One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

From Lazy to Staying Active to Gym Rat to…

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FITNESS FANATIC

I am here to announce it to the world. You ready?
Oh my God I can’t believe I’m about to say it…

I LOVE working out!

LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT

WOW, it feels great to say that out loud. Remember my Question of the Week about our real fears? There was a quote someone shared with me that stated we aren’t afraid to fail we are actually afraid to succeed. Afraid to be good at something. Well I have to admit I think I’ve been afraid to embrace my new found love of fitness. Not because I don’t like it, or that I’m not good enough to do it but because it is so different then who I used to be.

I convinced myself for so long that I was not athletic. That I didn’t like the gym or working out. I made fun of gym rats, calling people who exercised on vacation insane. I really thought I just wasn’t built for exercise. Then S.L.O.W.L.Y. things started to change. Here’s a little recap of my progression of the last 3-4 years….

  1. If you look at my oldest archives (2005-2006) I never mention exercise word as I wasn’t really exercising. However you can see in old comments that people were curious.
  2. Then October 10, 2006 I recognize the need for more structured workouts. That’s over 6 months after I reached my goal weight.
  3. December 31, 2006 I finally answered the workout question. Didn’t I have anything better to do on New Year’s Eve??? :~P
  4. By July of the next year I was "Thinking About… IT". Is it bad that I crack my self up? ;~P LOL
  5. Even though I was still finding ways to NOT to go the gym.
  6. Within 2 months I was calling myself a Gym Rat!
  7. By November 2007 I was starting to really notice changes in my body from working out and I talk about my stamina increasing.
  8. In March 2008 I started running and I shocked myself with my new love of long workouts.
  9. Unbelievably, by April people were asking me about Exercise Motivation. ME?!?
  10. June, I ran my first ever 5k race!
  11. In August I proclaim my love for Weight Training and dispeled some myths.
  12. Then I ran in the Baltimore Marathon as relay runner (6 miles) my longest run to that point ever.
  13. Then I started reaching other fitness goals like my pull up.
  14. And of course, most of you know of my recent 10 miler! Not to mention all of my training runs like my first 7 miles and 8, and 9!

Now… I’m embracing my new hobby. And that’s really what it is, a hobby. I enjoy it. It’s an outlet. It can be social yet solitary. I can measure my success by weight lifted, miles ran, time, even muscle tone. Not to mention it has health benefits and makes me feel fantastic!

Writing this is a big step for me even though it may not seem like it on the surface. Declaring my love of fitness is my way of silencing that negative voice I’ve had in my head for so long. The one that’s afraid to embrace these changes because I fear being rejected. Sounds stupid, doesn’t it? But it’s true. There is a part of me that fears being one of those fitness fanatics that I used to make fun of. The ones that inadvertently, through no fault of their own, made me feel bad about myself. I just don’t want to do that to others. Actually that is what I’m really afraid of, making others feel bad or having them resent me for being thin and active. Kind of stupid since I blog for a living.. huh? Actually just kind of a dumb reason overall not to do or be the best person I can be. Isn’t it?

Can you tell I’ve been struggling with this for some time? My friend, the trainer, tells me I think too much and you know what, he’s right. He’s been trying to convince me to start training for fitness competitions. When he first mentioned it I had to fight every instinct not to laugh in his face. I believe my exact quote was "Who? me? Are you freakin’ serious. I can’t even walk on a beach in a bathing suit with confidence no matter what my size is."

Then he asked me again. And again. And I started to question why is it that this person sees something in me that I can’t. Does he have more confidence in me then me? What the heck am I so afraid of? Is it that I am actually "fit" enough to do it and not the other way around?

Ok, my brain hurts. I’m over thinking. :) Let me just say there are no competitions in my future but I am upping my training routine which is the inspiration for this post. I love the thought of "training". I’ve been enjoying doing it for the races and now I want to take my weight lifting to a new level.

