One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

So SO Many Things

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Ok, I can’t keep it to my self anymore. I must write about all the craziness that is going on in my life. I never really realized how much I’ve come to depend on the blog for an outlet. It’s such a stress release for me to write about what’s swimming in this head of mine. I used to loathe writing now I actually look forward to it. Strange.

So here goes…

Let’s start with this crazy new job thing I have going on. If you haven’t been reading I recently accepted a position at a local University. It was a wonderful opportunity to do something I love (web/interaction design) in an environment I adore (higher education) and although I wasn’t activity looking for a job everything just felt… well… right. The work, the people, the opportunity. It all just seemed perfect.

So I accepted and have been working 2 days a week until I start full time July 6. I’m really thankful for this transition time as I get used to everything from the commute to leaving the toddler all day. Part of me wishes this opportunity presented itself next year when he would be off to kindergarden but besides that, timing couldn’t be more perfect. Especially with the our recent decision to buy a new house as we attempt to sell this one. Speaking of…

I’m breaking the silence. I can’t take it anymore! The husband may kill me and I hope I don’t jinx us or he’ll never forgive me but… WE GOT AN OFFER ON THE HOUSE!!

*sigh* you have NO idea how much better I feel getting that off my chest! We didn’t accept the initial offer. We countered and then THEY accepted. Contract has been signed. We had the home inspection this past weekend and the appraiser was here yesterday. They would like to close July 1 which puts us in the complete opposite position then I thought we would be in as our new house won’t be ready until September!

So we’ve been looking into short term leases. It looks as is we’ll be putting most of our stuff in storage as we live in a small 2 bedroom apartment this summer. I’m trying to look at it like an adventure but truth be told I’m a little freaked. There’s just so much going on…

We need to start packing. The toddler’s birthday is party is Saturday.Tons of family are coming in this weekend. They broke ground on the new house yesterday. We have to sign a lease for an apartment. Not too mention that new job I started. Oh! and the pesky little marathon I started training for.

And how do I deal with all this stress? Food.. food… food. Of course. I’m assuming you understand if you are reading my blog. :) I’ve been fighting off some crazy munchies. Not too mention the lack of time and desire to grocery shop, cook and eat healthy meals at home. It’s just SO much easier to go out to dinner but we don’t really have the cash and I REALLY don’t want the extra calories!

What’s my plan? Well… I’m committing to the food journal. I promised myself I will write down everything I eat. EVERYTHING. No more bailing out on it when things get shaky. I have a feeling the next three months will ALL be shaky and I don’t want to use it as an excuse to just go back to bad habits.

Nope. Not me. No excuses.

And you know what. This morning I had a revelation as I confessed on my food journal…

"confession.. last night I grabbed a box of frosted mini-wheats and went 2 town. Not sure how much I ate but it was a lot."

I realized at that moment there is no way in hell I will gain back all the weight I have lost. I just confessed about eating too many mini wheat?? Not pizza, not combos, ounces of cheese with crackers, 12 inch subs loaded with works, not even chocolate or the famous Thin Mint Cookies. No, I confessed to eating too many frosted mini wheats.

Don’t get me wrong, I know you can gain weight by eating too much of anything but I’ve changed. I no longer seek solace in a bag of regular old chips, pounds of cheese, or entire small pizzas. Right now I’m munching on baked tortillas and Really Quick Spicy Bean Dip. Again, I know I can go overboard with it but the point is, my fundamental choices have changed. I’m aware that the simple things make a big difference and I will continue to make them because I have found a lifestyle that works for me.

Will I gain some weight? sure. Can I lose it again? You bet. Maintenance is a balancing act and after 3 years I finally feel like I’m starting to get sturdy. Maybe that weekly yoga class is helping. ;~)



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Discussion

There are 40 comments so far.

    Nicole

    June 12, 2009

    Congratulations on all your exciting news! Sounds like you have a few stressful months ahead, but I’m sure the excitement will conquer the stress in the end :-)

    Justrun

    June 12, 2009

    This is just what I needed to read right now.
    I have had SO much going on, some good some awful, and some just stressful and I’ve used ALL of it as a reason to eat. And moreso, as a reason to not take care of myself. How silly. Exhaustion is no excuse for over eating. Thanks for the kick in the pants.

