! I know you and you are gonna get back into the swing of (healthy) things soon. Hey- did you post the spinach mozzarella sticks yet? I have a bag of spinach here, mozzarella sticks on the brain and I can’t wait to see how you made them… :-) AJ
Hi Me again–
um, wow -just read Marsha post.
You can bitch and moan and be crabby all you want. it is YOUR BLOG and YOUR time to be YOU – the you you are today or tomorrow or next week.
Glad you responded to her and moved on.
And hey, NONE of my posts are perfect cuz I am not a perfect person– I am an editor IRL where I have to be perfect. At home, not so much. :-)
Just wanted to re-iterate what others have already said: You have the right to publish whatever you want on your blog and people have the right to read it or not, whichever they choose.
Wow, this is SO interesting to me. I’m a Human Development and Family Studies major, so the little microcosm that is this post and its comments is really kind of fascinating. It makes me think about these people who leave negative comments that are plain rude and aren’t even articulate or well thought out.
I will admit, I don’t visit your site as frequently as I used to because the focus has shifted and become less honed than it used to be. Though, I understand that’s b/c you are going through some serious life changes and likely going through a developmental phase – but that doesn’t mean your intention for your blog has changed, and it doesn’t mean that I flutter around leaving mean spirited comments. If anything, the blog is a useful tool to help you through high and low times, which you’ve readily explained before.
Your post made me think of my mom. She is totally amazing to me – went through a divorce, became a single parent and worked her ass off to support herself and her son, then supported a second husband who was usually out of work while raising me, taking 18 hours of night classes or something crazy to get her teacher certification, and doing all the typical female gender role crap (that’s just the short list). Even if she’d gone through that now, I’m really not even sure she’d have time to blog about it. But, the internet is part of your business, it’s built into your life. Like everyone has said, it’s your blog and your choice to use this medium to share, express, vent or complain. That’s the beauty of the internet as a social networking tool!!
I’m sorry for this silly, all-over-the-place comment – I’m just mind boggled at how people can be so hateful and can’t like.. analytically think about your situation. If someone wants to make a point, at least be diplomatic about it so you actually make your point instead of coming off as an inconsiderate assholer.
Anyway, sorry again – and I know you’re going to figure out a way to get back on track.