I updated my workout progress page and my training calender. I am still working towards my ultimate goal of the Baltimore Marathon but I want to ease back a bit on running to give my knees a break. Here’s my weekly goals/schedule…

  • Sunday – Long Run day – increasing in mileage as I work my way up to the 1/2 and full marathons.
  • Monday – Weight Training (Chest/Back)
  • Tuesday – 2-4 mile run and/or sprints paying attention to my knee and reducing distance when I need to
  • Wednesday – AM Weight Training (Legs) – PM 20 minutes on bike + yoga to help stretching
  • Thursday – Workout with "the girls" (trainers other clients we have fun together- Chest/Back/sholders) and a short run and/or sprints
  • Friday – Weight Training (Biceps/Triceps/abs)
  • Saturday – Off

Now here’s the kicker. I’m weight training at 5:30 AM. Just typing it out makes me nod my head in disbelief. lol Not because I can’t or don’t want to do it. But because it’s what I always wanted to do but I wasn’t ready until now. I’m tried of staying up late to get my work done only to piddle my morning away after getting woken up by the toddler. Instead I’m giving the early morning workout a chance. I did it Monday and I have to admit, it was nice AFTER the initial getting out of bed thing. There was no traffic, I got a great parking spot and the gym was dead. When I got home the toddler was up and ready for breakfast and so was I. We had a very productive morning and I was exhausted by 10 PM, went to bed with out any late night snacking!! So even though it may hard to transition to this new schedule I know it will be worth it. You know the old adage… "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy wealthy and wise." Let’s just see how true it is. :)

With this new training schedule comes a tweak to my diet. I’m making an effort to incorporate more protein and up my intake of fruits and veggies. Snacking on more nuts, seeds and yes, even buying protein powder! :) Even though points don’t mean much to me at this point I started tracking them again, at least for the time being. I wanted a bit of accountability after my candy filled weekend. Plus I’m really curious how many points my new training schedule will allow me to eat. I’m tracking not to limit myself but as a way to keep some statistics about my intake. I really think in points, not calories anymore.

So here’s today menu. I need to get to bed. I have an early morning ahead of me!


Food Units
3 egg white omelet with diced onion and peppers 1
1/2 cup grape nuts, 4oz light chocolate soy milk, small banana 6
at panera having a bowl of black bean soup and 1/2 asian chicken salad dressing on the side with whole grain bread -estimate 8
1oz of almonds – yes i weighed! :) 4
peppered pork and peppers over brown rice – recipe coming soon!! estimate for now 6
strawberries 1
light chocolate soy milk 2
Total: 28

Table provided by Roni’s Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.



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Discussion

There are 26 comments so far.

    Brianne

    April 14, 2009

    This is a great post! You are so right–exercise is my hobby. I do it often, I enjoy it and it makes me happy. Yep, a hobby all right!

    Andrea@WellnessNotes

    April 14, 2009

    Wow! It’s so great to see your exercise progression! Exercise is my hobby too. I think your time line shows that it can/should happen gradually and over time. I have done cardio workouts for a long time but have recently added more weight training and stretching. As I am getting older, lifting weights and stretching more consistently has really made a difference. And I can’t live without it…

    Rachel

    April 15, 2009

    This is an AWESOME entry and I really appreciate your retrospective links. I connect with this because I feel like I’m on the way to becoming a fitness fanatic. Right now I’m somewhere in the middle, but this reminds me that I can keep pushing. I think I can I think I can…!

    Arlene

    April 15, 2009

    I’m where you used to be … I can only DREAM of being an exercise fanatic. Maybe someday …

    That’s terrific that you are at a point where you love working out! I am not there yet, but I hope to be there someday. (Right now, I hate execise, but I don’t feel right if I skip a workout.)

    lunzy

    April 15, 2009

    Awesome!

    I think I need to do a weekly schedule type thing too. Definitely want to start my mornings earlier too– just so hard when I don’t get much sleep at night. when do I make the transition, you know? I think I need to talk with the hubby, get him to help in the morning instead of being the one who gets to sleep later. thanks for getting me to think about this!