    Michelle

    June 12, 2009

    If anyone can do it …. you can. Being honest with yourself is the first and most important step. You wont go back and you can and will succeed. Perhaps think about making it something for the readers..how to move through major transitions and maintain the balance. Just a thought. Perhaps a twice monthly blog section about that. I think that so many people are ok when there in a routine..but it’s important to learn how to go through change and maintain focus. Take this as a challenge to then help others successfully maintain and lose weight. It’s not about fighting it’s about embracing.

    Have fun this weekend. Man ‘Dog’ is a lucky little boy. :)

    Rollercoaster

    June 12, 2009

    Wow! Lots of really wonderful news! Congrats on the offer and that you are enjoying the new job. It’s amazing how good stuff snowballs when you are living a life you love. I have been at a conference and eating like crazy because of the elevated emotional situation of having to meet new people and be away from home alone so I can completely relate to how you are feeling with food.

    I am trying to take lots of deep breaths and listen to my body with eating as much as possible. For me, too, a totally different way than I used to be. If this were the old me I would be beating myself up! Instead I am trying to be patient and curious about my feelings. It feels good to think some of this stuff is sinking in!

    Enjoy the bday party this weekend! Last big party in the old digs??

    jennifer ozuna

    June 12, 2009

    Congrats on selling the house (crosses fingers)…

    You have a lot of stuff going on and a wonderful attitude. You will do just fine!

    melissa

    June 12, 2009

    Congrats on the the house offer.
    I just want to say, I certainly can relate to the food stress thing. I NEVER EVER thought I used food as my stress reliever until our last move when I regained 30+ lbs in no time. Navy family, i have move 4 times in less than 3 years. Some of them I have done on my own with 2 babies. We are moving again (just got here in Oct) in 4 weeks and the husband is deployed till Dec. So again, I do it alone. If this doesn’t stop soon I am going to weigh 1,000 lbs.

    Good luck!

    Georgia

    June 12, 2009

    yay for you!!! Having a plan of action will help..

    I HATE To say this.. but that dorky commercial is true(where the lady’s hand keeps bringing unhealthy things up to the camera… then the NUTRIGRAIN bar changes it all. HA) : one good decision DOES lead to another. Thank God for that!

    Just realizing when one bad decision has led to another is the trick… Tricky tricky!

    Practice makes perfect right?

    SUCH an exciting time for you Roni!!!

    Christine

    June 12, 2009

    Congrats on selling the house!!! And good luck with everything else!!! :)

    McLauren84

    June 12, 2009

    Yayyy so glad you *almost* sold the house. What a relief it must be!

    I have every confidence you’ll stay mostly on track through this whole process. Taking extra precautionary measures, like re-instituting strict journal, should go a long way toward keeping your accountable. Enjoy this crazy time!

    Tanya

    June 12, 2009

    Congrats on the offer! You are so inspirational.

    Mel

    June 12, 2009

    Congrats on the offer for the house. It’s going to go through and you will be all set to focus on your new house!! I’m so happy for you. You definitely have to give yourself credit for changing your habits because like you pointed out even though you may eat a bit more you are definitely eating better things. At least it wasn’t a big bag of m&m’s which is what I did this past week with the end of school. Hang in there. Life will settle down sometime…well after September it sounds like!!

    IzzyBeth

    June 12, 2009

    Congratulations on the house!!!

    Nicole

    June 12, 2009

    so what i needed to hear this a.m.

    i am so hard on myself for weight loss. in 2 weeks im riding a 200km bike ride for cancer, 3 weeks moving into my new house, 6 weeks starting a job on a rotational basis in a 3rd world country. and i FREAKED OUT last nite for eating popcorn, REAL pop, and a handful of chocolate. yep, the scale was up this a.m. yep, it may be again tomorrow. BUT, i cant gain 10’s of lbs from a few bad days, and now that im back in the grove, i can lsoe the stupid few lbs i *may* have put on. and im still healthy. and still just as good of a person as i was yesterday, or last week, etc.

    thanks for posting this.

    Nicole

    June 12, 2009

    oh – and yay for the offer!!!! :)

    Emily

    June 12, 2009

    You make maintenance look so easy!! LOL!

    Way to go on the house situation and the job; I’m really happy to hear that you are fortunate enough to be doing well right now…it seems like all we are hearing is negative and it’s important to remember the positives as well.

    Have a great weekend!