    ~Lisa

    Amanda

    April 15, 2009

    That is great! What protien are you drinking? I need to tweek my morning routine also and wouldn’t you know, the week I decide to do it, BOTH my boys are sick and up all night, 3 nights in a row. This momma is TIRED, lol!

    You are awesome Roni!

    Mendy

    April 15, 2009

    I ALMOST got up at 5:30 this morning but didn’t get to bed until 10 so I didn’t think I would have enough rest. I’m going to do it in the morning though! I’m starting an exercise routine in the morning! Thanks for all the motivation! You are truly inspiring even though you don’t realize it all the time. I can tell in your podcasts that you are truly surprised when someone thinks you are as wonderful as you are! YOU REALLY ARE!!!
    Thanks!

    sarah

    April 15, 2009

    I found your blogs yesterday and have been enjoying them alot! You anc I are very much alike, I lost about 70 pounds about a year and a half ago. I found I love working out too, after never being athletic in school, I was the anti-athelete. I started running about 2 years ago. I ran a half marathon last year and I’m running my third the last Sat in April (ran the 2nd the first sat in April). Congrats to you on running and reaching your goals! I’ve found it’s so easy for me to get off track, right now I’m trying to get my snacking under control, I was way too skinny last summer and have made up for it (on purpose)–I look healthy now but man is it hard to cut out that extra snacking again!

    ReneeB

    April 15, 2009

    What you’re going through is a huge transition… not just for your body, but for your mind as well. For years I was also stuck in “diet mode” as I struggled with the idea of making my body SMALLER by obsessing over Points, starving myself, sweting through hours of cardio… When I started weight training (actually I found Body Pump at my local YMCA) suddenly my entire mindset had to change if I wanted to keep up. I never formally “trained” for any fitness events, but I was working with a tainer to add muscle mass. It was such a huge thing for me to wrap my mind around… Trying to make myself BIGGER. It was like living in another world, speaking another language. And I have to admit, it was liberating as well. It completely changed my outlook on food. For the first time in my life food was fuel.
    Congrats on your new hobby and routine. Have fun with it!

    Annalisa

    April 15, 2009

    Great post! I’m looking forward to the new progress/schedule/menu!

    You made a great point a few weeks ago about running: The first 3 miles are the HARDEST. I just graduated from the 3-mile-slump and I have never felt exercise come so easily. I consistently did spinning, weight training, elliptical, etc. but “running” was over the top for me. Reading your progress let me add a few more minutes/miles and I am up to 5 miles on a good day. I just signed up for a 10k for next month and I am psyched to train for it. Thank you for the constant inspiration! Can’t wait to see what you motivate me to do next :-)

    Dani

    April 15, 2009

    YOU ARE AWESOME!

    Sandy

    April 15, 2009

    I just discovered that I can run. I have been a power walker for 21 years. I also do a lot of pilattes, some yoga and weight train 3 days a week. But I don’t really love running. I have to have my walk and walk/ran a 1/2 marathon in March in 2:37 but don’t really know how to progress – do I keep walking and add some running every day, do I run a few days a week and walk the others or do I say I am a walker and enjoy that? I am afraid at age 54 that I will risk injury by running and end up not being able to be this active until I’m in my 80s. Do I want to be a runner enough to risk it? Or is there really no more risk to my joints from running? Sometimes I feel guilty that now my time is free and I spend at least 2 hours a day working out. Other times I just rejoice that I have this freedom and can say this is my hobby.

    Krista S.

    April 15, 2009

    Let’s face it Roni….YOU are ahhhhsome! Congrats on all your accomplishments and most of all, congrats on being able to recognize how far you’ve come. Be proud….you’re amazing.

    Kim

    April 15, 2009

    Roni,
    I need your inspiration. I don’t know what has happened to me but I am in a rut. I lost 50 lbs on the pts system. I have only gained back on average 4-6 lbs but I feel HUGE. It took me 2 years to lose the weight. I still have not stayed at my goal weight. I got real energetic and was working out all the time. Then we had some family emergencies and I just can’t get the routine back. I want it but can’t seem to find it. How did you get refocused and become the gym rat? I have a huge bonus room that has everything bow flex, treadmill, weights anything else you can imagine. I love it when I am working out just can’t seem to climb the steps to get there….. Smack me and get me in reality..lol..I know I came to far to gain it back plus summer is coming. Last year I got all new 2 piece bathing suits. How did you get back to reality with working out? I need all the help I can get. My friend is also in the same rut with me and she started the WW journey with me. I need a good kick it the —-.

    Amy

    April 15, 2009

    What an amazing story! Way to go! Thanks for sharing this post! I really enjoyed reading and learning more about your journey and your running. Hope your running continues to go well!

    anna

    April 15, 2009

    i suggest Jay Robb’s protein powder :)

    Tabitha915

    April 15, 2009

    First of all, congrats Roni on your progress! I totally understand what you mean! Any time I begin to succeed I start to doubt myself and screw up. . .it’s almost like I’m purposely trying NOT to get ahead even though I WANT to! Don’t get me wrong, I’ve accomplished a lot, but I always want to better. . .but for some reason, subconsciously, don’t ALLOW myself to. . .it’s an odd concept! lol Thanks for sharing!

    Amanda

    April 15, 2009

    You are AWESOME!!!!

    At the beginning of March, I decided that I had just as many hours in the day as anyone else (especially my DH who exercises almost every day) so I decided then and there that I would get up bright and early when I wanted to work out and get on my elliptical. I have lost 10# since March 13 when I really started tracking points again. I LOVE working out in the morning! I admit, getting out of bed is the hardest part b/c my bed is so warm and soft! :) But once I get going and then get done I feel so good! You will LOVE the morning workouts. It’s nice and quiet and gives you a chance for some ME time before the craziness of the day starts. I am only just beginning my exercise and weight loss journey (again! after the birth of DS2 almost a year ago). I really hope one day to be where you are. I’m even considering starting the couch to 5K program so I can run a 5K in the fall. You inspire me!

    Michelle in CA

    April 15, 2009

    Congrats on your journey! Your schedule looks a lot like mine. Recently I cut back on cardio and added more weight training (lifting as heavy as I can) and have seen huge improvements in my body! Nutrition is looking great too! Can’t wait to see where you are by July!!!!

    marky

    April 17, 2009

    i love the way you motivate yourself. you’re a positive person. its very comprehensive article

    Zandria

    April 18, 2009

    I’m sure this post was hard for you to write — I get the whole “I’m thin and I don’t want people to resent the way I look when I tell them how much I loooooove working out” thing. But really, I wish that I loved working out as much as you do. I’ve told myself that I need to start training more, and just DO more, but so far I haven’t picked up the pace yet. You’re really an inspiration, Roni, and I thank you for that.

    I also thought it was very cool that your trainer has been pushing you to do more. Even if you never enter a fitness competition, just taking some of the steps they do to train will make you look (but even better, FEEL) awesome.

    Tanya

    April 19, 2009

    You should totally do a body building show – you look amazing and even if you don’t win a prize – I am sure you would – don’t you think it would be an amazing accomplishment to prove to yourself that you really are terrific, successful and a healthy person? Would it help to quiet some of the voices? I just think you are awesome, inspirational and I love what you do for me…consider it! I know there are body building shows for overall healthy not necessarily to compete against those with huge muscles…you would be great!!!!

    natalie

    April 29, 2009

    what brand of soymilk do you like best?

    Just found your blog and I am loving it. I have gained 60 pounds over the last 4 years and am feeling completely depressed and miserable. I went from 130 to 190 and I am 5 ft 6″.

    roni

    April 29, 2009

    Hi Natalie – I’m a light 8th continent girl myself. When that’s not around I go for silk.

    Don’t let the gain get to you. Set your sites forward! It’s a daily commitment, 4 years later and I’m still making it. :)

    Hydrokolonoterapia

    June 21, 2011

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