    Noel

    June 12, 2009

    Congratulations!!! Big stuff, but I think you’ve nailed it. I’m sure the yoga helps but don’t sell yourself short. You’ve been on an amazing adventure of self-discovery the last 5 years and you have changed. The picture post (the one about the badges) really made that point. You’ve put in the work, and you’ve been rewarded and that is awesome. Change is hard, hard work. You’ve got the two most important things people like us (stress eaters) need — perspective and a plan. These tools will help you keep balanced as you juggle work, family, diet and exercise. I think you are amazing and I am continually inspired by your posts. I wish you all the best with your marathon training — just be sure you don’t put those workouts off. Remember that you are a better mom and employee and wife when you take the “me time” and go for that wonderful, stress relieving run. Try to use the running as the stress release over food. I am a long-time marathoner, so can say for sure you gotta put the work in. Try to put that goal in front of you when everything else gets crazy, and it will give you at least one solid thing to focus on (besides the husband and the toddler). You can do it. You can do anything.

    Krista S.

    June 12, 2009

    Woo hoo!!! Congrats on everything, Roni. Your plate is so full, but there is nobody else I know that can do it all with so much grace.

    p.s. I totally giggled @ your confession on the Mini Wheats.

    Becky

    June 12, 2009

    /cheer!

    *SO* much going on, WOW! KUDOS to you, Roni – – you have a plan and you’re working it!!

    The frosted mini wheats are perfect when the stress munchies are unavoidable – filling, sweet, crunchy, mmm! Another Kudos!

    Della

    June 12, 2009

    You are such an inspiration! Most people would crumble under all this but you still manage to inpire and motivate!

    I heard someone say, when you’re going through all this for heaven’s sake don’t move in. You won’t be there long!!!

    Aleisha

    June 12, 2009

    Roni, Congrats! When it rains, it pours! Glad good stuff is pouring down on you. Not sure who all is coming to the toddler’s bday but if they are close family… could they help you box up some kitchen stuff or linen closet (stuff that’s not too personal). I helped a friend pack once and thought it was fun for an hour… plus that little bit that we all helped really made a difference to her.

    Sheila

    June 12, 2009

    Roni…WOOHOO!! That pretty much says it!

    Suzie

    June 12, 2009

    Wow, and I thought my life was hectic! I’m glad that you shared with us and I hope things go a little more smoothly than you are anticipating.

    Nicole S.

    June 12, 2009

    I totally understand where you’re at right now. My husband and I are the ones trying to buy and we were in a contract, had the inspection done, but halted there due to a mold problem. Unfortunately it seems we were attempting to purchase a house from SATAN. The owner (aka SATAN)refused to pay the thousands of dollars to remove the mold (on top of may other issues that he refused to compromise on)….SOOO since our apartment complex wouldn’t do month-month, 2 weekends ago we had to pack all our stuff in a POD and move in with friends who own a multi-family. The apartment we’re in now is small, VERY old, and VERY dirty due to the fact they were in the process of renovating it into a single family and no one had lived down there for a long time. At this point we’re living out of boxes of the stuff that we could bring, along with our 3 cats who are by no means thrilled about the move. We have appts. to look at 6 houses tonight though, so here’s hoping!!! :)

    Nicole S.

    June 12, 2009

    sorry for the novel, just figured I’d share so you wouldn’t feel alone in the madness.

    Gina from Diet Renegade

    June 12, 2009

    Congrats on selling your house!

    And for me, when times are really really bad it helps immensely to write everything down in my food journal. Otherwise its a total free-for-all and accountability goes out the window.

    And good luck on your new job!

    ~ Gina

    Deb

    June 12, 2009

    We are going to miss you Miss Roni! Alot of people have to move into apartments, if that is what you have to do till the house is ready, it will be worth it in the end Im sure :)

    Runeatrepeat

    June 12, 2009

    I am so right there with you! Hang in there.

    sue

    June 12, 2009

    Sometimes the best family memories are made in these funny “transition” times–living in a tiny apartment (or in my case, a schoolbus with siblings and mom and dad). At the time it seems strange and stressful, but make the most of the time–maybe it’ll feel like being a student again.

    Even though I love my house, I often think back to the first small apartment I shared with my husband–how safe and cozy it felt, how we needed to find spaces for each other’s stuff and how we needed to share space more.

    I like noel’s comment, above, about “perspective and a plan”. That’s easy to say (maybe a little harder to live by!).

    Take extra good care of you and your family during this busy time.

    Priyanka

    June 12, 2009

    Congratulations, I am so happy for you!

    Chelsie

    June 12, 2009

    glad to hear all is headed in a positive direction. I think sometimes we are more organized when we have alot going on rather than nothing at all. I was emailed a quote this weekend that really made me sit back and take a look at how I handle my stressful situations and it has totally changed my outlook on how to handle those pesky little things … ” Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, but how to learn to dance in the rain.” Take care and good luck with everything.

    I can totally relate to what you are saying! My life is in complete chaos mode. I am in the process of moving from NJ to CA. We moved out of our house on 5/31, and I am living with my dad until the end of June. My husband is already in CA, but he has been staying in a hotel. I am living out of a suitcase, and I can’t wait until I am settled. I am looking at the whole process as an adventure, and it seems to be helping.

    Kerry

    June 13, 2009

    Thanks for pointing out how to think about what you “can” do rather than what you can’t. I am taking a really intense summer class on top of my more than full time job, and am upset that I don’t have time to cook, exercise, etc. However, I do have time to journal. Even if it’s not too pretty… Hang in there with all you’re doing, and definitely ask for help when you need it.

    irina

    June 13, 2009

    Ronnie,
    just something for you to keep in the back of your mind—when we bought our first house, the sellers were also building their new house and it wasn’t ready on time. We actually worked out a deal with them where we allowed them to stay in their old house after the closing for an extra few months and they simply covered the payments. They had 2 kids and didn’t want to move with them too many times. So, it wasn’t as big of a deal for us and it worked out really well for them. So, it might be something you may want to run by your buyers once everything else is settled. They, too, may be more or less flexible on the move-in date.

    Tabitha915

    June 13, 2009

    Sounds like you have a lot going on! Just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain! We just bought a house 3 weeks ago and things have been oh so crazy ever since! In 10 days we spent over $300 on eating out and one trip to the movies to see Up 3D. Do we have the cash for that? no Did we make healthy choices? No Was it all due to lack of time and the stress related to moving, talk of layoffs, our second baby on the way, and my stepdaughter arriving this month? YES! I came to the same realization you did though. . .we’ve come a long way and this small “bump in the road” cannot compare to the happiness to come! ;o) Just wanted to let you know we feel your pain and I’m happy to see how well you’re handling it!!!!! ;o)

    Andrea@WellnessNotes

    June 13, 2009

    Wow. You have lots going on. And while change is scary, it’s also exciting! :)

    How great that you’re proactive and are going back to documenting everything in your food journal in these busy times. It’s also great that you are making healthier choices and that you are giving yourself credit for it… I can so relate to eating too much when I’m stressed.

    Good luck with everything! :)

    Sara

    June 13, 2009

    Congratulations on selling your house Roni!! I have been using your site now for about a year for recipes! Yummy! I totally understand your situation… we are building our house right now as well!!! I remember a couple months ago when we sold it too and how excited we were. You will LOVE each day stopping by your new house to see all the things that change and how fast it goes! We go by ours everyday and it’s like Christmas when we run around trying to find all the new things! Ours will be done in 6 weeks. Yours will be very fast if they just broke ground and it will be done in September. Ours is taking 4 1/2 months. It’s sooo exciting!! Also, it is so fun not being in our old house now and just having most things in storage and so little cleaning, no house repairs and little bills!!! You will love it! Good luck!

    Alison

    June 13, 2009

    congrats on the offer!

    I was LOL’ing when I saw you ate too many miniwheats! I coudl think of a lot of other things to overeat ROFL!

    So good job ;)

    lunzy

    June 13, 2009

    OMG! I go out of town and for once am not living online and you throw this big ol post at us?? ;)

    Congrats on the house. SEE?!? Things fall into place. Listen to mama specs :) I’m sooo happy for you. Yes, this is stressful. Yes, this is NOT what you planned. Yes, it WILL be crazy. But it’s all doable and it’s all due to GREAT things happening. Crazy is okay. Things will balance out again and you will find your new groove. If anyone can do it, it’s you girl!
    ~Lisa

    p.s. happy birthday party to The Toddler!!! Hope it was great and sunny!

    laurieann

    June 15, 2009

    Well I can get you a great deal on a rental, but Ohio might be a little more then the commute you want. :) <=== our house is STILL on the market!

    seriously congrats!!!!!!!!!